In anticipation of Valentine’s Day, I’ve distilled the best advice from my book, How To Get To ‘I Do,’ into five golden nuggets. Here are some traits that I think will make you a better love attractor.
We Catholics like our scripted romances, checklists, and rulebooks. But you have to be willing to catch the ball when someone throws it to you.
For instance, I normally waited a few weeks before meeting a man in person once we made contact through a dating website. However, when my husband contacted me, he was on the verge of leaving town to visit family over Easter, so I accepted his invitation to meet sooner.
You want to be careful with new people, but also let relationships unfold in their own time. It’s like how some people have slower or quicker heartbeats. Relationships have slightly different paces and being open to that variation tends to attract and create the most positive experiences.
2. Clarity of purpose
A single who is confident about his or her vocation to marriage is more attractive! Devout Catholics are inclined to give religious vocations a good look before jumping into marriage. That’s great, but to make a relationship work, you need clarity of purpose.
If you say, “I’m still trying to figure out my vocation” when someone is falling for you, she might hit a concrete floor. Or if someone is committing himself to you, and you bring up vocational confusion out of nowhere, you could hurt him immensely.
When you are clear about your life purpose, you give prospective spouses a green light to fully explore a relationship with you. They don’t have to fear that a rug will be pulled out from under them.
You will attract a wider range of people if you are compassionate. If you think your date is perfect and could not possibly be offended by your snarky comments, think again. They could have loved ones who would be hurt or offended or a back story you are not privy to yet.
Let’s say you make a sweeping judgment on all people who are fighting addictions. You think, “This person I am sitting across from is so divine that this must be a safe bash.” Well…what if he has a close relative battling addiction? What if she is a recovered or recovering addict herself? Be judicious about harsh comments because nobody is perfect, and singles are looking for someone they can feel safe with and open up to.
4. A living spirituality
It’s not enough to go to Mass, confession, and recite your prayers every day. Talk to Jesus, the angels, your favorite saints, and develop your human virtue.
If your parish is not feeding you enough, find something that does. We enhance our physical vitality when we maintain a good diet, exercise, and get enough sleep. A healthy spiritual vitality is important too and causes others to trust you more and reveal their true selves faster.
It will also make you a better date and mate. We don’t necessarily need spouses for survival anymore. People are looking for spiritual partners and want to see an authentic spirituality that will lead to daily discoveries and growth.
5. Active pursuit
When we say the word “attract,” it might sound as if we can send out a sunbeam and draw people to us without any effort.
Some people have good fortune and bump into their spouse without any significant action. Good for them!
These days, I don’t recommend that you assume you’ll be so lucky though. I’m reminded of the old adage, “God helps those who help themselves.”
Actively seeking others includes going out to events where you can meet at least one new person. Also, joining an online dating site or an in-person dating service. These things are not wastes of money. Everyone my husband and I know who has found a successful match recently has met online.
When you are busy and tired, these can seem like Herculean tasks, but seeking others should be incorporated into your schedule. You can’t attract someone if there is nobody of interest in your orbit.