Molly Mesnick On First-Date Makeovers: Keeping It Real


Why is it that we typically spend more time getting ready for a first date than a 51st date?

Do we think our chances of getting a second date depend on how we look? Are we trying to send a subliminal message about the type of person we are?

Everyone has her own reasons for taking that extra time to get ready, but chances are we simply want to make a good first impression, as we all know that appearance can play a prominent role in the beginning stages of a relationship.

In many cases, it’s what initially attracts us to another person. Looking our best on a first date can also give us that boost of confidence we need to get through those somewhat awkward early exchanges.

There will come a time, however, that the thrill of getting all dolled up for your date…with the same person you’ve been seeing for a while now…is not so thrilling.

When that time comes, you don’t want your partner to be completely shocked that you don’t actually have those super long eyelashes he always compliments – instead, you were just sporting fake ones the whole time.

I’m also not too sure your date would be thrilled to find out that you don’t own anything other than offensive T-shirts, and the suits you’ve been wearing on dates were just borrowed from friends. This is not to say they won’t like you for who you really are; it’s just a matter of feeling lied to.

As cliché as it sounds, staying true to who you are is one of the most important elements of dating. It’s how two people figure out if they are right for one another or not. Trying to be what you think the other person wants is nothing but a recipe for disaster – and would become very exhausting after a while.

A guiding principle

That being said, you’re probably still going to spiff up a little more than normal for that first date. I’m guilty of that myself, but the key is to do it in a non-altering way. For example, don’t go out and buy some trendy new outfit if it doesn’t mesh with how you typically dress.

Not only are you sending an inaccurate message of who you are, but if you want to keep that up, your bank account is going to take a major hit any time you go out on a date with that person.

Ladies, I know exactly how it goes when you have a first date. You invite some friends over, demolish your closet seeking out the perfect outfit, and you have your best friend, who is phenomenal at doing hair, give you a fabulous new ’do for your date. You look spectacular…but if you can’t do it yourself, chances are you’ll never wear it that way again. If you want to spice up your look, just give your hair a little extra tease and add a few curls, but keep it similar to what you would do if you were going out with friends.

Men, spray on some cologne and definitely take the time to iron your shirt, but don’t shave if you never shave. That’s part of who you truly are, and you don’t want that girlfriend of yours always getting on your case about having a clean shaven face – “just like when we first started dating” – if it’s something you never plan on doing for the rest of your life.

It’s OK to spend a little extra time on your look for a first date. Doing so shows that you truly care and are putting in some effort for this potential partner, but don’t give yourself an extreme makeover.

Let your date fall in love with the real you, because the real you is far more attractive than the dolled-up, first-date you.



  1. Lauren-595722 November 23, 2010 Reply

    Great advice! And you don’t need to dress up if the person who’s asked you out has seen you before, there’s an obvious reason they asked you out in the first place, probably when you didn’t look all spiffy. But there’s something that caught their eye, and most of the time it’s not how you dress. 🙂

  2. Jim-397948 November 21, 2010 Reply

    How about being yourself!!!

  3. Jacqueline-198 November 19, 2010 Reply

    As long as one is neat and clean, nicely dressed, but comfortably, it’s all good, in my experience, I’ve felt like I’ve put more into getting dressed than the guy has, but it doesn’t mean the guys weren’t neat and clean and smelled nice (at least clean!)

  4. Maria-453115 November 10, 2010 Reply

    worded so well!

  5. Jennifer-276507 November 8, 2010 Reply

    Is this Molly from TV fame? I am glad you have stopped writing about your inappropriate experience and relationship from the TV show. Perhaps Catholic Match got the message from many members who expressed that they found it inappropriate to post articles about a marriage that appers to be invalid under Church teaching.

  6. Katie-443543 November 5, 2010 Reply

    this is so true!

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