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Single Living

Single life can be incredibly lonely sometimes. Painfully so.

Yet sometimes I get used to having a single heart. I toughen up, get involved and I’m too busy to notice that I’m alone.

I’m having fun with my girlfriends, taking family trips, meeting new people and having a blast. I don’t even think about dating…until a totally cute, eligible suitor walks in and my life comes to a screeching halt.

Is he going to call? Will he be there tonight? Does he like me? Maybe I should be more available on the weekends.

So I don’t make plans and I wait…and wait. I waste away the afternoon hours glancing at my phone, oh, every five minutes. No new messages. I’m left with this deep pit in my stomach and I feel like a total loser.

Instead of continuing the fun and full life I had before, I over-analyze my every move and scare away all my suitors. Then I get mad at God and ask, “What the heck was that? Why did you put that guy in my life if it wasn’t going to work out? Are you a cruel God that just likes me to suffer?”

No, of course He isn’t. It just wasn’t the right time or the right guy.

 

A faulty patternĀ 

Ladies, does this sound familiar? Perhaps that eligible bachelor was attracted to you because you were fun and busy and joyful. Then why stop just because he is paying attention to you? Continue those trips, those classes, those family dinners. Don’t stop everything you’re doing just to be available for that guy. You then lose the part of you that was so attractive in the first place.

It feels great when a new, exciting guy starts to pay attention to you. There’s nothing like it! But you may ask, “If I am so busy will he think I’m not interested?” Maybe, but don’t you want a guy to make an effort for you?

Think about it this way: While you wait for his call would you rather be out at a wine tasting and be pleasantly surprised by his voicemail or would you rather lie in your bed all afternoon and drive yourself crazy, hour after hour, getting angrier and angrier when he doesn’t call? (No, of course I haven’t done that).

Sigh.

Yes, we are all guilty of it.

You don’t need to sit around and wait for him. No, I’m not suggesting that you ask him out on a date (total traditionalist here), but I am encouraging you to stay busy and keep strong the relationships you have right now.

Now go call up your girlfriend and make dinner plans.

Right now, do it.

 

 

 

 

The Karate Queen

Meet Emily, a CatholicMatch member whose full, fun life includes karate, live concerts, horseback riding and novel writing. She’s dating a break from dating but still counting on Mr. Right.

(This post has been read 4,024 times)

27 Comments

  1. Anna-671172 February 20, 2012

    No real need to look for THE man, as THE God shall send it to you when the timing is right, altho we must keep our hearts open to the possibility.
    This post was great, but id like to add that whenever a man walks into your life it is well important to discern and take things slowly…that way you can save yourself the heartache that comes from falling for the wrong person.
    God wants us to be happy, and to leave the most important things up to Him. When a woman chooses a man for her lifepartner she is also choosing the one who will be the Head of her family, the father of her kids, hence it is of the utmost importance to leave the matter up to Him and consult Him (discern) about every potential suitor.

    • Mary-751291 February 20, 2012

      Brilliant comment Anna! :)

    • Kay-806769 February 20, 2012

      Wonderful insight Anna!! Thanks Robyn for sharing this ;) Sometimes we lose sight of the WHY God hasn’t sent us ladies the right man yet, but we must continue to put our love and faith in His plan for each of us. Prayers always get answered; it may not be right now, but they will when you least expect it. ;)

    • Pat-826757 February 23, 2012

      Great comment Anna; I did enjoy the article. God has a plan and a purpose for each one of us. When HE is ready to reveal to us HIS plan we will know. However, we need to have our heart open and listen when HE calls. I have been a single mom for almost ten years. I have concentrated to raise my children only and on purpose not dating anyone allowing God to be the head of our household. Now, that my children are older, I am more open to more possibilities.

  2. Lucy-41785 February 20, 2012

    God, is that you??? Today when I logged in this was the first thing I read. Nothing new to me, but a lesson I have yet to master. THANK YOU for reiterating exactly what I needed to hear today. Headed to Adoration to reflect on what you said.

  3. AdrianadelaLuz-653258 February 21, 2012

    Gracias Anna por la reflexion !! me cayo como anillo al dedo…. :)

  4. Jenny C. February 21, 2012

    Wow. Did you step inside my head and write this? Seriously, this is the story of my life from the last six months. I had spent the entire summer being single and loving it. I got into nutrition and fitness big time, lost 25 pounds, and started training for my first race.
    Then in walks eligible, cute guy, and boom! Who cares about fitness and nutrition anymore? The thing was, when I was so wrapped up with everything, he had to come looking for me, and as soon as I started making time for him, he started making less and less time for me.
    So I recently made a decision to go back to my happy, single life, and this time, stick with it, even when Mr. Potentially Right comes into the picture.

  5. David-364112 February 21, 2012

    There is no rule which says a woman cannot approach a man. Wait for your prince to come and you’re likely to end up withering on the vine. Get out and live. Be proactive!!

    • Ivy-829026 February 22, 2012

      David, I totally agree with you that if we want something, we should put a conscious effort to make it happen.

      • Meesch-691047 February 26, 2012

        Agreed- relationships take a lot of effort but are worth it :)

  6. Vidal-632983 February 21, 2012

    This is very true but it can also happen to anyone even men:/ you cant be putting your life on pause for others or base your life on a message or phonecall from someone else. I think its important that men respect womens obligations with their work family and social life if you really care about them and if the caring is mutual then yo can invite eachother to family and friend events you can even make going to church a date believe more its a great way to connect with our faith and eachother to share something so special by going to mass.it was great to have read this

  7. Jim-397948 February 21, 2012

    I love asking a women out for a date…the second date may be difficult, if she enjoys phone tag…..

  8. Ivy-829026 February 22, 2012

    Sometimes, in our fervent quest to find ‘that man’, we lose sight of what’s important to us…family, friends, hobbies, work. Having been a single mom for 8 years, I’ve only just begun to realize that how much we want out of life depends on how much we’re willing to invest. While I’d like to end my day snuggled-up to someone, I also feel that my life is good and blessed. I have a fledgling business, volunteer work, time to sneak an ice-cream with the kids and share a piece of chocolate with my friends and these were things I forgot about… It’s in HIS time, not mine and while I still have time, I will cherish my life and live it in the way God has always intended it to be and ask that He gives me light for every path…

  9. Stacey-101742 February 22, 2012

    Good comments Anna ! I like the article .

  10. Liza-471353 February 22, 2012

    I totally agree with this article….been there, done that and gets you no where but missing out on the fun you intended for yourself. After giving up a trip to Jamaica with my girlfriends for a guy who turns out didn’t deserve my time or my making him a priority, I vowed not to make that mistake again!

    I’m leaving it all in God’s hands so I don’t mess up His perfect plan for me! God bless my single friends!

  11. Robert-3483 February 23, 2012

    The story of Rebecca in Genesis 24 is quite suitable for this. If she didn’t respond in grace to the old servant of Abraham, she would not have been led to her husband. She could have ignored the servant for a number of reasons, including not being romantically interested in the servant.

  12. Ramona-738757 February 23, 2012

    If you can’t enjoy YOU…no one else will. “Dance with God first and He will let the right man cut in.” Something my late papa said.
    Great blog and thank you!

  13. Jim-397948 February 24, 2012

    Beyonce is no longer single!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m1EFMoRFvY

  14. Meesch-691047 February 26, 2012

    hanging about with friends, live concerts, dinner plans and martial arts… love it, make Mr. Right make time for you instead!

  15. Denise-687929 February 26, 2012

    Great article. This is an article that the ladies on Catholic Match should live by.

  16. Crystal-614646 February 26, 2012

    yep, not the right man yet. and sometime it is better to be alone. Then you know that no one for you to wait and go ahead to make your own schedule for your time…

  17. Patricia-755756 February 28, 2012

    I have felt every bit of what Robin wrote here at one time or another…including last week.
    I have put myself in God’s hands and have been patient, but I am now 44yo and have yet to find my Mr. Right. I am almost past the child bearing years and am disappointed because I have always wanted children. I often wonder, “Why God, have you chosen to keep me single for all this time?” I wish I knew what his plan for me was because it’s directly opposite from what I had planned for myself. I do go on every day living my life and am a happy person, but not content. There is something missing & it’s that one special person to share my happiness with. I wish God would send him soon…so far he has sent duds :(

  18. Johnny-700926 February 29, 2012

    Keep in mind that real men i.e. gentlemen will always give thanks/credit (whether big or small) to women whenever she gives him a “chance”. And by “chance” I mean for her to “go after him”: an opportunity for her and his chemistry to develop, at least; therefore, don’t try to “slam the door” at him sooner than it should or else you’re most likely to miss your “big chance”. Only God know when the right opportunity is given to you.

    Plus, men in general, are intended to ” positively expose” himself as a worthy candidate in relationship. If you like what he is made of, start meeting him and go from there with the flow.

    Source: Life experience and my job as a mentor [m not like a date doctor like the film: Hitch, haha =) ]

    The bottom line is to make something happen prior

    Source: Experience

  19. Donna-667906 February 29, 2012

    Thanks, I needed this!

  20. Carmina-771160 March 4, 2012

    Truly right. I believe one of the good ways to wait is to enjoy your life and the things around you, enjoy the company of friends and loved ones; go on with your life and if the right guy comes along, you don’t have to put a stop on eveything you do. Instead, go on and continue to be happy and enjoy the life you have, that way, you wont get yourself in to too much neediness that you start to lose your sense of self already. :)

  21. Anabelle-858981 May 23, 2012

    Guilty! But yes we still have other kind of relationships to get busy with. Our world doesnt stop revolving just because someone, who has a great potential for a lifetime partner, steps in. Being happy is attractive, and no one gets to take that away from you. So lets enjoy our lives, and grow up gracefully to be that miss right to mr.right. :)

  22. Michael-369664 June 17, 2014

    I think it’sI wise to believe God will send you the right person. That view will be comforting until you hit about 40 plus, and you look around, and you’re still in the holding pattern. What then? Suddenly you don’t find anyone available or even interested, and the time races by. I’m 58, and I recall how fast my forties went.
    If you really want someone, treat it like a job search, and put lots of time and effort into it daily.
    I was careless and waited too long, and after 50 you really almost have to give up the search. You just don’t find many quality people left around by then. Take my advice, if you are still under 50, work hard to find the person you seek. You age very fast after 40, and other problems like taking care of your parents, keeping your career alive will appear. I had cancer appear at 56, and it forced me into early retirement costing me thousands of dollars in salary. I will be lucky to ever work again. Dating is now just a memory not a reality anymore. Read the book Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb for more help. Good luck.

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