Welcome to another "chat with an owner." We get literally hundreds of emails from
our members every week and our staff tries very hard to answer them to the
best of our ability. These emails are our primary form of feedback from our members. With
the live chats we are hoping for a more direct connection with the members we are
trying to serve. We hope that we can provide you with quality information and you can
tell us areas where we are doing a good job and other areas where we can
improve. With tens of thousands of members it can be easy to become disconnected
but we think these chats are one way to prevent that from happening. If you were
unable to be with us in this chat please try and join us for the next one.
We send out 100 invitations on a first come first serve basis so make sure
you check your CM email often. In this chat I focus primarily on questions about how to
get more out of Catholic Match. I also make a surprise announcement about a
Catholic author/speaker/celebrity who will be hosting some live chats of her own.
I hope you enjoy this edited transcript of the chat which is
only available to our full members. After reading through the transcript feel
free to offer suggestions or ask questions via our help/support system.
Just click on the help link located in the top right hand corner of the site.
Thank you again for choosing and supporting CatholicMatch.com, we
certainly love serving the single Catholic community.
Brian R. Barcaro
<— Begin Chat – January 26th, 2005 9:00PM EST. —>
some basic chit chat and introductions) I know you all love getting to know each other, however we are going to get started. If
I could ask everyone to stop chatting.
Ellen-19583: yes sir
Brian-5: The ground rules are as follows:
1. The order
of the chat will be names Z-A. I will type out the person's name and number and
then they can ask their question. I will do my best to quickly answer each
question so we can get to as many people as possible.
2. Please have your
question typed in advance so all you need to do is hit the send button when your
name is called. If time permits I will try to answer follow up questions.
Brian-5: First of all because this is a full member chat, I
want to thank you for supporting CatholicMatch.com and all that we do. Your
support is very appreciated.
Brian-5: Second, I would like to start with a prayer…
Brian-5: Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee
blessed art thou among women and blessed is fruit of thy womb Jesus…
Brian-5: Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and
at the hour of death, Amen.
Maryjane-68915: Why am I the only one in blue?
Brian-5: Just a reminder make sure you have your question
Brian-5: Steve 65955 go ahead
Steve-65955: Pass…no question here.
Lourdes-83472: Maryjane, you're only in blue on your computer. Everyone else
is blue on their own.
Rhonda-45054: Is there any way we can have some local sponsored
Anthony-43407: country too big
Brian-5: Yes there are. Some CM members have begun
organizing themselves and currently we are in the process of providing members with
online tools to better organize small local groups.
Patricia-92452 you're up
Rhonda-45054: That sounds great. I can't wait
Carole-16040: that will be great…
Meg-5968: Hi everyone! Did I miss anything?
Carole-16040: What kind of tools??
Brian-5: Reminder: Please have a question ready so we can
get as many questions in as possible.
Anthony-43407: Catholic Match is great, Because Church, Teachings, Therefore
Brian-5: Please do not ask questions out of turn.
Brian-5: Maryjane-68915 your up
Maryjane-68915: Why do people avoid responding to caregivers?
Brian-5: To my knowledge Mary Jane I have never heard of a
bias towards people who are caregivers I cannot think of a reason why some
people might be shy about that.
Martha-7372: I have no questions, I just wanted to get to know people on the
website. I have to send in my photo in yet. I find it difficult to talk to
Brian-5: Martha a good way to get over the fear is to join
in the community rooms you will find lots of friendly people.
Marianne-10172: I don't always receive an email to my regular address
(outside of CM), telling me when someone has browsed my profile – do you know
why that is? I just happen to find out when I log on.
Brian-5: Marianne I do not know why that would be, make sure
your preference settings are set correctly. If you need help just email support.
They are great about these things.
Marianne-10172: I do get emails sometimes but not always, so I think my
settings must be correct.
Maria-18327: Why is it that the other members are indifferent? I mean, I have
sent a lot of smiles already but nobody has returned the recent ones I sent.
This sometimes makes me feel that I'm not connected.
Brian-5: Maria: Things like smiles and browses are viewed
differently by different people. Some people consider them more serious than
others. If you are really looking for a response a direct email is always the
best way. If they don't respond to your email then you know it is time to move
on. While that can be frustrating it is also a positive aspect about online
services because you don't have to invest much time into the person before you
realize there is lack of interest.
Ludwik-33046: Brian, beyond the vocations board room, have you thought of
doing a search where people like me and others who might be reluctant to post on
boards, could search specifically for others discerning and meet up to discuss
the feelings of their call to religious life and how they have handled it?
Brian-5: Ludwik that is a great idea. Since we do gather
that information it should not be too hard. Please submit that to support.
Ludwik-33046: what is the email for that?
Brian-5: No email address, click on help.
Lourdes-83472: I get notified of being browsed but I'd rather be notified
that someone is actually interested in talking to me. I haven't had any success
with Catholic Match. I'm very disheartened. No one has ever asked to meet even
though I have chatted with several through e-mail. What can I do?
Lourdes-83472: I'm referring to the mail system thru CM.
Brian-5: Great question Lourdes let me try my best to give
you a practical response.
Brian-5: Online services like CM are not really much
different than things in the real world. There are direct ways of meeting people
and more indirect ways. We try and provide both.
Brian-5: Simply emailing with people is not always the only
way. The message forums are fantastic for getting to know people without the
pressure of the one on one.
Brian-5: I suggest you try and get to know more people in
the community area. Don't stop emailing people directly. Continue to be open to
meeting men at your Church or other places and pray the novena to St. Raphael
every night! It really is in God's hands we just try to help Him out online!
Lourdes-83472: I keep wondering whether there is something that I should be
Kathy-93290: What is the average age of men and women on the site? I like the smile
and match features.
Brian-5: Be yourself Lourdes!
Lourdes-83472: I'm a Eucharistic Minister, Lector, Commentator, Coordinator
for altar servers, and in the choir.
Brian-5: I can't say what the average is because I don't
know. I do know that 35-45 is the largest age segment.
Kathleen-49: First off, I'd like to thank you and your co-founder(s) for
setting up this forum. I've watched you grow and change for the better from
almost Day One. I must admit to being slow at using some of the features …
this is the first chat I've participated in and I find it interesting. I have a
question/suggestion… Would it be possible to add a qualifier when asking about
an individual's status to include a "free to marry in the Catholic Church" next
to the divorced or annulled option?
Anthony-43407: Annulled Means Free to Marry. Annulment Means Church found No
Brian-5: Yes it would be possible and it is on our board of
things to add. I know it sounds like something we should be able to add quickly
but with a site as big and complex as CM even a small change is a big deal. But
it is on our list. Feel free to submit it to support as a suggestion.
Katherine-93724: What do you do when someone wants to stop chatting or
emailing and so they lie and say they want to get off line because of kids or
work…but you see they are staying on line or you try to enter a chat room and
they are they after they said they were going to bed, and since they said they
were getting off but are not you feel intimated to join the chat? I would like
to suggest that people are honest….it's hard to trust when you can see they
are not telling the truth.
Eve-88406: Brian – I'd like to add to Kathleen's with Like to have
Kathleen-49: Some annulments come with qualifiers that release one spouse to
remarry, but not the other…
Anthony-43407: Yes, Pls add Like to have Children? Most Catholics Do, But
good to ask
Brian-5: Katherine: There is no answer for dishonest people.
Just make sure that they really are logged on and the site just doesn't show
them logged on. But there is really not much we do can about that. My suggestion
is to stop chatting/writing with dishonest people.
Julie-90668: Is it alright for a lady to initiate the first contact…smile,
email, etc or should she wait for a gentleman to make contact first? It seems
the fellas aren't very sociable and take things the wrong way if you smile or
ask them to email.
Mary-4749: I agree with Julie!
Heather-48301: Don't do it
Brian-5: Julie can I speak as a single guy for a minute
rather than an owner?
Ludwik-33046: aren't many guysinhereforexample..>I think its sad * a
guy saying this*
Eve-88406: I also agree with Julie!
Katherine-93724: Okay, thank you for your response…
Heather-48301: Pink room advice—let the man make the moves
Brian-5: Please stop chatting
Maryjane-68915: You're right Julie
Mary-4749: Brian, what do you think?
Brian-5: All guys are different, however I know personally I
don't mind getting a smile but I am not as fond of getting an email. But like I
said all guys are different.
Brian-5: I will tell you this…
Anthony-43407: This Man thinks its OK for Lady to Initiate Smile, Etc.
Brian-5: To be safe it is best to make it short and sweet
and leave him off the hook but saying… "If you're interested feel free to email
me back." If he does not then no hard feelings…
Janet-41961: Few CM members in my area where I live. The few here, don't
respond to emails! Difficult to meet people – or even have a date! What can be
done to improve this "glitch"?
Evette-67640: I feel the same in Atlanta.
Maryjane-68915: Ditto in PA
Brian-5: Well not sure I would call it a glitch. I am sorry
there are not more CM people in your area. My suggestion would be to consider
meeting people further away. Check out our success stories you will see many of
them are long distance.
Anthony-43407: Amen, Brian
Heather-48301: Brian5—question—is it possible to have key word search
added to the advanced search?
Eve-88406: Brian you didn't respond to the qualifier about children?
Evette-67640: I think that for dating to be successful, it is important to have
someone in your own area. When you have kids, it is hard to date someone who
lives in another state.
Ron-89754: Forgive me for being late I would like notes in
the main line and also age and height so the encounters will be
more real not browsed because!
Brian-5: Not at this point because it is too hard on the
database. Possibly in the future when we can focus on that kind of
Brian-5: Evette please ask your question again.
Brian-5: Reminder to ask everyone to wait for your turn. I
will get to everyone I think.
Evette-67640: It wasn't a question. It was an observation. It is hard to date
people not living in your own state.
Brian-5: I agree and it is not for everyone. However many
people have met on our site from different states. I would try hard to stay open
to God's will about that.
Evette-67640: Brian, How important is it to post a picture?
Brian-5: That is two questions but the answer is VERY!
Brian-5: Eve you're up!
Eve-88406: Qualifier about the children!
Brian-5: I did not see it Eve I am trying to type and
control the whole chat that is why I need everyone to ask in order. Please
Eve-88406: My question is about whether CM can put a
Eve-88406: whether you'd like to have children?
Brian-5: Sure we could ask that question. Please submit it
to support we keep a database of suggestions and that is in part how we create
our lists of new applications and features.
Erin-57355: The forums have gotten so popular (a good thing) that it is
really hard to keep track of a certain thread. Why was the option of getting
email alerts about a thread taken away and is there any chance of getting it (or
something similar) back?
Brian-5: Actually I am not sure and that might have been and
oversight. Email support and direct your question towards Nathan, he can
Elvia-82756: How can people find time to browse the forums? I pick here
and there, just enough to see a broad diversity. It needs a lot of involvement!
How can you get connected with somebody in your area, what about forums by
locations? somehow a way to get to know the others without the personal pressure
and judgmental ideas of others feelings using direct e-mail, pictures, smiles,
profiles. What about group chats by areas? Events? Retreats?
Evette-67640: Brian, why don't you think about sponsoring Catholic singles
events in different cities on a monthly basis?
Patricia-92452: Me too Maria…I hope we have more time to go back
Brian-5: Elvia: It is a great question. All I can tell you
is that over the next 6 months we are focusing on developing more of the
community aspects of the site. I can't begin to tell you what an undertaking it
is to maintain and develop new things for CM. We only have 6 full time staff and
two part time. We are trying to grow but we are also trying to be prudent.
Anthony-43407: Evette, Almost every Diocese has Catholic Singles events
locally. MANY in Northern Virginia
Ellen-19583: I would like to see a room for the older members who may have
different issues. We have a pink and blue room why not a room for those over 50
who may be looking for someone to retire with rather than someone to start a
Elvia-82756: I can help, if needed
Maryjane-68915: I agree Ellen
Evette-67640: I have been a parishioner in my church for over ten years and
have never seen a singles event sponsored.
Brian-5: Ellen we are considering it. However if we added a room
it may still be open to people of younger ages but the subject matter would
be for the 40 and over crowd. Making rooms exclusive like pink and blue are a
ton of work and can cause lots of headaches.
Ellen-19583: I am glad you are considering it many older men are reluctant to
Julie-90668: I agree!
Anthony-43407: Evette, Read Diocesan Newspaper?
Brian-5: Please do not chat when it is not your turn. (This
makes it confusing for people to follow a line of questions)
Catherine-71901: What is the next new thing you are releasing on here and
Brian-5: Catherine recently we have been working issues with
our mail system especially external mail. We have also been doing a lot of work
with optimizing the site for search engines. Most of the work we have been
doing recently is to better the tools so we can more effectively run the
Brian-5: Beginning in Feb. we are turning our focus on to the
community area of our site. The goal will be to release features that will help
you all better connect with each other in a more local and interest way. I
cannot be specific because we need to be careful about what info we let out. But
I promise you will not be disappointed.
Brian-5: We are listening to your wants and needs and we are
Catherine-71901: thank you
Brian-5: Ok Anthony you have been very patient
Anthony-43407: Catholic Match is Great service, Because Church Teachings
Ideal. Our Members In Match Reflect that. Sorry I spoke out of turn. No
Carole-16040: How do you get into community/chat rooms? How did you start
this site?? Did you meet your sig. other on this site? I think this site is
Brian-5: Ok Maria
Brian-5: Wait Maria let me get Carole I missed her…
Maria-65636: thank you
Brian-5: Carole. Their are no community chats. You can
either start a chat or you can join a chat that you were invited to.
Brian-5: oops I meant no community chats…
Brian-5: Ok Maria…
Ellen-19583: but you can invite people to a group chat
Brian-5: yes you can
Brian-5: If you start it.
Maria-65636: my turn?
Brian-5: yes Maria
Maria-18327: My question earlier is: How come the other members in the site
are indifferent? I have sent smiles & other invitations to friendships
already but only 1 or 2 has responded. To all the smiles I sent recently, nobody
has returned them.
Maria-18327: I mean, doesn't this make us feel disconnected?
Maria-65636: one of the requirements of joining CM should be to post at least
one picture at the profile, maybe, as an incentive, by offering one extra month
subscription for free for newcomers? Something like that. I suggesting this
because, in my case, I would never be encouraged to establish communication with
someone I can't identify.
Brian-5: Maria.Your best best is to be direct if
your looking for an answer. We will post the whole chat transcript for full
members and you can read my longer response back further.
Maria-18327: Okay, thank you Brian.
Brian-5: Ok we got through everyone so if you want to chat
openly or ask me more questions feel free.
Brian-5: Wait! One more thing..
Brian-5: I was going to announce something tonight,
Ludwik-33046: Brian, given that you are single and are a member…Do you
frequent the services on here and email potential ladies you would want to
court? I admire the people like the hair club for men folks who say…Not only
am I the president but I am also a client…
Brian-5: Mary Beth Bonacci was going to do a live chat on CM
on Feb. 14th but she has a talk to do so it will have to be later at a later
date. But you heard it here first Mary Beth Bonacci will be doing live chats in
Brian-5: She is really great if you have
not heard her give a talk…
Brian-5: Yes I do use the site
and I am single…
Brian-5: #2 is my personal account.
Ellen-60137: Brian…how can we enforce the "no searching for romantic relationships on
CM until an annulment is finalized" rule? Does it have to be reported each
and every time? I mean the Terms Of Service says they have to state that they
are applying for an annulment but are not to pursue romantic entanglements, yet
I've been approached by a divorced man and I know of some divorced women who are
looking to date even though their annulment is not finalized.
Brian-5: Ellen it is not something we are going to actively
enforce. We put the TOS out there and we hope people will find guidance in a
Heather-48301: Thank you for answering my other question (and sorry about
chatting before, I forgot it wasn't allowed)…my other question is, and I
apologize if this has been asked before, but would it be possible to disable the
friend has logged on feature? P.S. I like the articles the site posts.
Maria-18327: Does that mean that it is possible for you to pick from among the
members the lady you want to court? I'm just curious.
Julie-90668: It seems to me that the thing to do would be to browse some
interesting files, both men and women or similar interests and invite them to a
group chat . This was interesting and I feel more connected. It was nice meeting
everyone. Brian, thanks for inviting me.
Mary-4749: Sorry for interrupting. Thanks for inviting me to the chat. I've
never participated in one before. This is so much better than waiting for
someone to email or "smile" at me!! HA! Have a good night!!!
Brian-5: Heather…. just delete them as a friend. We know
it is a problem please email support. It helps when a lot of people complain
about the same thing although that does not guarantee we will or can change
Heather-48301: can they tell if I delete them?
Heather-48301: I don't want
to hurt anyone's feelings
Brian-5: If you have topics you would like to see covered in
the Feature article please contact support .
just tell them why you are deleting them because the
box keeps popping out…
Brian, goodnight everyone : ) God Bless
Anthony-43407: Keep up the great work, Brian and CM, And Catholic Church, And Members. Live in Jesus >
Ellen-60137: Thanks for everything Brian!
Ellen-60137: See ya in the forums!
Kathy-93290: Thanks, Brian and God Bless
Patricia-92452: Brian, I just want to say, I think this is great, it is also my
first time in a group chat here, and you handled the room very well. Thank
you for your time you put into letting us ask questions and see your not alone
with thoughts. Its nice to be able to talk to people one on one.
Carole-16040: How did you come about starting this site… It is one of the
best I have seen. I just started on this site and I think its great, met a lot
of great people etc.. :} I think it would be great to have several different
speakers. Mary Beth is great, she lives here, but variety is good.
Brian-5: Thanks, our chat is not set up for this kind of
chat but we hope to change it in the future.
Brian-5: Carole: It was started as a little site over 5
years ago in an apartment of mine with my roommate…. and God has blessed us and
look how it has grown.
Carole-16040: That is great… sorry about earlier I got a call.
Patricia-92452: I know it must be very time consuming, and frustrating because
you know everything you want to add, but it takes a lot of work. I think
its a wonderful site though, you should be proud.
Brian-5: No problem… it is just hectic for me because I
have to concentrate on my answers and then all the other stuff going on..
Carole-16040: I understand I wouldn't want to be in your shoes…
Brian-5: Thanks Patricia. It can be frustrating but it is so
much fun and truth be told we really do listen to our members..
Patricia-92452: I believe you. It shows through the site.
Ron-89754: I had suggested a way to help with the local parish and book store
to have a one page flyer you could copy and have permission before leaving them.
Is this something you would consider. We felt it would be cost effective and
help everyone out
Brian-5: We just can't get to things as quickly as people
Patricia-92452: Unfortunately its a now! kind of world…Patience is rare and
hard to find.
Brian-5: Actually Ron you will soon be able to order full
color brochures off of Catholic Match… and you can put them in parished.
Brian-5: That should be up this week or next Ron.
Maria-18327: Thanks for the invitation Brian & for creating Catholic
Match. My mom is very happy & impressed with the website because we never
expected that there are still a lot of sensible & wonderful Catholics out
there. This is really a very great opportunity to encounter such wonderful
Ron-89754: We had talked about that would a one page printable be more cost
effective and allow more distribution.
Ron-89754: Just a thought
Anthony-43407: Amen Maria
Patricia-92452: I agree too Maria
Brian-5: Ron: Right now we have 10,000 ready to go. However
we will also upload a PDF file you can download and copy. We are not going to
charge for the full color each member can order 20 brochures and we will ship for
Brian-5: Thanks Maria
Brian-5: We love hearing positive feedback.. It makes us feel
Patricia-92452: makes the job all worth it doesn't it
Brian-5: that and making the car payment..
Ron-89754: Thanks Brian you have done many good things and we wanted to see
this grow for you and all here and cont. to get great features. God bless
Patricia-92452: I know in my field of work, its what keeps me going
Brian-5: Thanks Ron
Maria-18327: You're welcome. I just feel inspired & happy about the
positive effects of your ministry.
Patricia-92452: It definitely gives you hope that there are people of like
mind out there still.
Brian-5: Thanks we want to help millions of Catholics not
Carole-16040: I think these group chats are great and should happen more
often. I am surprised your still single after 5 years of starting this
Brian-5: LOLOL so is my whole family!
Maria-18327: I agree with you Carole.
Patricia-92452: So is this your full time job Brian?
Brian-5: Yes it is we have 6 full time people including the
three partners and 2 part time people.
Patricia-92452: Wow…what a great feeling to help others though, that is
Brian-5: It is…
Maria-18327: Wow! You must be doing a lot of stuff with all the members that
Carole-16040: Do you need any more help?? would love to just have one
Carole-16040: Gotta run, love to chat later. :}
Patricia-92452: Bye Carole, have a good night
Brian-5: Well it is time for me to go to bed thanks everyone
I enjoyed my time with you.
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