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Dating & Relationships

It was September 2011, and as the leaves were slowly changing to burnt orange and crimson, my heart was also changing and opening myself to the possibilities of online dating and specifically, CatholicMatch.

I had always approached dating more seriously than the majority of my peers. Even while chatting in a casual happy hour setting on a first date, I could hear the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit urging me to think long-term – Is he the best person for me? Is he strong in his faith? Could this be my future husband?

So when I activated my CatholicMatch profile and opened myself to a pool of faith-filled men who also had marriage on their minds, I knew that CatholicMatch could very well change my life. And it did!

As a Catholic, you already know that choosing your future spouse is more than just picking someone you’re compatible with. It’s a faith-filled journey riddled with moments of joy as well as despair, but it’s through that journey that God reveals the very person that was created for each of us to fulfill His ultimate purpose.

The spouse you will ultimately choose will impact every facet of your life. This post on the “The Christian Pundit” explores just how crucial this choice is. While the post is written with women in mind, it most definitely applies to men, as well!

1. It will impact you spiritually.
If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there…It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.

2. It will impact you emotionally.
Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.

3. It will impact you physically.
Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honor the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you?

4. It will impact you mentally.
Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts?

5. It will impact you relationally.
How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Your marriage will either strengthen or damage — even destroy — your relationship with your parents. Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.

These are only a few examples on how important it is to choose a loving and faithful spouse, but do you see the theme? We need to choose our spouses wisely because it matters, not only in the immediate future but for our lives 10, 20 and 30-plus years down the road.

Continue praying over your dating journey and for your future spouse. Through the ups and downs of dating, hold tight to what you know to be true — it does matter whom you marry, and your perfect, God-given match is worth the wait.

(This post has been read 3,299 times)

25 Comments

  1. Daniel-900865 May 3, 2013

    you forgot FINANCIALLY!!!

  2. John-221057 May 3, 2013

    I have a problem with No.3: “Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you?”

    This is the year 2013, and this makes it sounds as if women can’t take care of themselves and need men to do it. In today’s world there are women who are doctors, lawyers, and even presidents and prime ministers.

    I am looking for a wife and a partner, and I certainly am not looking for someone who wants me to be their sugar daddy.

    • Joyce-891806 May 6, 2013

      WOW that was an unnecessary big jump from competent provider to sugar daddy.

  3. Diana-956573 May 3, 2013

    Thank you Jessica for the reminders. For sure there’s still a good Man that God has planned for me.I’m just here patiently waiting and making myself busy and prepare myself to be a good Wife. May God bless your heart.

  4. Michael-780154 May 3, 2013

    Whoa, whoa, WHOA! This is a particularly one-sided article!! Let’s see the same type of article from a man’s perspective.

    The wrong woman can absolutely wreck a man’s life, including being given custody of his children and removing him from having a meaningful relationship with them. She can negate every good thing you try to do to support the family and cause you to absoutely break trying to prove your value as a husband and father. This blog entry is incomplete!!

    • Mary K. June 2, 2013

      who, whoa, WHOA! Don’t be so quick to judge. That blog has another article, specifically addressing the topic for men.

  5. Lesley-158563 May 3, 2013

    For all the naysayers I suggest that you read the original post that this artcile is edited from. It is certainly right on point. Women do need to take care of themselves when they marry, they are entrusting their lives to their spouses. And, yes, the original post (not this blog) is sage advice for any woman.

  6. Margaret-966879 May 3, 2013

    Thank you for this wonderful article Jessica! Although, these are just general questions that one must ask in looking for the right partner, you did point out a select amount of them to prove a point: in that, even these simple questions are important when one is dating. One may add additional questions according to what is most comfortable or important to them, but these questions you provided are a good step in the right direction for a meaningful, and hopefully, everlasting relationship.

  7. Meesch-691047 May 3, 2013

    Cast not your pearls among the swine (aka beware the company you keep)

  8. David-870960 May 4, 2013

    So right! As suggested, one can easily invert the gender reference… and so you describe much of my former marriage. The movie “The Encounter” has a wonderful passage regarding couples being “evenly matched” in Faith.

  9. Kathy-730470 May 4, 2013

    I enjoyed your blog Jessica. It does matter whom you date and ultimately whom you marry. You gave some very important points to think about. The spouse you pick will ultimately affect every aspect of your life so you need to choose wisely. Praying for a good spouse is something that will help you in your search also.

  10. The same old feminist rubbish

    • Kathryn-872445 May 4, 2013

      May I respectfully disagree? Having a literature background, I have been exposed to a lot of feminist rubbish (and there is a lot of it around), but I feel that these statements really have some merit. After all, if this were addressed to a man, it could easily state that a woman would affect you spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally, and relationally.

      Besides, if I were you, I might thank the above article. After all, the men on this site are exactly those who will be predisposed to have a strong faith, to be respectful towards women, and to honor them in a faithful relationship. You know, you might think of it as an advertisement for Catholic men!

  11. Reena-961146 May 4, 2013

    It’s interesting how most men in here reacted somewhat differently than the women. I highly recommend to please read the full article in the link provided to fully and better understand what is being said because it does apply to both men and women. For example for # 3, while it is true that there are more women in the workplace, the article is not saying ” Find a sugar daddy to support your material wants”, it’s saying so many other things but one of them is that in a enduring and lasting relationship ,a high-paying job that pays the bills etc is not the key , but that each of the spouses are willing to find work (even the ones that don’t pay well) to support their family. Anyway, great article.

  12. Esther-532964 May 4, 2013

    I liked the article! I think that’s one of the reasons, why I’m still looking. People should consider how their choices will affect their entire life. Let’s pray we all find our match one day!

  13. Rachel-969565 May 5, 2013

    Thanks Jessica for the article. You have pointed out exactly how I feel and it is indeed true that we need to select a spouse who will be able to complement us. It’s a matter of time that we meet the right one and meanwhile let’s pray to God for his guidance in hoping we find the “one”

  14. Marie-958315 May 5, 2013

    Thanks Jessica, well said, I totally agaree. with the comments and the article. “THE BATTLE IS THE LORD’S.”…LETS PRAY FOR HIS GUUIDANCE AND WISDOM.

  15. Michael-504832 May 5, 2013

    I agree with the part about If you can’t take her home to mom and dad …well she is probably not the one for you.

  16. Nessa V. May 13, 2013

    Just true enough. :) I like how you included no. 5 which is sometimes forgotten or disregarded. Thank you for sharing this. :)

  17. Cathy-564420 July 31, 2013

    Jessica, this was so good I copied it and printed it off for my 17-year-old, turning 18 this month. She has been in a long-term relationship and each and every one of these items so fits her to the “T”. She is starting college this Fall at the U of M and I am hoping and praying she puts faith and school first and puts this not-so-good-of-a-fit behind her. This so described who she is dating, unfortunately the dogma of the unmatched type. She is a good kid, but I can definitely see how not matching in Faith does exactly what you had described here. Save the time and pain and find common grounds as people who don’t even respect your Faith and Family surely would not last in Christ, Amen:)

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