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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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AGE

Feb 27th 2014 new
(quote) David-870960 said: Virginia... you do yourself great disservice to think someone 40-ish "must be grossed out to think they viewed a 60." I've noted a fair number of "60s" who look and "read" under 50 ... and I've noted even more 45+'s who look to be approaching 70 (some are obviously lying about age). Point is - consistent with most postings - within a few years, as long as two people are mutually attracted and can relate to each other, then that's a mighty good start. No one should feel "grossed out" over a mere 'look'. We do (all) need to be careful of "gold-diggers"... and of course some of us are here because we already fell for one.

I know several people who have married someone 15 years from their age - going both ways! I also know people who have met and married knowing that one of them is already suffering from something that will mean several years of care/nursing; but they cherish the now and what they can share, and accept the coming challenges, but also the continuing companionship; and in the right mind set it is a privilege to attend someone through their final moments... as it is to know you were a faithful companion when you didn't/don't know the end was/is near... I've been seeing a bit of that too.
Very sweet of you David (and fellow scammee weeping ). I think maybe I use the word "gross" too much! Actually, if I am even going to message someone 2 years younger on something they said, I usually start out with..."Just messaging you on XYZ, so don't get grossed out by my age!" So even though almost everyone (very small number) I ever dated was younger than I was, I still feel weird approaching someone younger. If they approach me, it is much easier because then I automatically know they are not, you know, "grossed out." So, I'll just be waiting.....

Think of this scenario. You and your best friend, grew up together, spent a lot of time at each other's houses, and then one day on your 25th birthday, your friend tells you he wants to date your mother. What think you, now? Can you honestly say you would jump with joy all over that? referee
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Feb 27th 2014 new
(quote) Lina-796057 said: As I read through this thread, and now especially the last part of this post, I kept recalling what Roystan said in a different thread some time ago....can't recall the exact words, but the gist was that it would be an act of charity to let your spouse 'marry up' economically: if you are well-off financially, then choose a spouse who is less fortunate than you are. You would be helping her/him, their family, and society in general, because you contribute to eliminating the poorer class--instead of the rich so often marrying only the rich and keeping wealth in a small circle. I do not know whether Roy personally believed this philosophy, or whether he was posting a viewpoint alternate to others in that particular thread just for the fun of it (I cannot always tell when he is jeering and when he is sincere my bad). But it does give us something to think about and weigh our "preferences" against. As does David's description of people who choose to marry someone who will definitely require nursing care soon or who will almost certainly die in a shorter time than "usual". We are loving THEM rather than loving our idea of what a great life/marriage should be. We sacrifice our wants so that we make someone else happy/happier than they would without our sacrificial love. And that love is not a one-way street.

Just some ideas to toss around the ol' grey matter and the cardiac ventricles. Could bring us to tweak our beliefs and behavior a bit?

You put me in mind of the marriage between C.S. Lewis and Joy Davidman. Wikipedia's article on Davidman notes:

In 1956, Davidman's visitor's visa was not renewed by the Home Office, requiring that Davidman and her sons would have to return to America. Lewis agreed to enter into a civil marriage contract with her so that she could continue to live in the UK, telling a friend that "the marriage was a pure matter of friendship and expediency." The civil marriage took place at the register office, 42 St Giles', Oxford, on 23 April 1956.[29][30]

The couple continued to live separately after the civil marriage. In October 1956, Davidman was walking across her kitchen when she tripped over the telephone wire and fell to the floor, thereby breaking her left upper leg. At the Churchill Hospital, Oxford, she was diagnosed with incurable bone cancer and a malignant breast tumor. It was at this time, upon realizing how despondent he would feel to lose her, that Lewis recognized that he had fallen in love with her, writing to a friend "new beauty and new tragedy have entered my life. You would be surprised (or perhaps you would not?) to know how much of a strange sort of happiness and even gaiety there is between us."[31] After Davidman had undergone several operations and radiation treatment for the cancer, in March 1957, Warren Lewis wrote in his diary: "One of the most painful days of my life. Sentence of death has been passed on Joy, and the end is only a matter of time."[32]

The relationship between Davidman and C. S. Lewis had developed to the point that they sought a Christian marriage. Since she was divorced, this was not straightforward in the Church of England at the time, but a friend and Anglican priest, Reverend Peter Bide,[33] performed the ceremony at Davidman's hospital bed on 21 March 1957.[34] The marriage did not win wide approval among Lewis's social circle, and some of his friends and colleagues avoided the new couple.[35]



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Feb 27th 2014 new
(quote) Paul-1049651 said: You put me in mind of the marriage between C.S. Lewis and Joy Davidman. Wikipedia's article on Davidman notes:

In 1956, Davidman's visitor's visa was not renewed by the Home Office, requiring that Davidman and her sons would have to return to America. Lewis agreed to enter into a civil marriage contract with her so that she could continue to live in the UK, telling a friend that "the marriage was a pure matter of friendship and expediency." The civil marriage took place at the register office, 42 St Giles', Oxford, on 23 April 1956.[29][30]

The couple continued to live separately after the civil marriage. In October 1956, Davidman was walking across her kitchen when she tripped over the telephone wire and fell to the floor, thereby breaking her left upper leg. At the Churchill Hospital, Oxford, she was diagnosed with incurable bone cancer and a malignant breast tumor. It was at this time, upon realizing how despondent he would feel to lose her, that Lewis recognized that he had fallen in love with her, writing to a friend "new beauty and new tragedy have entered my life. You would be surprised (or perhaps you would not?) to know how much of a strange sort of happiness and even gaiety there is between us."[31] After Davidman had undergone several operations and radiation treatment for the cancer, in March 1957, Warren Lewis wrote in his diary: "One of the most painful days of my life. Sentence of death has been passed on Joy, and the end is only a matter of time."[32]

The relationship between Davidman and C. S. Lewis had developed to the point that they sought a Christian marriage. Since she was divorced, this was not straightforward in the Church of England at the time, but a friend and Anglican priest, Reverend Peter Bide,[33] performed the ceremony at Davidman's hospital bed on 21 March 1957.[34] The marriage did not win wide approval among Lewis's social circle, and some of his friends and colleagues avoided the new couple.[35]



and since this is a thread about age I learned that Joy was 42 when she married Lewis who was 57.

The age difference didn't matter for them. biggrin
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Feb 28th 2014 new
jeering?
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Feb 28th 2014 new
(quote) Celine-1048968 said: It would appear that quite a few people on this site are preoccupied with age in choosing a wife or a husband.
I think we all need to step back and remember that people mature at different rates-
Some are quite wise and mature and responsible at 28 because of the life events that they experienced.
Perhaps we should make listing your age as optional on this web site.


I don't know if listing your age as optional solves this "issue". In the first place, I don't really think there is an issue.

Dating/marrying through an age gap is something that both parties must be open to. Some people are, while some people aren't - for reasons we must respect. If you happen to like/love someone with a significant age gap to yourself (whether younger or older), and is not open to such a kind of relationship, we shouldn't begrudge them of their right to NOT date you.

Besides, I have personally seen people change their minds about the age of the people they wish to date/marry. My 30 y/o best friend never thought she'd end up marrying a 25 y/o guy (who we still tease for wearing teen-sized shirts smile - but we love him). My 35 y/o sister - who's dated MUCH younger men - ended up with a guy who's pushing 50. And then there's my mom, who was then 22 y/o and the youngest in the office, ended up marrying the oldest guy there - my dad, who was 36 y/o.

You really just have to find someone who feels the same way as you about that pesky "age" thing.
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Feb 28th 2014 new
(quote) Ling-1038746 said: I don't know if listing your age as optional solves this "issue". In the first place, I don't really think there is an issue.

Dating/marrying through an age gap is something that both parties must be open to. Some people are, while some people aren't - for reasons we must respect. If you happen to like/love someone with a significant age gap to yourself (whether younger or older), and is not open to such a kind of relationship, we shouldn't begrudge them of their right to NOT date you.

Besides, I have personally seen people change their minds about the age of the people they wish to date/marry. My 30 y/o best friend never thought she'd end up marrying a 25 y/o guy (who we still tease for wearing teen-sized shirts - but we love him). My 35 y/o sister - who's dated MUCH younger men - ended up with a guy who's pushing 50. And then there's my mom, who was then 22 y/o and the youngest in the office, ended up marrying the oldest guy there - my dad, who was 36 y/o.

You really just have to find someone who feels the same way as you about that pesky "age" thing.
not the age thingie again laughing
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Feb 28th 2014 new
Age is a factor for some people, just as physical attributes, similar interests, etc., are factors. Some people prefer a partner within a certain age range and that is their prerogative. For me, age isn't an issue so much as is chemistry. There has to be a physical, emotional, social, intellectual, and spiritual chemistry. I certainly agree, that age is not indicative of maturity nor life experience. I've dated men in their 40s and 50s who were less mature than men I've dated in their 20s and 30s. I think there comes a point in every person's life, where age doesn't matter as much (although it may some - I won't date someone older than my parents), and becomes just a number, and relationships become more of a matter of being at the same place in life. Personally, if I feel a connection and attraction with someone, then I would like to explore it and see where it goes.

Many have commented that online dating is like a meat market. Let's be honest, all forms of dating can be like a meat market. We all have free will, we all have different interests and things that attract us to another. There is nothing wrong with that. Online dating provides a forum to meet others we may not have had the opportunity to meet otherwise. That being said, it is my opinion, that bitterness, resentfulness, being critical, and making general statements about the opposite sex (whether online/in person) are not the most redeeming nor attractive qualities to be found in a mate. Don't focus on one negative aspect of anything. Focus on the positive. You attract what you exude. When you are confident and happy, you will attract just that, regardless of age. Remember there are lots of fish in the sea (and boy am I glad we're called to be fishers of men - sorry bad joke), but it only takes one to be the perfect catch.
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Feb 28th 2014 new
(quote) Lina-796057 said: As I read through this thread, and now especially the last part of this post, I kept recalling what Roystan said in a different thread some time ago....can't recall the exact words, but the gist was that it would be an act of charity to let your spouse 'marry up' economically: if you are well-off financially, then choose a spouse who is less fortunate than you are. You would be helping her/him, their family, and society in general, because you contribute to eliminating the poorer class--instead of the rich so often marrying only the rich and keeping wealth in a small circle. I do not know whether Roy personally believed this philosophy, or whether he was posting a viewpoint alternate to others in that particular thread just for the fun of it (I cannot always tell when he is jeering and when he is sincere my bad). But it does give us something to think about and weigh our "preferences" against. As does David's description of people who choose to marry someone who will definitely require nursing care soon or who will almost certainly die in a shorter time than "usual". We are loving THEM rather than loving our idea of what a great life/marriage should be. We sacrifice our wants so that we make someone else happy/happier than they would without our sacrificial love. And that love is not a one-way street.

Just some ideas to toss around the ol' grey matter and the cardiac ventricles. Could bring us to tweak our beliefs and behavior a bit?

To ADD to Lina's post...

There are quite a few lovely YOUNG annulled women with YOUNG children here...some have written to me....because we have kids issues and aloneness in common...and I am old enough to be THEIR mothers rolling eyes There are also several YOUNG men and YOUNG widowers with YOUNG children.They seem to despair!

If some here in the position to do so, will not consider healthy young "rugrats"in their life...which would likely require a mate's relocation...after marriage.... due to schools...services for the children...
If this is nearly impossible for some to even think about....without a massive headache...how on earth can Roy's proposed gospel lifestyle of marrying a woman/man with compromised health or finances...how could that come to fruition..?

Answer: not at all... except through Christ's touch??

Jesus called the little ones
TO Him...and He told His friends ...do not turn them away... Heart ventricles HE can expand, though!

Good News! biggrin

just a bit of gravy for the "food" aforementioned scratchchin
Barbara


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Feb 28th 2014 new
(quote) Bob-59786 said: Different strokes for different folks ... and we're supposed to invite only one to an Altar Date.

Within the last year, I caught H___ when I suggested Joseph and Mary might have had a significant age difference.

Funny thing about Love ... it's the same for all ages.

Hi,

I think it is important when quoting Mary and Joseph marriage is to realize it was not the typical conjugal marriage of having sexual relations. If you are going to use them as an example then you would have to say you are going to live in a chaste marriage otherwise you are using their marriage out of context. Joseph and Mary did not have sexual relationships and in the Jewish faith there were 2 kinds of marriage, the normal kind of having sexual relations and the kind of Mary and Joseph, chaste. Joseph was a caretaker. I will post a link for those that would like to learn more about this... Hope this helps....

God bless,

Gary

PERPETUAL VIRGINITY OF MARY

by Br. Anthony Opisso, M.D.

www.catholicfidelity.com.

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Feb 28th 2014 new
(quote) Virginia-1026653 said: If we were all immortal, age wouldn't matter in this life. When I get looks from guys 15 years younger and 15 years older than me two days in a row, I am thankful that the ages are posted. I think it is hard to tell someone's age from a picture. So since I keep getting looks from guys in their 40's, I decided to change my introduction to start with " I am 60." So far it hasn't helped. I would think they must be grossed out to think they viewed a 60.

HI Virginia,

You wrote, "When I get looks from guys 15 years younger and 15 years older than me two days in a row," I have to ask you if you are assuming they are looking at your profile for the reasons you think? They may have read your writings on the forum and then wanted to see in your profile what you believe and other things you share in your profile. I know there are many reasons why I look at a persons profile and it is not always to check their photo out or even wanting to date them. If a guy was writing on the forums and his writing was at odds with what I thought I might want to see his education or background. A person can just be interested in you as a person, not as a date. I think you should not think of why they are looking at your profile, in assuming why you can end up with the wrong reason why they looked at your profile. By posting that you are 60 it shows an attitude that may not be fair. What do you think of my thoughts on this? Does this help?

God bless,

Gary

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