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Single Living

One afternoon I was browsing Facebook and reading all my friends’ statuses. My jaw dropped open when I came upon this one:

“Married at 6 weeks past my 22nd birthday, a mom in the same year, followed by a small fixer-upper house which still sucks a ton of cash and time in the early years of our marriage, another child, down to one car — this life is not easy, yet I have lived my life to its fullest. I have made the best out of every situation I’ve been in. I have laid down my life a thousand times and will do it a thousand more because I’m not a saint yet. I have known what it feels like to be imprisoned in my own home and my own body.

 

If you’re single, and you have a car, and some spare cash, let me be frank: Shut up. If you’re going to whine about “loneliness,” walk yourself to time-out to sulk until you’ve humbled yourself to servitude. There’s no way you can be lonely when you’re giving it all. The pain you feel? That’s your heart muscle trying to expand in love. Never stop growing in love. Accept every offer to grow in love that comes your way in whatever form God is giving you. In order to give it all, you have to be open to the love of God. Your feelings don’t dictate your choices. Your will does.”

Wow.

This post from a good friend of mine really made me think. Yes, sometimes I have this fairytale view of what marriage is like. I think I’ll never be lonely. I will always have someone to love. I won’t be hard.

Sounds like I needed a reality check. Reading this post helped me to gain perspective.

Whatever state you are in — married, single, religious vocation or still trying to figure it out — each way of life has its own crosses, they just appear in different ways. But no matter what our vocation, we are all called to love. We are all called to give.

Recently I read a reflection by Father Lorenzo Scupoli about seeking virtue. He said, “for peace does not dwell in self-indulgent hearts.”

Isn’t that true? Don’t we know that deep down? For example, how many times do I procrastinate on the things I need to do and instead of getting it done I take a nap or watch a movie? Do I feel less stressed afterward? Of course not! Now I have the same mountain of tasks, but less time to get them done.

Then there are the times when I have an entire afternoon open with whatever I want to do, until my mom calls and asks if I can help out at the food pantry. I’m so annoyed, but do it anyway. I give of myself for that whole afternoon and afterward I have this sense of fulfillment.

This Easter season make time for yourself and make time for prayer, but also think of ways to joyfully give of your time and talents. Our hearts are wired to give. Volunteer at your parish, make a special dessert for a neighbor, offer a holy hour for your married friends.

As my friend said, if you heart is hurting from loneliness, remember that it is urging you to love. All of us have that calling. God wrote it on our hearts. 

 

 

 

Editor’s pick

Check out Catherine Perry’s reflection “Us. Vs. Them: Singletons & Smug Marrieds

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10 Comments

  1. Stephen-725391 April 15, 2012

    Certainly a wake up call. My daughter (17) keeps hammering on me to find the little joys and pleasures in the day amid the pain and ENJOY them and stop whining. When I feel unhappy I just have to ACT happy and things do look brighter. Good post. Stephen

  2. Tessa-694373 April 15, 2012

    your married friend sounds like a spoiled brat….no one forced her to marry someone who was a provider….I will pray for her

    • Lucia-551179 April 16, 2012

      Thank you Tessa. I was thinking the same thing myself. The married friend should be grateful she has the opportunities she has, not doing the very thing she takes umbrage about with single people.

  3. Ramona-738757 April 16, 2012

    The title of the blog alone makes me ill…
    I like to give persons the benefit of the doubt in regards to their intelligence levels. If you don’t know that there are indeed very life altering pros and cons in each social status/vocation it speaks of immaturity.
    Christ had the most difficult time in His vocation. Somehow I don’t recall reading in the bible God the Father taking a flippant attitude or a dismissive one, when Christ was in despair.
    I take issue with anyone who thinks that loneliness of spirit comes from not giving of oneself no matter what your social status. Just like we are called to love we are also called to be compassionate. I didn’t see this in this blog. I saw a barking mad tirade from the socially maladjusted. Given the anecdote that loving more or rather assumed that one is loving less is the reason for the tirade, despair etc.
    What about appreciation, love being a sacrifice, and utimately knowing who you are within your vocation.

  4. Ramona-738757 April 16, 2012

    I see the title has been changed…from the previous”Singles…Shut Up”
    I wish you had addressed this before. So as not to paint me, the poster as taking issue with the current title. Ah, the power of perception.

  5. Tessa-694373 April 17, 2012

    Ramona,
    Thank you for your perception….it would seem this young bride might of married out desperation….to someone who was a poor provider and wants to take it out on us smart single people who are NOT desperate nor do we settle for just anyone….We just keep the Faith and know God has his plan for each of us…

  6. Tessa-694373 April 17, 2012

    PS
    I’m holding out for the fairytale-:)

  7. Tanya-63933 May 9, 2012

    It is amazing how two people can read a passage and see something exceedingly different in its intent, delivery, tone, and message! I did not read that “letter from a young bride” as eye opening or a wake-up call. The woman in question sounded bitter and misanthropic. I also thought her criterion for “shutting up” being an available vehicle and a few extra dollars in one’s pocket was priceless! I don’t remember that from the Sermon on the Mount! “Blessed are those who do not have to share a car and have two twenties and a tenner in their pocket, for they shall experience peace on earth.” She sounds like she is crawling through broken glass on her hands in knees while she is “[humbling] [herself] to servitude” and wants everyone to know it!

    Her little shopping list of “sacrifices” (did she make her choices with a shotgun pointed at her head?) at the beginning of her rant undercuts her message. I was under the impression that when one makes sacrifices those sacrifices aren’t to be laid out on a social networking site.

    It’s an entertaining world these days, ain’t it?

    • Robin-973240 May 22, 2013

      lol. Blessed are those who do not have to share a car and have two twenties and a tenner in their pocket, for they shall experience peace on earth.. that made my day. Have a nice day Tanya

  8. Trista-767207 May 12, 2012

    I think the article was just pointing out that we all have crosses to bear no matter what stage of life we are in. Yeah maybe the bride complained a lot about something other people wish they had. I complain about my job, knowing there are people who would love to have it. I think the message of the article is just to be grateful, no matter where God has us.

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