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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Jul 11th 2014 new
(quote) Joseph-1096406 said: Some people just don't know what to do. The first message I received was just as I had mentioned, but after thinking about it for a while I thought it was just silly, and replied hello. I have been replying to messages since. If they answer my questionnaire without a hello or something, I'm not sure what to say since there is really no message for me to answer. Just be yourself and answer honestly. Trust me, no one will be offended. Of late I've declined any interest for a good reason :)

Like Joseph, when I first joined CM...the first week or two...I "missed" a few. CM was my first experience with any internet social site, and...as strange as it may seem for a guy to say it...the whole scope of the thing kinda overwhelmed me at first. I mean, suddenly, here are some messages from far off ladies..."what does this mean?", I wondered...I had thought all this stuff was supposed to be about finding someone nearby. boggled smile

But, the whole thing forced me to grow up a bit from that. I now often tell people IRL that the most amazing thing about this online "dating-site" or "social-site" stuff is that...if you look at it from what IMHO is the "right" perspective...it forces you to grow up in the way you relate to other people...especially, people of the opposite gender...and, most especially, people of the opposite gender who have shown some interest in you. And, by "forces you to grow up", I mean it asks you to act accountably toward others...accountable to them and to yourself about the interest they shown in you. And, by simply ignoring personal messages...well, I have come to see it as a way off ducking out of being accountable to others...and to yourself.

Think it goofy if you will. But, I have come to regard any pleasant words of personal interest directed my way from another... even if the she happens to remind me a bit of Mayberry's Aunt Bea... as a personal gift from God, and to be treated as such.

Look, folks, I was pretty blunt in that last post. I know the "Non-responders" are not consciously trying to be rude. It's how they handle it all.

But, I think they're wrong. Not in wrong in morals, but wrong in thinking.

It's not about the "rejection" at all...it's about the acceptance...acceptance of a gift, whether it's the gift you wanted or not. You are NOT being asked to "want" it back. You ARE being asked if you know a gift when you see one, though

Jul 11th 2014 new
(quote) Kayla-549130 said: When you're out dancing, do you dance with everyone who asks? Nope. So silence means not interested...or not interested at this time.
scratchchinWhen you don't want to dance, do you decline, or just sit there and ignore the person?

Jul 11th 2014 new
(quote) Kayla-549130 said: When you're out dancing, do you dance with everyone who asks? Nope. So silence means not interested...or not interested at this time.
scratchchinWhen you don't want to dance, do you decline, or just sit there and ignore the person?

Jul 11th 2014 new
Hi Joe. No, I wouldn't completely ignore in person. I would simply say, "No thanks, but thanks for asking." I do try to do that here when someone writes or emotes. But, I was implying about when someone is silent.
Jul 11th 2014 new
Good for you, Marge.
Jul 11th 2014 new
(quote) Joanne-846477 said:

Donna! You're back! ...or I've just been on the wrong forums. You look radiant in your picture. Congratulations on finding your love.

I don't take offense if someone doesn't respond to my messages. It's just a clear message to me that they are not interested. That's their choice. I will be patient.

Besides, I have a 38 year old son who isn't married or hasn't joined the priesthood/monastery. How can I be so selfish to pray for my soul mate when he hasn't had his 1st soul mate.

So I'm praying for him...also.

Joanne, perfect place to play matchmaker for your son and the women posters in his age range. I was trying to do that when my son was single :)
Jul 11th 2014 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said:

The old Not Interested was devastating.

What could be so awful about a person that you could know right away they are not worth getting to know?


Did not like that "not interested" emote either. Most of us are on here to seek a significant other whom we feel might be compatible with us physically, spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. We do not all have time to "dance" or be pen pals with all who send emotes, view our profiles, etc. Whether one replies with a "God bless you in your search" or silence, it basically means the same.
Jul 11th 2014 new
(quote) Paul-1049651 said: "Not interested" is pretty brutal. Maybe we should imitate the example of the famous face-saving Chinese rejection slip. You press a button and a message is sent saying "We received your emoticon with rapturous joy. Unfortunately, we are altogether unworthy of your attention and after a date with you, would be unable either to face you again with all our inadequacies, or enjoy the company of anyone else. So, with immense regret, we must decline....."
I think this post has gotten more thumbs up than any other post in the history of Catholic Match since they started using the thumbs up / thumbs down feature. Paul, thanks for the most diplomatic and/or popular post in a long time.
Jul 11th 2014 new
(quote) Kayla-549130 said: When you're out dancing, do you dance with everyone who asks? Nope. So silence means not interested...or not interested at this time.
No one ever asks me to dance...so I actually might.
Jul 13th 2014 new
I could not agree with you more. As someone who has used various online sites, including CM and others, I am completely fed up with those who think that ignoring a thoughtful "hello" is adequate. I have about twenty years in client relations management and other positions in my professional life that require communication, and simply ignoring a message is never acceptable. Why should it be in our personal lives?

Now, I don't include in this a rude message, a message like "Hi, what's up?" or something similar. I mean a thoughtful message that obviously shows the person read one's profile and composed something real. If one is inundated with responses, take some time out and answer all the real ones, then proceed. I don't mean, as well, that one should keep trying to answer someone who isn't getting the message, or if in those rare circumstances where personal safety or something similar is at issue. If it's too hard to write an individual message, have a canned one ready. That's perfectly fine, since you still wrote it.

Something like, "Hi, thanks so much for the message. Unfortunately, I don't think we'd be a match. However, I wish you the very best in your search, and may the Lord be with you in all things." Something similar to that, something honest and heartfelt, even if it's the same message you send to all those in whom you're not interested in.

I know that women especially can be inundated, and of course none of us want to hurt someone's feelings. However, we're all adults, and a kind "I'm not interested" at the very start closes the communications loop and lets you know. That's far, far better than taking the time to write something sincere, knowing it's probably been read, yet never hearing back. Especially for those people whose profiles seem warm and welcoming, encouraging all to write if they feel there's a match, then not responding-that's wrong. If someone reaches out to you, respond. I have no doubt that Christ would want us to do so in all normal circumstances. Respond-communicate. Do not let "ignore" be your response. It's rude, uncharitable, and frankly, immature. Again, I speak only of the thoughtful messages, not the copy-and-paste, rude, or "psycho" ones.

Peace to all!

Andrew
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