Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

May 18th 2014 new
Thank you Bernadette. My husband was a true gift from God. I considered him to be a miracle in my life. I just don't understand God's plan.
May 22nd 2014 new
I know Anne.
This period will be an incredibly hard time.............certainly the hardest I have ever been through. I was a widow twice. You will find your strength and balance again. I do not understand our loss and pain either ......I do know that God chooses not to intervene all the time to prevent painful things from happening to us. He does promise to take care of us though and I know he loves you deeply and will always be there for you.
I found a lot of support in reading my bible every day. I have to say it took me 5 years to feel like myself again............a long time but just trying to say that you will be happy again as well as strong and balanced.
We also have something that people who have not been through this kind of loss do not have. We really understand what is important and what isn't. It has truly given me a different perspective on life that I believe has made me a better person. Just trying to offer hope as well as empathy.

I would absolutely prefer to have my husband and skip this personal growth stuff .............but, that was not in the plans. God bless you and keep you in the palm of His hand.
May 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Anne-1508 said: Thank you Bernadette. My husband was a true gift from God. I considered him to be a miracle in my life. I just don't understand God's plan.
Dear Anne,

I, too, am very sorry for your loss. I try and imagine the reunion when our answers will be given to us, if at that time they matter at all. I believe that the more we loved, the deeper we grieve. At least it feels that way some days.

It will be seven years this month since my husband's death, and I feel less prepared than most because I feel I should be past it, so when the waves crash in, their intensity still has the power to knock me off my feet.

Be kind to yourself during this time. The waves do move further and further apart as love has a way of healing all wounds. I've come to accept that some days will just be hard, others bittersweet, and many others are good as I embrace the love we had together.

Sending hugs and prayers,

Kath
May 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Anne-1508 said: I have been a member of Catholic match for a long time. My husband and I met on this website back in the day when it was called St Raphael's. My husband and I were together for 11 years and married for 8 of those years. I'm approaching the 3rd anniversary of his death. I miss him with every breath I take. I believe that God intended us to be together. I'm trying to figure out where I'm going and what I'm doing. When I met my husband I thought that all of the pieces had fallen into place....and now I'm back at square one and feel like all of the pieces have fallen apart.
As a widow, I know how you feel. It is impossible for us to know why and when God calls us, but rest assured He knows the "why".

rose

Life is But a Weaving
Corrie Ten Boom (The Tapestry Poem)

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.
Oft' times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not 'til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.

May 22nd 2014 new
"Lord Jesus Christ, you graciously chose St. Paula, patroness of widows, to be a symbol of charity by ministering to the poor and homeless. Enable us to avoid withdrawing from life and encourage us to give of ourselves to others more readily, so that we may continue to live in Your grace and to do the task that You have laid out for us. Through her intercession, help us to be an inspiration to others, by having a generous heart, full of love and compassion. Amen."




Praying rose rosary
May 22nd 2014 new
I do not have any wise words, only humble prayers for you. May God wrap you in His love. Karen
May 29th 2014 new
Hi Anne, I read your posts and was struck by how perfectly you summed up how I feel. My wife Candace died last summer after a brief but shocking illness. We had a wonderful marriage. I looked forward to being married to her for a long long time. But we didn't even reach our 13th anniversary! She died 2 days before my 40th birthday. I was a widower and a single father. We have 2 sons who were then 10 and 7! Since she died I have kept things together with lots of help from family and friends. But on the inside I am overwhelmed with loneliness, sadness, darkness, despair, anger, frustration, etc. I miss her terribly. And I hate the loneliness so much. I want to meet a nice girl but I know it's too soon. And meeting the right girl now that I am widowed and have 2 young sons is going to be difficult. And I doubt any girl will "get" me like my wife did. I miss her love for me and our boys. I feel trapped between my old life which I loved and miss and some new life that I can't even see right now. I don't even know how a girl would fit into my life and the boys'. And now we are heading into a series of awful anniversaries. The dates when tests revealed that things were worse and worse and worse than we feared. And finally...the unthinkable: 18 days in hospice before she died. How do I begin again?
Jun 2nd 2014 new
(quote) Bob-1062455 said: Hi Anne, I read your posts and was struck by how perfectly you summed up how I feel. My wife Candace died last summer after a brief but shocking illness. We had a wonderful marriage. I looked forward to being married to her for a long long time. But we didn't even reach our 13th anniversary! She died 2 days before my 40th birthday. I was a widower and a single father. We have 2 sons who were then 10 and 7! Since she died I have kept things together with lots of help from family and friends. But on the inside I am overwhelmed with loneliness, sadness, darkness, despair, anger, frustration, etc. I miss her terribly. And I hate the loneliness so much. I want to meet a nice girl but I know it's too soon. And meeting the right girl now that I am widowed and have 2 young sons is going to be difficult. And I doubt any girl will "get" me like my wife did. I miss her love for me and our boys. I feel trapped between my old life which I loved and miss and some new life that I can't even see right now. I don't even know how a girl would fit into my life and the boys'. And now we are heading into a series of awful anniversaries. The dates when tests revealed that things were worse and worse and worse than we feared. And finally...the unthinkable: 18 days in hospice before she died. How do I begin again?
I am sorry for your loss, Bob. I know that what I am about to say you have already heard a hundred times. Time heals, and you and your boys will need time as well. Give yourselves time to settle in to a healthy support climate for each other. Losing a loved one is very overwhelming, and you'll find that with time they will make suggestions about you meeting someone new in your lives. God bless you and remember to trust in God.
Jun 2nd 2014 new
(quote) Anne-1508 said: Thank you Bernadette. My husband was a true gift from God. I considered him to be a miracle in my life. I just don't understand God's plan.
Anne, that really is very normal - and I realize that doesn't offer a lot of consolation. I met my wife 11 years ago, we dated for 3 (engaged for 1 of those 3 years), and were married for 5 years (one month shy to be exact) and I too am approaching the 3rd anniversary of her passing. It doesn't make sense ... why would I meet someone that was perfect for me (we really we sole mates) and have it last such a short time?

I don't know the answer to this.

When I get down, I try to think "His Will be done", I don't have to understand it or like it, but His will be done. Another image that helps me, is to picture the most beautiful rose you've ever seen, and imagine that as the painting God has for your life. If you look at certain parts of the painting there will be thorns, but overall it's a beautiful painting. So overall I don't understand the thorns, but I trust that God has a plan. Of course God's plan is not without suffering - we need look no further then the Cross to understand how much God made HIS only son suffer.

God Bless & Prayers.
Jun 2nd 2014 new
(quote) Kathy-635104 said: Dear Anne,

I, too, am very sorry for your loss. I try and imagine the reunion when our answers will be given to us, if at that time they matter at all. I believe that the more we loved, the deeper we grieve. At least it feels that way some days.

It will be seven years this month since my husband's death, and I feel less prepared than most because I feel I should be past it, so when the waves crash in, their intensity still has the power to knock me off my feet.

Be kind to yourself during this time. The waves do move further and further apart as love has a way of healing all wounds. I've come to accept that some days will just be hard, others bittersweet, and many others are good as I embrace the love we had together.

Sending hugs and prayers,

Kath
Kath ... I'm no expert on "getting over it" or length of time, but I don't think we ever really get over a loss so significant. An older lady I know lost her husband over 20 years ago (never remarried) and when she went through a major health scare she admitted that she was angry and on more then one occasion yelled "How could you leave me Mr. when I needed you the most, you're not here for me!".

Another friend of mine lost her husband almost 10 years ago, and still struggles with the anniversaries. We were talking, and she offered this thought which I thought was very insightful. Take 2 pieces of different colour play dough, and with one colour build something that represents who you are as a person, with the 2nd colour build something that makes you think of your late husband. Once you're happy with both creations, "marry" them together. Take both creations, and mix them together. Now that you've done this, try and separate them. I haven't tried it, but it certainly sounds impossible. The pain changes over time (my sense of loss is much less then days or weeks after the funeral), but I think we'll always have a sense of loss, and a sense of longing for what was.
Posts 11 - 20 of 30