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Online Dating Tips

Forty-four sixty-seven. Forty-four sixty-seven. Forty-four sixty-seven. That was my mantra as I frantically searched my purse, praying I would discover the additional $4.67 I needed to pay for my groceries, but knew I did not have. Customers in line behind me sighed and rolled their eyes. Despite this, I was about to experience a beautiful act of charity from someone I didn’t know.

“Mommy, can we get these?” my kids asked, holding up candy bars. The cashier glared at me like I was an idiot. Tears stung my eyes and I knew I had to admit I could not afford my groceries. I swallowed my emotions and said, “Okay, let’s put that box of cereal back, and that box of graham crackers and I should be okay, then.” I handed the cashier my two twenty dollar billsall I had for the next several days.

Out of the blue, a woman in line stepped forward and handed me a ten-dollar bill. “Get what you need and keep the change.” Humiliated, but extremely grateful, I thanked her two or three times and walked out with my children. That simple act of kindness was the nicest thing anyone had done for me in a long time and it gave me a little boost in my otherwise very stressed-out life.

These days, stories like mine are not that uncommon. Many people take the opportunity to “pay it forward,” whether it’s leaving a humongous tip for a waiter or a neighbor mowing and trimming the yard for a sick neighbor or any of the many other random acts of kindness people do for someone else. It is thoughtfulness like this that restores people’s faith in humanity and makes the world a better place to live. As a single person, focusing on the needs of others is a great way to shift the focus from yourself to finding those opportunities to show someone generosity.

I think this same concept could easily apply to singles and dating, especially online dating. You do not have to be out on a date to show someone kindness or thoughtfulness, you can easily do this as you get to know that person through the initial exchanges of emails. I recently received this suggestion from a CatholicMatch member:

You pay 60 dollars to send messages etc., you find someone who interests you, send them a message and they don’t even bother to look at your profile… how can they have a clue what they think before taking a look? …All the searching one does is completely in vain. Can you maybe write an article encouraging people to open profiles, even if as a minimum, out of courtesy for the person taking an interest in them?

It is true, it really is difficult to gauge whether or not someone is suitable for you by just a glance at a photo in an email. This member offers a great suggestion and one that could payoff in more ways than one. For example, if you take the time to actually click into someone’s profile, spend a few moments to read it and see what that member is all about, you might find something that warrants a compliment. In leaving a compliment in your response to his or her query, you have the perfect segway to begin a conversation. At the very least, you would make someone feel good about himself, even if after reading the profile you decide you are not interested in dating that person.

Another great reason to take the time to click into and read the profile of someone you have received correspondence from is because she may not be someone you are interested in dating, but you might see from her profile that someone you know would be very interested in her. You could be responsible for introducing someone you care about to their future spouse.

Of course, the most important reason to take the time to read the profile of someone who has contacted you is to see if they are suitable for you. So, if you are faced with the temptation to decline someone based on the photo you see in her initial correspondence, why not take a few more seconds to click on her profile and see what she is all about? You never know what awaits you… possibly the love of your life.

Please send your comments and questions at asklisa@catholicmatch.com.

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11 Comments

  1. Robert-942717 June 23, 2014

    Hello, The Peace of our Lord be on you. That said I wonder if the ” Catholic Match Profile ” has any value,
    I believe that I have had One response in over a year.

  2. Carole-1080999 June 24, 2014

    Hi Robert,now you have (2). Take care and God Bless !

  3. Carole-1080999 June 24, 2014

    I don’t understand either ! Is everyone busy, with church, family, hobbies ,sports ? One joins the site,then ,they fall of the edge of the earth ! Pictures aren’t everything ! Is it money, is it distance, are they interested in it someone else down the street ! Is everyone timid ,scared to make a move ? If one doesn’t take a risk, one doesn’t know ! I’m perplexed !

  4. Alma-953915 June 25, 2014

    No; if you’re not attracted to someone from their profile picture, it is best to not give that person false hope by clicking on their profile. You don’t become attracted to someone you’re not physically attracted to, just because of who they are. I wouldn’t want someone to be interested in me if he wasn’t physically attracted. That’s just acting desperately, and frankly I’m worth more than that. I don’t agree. I just think that people need to accept that some people are just not plainly interested in the other person’s looks.

    • Teresa-993518 June 26, 2014

      Sorry Alma, I don’t agree. I personally was in a relationship with a gentleman that I initally was not attracted to. However, after reading his note to me and then his profile I decided to respond. We ended up having a wonderful relationship. What I found was, that as my feelings for him grew as I got to know him better and better, my attraction to him grew also! Another thing to think about, is the fact that we all change due to age, health, accidents… Does that mean you would no longer love someone because they are no longer attractive?

  5. Lillian-1057474 June 25, 2014

    Alma, thanks for your response. I feel the same way; especially having tried to have relationships with men whom I admired a great deal but did not feel physically attracted to. It was hard for me to accept, because I want to love what’s on the inside just as much as what’s on the outside, but Alma is right: although its not the only thing, physical attraction is still one of the many necessary building blocks in the foundation for a lifelong committed marriage.

  6. Vic-745458 June 25, 2014

    Have to agree with both Alma and Lillian. If the initial physical attraction is not there, the likelihood of it ever developing is pretty slim. And, yes, it is, indeed, sometimes quite easy to tell from a single profile photo if there is any kind of physical attraction.

    • Tom-1077568 June 26, 2014

      The last few posts were sent by attractive-looking people who maybe haven’t had to face the kind of rejection they recommend, so let me chime in from the opposite perspective. I agree that physical attraction is important. But is that the main question here? Isn’t it a matter of common courtesy to respond to another human being who takes the risk to send you a message, rather than leave him/her hanging? I, too, wouldn’t want to go out with someone who wasn’t attractive to me. And if a woman who wasn’t attractive sent me a message, I would be tempted not to answer her rather than “hurt her feelings.” But, then, I also think that honesty is important. Personally, when I take the risk of sending a message to someone, I wouldn’t mind that much if she answered “Sorry, you sound like a nice person, but I’m just not attracted to you.” Sure, I would find that discouraging or disheartening, but I think I would prefer it to being ignored–and I say this as someone who has been ignored quite a few times.

  7. Carole-1080999 June 26, 2014

    I happen to agree with you all to a point ! ( However ,many of us do not take good pictures ! ). Also , why is many and I say many on the different posts who are all having the same problems of not getting results ? I was referring to and explaining something Im very familiar with . For myself ,I’m late in life getting started on dating sites .I have younger friends,who ALL are beautiful and are included in this perspective , and this is not just my opinion ! They are young,anywheres from age 30 to 60s. Some relatives, and they are all expressing the same sentiments ! I agree physical attraction does play a big part,however I was saying, until one sees a person in PERSON ,one never knows what that person is all about !!! And very few are willing to take that chance . How many wonderful people you all may have missed because of not liking the profile……… It’s also what’s inside, the heart ! Thanks for the discussion ,interesting ! God Bless.

  8. Anne-770626 June 28, 2014

    I agree that sometimes people take poor photos. I also find that sometimes I receive profile messages from men many years older than me. I usually respond back but state that I have another interest. If the person sends a strange message, I don’t respond back. There are other times that I note the profile of the other person has some statements that I do not agree–like a cafeteria Catholic. I don’t respond as such but only that I don’t think our interests are aligned. There are some deal breakers and it has to do with attending mass at least weekly and agreeing with the Catholic points of faith.
    Maybe we need to have some easy responses for difficult situations that are not offensive to the profile reader.

  9. Lore-1113880 July 24, 2014

    Yes!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t quite understand how this website works and feel that most of the interested people are much younger than I am and probably are located a big distance away, it would be nice if you introduced singles to people that live close to each other.

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