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Dating & Relationships

During the years after my divorce and annulment, I was blessed to work in an office run by a Catholic corporation. I was surrounded by mostly Catholics who loved their faith and were active participants in it. There was daily mass and weekly adoration. It was a little slice of heaven in a not-so-heavenly time of my life. And it was a great place to meet Catholic men.

 

One day I met a gentleman who was very attractive, and very Catholic. We began dating and it seemed so right and easy… until after a month or so, he decided to call it off. He wanted to date someone else. Ouch. I thought everything about the relationship was right on target. His decision to end our bourgening relationship left me feeling yet again, extremely discouraged.

 

In reflecting afterwards, I wondered if I was less attractive because I was becoming too set in my ways or something. Not because of this one breakup, but because of many over time. Not because of this one person who didn’t think I was the right one for him, but the many who seemed like a great fit but in the end, it was a one-sided perception.

 

Ever feel this way?

 

In an effort to encourage you, someone might say things like: “Don’t be disappointed.”
“Shake it off and keep going.”
“You’ll find someone else who will treat you right.”

 

Blah, blah blah, blah blah. It doesn’t change the disappointment and the challenge of having to dust yourself off, get up and start all over with the same child-like enthusiasm over finding a lasting love relationship.

Remember These Two Important Things

 

Well, my friends, I have two pieces of advice for you that I hope will help you if you are experiencing this kind of disappointment right now.

 

The first is simply that whenever I look back at my life and see the disappointments that have taken place, 99% of the time I can see the purpose in what happened. As far as breaking up goes, I can see much more clearly that the guy I was with was clearly not the one for me, but I couldn’t see it in the moment. Time and distance focuses the lense of common sense and I encourage you to wait for time to pass and then look back. You will likely see the breakup as a blessing in disguise.

 

Second, don’t doubt your self-worth because someone else caught your date’s eye. You know I’m a lover of analogies if you read my articles so here’s one to help illustrate my point…

 

Imagine I offered you a crisp, brand new $100 bill, no strings attached. Would you take it? Of course you would!

 

Now imagine I took that crisp, brand new $100 bill and crumpled it up into a tight little ball, then unfolded it and offered it to you. It’s not as nice as the crisp, brand new bill, but it’s still money. Do you still want it? Of course you do!

 

What if I took that $100 bill, threw it on the floor, ground it into the dirt with my foot and kicked it across the room. Would you still want it? I believe you would.

 

What if I took this miserable, abused piece of paper, tore it in half and dropped it in the trash. Would you fish it out, tape it together and use it because you understood that despite what had happened, it still had great value? I’m willing to bet you would.

 

This, my friends, is how God sees you. You are worth everything to Him. No matter what has happened to you, He wants you for Himself and He will dive into the garbage to save you and put you back together. He will search the world over and go to the ends of the earth to be with you.

 

And this is what you need to keep in mind when you are dating and are rejected. The breakups, the inconsistencies, the disappointments can make you feel like you’ve gotten beaten up, used and abused. But the value of who you are and your unique gifts, talents and ability to love never change. You are always worthy, always a work of art.

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14 Comments

  1. Lois-765906 October 1, 2012

    Lisa,
    Thanks SO much for this great reminder that we are still whole human beings in the eyes of our God, even when we feel the sting of dating rejection. I especially loved your blah, blah, blah, blah remark cause that is how it feels to hear those words of intended comfort. I hope that someday some of us are allowed to experience the post-divorce joy that you have found with your husband. Please pray for us that we will and, again, thanks for your ministry.
    Lois

  2. Stephen-725391 October 1, 2012

    Lisa,

    Am I read too much into this message – It seems that describes my past 40 years, 35 years of marriage that broke up and the past five of the separation, divorce and this unfinished annulment (that I’m suffering thru). It just seems to strike a resonant note.

    Stephen

    • Janet-1022752 November 24, 2013

      Hi Stephen

      I noticed that you are one of the only men who responded to this – how are you doing now? You sound like a sensitive man.

      Janet

  3. RoseMarie-502071 October 1, 2012

    thanks for yourartical,, after meeting someone on c.m. and i thought it was all going great.he wanted to date a lot of differnt women .at first i was hurt.like your artical says I look back and see he really was not my type.he wanted a varity.i wanted true love so now i see that true love comes from God and am feeling better about the breakup

  4. Brenda-74660 October 1, 2012

    Lisa
    Thank you for this story today! This story is one of the many reasons I came back to Catholic Match after my last relationship ended. Praying you know what a blessing your words of encouragement are! God bless Brenda

  5. Sharon-495474 October 2, 2012

    Lisa,

    This article is really enlightening. Thanks for always making us see the positive side of why things happen in our lives.

  6. Kathy-730470 October 2, 2012

    Lisa I really liked your article. It is true that sometimes when things happen you wonder why but later you see that it was for the best. T

  7. Olivia-556234 October 4, 2012

    Lisa, thank you for reminding me of the importance I hold. I thought I had finally found the one and four months ago it was over. I need to stop beating myself up and recognize that he was not the right one and move. God WILL put me back together.

  8. Anna-671172 October 5, 2012

    After getting hurt and dissapointed over and over again by someone I care, you have just reminded how precious I am in God´s eyes, thank you Lisa. In your words I finally have found the strenght i need to break that vicious circle and move forward….and this time I will not look back. God bless you.

  9. Marlyn-839979 October 6, 2012

    i like the article too! i know one day through CM i will met the man destined to be my lifetime partner. i am a member just for a month and i know God knows when will i met the right man for me. thanks and God bless you.

  10. Debbie-514749 October 10, 2012

    Oh Gosh Lisa… How I needed to hear this today!!! Your articles are amazing.. Thanks for your wisdom & the charity with which you reach out to us all. God is so Good to inspire you…

  11. Max-878076 October 11, 2012

    Amen…Excellent article…Thank you Lisa!

  12. Elizabeth-753085 October 27, 2012

    thanks Lisa..excellent.

  13. Kathy-763526 December 7, 2012

    Lisa, Thank you again and again. Sometimes it is so hard to remember these encouraging words while going through this rejection over and over again. But your words of encouragement give strength to us all to move forward and to remember that God is so good and loving and we are never alone. Keep up your wonderful work. You are a blessing.
    Kathy

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