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Divorce & Annulments

If you’ve been divorced and annulled and are now dating with a commitment to saving sex for marriage, you may be feeling a little judged. Do you have friends that think you’re weird? People that mock the idea of abstinence? Others that sleep together and make a big deal of it in your presence? Don’t worry, I know how you feel. It’s a tough road to walk and I encourage you in your commitment to remain chaste.

The road leading to a long-term relationship can be rocky as you try to find that one person who fits like a glove and is committed to abstinence until marriage. And it’s not difficult to understand why. If you were previously married, you are used to giving yourself to the one you love. It’s hard to tell your body “no!” It’s difficult trying to find a switch that turns off those feelings and emotions.

I had the same trouble when I began dating again after my divorce and annulment. When I started seeing the man who is now my husband, we were both committed to abstinence until marriage and I have to say that our ability to relate to each other and enjoy our time together was wonderful because we understood this goal we had. Dating is fun, romance is exciting and physical affection has an intoxicating side to it so we understood what our boundaries were and we remained committed.

We had friends who expected us to remain chaste, and we had friends who didn’t understand it at all. One of my friends told me my marriage would never last because I was taking a chance that sex would not be good if I hadn’t tried it before I married. I had to laugh at that one.

My husband and I waited for sexual intimacy until after we were married, and neither of us will ever regret it. Our honeymoon was incredible and something we never could have experienced had we given in to our temptations before the wedding. But don’t just take my word for it, take Steven Crowder’s!

Steven Crowder is an actor, comedian, and regular contributor to FOX News. In his article, Waiting Till The Wedding Night: Getting Married The Right Way, Steven wrote about how great it felt to have the honeymoon really be the honeymoon. He wrote:

“Let me preface this column by saying this: my wife…and I not only waited sexually in every way…we courted each other in a way that was consistent with our publicly professed values. We did it right.”

What a breath of fresh air it is to hear this from a high-profile actor. Crowder went on to say, “Feeling judged? I couldn’t care less. You know why? Because my wife and I were judged all throughout our relationship. People laughed, scoffed and poked fun at the young, celibate, naive Christian couple.”

The Crowder’s are a wonderful example of a couple following Christ’s footsteps.

Jesus was tempted because He was human, yet, He held strong to his main principle: accomplishing His mission according to His Father’s will. He worked in conviction, not in emotion. And we should do the same in all things, especially in forging a relationship that should culminate in a lifelong, indissoluble bond.

So, if you are struggling with this issue, I say, don’t feel judged. Be joyful! Don’t listen to the people who say you’re crazy, listen to and believe in what you know is right. Be proud of this opportunity you have to show the world what a truly happy couple looks like. Enjoy your dating and engagement period — an incredibly special time — and look forward to an spectacular honeymoon and life together. You will be so grateful you did.

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9 Comments

  1. Wendy-560795 September 20, 2012

    Wow, this is so profound. I am sharing on Facebook and with all I know. I too, could care less how others feel, for it is my life and I choose to live this way. The right man will feel the same, so glad to read this!

  2. Stephen-725391 September 20, 2012

    Crowder and Lisa are RIGHT! At 63, I can only pray that God will give me another chance.

  3. Ashley-855276 September 20, 2012

    Beautiful to hear. Even though I’ve never been married I still have yet to find someone who shares these beliefs.

  4. Lucia-551179 September 21, 2012

    Lisa, I read both your article and Mr. Crowder’s. I found your article more consistent in following Christ’s footsteps. Too bad the author of the article wasn’t very empathetic of the struggle of celibacy. There was no sense he really understood what happens in the minds of his friends or the couple he encountered. Maybe that is his style of comedy, but I wasn’t laughing. I found your article much more comforting and relatable. You laid it out plainly and with the empathy and concern that I look to when I read these articles. Thank you for your insights.

  5. Tara-539245 September 21, 2012

    Definitely the encouragement that we need!

  6. Joseph-900187 September 21, 2012

    My joke about this is that it is not premartial sex – I have been married!

    But I do not judge others who choose to wait – Undoubtedly it is the better, more holy path to follow.

    • Mary-487190 September 22, 2012

      Not only is it the better/more holy path,it is THE path God has called ALL of us to be on. So those of us that choose to wait will certainly not judge those who do not.

  7. Sue-906387 November 4, 2012

    Kudos to abstinence and chastity. I believe we need to be Obedient to God’s commands. There is a HIGH price when we violate His teachings. People may not feel it now and think justified as wanting to “taste and try” before they become committed. Thanks Lisa for this critical asrticle!

  8. Monica-906320 November 15, 2013

    I waited and I did all of God’s command’s. I was chaste and committed. He courted me like a trooper, the way it should be and it lasted 23 years.

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