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I am a supporter of Health At Every Size, a movement aimed at accepting all body types and refuting the cultural admiration of thinness. This involvement is the direct result of a lifetime of conditioning to hate, mistrust and compare our bodies with those depicted in the media.

I know I’m not alone in how I felt before. I can’t think of one woman who is satisfied with her figure as is. Every woman I know is either on a diet, working out compulsively or lamenting weight gain.

But I’d had enough of it. After a lifetime of dieting and wishing I looked like someone I wasn’t, I just gave up all efforts to do so. It was the best thing I ever did. Turns out, research proves that the main cause of adult obesity is dieting itself. I’m so glad I was able to get off that particular roller-coaster!

But, my own feelings aside, how did this affect my dating life?

Well, in the past, it was a huge detriment. I constantly avoided people and occasions where I thought I’d be scrutinized by my appearance. I also avoided the attention of most men because I thought they would ultimately reject me. While I was a CatholicMatch member, I made sure to list my body type as “a few extra pounds” to avoid misunderstandings. When browsing profiles, the very first section I perused was the seeking section to see if it said “slim,” “slender” or that popular coded phrase, “A woman who takes care of herself.” If I had contact with anyone, I emphasized my build to prepare them – perhaps too much.

Most people, with the exception of a few, were fine with the way I looked. However, I wasn’t, and it usually became a problem of my own doing. Cue the dating disasters!

 

A new paradigm

Once I understood the Health at Every Size ethos and accepted my figure exactly as it is, things changed for me. I noticed that strangers were more polite, friends were less critical, and dating was easier. The reality is that once I felt comfortable in my own skin, it allowed others to be more comfortable as well.

What a relief! 

It also led to a few interesting discoveries. For one, talking to men about this issue allowed me to see that I’d been listening to the cultural buzz and taking it far too seriously. It seems that most men don’t actually prefer the figure of super models, as I’d always assumed.

[Would More Men Date Me If I Lost Weight?]

Research backs this up as well. I recently read an article that, when surveyed, men preferred a figure that is not only fuller than a typical high-fashion model but also much curvier than I’d  have expected.

The reason for this is fascinating! It all has to do with the hip-to-waist ratio. When men had to rate attractiveness, the highest scoring figures were those with round hips, full thighs and small waists. Figures like this scored higher than those of models, who generally have straighter hips and smaller thighs.These men may not be aware of the primal need informing their choice, though. The researchers found that the most favorable hip-to-waist ratio indicates that 30 percent of the bodily fat distribution rests in the hip/thigh area – the very area that needs the most protection during pregnancy. Not only that, but fat distribution reveals the types of fat consumed. This hip/thigh fat indicates high  levels of Omega-3 fat, which is not only the healthiest for women but a large contributor to brain development in fetuses. So in the most reductive terms, the rounder the hips, the smarter the baby.

Incredible, right?

So the moral of this story is this: Men, I take it all back. Not all of you are interested in only the skinny girls. And your body preferences are not shallow after all. And women: The best thing you can do for your own peace of mind, as well as your relationships, is love and accept your body, just as it is, right now. It has its own inherent wisdom, and it looks the way it does for a reason. For all of us single Catholics, we could keep in mind that God created our bodies, not the media. 

 

 

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62 Comments

  1. Stephen-725391 August 21, 2012

    “When men had to rate attractiveness, the highest scoring figures were those with round hips, full thighs and small waists.”

    The last two words of this sentence says it all!

  2. Stephen-725391 August 22, 2012

    And for those of us past the parenting age?

  3. Danielle-429469 August 22, 2012

    I lost interest in this article after the bold font in paragraph two. I’m fine with my weight! And I know of many women who aren’t too concerned about their weight. I also know MEN who ARE! Interestingly, for many years, I was trying to GAIN weight! (They’re aren’t many programs and ideas out there to help with that!)

    I think that idea that women obsess about weight is such a sterotype! I think its a bit offensive, and isn’t helpful for women who are obsessive, as it plays it off as “normal” behavior. True, we should be aware of our weight, eat healthy, etc… but that can be done in a healthy way. Someone with a good perspective would recognize there are many healthy body types. Whether fit or not, all people are beautiful because every human has innate dignity.

    • Cate Perry
      Catherine Perry August 25, 2012

      Hi Danielle,
      Thank you for your comments. I would like to clarify a few things, though.If you had read beyond the bold type to the end of the piece, you would have seen the following: {…}” women: The best thing you can do for your own peace of mind, as well as your relationships, is love and accept your body, just as it is, right now. It has its own inherent wisdom, and it looks the way it does for a reason.” This accurately describes the perspective I now hold, which is in agreement with your view. I can appreciate that you see my earlier statements as stereotypical, and that I have made it seem that body image obsession is normal. I clearly stated that I was speaking only about myself and the women I know. I was put on my first diet at age 4, and told repeatedly I would never marry until I lost weight; all the while being at a completely normal weight. Also, I live in NYC, where a size 12 is considered plus-size, and anything above a 14 is obese. You and I know this mentality is untrue and damaging. But I think my former ideas were shaped by these factors, and clearly state that this was my own experience; I did not in any way imply everyone all over the world feels the way I do. Also, I am very happy you did not grow up with such negative messages about your body. That is wonderful, and I hope many women were raised the way you were. God bless.

  4. Carolina-855161 August 22, 2012

    I love this article!!

    • Amanda-818043 August 24, 2012

      I actually really don`t appreciate this article at all and find it to be ridiculous to say “What men like”. I`m a thin girl and I get approached all the time by men, without sounding conceited. I think women can be beautiful at all different sizes and it`s offensive to say, that thin girls are not as attractive. All men like different things. There is no “one look” that every guy likes. It`s extremely frustrating for this website to jump on the “men don`t prefer thin girls” bandwagon, because it`s not true, not even close. I`m thin, but I don`t suffer from anorexia, bulimia, or extreme dieting. Some women are naturally thin with a high metabolism which is the case for me and I have a very active job. People are so worried about offending woman that are not thin, that they offend thin woman. Everyone needs to stop criticizing and comparing other people`s body builds. Woman can be curvy and thin at the same time too, so saying thin woman are straight up and down is also false. I`m trying my best to stay away from this nonsense, and yet even Catholic Match is doing this. I can`t even begin to state how disappointed I am and could quite possibly cancel my subscription because of this. Unbelievable.

      • Ellen T. August 25, 2012

        It appears as if you are reading comprehension challenged, Amanda. You missed the point of the article. Here it is again:

        The best thing you can do for your own peace of mind, as well as your relationships, is love and accept your body, just as it is, right now. It has its own inherent wisdom, and it looks the way it does for a reason. For all of us single Catholics, we could keep in mind that God created our bodies, not the media.

        • Stephen-725391 August 26, 2012

          Except the poison High Fructose Corn Syrup and the BMI scale!

        • Amanda-818043 August 26, 2012

          With all due respect, I did read the article, but it completely contradicts the title. Men don`t prefer thin women is what the title says and then at the bottom it says love yourself the way you are. That`s two different things, is it not? I`m an extremely detail oriented person and was in the 94th percentile of reading and verbal skills when I was in high school. I take everything and analyze it, and that to me instantly made zero sense. Like I said, Everyone has a different opinion of what beautiful and attractive is to them. Some guys like a thin girl, some guys like a heavier girl. I just don`t get why everyone needs to talk about it so much. The media is now picking on thinner girls CONSTANTLY and saying a double zero/zero/or size two means you have an eating disorder. It`s just not true. I eat all day, and sometimes still can`t fit into the smallest sizes in the stores and I don`t look sick or unhealthy, I`m just a tiny girl who is very active, with a history of genes in my family to be skinny. I`m not going to try to gain weight to please anyone. At the end, of the day, pleasing the whole world is not possible and just because a woman is thin or very thin, doesn`t mean they aren`t healthy either. If it seems, I`m mad about this, I`m just very passionate about speaking reality, that any one body type is not the number one thing that men prefer.

          • Ellen T. August 26, 2012

            Actually, the title is a question (note the question mark) not a statement. I’m sure your analytical mind must have just thought that piece of punctuation was irrelevant. Your reading comprehension skills must have slipped, cupcake.

            Who is asking you to gain weight? It certainly wasn’t the author of this piece or her editor (who chose the title) so I’m unsure why you have your knickers in a twist about it.

          • Amanda-818043 August 26, 2012

            Actually, I`m reading the title and you are right with Do Men Prefer Skinny Women? However, I`m seeing at the top of my search bar this exact thing: http://www.catholicmatch.com/blog/2012/08/do-men-really-prefer-skinny-women-research-says-no/?replytocom=10677#respond

            So, that`s actually what I was referring to, the research says no part, right in there. Yes, technically it`s not in the title, but it`s in there, almost trying to prove that the skinny girl is not preferred by the typical man which cannot be proven. The reason for this is because not every man on the planet has been surveyed. Get what I mean? Calling me cupcake, being serious, was a little bit insulting, if you meant that in a sarcastic way. I may be young, but I`m smart enough to know, when someone is trying to get a dig at me. Considering we are on Catholic Match, and we are trying to not insult others, I don`t think that`s the best thing to be writing on here. I`m not saying I`m never wrong, and no one else`s opinion matters, I`m saying I`m the type of person who will put their view out there, and if people want to debate, game on. Maybe my undies are in a bunch, as you like to say, because I`m tired of people trying to turn opinions into facts. No, of course no one told me to gain weight on here, I never stated that, I`m just saying the general public always has something to say, if you`re thin. Also about Super Models, that`s another generalization that they all look the same. I`ve heard of Super Models ranging from very thin, thin, athletic, curvy, etc. Even at different heights too. So, also saying men don`t prefer a Super Model body type, is also not something that adds up because they all look different.

        • Marita-847688 August 28, 2012

          Please try to be nicer to others regarding their reading skills. This is a Catholic website, not facebook world. Your charity and kindness would be appreciated. Thank you.

  5. John-739712 August 22, 2012

    I’m good with this article and I do not think it is incorrect in its conclusions…

  6. Josephine-586127 August 22, 2012

    Yes that popular coded phrase, “A woman who takes care of herself.”, As opposed to what? Fuller figured women don’t take care of themselves. Very insulting.

    If I only had a dollar for every time I read that….

    • Marita-847688 August 28, 2012

      So, are you saying that when a man says he is looking for a woman who takes care of herself it is code for them wanting a skinny, athletic woman? If so, that has been going over my head for a long time. Ha.Ha.

      • Amanda-818043 August 29, 2012

        I don`t think that`s exactly what it means. I think it`s a person who keeps active, tries to fit in some exercise, or likes physical activity.

  7. Kate-756604 August 22, 2012

    Great read! As a woman living in this generation, I too went through the ‘weight fascination stage’. Experience has however taught me that it does not really matter as long as you are healthy and living a healthy lifestyle. We are wonderfully and uniquely created by God and he expects us to treat our bodies well. There is no need to be offended, there is afterall someone who will be totally swept away by you.

  8. Marianne-775051 August 22, 2012

    I have always lived by one phrase and it fits well to this article, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover”, You don’t people either; it’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside. Enough said. Your partner will accept you as you are if he/she truly loves you.

  9. Nilda-834707 August 22, 2012

    Heavy vs slim, straight hair vs curly hair, tall vs short what does it matter? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! God created each and every one of us as a masterpiece. Some like abstract art/Picasso but I prefer realism.

    Be happy with yourself.

  10. Henny-576718 August 23, 2012

    I think that it’s always good to watch what you eat and excercise regularly, it’s good for our health, women or men. It becomes bad when someone is being so obsessed and end up with suicidal diet or excercise. Nothing comes easily or in an instant. Eat healthy and excercise regularly, as an appreciation to your body and as a proof that you love your body. Dont do it just because you are so obsessed to impress your opposite sex, not worth it. If a man loves you only for your body, it cant be called love; it’s lust.

  11. Josephine-611497 August 23, 2012

    This is a nice one. May I just add, that round hips, full tights or small waists or otherwise, we are all made in the perfect image and likeness of our Lord.

  12. Sonsoles-496426 August 23, 2012

    It may be somehow truth but I personally do not like the title of this article. If a man truly loves you he will love you no matter what. I am struggling with weight myself, I am very skinny at this moment, skinnier than ever due to many changes I had happened to me last year, lost of appetite, and stressful situations. I am currently struggling to gain weight as the trousers I used to wear do not fit me. I know God loves me the way I am. I think it is all about feeling healthy and happy with whom you are. All women are beautiful!!! God loves us very much.

    • Amanda-818043 August 29, 2012

      I think you make a good point about stressful situations in your life can cause a person to lose or gain weight, it`s totally true. Sometimes, you don`t even have time to eat the right amount of food, because you`re constantly working or running around.

      Up at out workplace, we shove something in our mouth and run. We do it all day. Whenever, I can I sit down and eat something, but when you work in the hotel business, the customer always comes first, so every time you try to eat, a customer always needs attended too. Another thing: People tend to take advantage of the food items we have in the kitchen and overeat or eat things that are fattening, etc. People should really should have an understanding of what reality is.

      No one has time these days to be a “perfect healthy person” with a balanced diet, every day exercise, etc. I get away with eating whatever and staying thin, because work is so hectic and we move around so much, plus I have it in my family genes to be thin, so that`s not something that ever changes with me.

  13. Mary-583970 August 23, 2012

    Trying to get over this feeling since my boyfriend admitted he couldn’t love me, or think about proposing, unless I lost weight :< it's not easy…

    • Mary-583970 August 23, 2012

      Ex-boyfriend, I should clarify.

    • Marita-847688 August 25, 2012

      I’m so sorry, Mary. He doesn’t deserve you with that attitude. If you had married him and he didn’t change his ways, it would have been a lifetime of him criticizing your weight. You were smart to leave. The best thing that you can do for yourself is to get away. God loves you the way you are.

    • Henny-576718 August 25, 2012

      God loves you, Mary. He would not let someone as beautiful as you are to end up with a narrow minded guy like your Ex.

    • Amanda-818043 August 29, 2012

      I`m sorry to hear that someone treated you like that. Definitely not someone you want to spend your life with.

    • Mary-583970 September 11, 2012

      Thank you all- I had for a few months tried to appease him, joined a gym, dieted, lost a little here and there, but the hurt was really haunting; that he said he didn’t enjoy kissing me and that he was disappointed by my looks since our first date, that he had secretly been seeing someone he -was- attracted to while we steadily dated (but it was “okay since we weren’t official yet”), that one of my friends has the perfect body and why can’t it be my mind and her body, or, the worst, when he finally asked me to be his girlfriend after 8months of dating, because he “had a moment of clarity”; the next day he told me it was off, that “clarity comes, clarity goes” and I was in tears, begging him to give it a try (I had no idea he felt the way he did about my looks, or that he was attracted to 2 other girls he knew).

      I gave up, and I don’t give up easily…

      • Jessie-526708 September 20, 2012

        Thank GOD you are no longer with him. Manipulative, cruel, and clearly not ready for marriage.

      • Tommy-905087 October 10, 2012

        This was not a Godly man, Mary. I am glad that you have learned and moved on. Fluctuations in the weight of my past girlfriends have never impacted my love for them. If his concern was not your medical well being, and to encourage and actively support optimal health alongside you, he had no Godly concern.

        A good reference is New Advent’s entry on Love (theological virtue) in the Catholic Encyclopedia. There is a segment that talks about sharing extrinsic and intrinsic wealth, as a demonstration of love. Physical beauty is just one component. These same concepts can be applied to any selfish motivation between men and women – basing your love upon the amount of reputation, social, monetary, intellectual, spiritual, or physical gifts that are persistently shared and enjoyed. Yes, these are ways to show our love with action. But Biblical concepts on love were conceived with Aristotle’s developments on Pleasure and Friendship in his “Ethics”. You should check that out too.

        A friendship of the good is rare, but genuine love requires it. In it, two people of similar virtue value their walk in life simply because of the character and the good of the other. Not because of pleasures they might experience (which is the most common, selfish friendship). Pleasures come and go. What makes you laugh today, or what interests you today, may not be so tomorrow. When we base our friendships upon the joy and happiness we can extract from the extrinsic and intrinsic wealth of the friend, then we are setting the relationship up for quarrel and transience.

        In this line of thought, you can see how the same kind of failed love can operate upon more than just physical beauty. Any kind of extrinsic or intrinsic wealth can be similarly abused by imperfect friends.

  14. BethAnne-168224 August 25, 2012

    I have noticed that a lot of profiles I read say, “she must be in good health/exercise blah blah blah” not sure how I feel about that though.

  15. Amanda-818043 August 25, 2012

    For the people, who are saying God will love you regardless of your size, are speaking the truth. Research does not back up what men think. Correction: Research backs up the random group of men that you decided to survey. I`ve had over 300 people on here without being conceited that have messaged me, and I am a thin girl and I have pictures up and you can clearly see that I am a thin girl. I`ve actually dealt with immaturity and jealousy from woman for being in shape/fit, saying things to me such as You don`t eat (Not true, I eat all the time) or You need to gain weight. Think of the fact that the world can`t go around, if everyone thinks one woman should look a certain way. Women get married and have children that are of EVERY body type and shape. No one should be told to lose weight or gain weight. Why? It`s none of anyone`s business. There are guys who prefer women that are heavy, skinny, athletic, in between, ANYTHING. So saying men prefer a certain body build, just isn`t true, and this article really just is insensitive and should never have been posted. I`m not bashing the person that wrote this article, because clearly she has struggled with some body image issues, but at the same time don`t attempt to make yourself feel better by putting others down and saying that thin women are not preferred. You can say it all you want, but it doesn`t make it true. At the end of the day, it`s an opinion, not a fact.

    • Cate Perry
      Catherine Perry August 25, 2012

      Hi Amanda,
      Thank you so much for your comments. I do understand that you are not bashing me, but I feel some clarification is in order regarding both your comments. If you click on the link that says “an article”, it goes to the page that I cited from. I did not ‘decide to survey’ anyone. The information came from studies conducted by psychologist Devendra Singh and neuroscientist Stephen Platek. It was conducted longitudinally (over a 20 yr span) and globally (in many, many different countries; all of whom have their own standards of beauty). Of course, as you stated, the findings are opinions. It is simply a statement of the commonality of one opinion shared by those who were studied. However, there is no statement anywhere, direct or implied, that thin women were less attractive, either from myself or from the researchers. The hip-to-waist ratio can be present in a size 2 and a size 20. Moreover, nowhere in this piece did I attemtp to make myself feel better by putting others down. Please re-read the end of the piece: “women: The best thing you can do for your own peace of mind, as well as your relationships, is love and accept your body, just as it is, right now. It has its own inherent wisdom, and it looks the way it does for a reason.” These are my words, and do not in any way disparage any body type. I wrote this as a way to express what I experienced once I let go of the idea that I would be rejected because of my body type. That was all. If you are at all interested, I can provide a link to the Health At Every Size website, which has helped me and other women understand that being judged by body type, regardless of size, is something we should not internalize. I welcome your thoughts. God bless you.

      • Amanda-818043 August 26, 2012

        I just wanted to say, first of all, thank you for taking the time to read my article. I was not expecting a response and just thought that my response was just going to be out there and no one would pay attention to it. Number one thing I would like to address is the survey that was taken over 20 years about what men like from all different areas. Different men of different parts of the world like different things as well, and is still an opinion like you said. I would like to say this in a way that does not sound conceited or arrogant because that is not something that I would like to do: I get constantly hit on at work, even to the point of being sexually harassed by both employees and customers up at my job, and it`s not because people think that I do not look good. I work in a hotel and when groups of athletes come in, I actually get flustered and can`t correctly perform my job, because an ENTIRE ROOM of guys are all trying to get my phone number, bothering me, asking me out, not accepting no for an answer, etc Of course, I don`t appreciate being talked to like a piece of meat, but it`s just the point, if this was true about men not liking thin girls, would I get hit on so much? No. On Catholic Match it`s now 371 guys that have messaged me and the messages keep coming. So the title of this article is being proved wrong in my everyday life that men only prefer a woman that has more weight to her and NO you do not have to be a size two or zero or four or WHATEVER or starve yourself to be a certain way, but thin girls should not walk away from this article thinking they are less attractive. I personally think that women shouldn`t feel that any one look is “the look”. Some people are not meant to be super thin, some are meant to be thin, some people have an athletic build, are short, tall, in between, etc. I`m just tired of hearing everyone talk about : What`s better: Skinny or Curvy? Both can look good and no one should be put down. I think it`s a disgrace that people get on the internet and comment on celebrities and their bodies and say they look too skinny or too heavy. Please, find something else to do with your time, people who like to hate on others for their appearance, not saying you. Everyone has their own opinions about what looks good and what does not look good, and no one should offend other people or make rude comments. I know that`s not what you are trying to do with this article though. I`m asking you to please look at it from the skinny girl perspective. There`s so much criticism, it`s unreal. It also is really crazy when people say Real woman aren`t a size zero. Real woman come in all different shapes, and sizes, and that`s a fact, straight up. I challenge people to find something else to talk about. I`m tired, myself of trying to change other people`s thinking. I`m learning at age 22, that it`s impossible to please everyone, and this is the best and easiest way to have anxiety, depression, and just plain unhappiness. Every woman has their own issues with their body because society tells us we are never good enough, if you`re thin, you need to gain weight, and if you have a little bit more weight on you, you have to lose weight. I always find comfort in the fact that God doesn`t care what you look like, he cares about what your character is. When you die, it won`t matter if you`re a size 20 or a size 2, it`s about how you lived your life, I`m trying to drill this in to my own head because it`s what I believe. Plus, dating someone just for their looks or their body, isn`t going to last, if you have nothing else in common. I just felt the overwhelming need to tell people my thoughts, and possibly help someone. It means so much to me, that you would respond to my article, and maybe I gave you a different view of things.

        • Lissa-307730 August 27, 2012

          I used to work at a hotel/costumer service and had problems being hit-on almost to the point of harassment. I’m healthy, but if I gained two or three pounds my BMI would move into the unhealthy range. Honesty, I think this kind of problems has more to do with being young and/or pretty. You can be a beautiful person who is very thin/underweight, in-between, or even overweight.

          The science related to a woman’s Waist–hip ratio (WHR) is pretty well accepted, and women who are in a normal weight range with a WHR of 0.7 have many heath benefits. (It is a sign that estrogen levels are balanced and typically women with a less “ideal” WHR below .8 are less likely to become pregnant.) While, no study is perfect, I’m aware of dozens of studies that show men are drawn to women with the “ideal” WHR. This even includes a study done on blind men. I read quite a few journal articles related to this in the most recent embryology class I took, and I’m sure a search of peer reviewed journals at your local library will confirm what I shared.

          At the same time, there are dozens of other traits people find beautiful. I honestly don’t really care, it seems like a waste of time to sit around worrying what people view as beautiful. :) At the same time I don’t go around rolling in mud puddles, although that does sound a bit fun.

          • Marita-847688 August 28, 2012

            There’s nothing about you that looks unhealthy to me. Are you sure you are reading the BMI correctly and if so, well then I just don’t know what to say.

          • Lissa-307730 August 28, 2012

            @Marita, the BMI scale is moderately flawed, people are pretty surprised to find out my weight. I walk marathons regularly and have trained for a triathlon, so I’m not too worried. There is a new version in the works that looks at Waist-Hip ratio, I tried that and I’m in a much healthier range.

          • Amanda-818043 August 29, 2012

            Did you mean greater than .8 you are more likely to have health problems?, I`m reading for females, it`s excellent to have less than .75

          • Lissa-307730 September 1, 2012

            Yep, I meant above 0.8 oops :)

  16. Cindy-57124 August 25, 2012

    Good article; well thought out piece on a provacative topic. And one that hits home! I recently experienced a knee injury which meant I couldn’t do my daily run/walk for more than 2 months. My thighs and butt lost muscle mass. I felt like I was spreading…. I’d had a date with a man 6 weeks after the injury and was trying to justify my looks, when he said, I didn’t notice anything different from when we first met!!! LOL I was shocked! But it brought it all home to me – not unlike Cate’s article. Bravo, Cate!!

  17. Tammy N. August 26, 2012

    Most.Epic.CMBlog.Ever. lol

  18. Marita-847688 August 28, 2012

    Amanda, you’re not getting hit on because you are skinny. You are getting hit on because you are young, pretty, and blonde. Can we trade problems? LOL.

    • Amanda-818043 August 29, 2012

      I think you are an attractive woman as well, and you have a nice profile picture. I`ve had people say things about my body and my face, but in the end, sometimes it`s unwanted attention from people and it just gets perverted. I`ve had to talk to managers, supervisors, bosses, etc to straighten people out and one guy got fired. I think you definitely have to know how to handle yourself though. I tend to joke my way out of it, if someone says something offensive to me or walk away. If it continues, then I take the next step and report them. Guys tend to make crude comments and you have to be mature enough to realize that, a lot of the time people don`t care about religion or God, or treating women with respect, even if you do, yourself.

      • Marita-847688 August 29, 2012

        Thanks for the compliment. I was hoping you wouldn’t take it the wrong way, and you didn’t. It definitely takes bravery for a man to start chatting to a woman. You are right in that some men make inappropriate remarks and it can be awkward for sure. I think the main points the author was to love your body type for what it is and that maybe men aren’t quite as shallow as we think they are. Often many women are most critical of their own bodies and therefore think that is why men are not interested in them.

      • Marita-847688 August 29, 2012

        Do you get any disrespect from men on Catholic Match and if so how often?

        • Amanda-818043 August 30, 2012

          I do agree that it takes “courage” for a guy to approach a girl but a lot of the times, these guys are INCREDIBLY arrogant. I`ll give you an example: This one hockey player who was going on to play in college as a star athlete, thought just because he was good at hockey, I would automatically go out with him. He said to me, “When you see something you want, you have to go and get it…” I responded with, “Oh is that how that works?” LOL. Within the span of two days, he came back to my work area, about six times and wouldn`t accept No for an answer. His friends were teasing him. Well, you know that`s what you get for acting like that. Have some class. As far as Catholic Match, I have not received actual disrespectful comments, but there are people on here that do not accept No for answer, and that to me is an automatic red flag that this person could become very clingy and needy, which often translates into guys who get extremely jealous and obsessive with you and that`s really bad for a girl to feel like she`s chained to someone all day and having to answer their calls and text messages and have no independence. Usually these guys are from different states and for that alone the relationship won`t work, and people still want to be friends. I don`t want to lead people on and guys typically think if you they have an “in road” as friends, you`ll change your mind. People at work act like that too. I know the signs to look for, because it seems like so many people act the same. I`m looking for someone that is not too distant but not too obsessive, just a healthy balance of wanting to be in my life but at the same time, not having to be with me every two seconds. Someone that just has a sense of independence, but at the same time knows how to be there for you, etc.

          • Marita-847688 August 30, 2012

            Do they just keep viewing you or do they continue to message you?

  19. Bob-793475 August 28, 2012

    Heres a thought… Maybe the men surveyed are fat and ugly, so they prefer the same thing?? I would never date a fat girl unless it was like some illness that was causing her to be bigger. Otherwise it shows lack of concern for the body which will lead to a glut of diseases. Also, exercising regularly gives off endorphines which makes fit people generally more happy/pleasant all other things equal…. Humans need to practise strength of BODY, MIND and SPIRIT. Nothing more unattractive than a girl who lacks major in any one of those categories

  20. Lewis-892252 August 29, 2012

    Every man is different on his preferences. Not every man has just one preference. I think curvier women are just as attractive as thin women, and vise versa. It all depends on how comfortable you are with your own body. I’ve seen heavier women own a a room because she knew she, for a lack of a better word, was better than any immature girl in there. Its not all about looks. Its about personality as well. It also depends on thier body. God give us our bodies the way they are for a reason. Example myself I cannot become a huge muscle/meat head because my body is not for that. Some women are a bit larger because that is how God made them, some of them look damn good.

    my $0.02 is spent

  21. Amanda-818043 August 29, 2012

    I also wanted to make a comment about the rounder the hips, the smarter, the baby research. I`m not saying, it`s true, or not true, because I`m not totally sure, but in the end, I think if you aren`t over eating or under eating, and you are naturally thin without wide or round hips, you`re baby will be just fine. People always try so much to “eat for two” and use it as an excuse to pile on a ton of weight and that`s not good either. They can use that, “the rounder the hips, the smarter the baby” statement and take it too literal. When you`re pregnant, you should be actually eating more healthy than ever, and this way you don`t have to worry about gaining a lot of unneeded weight and the baby gets the right nutrients. Also, the baby`s overall intelligence and brain development, as the baby is growing up, is definitely effected by how much time a mother spends bonding, talking, and teaching the baby new things. I understand though, if a woman does not get regular periods from losing too much weight it does become more difficult for her to become pregnant. As far as the wide hips, if it was a requirement for having children, a lot of people would not be getting pregnant and God didn`t make us all with wide hips and we don`t all want that. Not saying anything negative against woman that do have wide hips, just the point that it`s not needed to become pregnant.

  22. Richard-76477 September 19, 2012

    Catherine, I’m afraid that you’re putting out some very misleading and potentially dangerous thoughts about weight. First, your claim that dieting is the “main” cause of adult obesity is NOT what the article states at all. Nor does it advocate “accepting all body types.” The researchers stress the importance of a balanced diet and regular exercise in maintaining a healthy body weight. Simply giving up on intelligent eating and regular exericse will invariably result in weight gain which can lead to a variety of serious health problems.

    • Tommy-905087 October 10, 2012

      Well stated Richard.

    • Cate Perry
      Catherine Perry October 10, 2012

      Hi RIchard,
      Thank you for your comments. The research from the UK did state that teens who diet compulsively were “more likely” – three times more likely – to become obese. That is a bit different from a ‘main cause’, so I apologize for the wording I chose. My overall point was that early training, even earlier than teenage years in my experience and observation, which teach kids that restricting diets and preoccupation with weight *possibly** leads to a host of psychological problems later on. Secondly, I apologize if it seemed that the Health At Every Size movement was described in the article about the research on teen dieting. It is a separate topic. HAES advocates intelligent eating and regular exercise as well; it just simply states that thinness is not the sole indicator of health. No medical professional, scientific researcher, or health advocate would suggest a sedentary lifestyle and a poor diet. My point in describing HAES was that it simply states, as per its name, that health comes in a variety of shapes and sizes; and that acceptance of one’s body as a starting point to achieving health is more favorable than a quest for health that involves self-loathing, restrictive fad dieting, and compulsive over-exercising. Hope that clears things up. Thanks for reading!

  23. Elizabeth-860032 September 28, 2012

    Hmmmm, what if you are overweight and not curvy? I had a very athletic, muscular figure when I was younger and now I am just heavy. So your reassurances only work for a woman with an hour glass or pear shape kind of a figure. They have the opposite effect on women like me – and there are a lot of us!!!!

  24. Maria-846262 October 10, 2012

    Let’s face it, men do prefer skinny women. I don’t know why, but that’s the way it is. We may be in a Catholic match site, but I have seen men’s profiles who not only want to find their “ideal woman” who is funny, witty, attractive and everything else they consider “perfect”, but some go as far as listing desiring to find a woman with an ideal weight. I saw a profile from a man who said he wanted to find a woman that weighed 130-135Lbs. So, if we don’t weigh what he wants, are we unattractive, not witty, not funny, not nice? That’s ridiculous!

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