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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
Learn More:Abraham & Sarah

Jul 2nd new

Leo....it is sometimes a thankless task....I know, but in the end....you will be glad you did it.

For me (and I took care of both in their last 3 years) it provided closure faster than most of my siblings.

And I have told several CMers this who are currently taking care of their loved ones.

I never thought it became real easy...but it DID become a sort-of "labor of love"

One day my Mom looked at me....and said, "God will reward you for this" and I never forgot it. Course I made her promise to "kick a back door open" for me in heaven!! I kept thinking of those words and from that point on...I didn't worry about it as much. Even with a "cranky" Father at times!

(I think most of that was he wanted to feel needed...plus he was suffering too.).

I won't EVER say it was easy. I lost a business during this time too. But will I say I would do again? OF COURSE...OVER AND OVER!!!

And after my Mom passed away....and I was charged with taking care of my Dad...the reward was great. We got along the best we ever had. He became my best friend!

All I kept thinking of was this: "They took care of me for all those years....why not return the favor?"



Jul 2nd new
Hi Leo,
My two sisters and I take turns caring for my 98 year old mother. It has been very sad to watch her decline, however it has also been an incredible privilege and I am truly thankful for having this time with her. She was always a pillar of strength and tries to keep going...........but, she can't anymore. Hard to watch our parents die regardless of their age.

We have prayed together and I will always remember her telling me we have eternity to finish what we started.
Well worth the work to have love prevail. I wish you the best. This time is very hard on her too. I cannot imagine being dependent on people the way she is forced to be dependent on us. It gets harder before it gets easier.
Bernie
Jul 2nd new
Thank you all for your accompaniment!
I'm grateful for what you shared here.
I just didn't grow up asking questions of my parents - we didn't do that and I wonder why.
But I have found that she might recall some memories that reveal something precious for her and something that has been nothing but mystery before for me.
Little by little I see we are reducing barriers with simple gestures.

Cor ad cor loquitur, Brothers and Sisters!
Leo


Jul 2nd new
God has been gracious and gentle with us through this whole roller coaster ride. My Mom has flunked out of hospice at home twice now. If you've gotta leave hospice, that's the best way -- outliving the insurance guidelines.

Anyone involved in caring for a person who has dementia --Alzheimer's or otherwise-- should read, Creating Moments of Joy by Jolene Brackey. It's positive, upbeat and full of ideas that work!

www.amazon.com.

Taking care of your parents can be really, really hard. Most things worth doing are.

God bless us --every one.

Aug 8th new
I actually have a interview question regarding taking care of parents. I grew up in a culture where we take care of our elderly parents and often in our own homes. My maternal grandparents lived with us and my paternal grandmother lived with my aunt. It was natural for grandparents to live their adult children and grandchildren. Of course, it wasn't always easy. I have great respect for people who take a very active role in caring for their elderly parents.
Aug 12th new
Leo,
My mom is 94 and still as perky as ever. Unfortunately she does have her moments when she can be a bit of pain, but I hang in anyway. She realizes that the son is better than the daughter, so I get a bit of a break in that case. And yes, mom and I have opposite types of termperments as well. There are times you just have to grin and bear it. You are doint the right thing, it just seems harder than walking uphill in a wind storm at times. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I greatly hope for it.
Robert
Aug 16th new
Leo, I take care of my father and it can be trying with siblings who don't get it, you are fortunate to have a sister who is working with you. This past month has been very trying as we have had several household issues, you know the saying when it rains it pours, if it isn't one thing its something else, today was the day I couldn't do it anymore by myself and called my older brother to be at the house tomorrow to meet the plumber as I was at the house to meet the repairman today. I have been his full time caregiver for the last 3 years and we have had to place a permanent homemaker in the house as he cannot live alone. I get all the headaches from the help and the siblings who can't be bothered to call or visit. They don't know what they are missing, my dad turned 84 this week and I was the only one who acknowledged and celebrated his birthday. My dad has memory issues but for the last month has he has introduced me to the staff and others as his daughter. I wouldn't miss the moments we shared in the past few years for anything as I have learned things from him I never knew from his youth and have enjoyed the stories he tells. God has a special purpose for all of us.
Sep 6th new
I'm an only child and basically am IT! LOL....my parents are in 'decent' shape overall, dad better than mom, mom has chronic pain due to back issues, so when mom is ill or not feeling well I am there to help out dad with our flea market business, and running errands, cleaning, laundry and meals, my prayer is to find someone that understands my dedication to my parents and respects and values me for that (I had a former boyfriend that 'threw' that in my face at one point, and ironically, he ended up moving closer to his parents to help his elderly parents) I find it very commendable to hear of men taking care of their elderly parents because I have observed and noticed that most times it falls on the female of the family and the single female of the family, I have a very close friend that is one of 4 and is caring for an elderly parent and gets NO help from the others, you'd thinjk she was an only child, sad how many forget that HONOR THY MOTHER AND FATHER doesn't stop once a person grows up.
Sep 9th new
Jerry,
I am taking care of my mom now. Tis true they always say you will be rewarded for doing it. But in the case of my dad, that didn't and has not happened. The old man was never very happy with me and I am left with the impression he cared little for what I acomplished. Just never saw eye to eye and he left this world still pushing that impression.
My mother is still around and gets my full attention every day. She still seems amazed that her son has some good ideas. Some times I feel the tank is running empty, but I keep going. No real help from my sister, but I think mom feels she is with the only one who cares what she thinks and does.
Robert
Sep 9th new
(quote) Robert-863708 said: Jerry,
I am taking care of my mom now. Tis true they always say you will be rewarded for doing it. But in the case of my dad, that didn't and has not happened. The old man was never very happy with me and I am left with the impression he cared little for what I acomplished. Just never saw eye to eye and he left this world still pushing that impression.
My mother is still around and gets my full attention every day. She still seems amazed that her son has some good ideas. Some times I feel the tank is running empty, but I keep going. No real help from my sister, but I think mom feels she is with the only one who cares what she thinks and does.
Robert

Very commendable Robert. And yes.....I understand what you are saying about your Father. I'm sorry it was that way. My Dad was territorial about everything until she died and the house was sold. We then became best friends.

And he didn't "praise" that much...but when it came it was a pleasant surprise. (near the end he was tearing up...and saying he couldn't have done it without me) I think looking back....perhaps it was a generational thing ...but he was just SET in his ways...which in and of itself is not bad. He/they did the best they could raising us.

But YOU ARE where you are supposed to be now.....and you were then. And I can tell your Mom REALLY thinks (as mine did) you are the right man for the job.

My hat is off to you my friend....I think it's wonderful, and....really a privilege to care for one parents. In many households (similar to what Josephine expressed above) there were NO questions asked.....the parents were taken care of.....period!

I know that tank gets to feeling empty.....but put it "on reserve" .....till you can feel full again. You will always have enough left for your dear Mother.

And YOU will be rewarded~j

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