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Single Living

So… it’s New Year’s Eve. Many singles are prepping for a big night and if you are one that has plans to celebrate with a significant other, I hope it’s a fantastic time! If you are one of those who does not have a date tonight and may be feeling lonely and depressed, I’d like to talk with you for just a minute.

 

You see, I know exactly how you feel. After my divorce, I was single for seven years, annulled for four. On New Year’s Eve of my sixth year being single, I was just about ready to throw in the towel. But what happened instead that New Year’s Eve in 1998 was something I hope will help you today if you’re feeling fed up with being single.

 

That night, I was at a big party at an upscale hotel with all my friends from work. It was a massive celebration. No expense was spared and the place was standing room only. I was dressed up and trying to have a great time, but as the minute hand inched closer to midnight, I felt the doorway to happiness gradually closing. It would be another New Year’s Eve without someone special. And that’s where I kind of snapped.

 

It was 15 minutes before midnight and as I observed all the couples laughing and hugging, I kept hearing Sally Albright the lead character in the movie When Harry Met Sally saying, “The thought of not kissing someone at midnight is just…” She didn’t have to finish that sentence. I knew exactly what she meant and I didn’t want my best friend’s boyfriend pecking me on the cheek, trying to make up for the lack of the man in my life.

 

So, I decided I would just end my pity party, altogether. I grabbed my purse and my coat and I went home. In the morning, I got up and drove to the beach before going to mass, just watching the waves come in. I prayed that God would reveal His will to me. I just needed to have some direction. Being single without some sort of guidance felt as helpless as a little toy tossed about on the tide of the ocean waves. Was He asking me to remain single for the rest of my life? Was He calling me to some different type of life?

 

I can’t report to you that God revealed His will to me that very day. He did so in His perfect timing (which happened to be a few months later). But I can tell you that asking God to show me what He wanted me to do was a pivatol point that led me to embark on a very personal journey – one that was necessary for me to complete my life as a single person.

 

It helped me to really decide which I was going to prefer… His will or mine.

 

First, it helped me to become more of a listener. I knew God spoke through many avenues; scripture, people, homilies, etc. In the weeks that followed, a friend of mine had an interesting response to my dilemma. She said, “God has someone picked out for you, but one of you is not ready, yet.”

 

How could I not be ready? I had all my ducks in a row! I certainly believed I was ready, but her statement just made me open myself even more to God’s will. “Please tell me what else I need to do for you,” became my prayer.

 

Four months into 1999, the man I would marry walked through the door of my workplace and we were introduced. After working side-by-side for six months, we began dating and became engaged shortly thereafter. In June of 2000 we were married.

 

Whenever I tell people about the great things God has done for me, I do so because I want them to have hope. Believe that God’s plan will make you happy! Allow me to emphasize that He wants to do great things for everyone, not just me. I’m simply here to illustrate what He can do.

 

If you truly believe that God is all loving and all-powerful, then believe that He has great things waiting for you. But it’s up to you to open yourself to Him. When you do, the surprise of the happiness He has planned will overwhelm you! And maybe you will be the next writer on CatholicMatch telling your stories.

 

 

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24 Comments

  1. Candace-587406 December 31, 2012

    Great story! Thanks for the encouragement.

  2. Dana-835580 December 31, 2012

    Thank you Lisa, for sharing your story, Happy New Year

  3. Katty-898923 December 31, 2012

    Thanks, Lisa! I’m spending New Year’s by myself and this just encouraged me to pick up this book I have on seeking the will of God. God bless you!

  4. Brenda-74660 January 1, 2013

    Great story….thank you for sharing.

  5. Rosa-930807 January 1, 2013

    Good testimony. I too have had to leave this in God’s hand I trust Him thoroughly. Happy New Year

  6. Tara-916865 January 1, 2013

    Oh, they better! LOL

    • Meesch-691047 January 3, 2013

      Happy New Year Stranger! God is full of surprises… too bad I am not a huge fan of surprises since you really can’t plan for them. Oh well, 2013 is going to be an awesome year of love, joy, forgiveness, grace… etc. etc.

  7. Chris-427945 January 1, 2013

    It’s ‘pivotal’, not ‘pivatol’. But nice article!

  8. Evelyn-911074 January 2, 2013

    I like your story our guidance is God. He is the one who will place that special person in your life. He does act in mysterious ways. Happy New Year to all.

  9. Sally-832461 January 2, 2013

    What a great story… thank you for sharing.. Happy New Year Lisa :)

  10. Juliana-610431 January 2, 2013

    Hi Lisa!

    Thanks for sharing your inspiring story. A friend told me something very similar to yours: ‘There’s someone for everyone. Yours just needs to finish up his business before meeting you.’ I told her that I want so much to believe her. After reading your story, I am filled with renewed hope :-)

  11. Andrew-350725 January 3, 2013

    Thanks for sharing Lisa!

  12. Cathy-934149 January 9, 2013

    I’m hoping God will answer my prayer. I’m 55, never married, he’s 56 and divorced. I “met” him online a year and a half ago, verified that he is “real”, eligible, and who he says he is. He’s phoned and emailed fairly consistently, yet every time we make plans to meet, he backs out at the last minute. I’ve met his best friends, who say not to give up hope because he’s a great guy. He was opposed to long distance, so I have temporarily left my South Florida home (where he has a timeshare that he hasn’t used in years) and relocated to Poughkeepsie, NY. He’s sent me pictures of his place, even given me a “guided tour” of the town by phone as I drove around, but still no in-person meeting. When I ask him point-blank why we can’t meet, he falls silent, has no answer other than it’s not a good time and he has to wait until he’s “ready” even though he knows he could lose me. He’s broken off contact four times in the past year and a half because he tells me I’m “rushing things.” Yet after the last break-up he found someone else on the site, immediately began an exclusive relationship, apparently proposed, was dumped, and told me about that. My response was to say I wished it was me that he wanted the “exclusive relationship” with. People tell me I’m crazy to wait this long with no encouragement, but I believe in the power of prayer and am willing to wait the rest of my life if that’s what it takes to be with him. I wish I knew what the problem is. Thoughts?

    • Valerie-890798 January 10, 2013

      Yours is an interesting situation and after all you have tried to do I would say you can’t force someone to take the next step. My first thought is stop centering your attention on this person and center it on yourself or a worthy volunteer cause. Finding what is best for you, praying that God will open your mind to new possibilities and show you the way to happiness. Live your life and one day you will meet the right person and it will all be so simple. Stay positive that the year ahead will be blessed.

    • Courtney-885262 March 14, 2013

      Cathy, believe that you are a wonderful person who deserves attention and that you won’t be around forever. Make yourself a priority and don’t accept men who do not value you. Why should you have to wait? You’re a hot commodity, and any man would be lucky to have you. If this guy is stalling, I’m sorry, but he’s just not that into you. It’s not that he’s “not ready” he’s just not ready for you (which he’s proven). So you might like him a lot, but why do you want a man who needs time to be convinced that he likes you? If you already know you like him, that should’ve been more than enough time for him to know if he likes you the same way. Go find a man who pursues you, who cannot WAIT to meet you, who’s excited to speak with you, who’s eager to begin his life with you. Find a man who treats you with care, love, priority and value. Find a man who wants you just as much or more as you want him.

  13. Jesse-563480 January 10, 2013

    I would like to congrakuate the author of Faith, Hope, and Love. What a beautiful article. I have been searching for a special lady who has this outlook to life. I will tell the world, so far I haven’t found her. I will reassure everyone that if someday I should be fortunate to meet her I shall give thanks to God for sending her to me.

  14. John M. January 23, 2013

    Wow – like the story but are you LUCKY that your company didn’t have a police against co-workers dating like a LOT of companies now have in place to protect themselves from possible sexual harrassment lawsuits! I swear, this is a satanic ploit to keep people single for as long as possible by eliminating a method of meeting one’s future spouse in the workplace!!

    • Lisa-727959 January 24, 2013

      John,

      I hear you loud and clear! My boss had a great sense of humor and when I announced our engagement, he told me he was going to charge us a matchmaking fee :)

      - Lisa Duffy

  15. Deb-866442 January 24, 2013

    Wouldn’t it be great if God answered everyone’s prayers, and everyone lived happily ever after. Sweetie, I’ve been divorced for 18 years, have passed the 50 year old mark, and He has clearly said “No Children, No Man” to me in this life. I even opened the door to Foster Care and temporarily parented children who needed a soft place to land while their parents straightened themselves out and he didn’t let me adopt any of them. While I enjoyed the best 7 months of my life with one little girl I cared for, he had a relative come out of the woodwork and take her 1,000 miles away and adopt her, and broke my heart again.

    It is VERY difficult to endure Holiday gatherings and pool parties, etc. year in and year out unloved, with no one to have and hold, especially when everyone around you is just as bad a sinner if not worse than you, on their 2nd or 3rd husbands, were blessed with children despite previous abortions, and to feel as though you will never BE forgiven and given another chance gets to be old and jades you. “When you know better, you do better,” but God is not giving me any chance or relationship to do better with! Soooo-Hope is gone. I have lowered my expectations that things will work out now, I have no hope any more. If you don’t lie to yourself and stop saying “Something better is coming” than you can’t be disappointed. And it isn’t. No matter how many random act of kindness, no matter how many Sunday’s at church, no matter how many times I have begged for mercy. I remain a “resounding Gong.” He is Done with me … and yet I don’t give Satan my life. You’d think THAT might resonate upstairs, but there is a deafening silence … 18 years of quiet …. So congrats to you…but I’m not paying Catholic Match money so God can bring someone into my life. He doesn’t charge for his mercies…and buying access to a man is not allowing God’s will to be fulfilled. If He wants me to die alone …. thy will be done! I will not force my will to happen when he clearly doesn’t want that for me!

  16. Lisa-727959 January 26, 2013

    Dear Deb,

    Thank you so much for your comment and frank explanation of your personal circumstances. I am so sorry to hear that you’ve endured so much heartbreak in your life.

    You and I are not that different… in July it will be 20 years divorced for me, and in October I’ll be 50. I lost 3 children in miscarriage by the time my husband left and after an invasive surgical procedure, I was told I would never be able to conceive a child again. Holidays were absolutely horrible, even the benign ones like Labor Day. In my large, Catholic family, I was the only one divorced and without a family. I share this with you only because I want you to understand that, to a certain degree, I understand how you feel and why you wrote what you wrote.

    It’s very easy to look at all the people in the world who have had second, third, fourth chances, etc., – especially those who have not been morally faithful – and feel frowned upon by God. I commend you for being faithful all these years, enduring your hardships alone, and trying to do the right thing. You have given so many others a great example by standing by what you believe and trying to do the right thing by other people.

    But as you continue forward, don’t forget God created you with a purpose. You are not just some random person living a lonely life. From the beginning of time, God knew you and loved everything about you, every hair on your head. Even with your current circumstances, you have a distinct purpose, a mission that only you can fulfill. And it’s in discovering that purpose and living it that the great things await you. That’s not my promise, it’s God’s.

    I understand your disappointment. But you’ve only listed all the things God has said “no” to. What has He said “yes” to? I’m not trying to be flippant at all or disrespectful of your feelings. I just want to pose that simple question to you. What has He said “yes” to in your life and is that a different direction you can take?

    Sincerely,

    Lisa Duffy

  17. Anthony-931830 January 30, 2013

    Dear Lisa,

    I enjoyed your article. I am at a point in my life where I feel that I will never marry. I understand that events happen in God’s time, but I am 43 and are becoming disenchanted. I pray, and pray as that is all I have left.

    Tony

  18. Chris-887306 March 16, 2013

    I Loved your article, it made me cry. I know God has the the perfect man selected just for me. Out of the blue I came across a post that said, ” He cannot claim you unless he claims you from me . I reserved a man for you who has My heart and he loves Me more than he will love you. Soon you will know him. I have the perfect time You are my princess, My daughter let No prince claim you unless he asks you from My hand for I am your Father the King of Kings. I read this two weeks ago. I have had a lot of WOW moments happen to me in the last 4 to 5 weeks. I know God has a plan for me… I will be waiting; with Faith & Hope.

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