The experienced dater knows that the phrase “It’s not you, it’s me” is an expected component in the realm of courtship. There are variations of this phrase, and I can guarantee you have been handed one of these seemingly simple, yet extremely complex statements at some point in your life.
- “I’m just too busy right now.”
- “I just got out of a relationship, and I’m not ready.”
- “I need to find me first.”
To those who have let these phrases escape his or her mouth at one point or another (myself included), I understand that you were trying to be honest, and most likely, you were being truthful. No one can maintain a healthy relationship with other debilitating issues existing in the background, but oftentimes we come to believe these phrases mean exactly the opposite – “It’s not me, it’s you.”
When the failed relationships pile on top of each other, one can’t help but begin to believe the problem is in fact me. What else could it be?
“I am very frustrated at the moment and I am feeling there must be something wrong with me. I just am not having any luck finding any quality men nor are any quality men looking in my direction. Just wondering if anyone is feeling the same way….” Caitlin-430386 recently posted in the Sara & Tobias forum.
I expect that most Catholic singles can relate to some degree. We each have to come to terms with this issue at some point in our dating lives and push the doubts, the fears and the lies far, far away. I often do a mental check with myself when I feel my confidence as a strong, single woman slowly fade.
Is there a sparkly ring on my left hand right now?
Does this mean there’s something wrong with me?
Of course not.
Remember, it’s not that there are no eligible bachelors out there. It’s not that you’re not ready or worthy of a significant other or a spouse. There’s nothing wrong with you. Although we’re not perfect, God made us in His image, and through His grace, we are made like Him.
It’s not your time. It’s God’s time, and He promises it will be perfect.