Robyn Lee is the resident single gal among the Mom bloggers over at Faith & Family, and she serves an important role. While we’re on the subject of break-ups today, I felt compelled to share her reflection on a painful split. Here’s the article:
As the resident single person on this mom blog I will occasionally write about single gal happenings … so won’t you indulge me, just this once?
Let me get it all out and then I’ll be done with it.
Break ups stink.
There I said it.
I can only imagine how many women have already written about this topic. But it’s okay because it feels good to talk it out. That’s what gals do, right?
I’m sure you don’t need to be reminded, but break ups are no fun. First you cry your eyes out, lie in bed, listen to every sad song on your ipod, cry some more and then your best girlfriend shows up with a bottle of wine, drags you out of bed and makes you spill your guts.
You feel pathetic and foolish, but she reassures: “you were doing what you were supposed to do. You were ready to give your heart and that is a beautiful thing. You were ready to make the sacrifice and work hard to make things work. He wasn’t willing to make that effort and for that reason he doesn’t deserve you. You deserve a guy who tells you he loves you every day. You deserve a guy who is thrilled to be with you. You deserve a guy who works just as hard on the relationship as you do.”
Not ready to let go, you wonder if you could have changed things. You get angry and then sad again. You ask your best friend: Does he miss me? Does he think about me? She doesn’t answer. How could she know? But she is there and she listens.
A wise friend recommended the book: It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-up Buddy. A Catholic should read this book with a grain of salt, but overall it has good advice about how to move on with your life (besides the fact that it calls the reader a Super Fox every other line!).
Get rid of his notes, his clothes, his pictures and for goodness sake, don’t call him! You are a Super Fox, you don’t have time for this pain. Travel to Europe, plant a garden, buy those ridiculous 4 inch heels … (and they are super cute heels by the way). Time to move on.
I know intellectually that this break up was the right decision and it will only make me stronger (blah, blah … sounds like the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoon).
But my heart hurts.
The idea of going back into the dating scene makes me want to become a hermit. All that insecurity. All that awkwardness. Ick.
I have a lot of fear and anxiety about the future. What if God wants me to be single for the rest of my life? Maybe there won’t be anyone else? I don’t want to be alone!
I told my spiritual director that my heart felt so empty. He told me to be patient with my heart and give it time to heal. He then pointed to the cross and said, “then fill it with him. With God’s love in your heart, there can be no room for fear and anxiety.”
Amidst the tears, the heartache and the worry I hear the strong Feet that follow “with unhurrying chase, And unperturbed pace” and I hear the Voice tell me “All which I took from thee I did but take, Not for thy harms, But just that thou might’st seek it in My arms.”
Yes, break ups stink and doing God’s will hurts sometimes. But only by breaking up can you move towards God’s plan.
I’m not sure what God has in store for me, but I am ready for the journey. In the meantime, I feel comfort knowing that I am pursued by the Hound of Heaven. His love is transforming, lasting and He will never break my heart.
It has been over six months since I originally wrote this post, but now that I look back I realize how grateful I am to my friends during that time.
One friend would send me really thoughtful texts every day. Another friend wrote me a letter every day of the week. And there were many friends that spent hours on the phone with me.
So what is your advice for the broken-hearted? What was the nicest thing someone did for you when you were feeling down?
Isn’t that lovely?