(quote) Lina-796057 said: As I read through this thread, and now especially the last part of this post, I kept recalling what Roystan said in a different thread some time ago....can't recall the exact words, but the gist was that it would be an act of charity to let your spouse 'marry up' economically: if you are well-off financially, then choose a spouse who is less fortunate than you are. You would be helping her/him, their family, and society in general, because you contribute to eliminating the poorer class--instead of the rich so often marrying only the rich and keeping wealth in a small circle. I do not know whether Roy personally believed this philosophy, or whether he was posting a viewpoint alternate to others in that particular thread just for the fun of it (I cannot always tell when he is jeering and when he is sincere my bad). But it does give us something to think about and weigh our "preferences" against. As does David's description of people who choose to marry someone who will definitely require nursing care soon or who will almost certainly die in a shorter time than "usual". We are loving THEM rather than loving our idea of what a great life/marriage should be. We sacrifice our wants so that we make someone else happy/happier than they would without our sacrificial love. And that love is not a one-way street.
Just some ideas to toss around the ol' grey matter and the cardiac ventricles. Could bring us to tweak our beliefs and behavior a bit?
You put me in mind of the marriage between C.S. Lewis and Joy Davidman. Wikipedia's article on Davidman notes:
In 1956, Davidman's visitor's visa was not renewed by the Home Office, requiring that Davidman and her sons
would have to return to America. Lewis agreed to enter into a civil marriage contract with her so that she
could continue to live in the UK, telling a friend that "the marriage was
a pure matter of friendship and expediency." The civil marriage took place
at the register office, 42
St Giles', Oxford,
on 23 April 1956.
The couple continued to live separately after the civil marriage. In
October 1956, Davidman was walking across her kitchen when she tripped over the
telephone wire and fell to the floor, thereby breaking her left upper leg. At
the Churchill Hospital,
Oxford, she was diagnosed with incurable bone cancer and a malignant breast tumor. It was at this time, upon realizing
how despondent he would feel to lose her, that Lewis recognized that he had
fallen in love with her, writing to a friend "new beauty and new tragedy
have entered my life. You would be surprised (or perhaps you would not?) to
know how much of a strange sort of happiness and even gaiety there is between
us." After Davidman had undergone several
operations and radiation treatment
for the cancer, in March 1957, Warren Lewis wrote in his diary: "One of
the most painful days of my life. Sentence of death has been passed on Joy, and
the end is only a matter of time."
The relationship between Davidman and C. S. Lewis had developed to the
point that they sought a Christian marriage. Since she was divorced, this was
not straightforward in the Church of England at the time, but a friend and
Anglican priest, Reverend Peter Bide, performed the ceremony at Davidman's
hospital bed on 21 March 1957. The marriage did not win wide approval
among Lewis's social circle, and some of his friends and colleagues avoided the