When I first created my profile on CatholicMatch, I was ending a two-year relationship with someone whom I’ve known since kindergarten. I simply wanted to be reassured that there were other faithful Catholics out in cyberspace, but I never intended to meet anyone in person, never mind dating. I was taken aback by the number of responses to my profile the first week, and the growing number each week after that! However, I was quickly disappointed when I realized most of the profiles matched in my area were from men who weren’t buying into the Church’s teachings 100%.
I thought I could navigate around this faith issue by proclaiming in my profile that anyone who did not agree with seven out of the seven faith based questions should not bother contacting me. This seemed to discourage some, but I was surprised by how many men still ignored my request and tried to contact me.
I understand the frustration of not finding matches who meet our qualifications. Sometimes we may feel we have to reassess those qualifications or change them to fit the available matches. But I’m here to tell you: don’t. Please don’t.
Most of us will not have to suffer the way Sarah did before marrying Tobias. But remember their story when you’re tempted to compromise those important faith based issues in a potential date or spouse. While most of us will not encounter those extreme situations of “love me, not lust for me, or die,” we should still insist on that respect.
Those of us who are too stubborn to compromise these faith issues will find that we may have to extend our search radius again and again, often into that long-distance category. That’s okay. Pray for fortitude, courage, and humility.
While I certainly didn’t join CatholicMatch to be in a long-distance relationship, I also never imagined myself getting married from it! But I held my ground on those important faith based questions, and I found my Tobias. Throughout all the trials my husband, Alex, and I have faced in our seven years of marriage, I can say with 100% certainty they would have been worse if it was not for our strong mutual faith. Those same struggles instead brought us closer together in ways only suffering can do, by following God’s example in self-sacrificial love and humbling admitting fault when we fell short of grace.
While it may be difficult being single for the time being, watching your friends or roommate date, remember you only need one spouse. Tobias is worth the cross you bear to find him!