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Divorce & Annulments

Is there anything that can be worse than going through a divorce and watching your marriage and family slip through your fingers? Ask anyone who’s been through that experience and you’ll likely hear them say, no. Nothing could be worse. The pain and suffering that comes from realizing what was supposed to last forever will not, and watching an intact family become strangers to each other is devastating to say the least.

Personally, I remember waking up in the morning during those first days and weeks of my unwanted divorce having to take it breath-by-breath, moment-by-moment. Day-by-day was too much for me to deal with. I had to take those small steps and break down the day in manageable increments. After a while, focusing on each day became doable and although the pain was still intense, I began functioning as a semi-human being again. And for those of you who are suffering in this way, I want you to know that your life won’t always be this way. Things will be different, and you will survive your divorce. But a lot of it is up to you and the conscious choice you must make to fight your way through it.

So you’re faced with picking yourself up off the ground, straightening yourself up, and forging ahead while you feel like you’d rather fall apart. A tough proposition, indeed. Choosing to not give in to the weight of the pain and instead find some way to be positive is extremely difficult. If it were easy, we wouldn’t have any heroes. If it were easy, there would be no saints. But it’s not impossible and I want to encourage you with a brief point to reflect upon:

For such a time as this

Have you ever wondered why you are alive in 2013? Ever wonder why you are who you are and live where you live? It’s because God didn’t need you at any other time in the history of the world. He didn’t need you when Moses parted the Red Sea. He didn’t need you during the Renaissance period. He didn’t need you during World War II. Nope. He needs you now.

What that should mean to you is your life has a real purpose. This horrible experience of divorce has tackled you and brought you to your knees, but don’t give in to it! You were created for great things in this life and one of those great things just might be the example you set by choosing to stand tall and fight the good fight. God has given you a distinct purpose here on earth and He needs you to keep going.

In the book of Esther, we read about the deep confusion and doubt this young girl had over being forced to marry the king but more importantly, having to stand up to him to save her people. She was full of deathly anxiety at the thought of confronting this intimidating and anger-prone king. But Mordecai pointed out to her the great opportunity that God had laid before her:

For if you keep silence at such a time as this, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another quarter, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this? (Esther 4:13-14)

Although it took a few tries, Esther found her courage and was able to face her worst fears, conquering the terrible emotions that controlled her. She succeeded in her mission and the Jews were saved.

One of the best things you can do right now is remember that your divorce does not define who you are. You were created with beauty and dignity. You have gifts and talents and there are still many good things in store that God is waiting to show you. Don’t let your divorce drag you to the depths of despair. Cling to God and let Him be your source of motivation, inspiration and the best reason for you to persevere.

 

Feel free to contact me at asklisa@catholicmatch.com or follow me on Twitter at @lisaduffy.

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5 Comments

  1. Franco-1004935 September 12, 2013

    Thank you Lisa for this post.

    Yes, I went through an unwanted divorce too after 13 years of marriage, it’s close to 2 years now since my breakup, but I still feel the pain and yes it’s as bad if not worse than the death of a family member. If we have kids, it is so much harder.

    But yes God has given my life direction. I am learning new things both at work and in my personal life and above, my bond with my two kids has strengthened ten-fold. My kids tell me I am a different person (not the Dad who only cared for us before but the Dad that now also “listens” to them)

    Personally for me, saying the Serenity Prayer alone gives me strength to make my kids a priority. They are good kids – my pride and my glory!

    Peace be with you!
    Franco

  2. Joan-529855 September 13, 2013

    I too found taking “one day at a time” too large of a task….I concentrated on one second, then one minute, then 5 minutes, and so forth, until now, 3.5 years post divorce. I still have a long way to go towards healing, but my divorce no longer defines me. I am more important than my marriage. At the time of my divorce I had been married longer than 1/2 the time I had been on this earth. All I knew is that I did not have the strength to carry on alone and needed Him more than I ever imagined.

  3. Ingrid-1007640 September 14, 2013

    Thank you lisa for this inspiring post…I was never married but i went thru 2 bad relationships. One, i was in a long term 8 years relationship..i thought evryting was close to perfect but sad to say it falls apart. A year after the breakup, i met someone whom i thought who will stay behind me and never leaves me. I tried the best i can for this second realationship to work out. But again for the second time around it didn’t work out the way i imagined. Im in deep pain right now, knowing that i was left with no other choice but to help myself rise up again. I pray each day that i may be able to surpass this emotional brokeness. Im deeply hurt…

    • Ray-1005590 September 16, 2013

      I feel your hurt. Godbless You
      Praying for you. If you dont mind me asking ,what went wrong.

  4. John-1013378 September 23, 2013

    I found your comments to be quite inspiring. I have been feeling like the ground fell away when my wife left and not happy with the swirl of emotions left in the wake. I hope to hold on to the inspiration that I am not my divorce, and can proceed on to better things.

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