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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Apr 7th 2014 new

GIVE THE GUY A CHANCE.


Too many of us cut other people off without giving him/her a proper chance to reveal who they are. Too tall, too fat, not enough hair, too much make up, unemployed...WHATEVER. What is in the heart is all that matters, and too often we don't stick around long enough to learn this.

Apr 7th 2014 new
Diane - "I was just trying to point out that, just because one had an annulment, that doesn't mean they don't know how to make a marriage successful as the widowed supposedly does. Lots of times, people stay in bad marriages until one of the spouses die."

That's an astute point Diane. I can attest to you all that being a baby boomer and looking at my parent's generation. I saw so many stay together even though the husbands were mean, cheaters, wife beaters or the wives were materialistic gold diggers nagging the husbands never had enough. Of course that was " Father Knows Best " era and all this was kept hush hush to us kids. I only found out later in life when the spouse had long passed away that in reality these marriages were living hell but kept together.

Bear this in mind; annulments are easier to get now. Last time I read the stats, back in 1959 there were only about 370 + or - granted by the church around the world in that year.. Now the average is about 67,000.

Michael
Apr 7th 2014 new
(quote) Angie-853770 said: Do not expect the other person to be responsible for my happiness. This is not his job; it is my job! When I am happy with the life that I've created for myself, it takes a lot of pressure off of the other person. This allows a healthy friendship to grow because the person that I am dating is not weighed down with the responsibility of making sure that he is doing "all the right things."
I agree with this, so much! Plus, no one can make another happy or 'fill' them because all things become routine. We have to be happy within ourselves. I wonder if this attitude is a main reason for so many failed marriages.
Apr 7th 2014 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said:

GIVE THE GUY A CHANCE.


Too many of us cut other people off without giving him/her a proper chance to reveal who they are. Too tall, too fat, not enough hair, too much make up, unemployed...WHATEVER. What is in the heart is all that matters, and too often we don't stick around long enough to learn this.

Marge, I agree and I find it helpful to list my imperfections and shortcomings and remember that I hope others will overlook them--in other words, The Golden Rule.

The other point I think about regarding physical appearance is that it is only our shell or package. It is not who we 'are.' Chemistry is very important but as other posters have stated before, it can develop with time and that is probably a truer test for a strong, lasting commitment.
Apr 7th 2014 new



'You want someone who sticks by you through tough times.'
(Evan Marc Katz) www.evanmarckatz.com.

Do their actions yesterday and today, for you and others, indicate they will? Can they receive the same from you--letting you give during their tough times?

Apr 7th 2014 new
(quote) Michael-1071426 said: Diane - "I was just trying to point out that, just because one had an annulment, that doesn't mean they don't know how to make a marriage successful as the widowed supposedly does. Lots of times, people stay in bad marriages until one of the spouses die."

That's an astute point Diane. I can attest to you all that being a baby boomer and looking at my parent's generation. I saw so many stay together even though the husbands were mean, cheaters, wife beaters or the wives were materialistic gold diggers nagging the husbands never had enough. Of course that was " Father Knows Best " era and all this was kept hush hush to us kids. I only found out later in life when the spouse had long passed away that in reality these marriages were living hell but kept together.

Bear this in mind; annulments are easier to get now. Last time I read the stats, back in 1959 there were only about 370 + or - granted by the church around the world in that year.. Now the average is about 67,000.

Michael
Michael I do not believe annulments are easier to get now than they used to be. I received an annulment and my priest told me that is a good thing because he said annulments are NOT EASY to get. I believe there are more annulments in the stats today rather than there used to be because there are more people getting divorced and applying for one. Years ago divorce was not as high as it is today.
In regard to widowers knowing how to have a happy marriage as apposed to divorced or annulled knowing what not to do in a marriage this statement is incorrect. Every marriage situation is different and a general statement like that is false. Unless you have been married, widowed, divorced or annulled you do not know. Having said that, my marriage was annulled and I can only speak of my situation and not one other persons.
Apr 7th 2014 new
(quote) Nessa-1054423 said: Hello Dear CM'ers!

I was an active member of CM a few years ago and just recently re-subscribed!! I enjoyed the fora and the variety of topics.

So, here's one I think would be interesting. We're all here to hopefully find someone we connect with and build a relationship with. The process can be fun but also taxing at times. So....what is some of the most valuable advice you've gotten with regards to dating?

Have a fabulous Sunday!!!:)
not imposing/intrude on you could I ask ... what have you gained from the past and current? ... you have so much experience and wonderful that you join again ... can you share what you have received which would be so welcome ....
Apr 7th 2014 new
Annulments are not easier to obtain. There are more divorces and also so many more marriages in which one or both parties enter into it unfit for marriage, unwilling to give all it takes, or to give as long as it takes, to have a sacramental marriage.
I could have gone to have my marriage annulled immediately after our honeymoon because of his behavior that he had hidden all during our 20 month dating/engagement, but I thought as a good Catholic that it was better to pray and endure, especially as I conceived soon after that. I know and knew how to be a good wife and lifepartner but had to go through separation and eventually divorce and annulment proceedings to protect my children (and myself, but that I felt was secondary) from him. All marriages are unique and should not be painted with one brush just because of the type of ending or beginning they had. Just as 'never married' should not all be judged unfit for marriage.
Apr 7th 2014 new
(quote) Kathy-730470 said: Michael I do not believe annulments are easier to get now than they used to be. I received an annulment and my priest told me that is a good thing because he said annulments are NOT EASY to get. I believe there are more annulments in the stats today rather than there used to be because there are more people getting divorced and applying for one. Years ago divorce was not as high as it is today.
In regard to widowers knowing how to have a happy marriage as apposed to divorced or annulled knowing what not to do in a marriage this statement is incorrect. Every marriage situation is different and a general statement like that is false. Unless you have been married, widowed, divorced or annulled you do not know. Having said that, my marriage was annulled and I can only speak of my situation and not one other persons.
I wholeheartedly agree with you, Kathy. I have seen annulment applications denied and yes the higher divorce rate would account for the increase in annulment applications.

Regarding marriage, I do believe there are many unique situations and we can't assume we understand or know about other's wisdom and life lessons learned.
Apr 7th 2014 new
(quote) Jeffrey-1077864 said: Friendship is the best foundation for any successful relationship.
theheart Friends, true friends, are: loyal, faithful, and put each other ahead of themselves while maintaining healthy boundaries.
I agree, Jeffrey.
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