In my last post, we briefly observed how rushing into relationships and taking them too quickly blurs our vision of reality and can lead to poor decision making and broken hearts.
When we rush into relationships, we do not follow the “Pathway of Love,” but the pathway of emotions. Emotions don’t build love, they build excitement, and those fade away in time. Love must be built on something more stable and permanent.
Everyone has a story about a great friend who began dating a significant other and just like that ::POOF:: they disappeared. They don’t call or hang out anymore; they just droped off the face of the earth. Eventually the friend goes through a breakup and that very same day he calls you out of the blue to hang out again. Really? Is that our friendship?
One of the easiest and most obvious signs of an unhealthy relationship is when one invests her whole self too quickly.
It is always a warning sign when you lose your friends, family, and God and dump the interests and hobbies that you once loved. Inevitably, you lose yourself in the process.
Going too quickly in a relationship clouds our judgment. This is one reason we shouldn’t dismiss concerns from friends and family. We may think, “Everyone else is wrong; they just don’t know him like I do.” Only later, do we find out that we were wrong, and they were all correct.
A healthy and mature relationship will always keep you close to your friends, your family, and to God, and will let your individual self remain along with your own hobbies and interests.
To navigate the “Pathway of Love successfully, it is incredibly important to take your time in dating—especially in the beginning. We should not be calling or texting our boyfriend/girlfriend everyday, hanging out with them all the time, or thinking about them every waking moment.
While it is a natural desire to do so, it doesn’t mean we should. Why? Because we have our own life, and it is important not to dump everything we love just to be with someone constantly. We must live a balanced life. We can continue doing the things we like and also have a relationship on the side.
It is necessary to take things slowly in order to foster a deep friendship. This friendship must be based on common values, mutual respect, good communication, selfless love and deep trust. It is a good friendship that helps make a good marriage.
Another reason to take your time is because love inevitably brings up all of your baggage. Everyone has it, and we all try to hide it, but at some point the baggage rears its ugly head and must be dealt with.
Unfortunately, in traveling full speed ahead down the pathway, you can miss crucial warning signs, overlook them, or tend to justify them for the sake of “love.”
Doesn’t everyone put their best foot forward? It’s important to know who a person really is (not who we want them to be) before entering into a relationship that lasts a lifetime.
As a person who counsels many people, I can tell you from experience that virtually every person who takes things too fast regrets it. They found out too late that their significant other had major issues, that they fight all the time as a couple, or just realized they weren’t really compatible once the feelings faded or kids come onto the scene.
Significant issues should be worked out before getting engaged and married. Remember: dating should be time that is carefree—complete with low stress dates and relishing the time you spend with the other person.
So, slow down, be at peace, and enjoy the unfolding of the beauty that is a relationship.