This is the second part of a series entitled, “The Pathway to Love.” This segment is on truth and presenting ourselves honestly as a necessary foundation before traveling the pathway.
Who doesn’t desire truth and honesty in relationships? After all, truth is the bedrock of all trust and love. So, if someone is lying in a relationship, it is usually a sign of a serious character flaw. However, we can unintentionally deceive people in other ways without being aware of it.
This problem comes from my own experience. Let’s say that I go out with a really beautiful woman, and I’m really into her. Over dinner, we talk, we laugh, and everything is perfect. Then, she drops the bomb.
Out of the blue, she feels the need to mention that she’s not religious and doesn’t like the Catholic Church because of all the “rules.” On the inside, this devastates me because I am very Catholic, but on the outside, I capitulate and nod my head in agreement. I mention nothing about being Catholic out of fear that we will not go out again. At that time, I didn’t have the backbone to be honest and articulate how I felt. That was my problem.
How many of us can relate to this? The scene may be all too familiar. An attractive young man asks a lady to grab a bite to eat at a nearby Chinese restaurant. Immediately an uneasy knot forms in her stomach because of her disdain for Chinese food. But, without missing a beat, she perks up, puts on her best smile and says, “Sure that would be great!” Inside she regrets it the whole way.
Why do we do this? Would not a more mature response be, “I actually don’t like Chinese food very much, how does Italian sound?”
The bottom line is that we need to be honest in every aspect of our relationships. If we are Catholic, we shouldn’t be afraid to say so. If we like (or don’t like) a particular movie, we shouldn’t pretend otherwise. If we aren’t comfortable kissing so early on in a relationship, we shouldn’t capitulate out of fear, etc. If we are not honest in relationships, then they are not going to work out in the long run.
We must have the self-confidence to be ourselves and to present ourselves honestly without the fear of rejection, of losing a second date, or of ending up alone forever. Staying with the wrong person will always keep us from finding the right person! Remember, dating is a mature act between mature adults, and nobody worth dating would dump anyone for requesting Italian food.
As a side note, how many people have even put up with abuse or have become someone they are not all because they were too afraid to be honest and stand up for themselves?
Every time you are not honest about your likes, dislikes or desires, you are giving someone a false impression about who you are. The version of yourself presented is not the real you, and which one of us does not want someone to fall in love with who we really are?