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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jul 15th new
I confess that I am a little suspicious of people who omit a full body shot. As others have said, they may be exaggerating their weight. I am sure that exaggerating their weight is a fault of both men and women.

A team of researchers led by a group from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign recently asked 3,622 young men and women in Mexico to estimate their body size based on categories ranging from very underweight to obese. People in the normal weight range selected the correct category about 80 percent of the time, but 58 percent of overweight students incorrectly described themselves as normal weight. Among the obese, 75 percent placed themselves in the overweight category, and only 10 percent accurately described their body size. (Notably, a sizable minority who were at a healthy weight described themselves as being underweight.)

Other studies have found the same thing. The more overweight someone is, the less likely they are to describe their own weight accurately.

From another study, These findings support the hypothesis that inaccuracies in self-reported weight reflect deliberate misreporting rather than a cognitive or perceptual bias. In other words, people are lying, as opposed to having a bias.

I am sure that most of us have met people who were hardly recognizable from the photo, which must have been from many years ago. Using an old photo is a different kind of dishonesty.

As Reagan said, trust but verify.

Richard


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Jul 15th new
(quote) Joan-1085686 said: Yes it is true that both men and women will exaggerate about their weight. I have not thought that the omission of a full body pic was a deal breaker. Perhaps I am naive? It seems like meeting face to face is the best way to size someone up, so to speak.

And some of us do not own smartphones, so it takes a few more steps to upload photos...just sayin'...

:)


You do have a computer, so loading pics up is not hard and the effort in doing so may help this process. Meeting face to face should only be done after you have talked to the person of interest and how can one truly be interested if they have withheld info (what they look like) to others.

Let me ask this and see what some of you think.

Do you think that those people that do not find their own bodies attractive might not want to reveal themselves because of insecurities?

I do think this. Perhaps I am wrong. But they should NOT hide themselves because I know men who are in super shape, they work out big time and the women they are with is the complete opposite. So that should tell you to let others decide if they are attracted to you or not.

If you withhold photos or other things about yourself and you have spent time chatting with the other person and then you finally meet and perhaps flew across country to meet the person, and immediately you know you are not attracted, then guess what, you have helped a very uneasy situation that would not have happened and both would not be going through the meeting and expense....

So, if you do not like the way you look, then if you can, if you are able to, not all can, then work on improving yourself. Also, there are men out there that will find you attractive even if you are too hard on yourself... I use the word "you" I am not referring to Joan, my bad, just writing in general to whoever this applies too...

Just my thoughts,

Gary

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Jul 15th new
(quote) Lisa-1046602 said: Let's be honest here! Most of us look at the profile pictures first, then read the profile if we liked the pictures. It would seem reasonable that pictures should be recent just in case you might actually meet the person one day. I find it a little harsh to say that most women lie about their weight. If you were to read men's profiles you would find that most men describe themselves as athletic and it is obvious from the pictures that they are not. I'm just saying that honesty is important here!

I agree with you Lisa. Photos are like a thousand words, has that not been said? I think the definitions can be better. To put average you might as well say overweight. For that is what the average person is. By putting atheltic, I think putting down atheletic and in shape or putting athletic built but need to firm up. Some folks have an athletic frame but not in shape, some are in shape but do not have an athletic frame. So you are correct, having a photo that is current is very telling and the person can see if they are attracted to that person and in some cases the person is not quite the shape they desire but it is not a deal breaker because of their other qualities that are so much attractive, like radiating Christ in how they speak and carry themselves. Again, it cannot be oversaid, beauty or attractiveness is truly in the eye of the beholder. How many times you see a person with someone else and there would be no way you would think they would be together.... So, show your photos well, let others decided if they are attracted or not, be NOT afraid.....

Gary

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Jul 15th new

Another thing to think about is that if you are working on getting into shape and you have to lose 20 pounds, there is nothing wrong with stating that. I said it, this way the woman can say, ya know, he wants to lose that weight and I can see him looking better... they may just be the help you need, heck, behind every great man is an awesome woman... Now, take the woman that needs motivation, well, I can tell ya that we all look better when we are not overweight or underweight. First of all, some folks have medical situations that prevent them from exercising or regulating their metabolism. Then there are some that are happy no exercising and want others to like them as they are. Then there are lazy folks that their appearance may give hints to other things they are lazy with, perhaps in their ability to sacrifice for the one they desire, and this can be insight into who they are. As you can see, I am being careful in writing about this, as you can see I did point out the medical issue and possibly other reasons for a person not being in shape...

Again, put the photos out there, it is telling to do so and it is a question to some of us as to why you have not.... Are they hiding something, are they insecure, is their insecurities big or small.... who knows.... if you can put face shots, then you can put photos that reveal the whole person... it is called communicating, letting others see and decide for themselves... come on, go ahead for those of you that may not be doing such due to being a bit insecure....

God bless,

Gary

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Jul 15th new
(quote) Richard-831657 said: I confess that I am a little suspicious of people who omit a full body shot. As others have said, they may be exaggerating their weight. I am sure that exaggerating their weight is a fault of both men and women.

A team of researchers led by a group from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign recently asked 3,622 young men and women in Mexico to estimate their body size based on categories ranging from very underweight to obese. People in the normal weight range selected the correct category about 80 percent of the time, but 58 percent of overweight students incorrectly described themselves as normal weight. Among the obese, 75 percent placed themselves in the overweight category, and only 10 percent accurately described their body size. (Notably, a sizable minority who were at a healthy weight described themselves as being underweight.)

Other studies have found the same thing. The more overweight someone is, the less likely they are to describe their own weight accurately.

From another study, These findings support the hypothesis that inaccuracies in self-reported weight reflect deliberate misreporting rather than a cognitive or perceptual bias. In other words, people are lying, as opposed to having a bias.

I am sure that most of us have met people who were hardly recognizable from the photo, which must have been from many years ago. Using an old photo is a different kind of dishonesty.

As Reagan said, trust but verify.

Richard


Excellently expressed Richard, thanks... I do think that putting photos of when you were younger is fine as long as you state that in the photo. Then the person can say, oh, thank goodness I did not meet them years ago, ewe, look at them now.. haha lol ok, my bad humor but it is mine so there... haha Or the person may say, hmmm I wonder if she is open to working out with me, she has much potential.... ;-)
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Jul 15th new
(quote) Richard-831657 said: I confess that I am a little suspicious of people who omit a full body shot. As others have said, they may be exaggerating their weight. I am sure that exaggerating their weight is a fault of both men and women.

A team of researchers led by a group from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign recently asked 3,622 young men and women in Mexico to estimate their body size based on categories ranging from very underweight to obese. People in the normal weight range selected the correct category about 80 percent of the time, but 58 percent of overweight students incorrectly described themselves as normal weight. Among the obese, 75 percent placed themselves in the overweight category, and only 10 percent accurately described their body size. (Notably, a sizable minority who were at a healthy weight described themselves as being underweight.)

Other studies have found the same thing. The more overweight someone is, the less likely they are to describe their own weight accurately.

From another study, These findings support the hypothesis that inaccuracies in self-reported weight reflect deliberate misreporting rather than a cognitive or perceptual bias. In other words, people are lying, as opposed to having a bias.

I am sure that most of us have met people who were hardly recognizable from the photo, which must have been from many years ago. Using an old photo is a different kind of dishonesty.

As Reagan said, trust but verify.

Richard


Richard, granted showing an old pix may be disingenuous , This post is demonstrative of the obsession in this country about weight and perhaps vanity.Also, What is normal or perhaps attractive to one person may not be the same to another. This is the reason that many women are afraid to post a pix, They are thinking men will find them overweight, Hence unattractive. We live in a culture that thinks women should look like twiggy, and everyone should look like a celebrity. While physical appearance is an integral part of being attracted to someone I believe the inner beauty of one's soul is the most important component.
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Jul 15th new
(quote) Tom-991847 said:

Dear Men,

Do you prefer to initiate conversation on CM? How do you feel about a woman making the first move to initiate conversation?


Michele, I am absolutely open to a woman making the first move, and I think from the comments here most other guys are too. Enough beautiful relationships are lost due to hesitation, we don't need any more. Please, reach out to those with whom you think yourself compatible, and the rest is in the hands of God.


So what if they do contact you and you are not interested, then what???


What man would not like a woman contacting him, unless the man was not interested in her.. so men, if women do and you are not interested, what is the nicest way of letting them know this? Do we not acknowledge their contact? Do we say, thanks for contacting me but not interested in ya? Do we say, Hey, I have a friend that may like you? haha Do we say, Hey, thanks so much for your interest and then what????

Sometimes when I send out an emotigram I simply put in there what I want to say and then say if you like to become friends give me a shout back... This way they know I am interested and it also gives them an out they do not have to contact me back and if they do not, then I know they were not interested and it is done in a good way...

Thoughts???

Gary

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Jul 15th new
(quote) Joan-1085686 said: Yes it is true that both men and women will exaggerate about their weight. I have not thought that the omission of a full body pic was a deal breaker. Perhaps I am naive? It seems like meeting face to face is the best way to size someone up, so to speak.

And some of us do not own smartphones, so it takes a few more steps to upload photos...just sayin'...

:)


This thread is beginning to make me laugh and remind me of something: "Im just getting kind of TOd. I mean, she hasnt even sent me a fully body shot yet." laughing
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Jul 15th new
(quote) Charles-976166 said: Richard, granted showing an old pix may be disingenuous , This post is demonstrative of the obsession in this country about weight and perhaps vanity.Also, What is normal or perhaps attractive to one person may not be the same to another. This is the reason that many women are afraid to post a pix, They are thinking men will find them overweight, Hence unattractive. We live in a culture that thinks women should look like twiggy, and everyone should look like a celebrity. While physical appearance is an integral part of being attracted to someone I believe the inner beauty of one's soul is the most important component.

Charles, I stated in one of my replies that by us discussing this some may think we are obsessed. No, I do not think we are obsessed with our looks, if so, we would all look much better... haha ya think??? I also do not think we should make this an either/or issue, it is a both/and as your last sentence says, the inner beauty is more important... No doubt in my mind about that but the photos tell more than words and being up front with photos is communicating to another. Woman and men should NOT decide for others of how they look at us. We have NO business in hiding our looks from another, we may be too critical of ourselves and others may be wired differently and find us attractive... For those women and men out there with insecurities, stop, pray and give this up to God. If you can, do something to improve your body, we should for we should exercise... some cannot for many reasons so of course that is understood.... some are plain lazy, not all... some have medical reasons or physical limitations... There is someone for everyone except me I am begging to think... haha just kidding... it is just not God's timing is the way to look at it, and in praying the Sorrowful mysteries, think of the first one, Jesus prayed so hard in petitioning the Father to remove the 4th (last) cup, but then, submitted to the Father's will over his own petition.. Same with us, pray for our future spouse if that is God's will but accept if God says no, there is a good reason for it, and the timing as well. If you want the right date, you have to be the right bait... We all will increase our odds if we become Holy... for that attraction is the strongest.... I have met women that were very holy and they were sooooooooooooooooooooooooo attractive it......


Ok, enough said...

Gary

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Jul 15th new
(quote) Kirsten-1064175 said: This thread is beginning to make me laugh and remind me of something: "Im just getting kind of TOd. I mean, she hasnt even sent me a fully body shot yet."

Oh.... let's clarify something, the full body photo should be posted as one puts their introduction about themself, as one picks which things they follow of the faith, as they put if they have children... It is called communication and information about our profile... Profiles are just that, they say something about ourselves... It is a way for us to share with others things about us for what purpose? Well, on a dating site it most likely will be to find a spouse unless one states on their profile, just seeking friendship... I would not want someone to send me a full body shot, then if I don't go for it, ouch.... it hurts me more to have to say no, I would rather have the woman turn me down than me her...

I guess it may be funny reading the thread though, with us not knowing each other and the limitations to writing and how we see the writings I guess it can be amusing....

The forums is part of our profile too... some may perceive our writings not accurate and that could also go against a person... oh well... enough said...


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