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Dating & Relationships

Mr. Darcy’s proclamation of love to Elizabeth Bennet in the 2005 version of the classic “Pride and Prejudice” is the climax of the film:

“You must know, surely you must know, it was all for you…My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I would have to tell you: You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love… I love… I love you. And I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”

Mr. Darcy’s vulnerability and openness contradicts the closed up, unemotional male stereotype that Hollywood continues to portray in films, even when one study in the U.K. found that men are more likely to confess their love first.

The study found that it takes men an average of seven months to say “I love you,” while it takes women an average of eight months.

“Although women do tend to wear their heart on their sleeves more than men do, men are just as emotional and sensitive – sometimes even more so,” said Jenni Trent Hughes, a relationship counselor quoted in the article.

The study shows only a marginal different in each gender’s willingness to utter those three life-changing words, but it’s an important reminder that women are not always the emotional drivers of a relationship. A traditional mindset assumes that women are the ones asking for relationship clarity through the infamous “So, what is this?” conversation or pressuring men to make commitments to marriage and children before they’re ready to do so, but that’s not always the case. On the other side, men are not always the physical drivers of relationships or afraid of monogamy.

Relationship stereotypes hold us all back in so many ways, and it’s up to us to embrace our feelings and our intuition, whether you are male or female or whether our society says it’s ok to express your emotions.

So, CatholicMatchers, were the results of this study surprising? In your dating experiences, who was the first to say “I love you?” In your future relationship, will you be waiting for your significant other to say “I love you” first?

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4 Comments

  1. Ramona-738757 March 25, 2012

    “Relationship stereotypes hold us all back in so many ways, and it’s up to us to embrace our feelings and our intuition, whether you are male or female or whether our society says it’s ok to express your emotions.” This was my favorite part of this article! It summed up what I have been saying for months on CM and how I feel in general. Secular world or within Catholicism one has to take responsibility for making a life of happiness. When it comes to matters of the heart we have a tendency to hide behind these so called rules which are fueled by stereotypes. Is it a rule or is it a stereotype even?
    Thank you, Jessica. Having the courage to be is so much more profound.

  2. Andrea-733195 March 31, 2012

    Great job Jess with the article

  3. Andrea-733195 March 31, 2012

    Note to CM webmaster: the date and timing are off. It states the above comment was written on March 31st at 2:57 am when it’s 8 PM on March 30th…

  4. Donna-83441 April 7, 2012

    I can see it taking women longer, they usually want the man to say it first..

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