5 Habits That Attract Love


In anticipation of Valentine’s Day, I’ve distilled the best advice from my book, How To Get To ‘I Do,’ into five golden nuggets. Here are some traits that I think will make you a better love attractor.



1.   Spontaneity

We Catholics like our scripted romances, checklists, and rulebooks. But you have to be willing to catch the ball when someone throws it to you.

For instance, I normally waited a few weeks before meeting a man in person once we made contact through a dating website. However, when my husband contacted me, he was on the verge of leaving town to visit family over Easter, so I accepted his invitation to meet sooner.

You want to be careful with new people, but also let relationships unfold in their own time. It’s like how some people have slower or quicker heartbeats. Relationships have slightly different paces and being open to that variation tends to attract and create the most positive experiences.


2.   Clarity of purpose

A single who is confident about his or her vocation to marriage is more attractive! Devout Catholics are inclined to give religious vocations a good look before jumping into marriage. That’s great, but to make a relationship work, you need clarity of purpose.

If you say, “I’m still trying to figure out my vocation” when someone is falling for you, she might hit a concrete floor. Or if someone is committing himself to you, and you bring up vocational confusion out of nowhere, you could hurt him immensely.

When you are clear about your life purpose, you give prospective spouses a green light to fully explore a relationship with you. They don’t have to fear that a rug will be pulled out from under them.


3.   Compassion

You will attract a wider range of people if you are compassionate. If you think your date is perfect and could not possibly be offended by your snarky comments, think again. They could have loved ones who would be hurt or offended or a back story you are not privy to yet.

Let’s say you make a sweeping judgment on all people who are fighting addictions. You think, “This person I am sitting across from is so divine that this must be a safe bash.” Well…what if he has a close relative battling addiction? What if she is a recovered or recovering addict herself? Be judicious about harsh comments because nobody is perfect, and singles are looking for someone they can feel safe with and open up to.



4.   A living spirituality

It’s not enough to go to Mass, confession, and recite your prayers every day. Talk to Jesus, the angels, your favorite saints, and develop your human virtue.

If your parish is not feeding you enough, find something that does. We enhance our physical vitality when we maintain a good diet, exercise, and get enough sleep. A healthy spiritual vitality is important too and causes others to trust you more and reveal their true selves faster.

It will also make you a better date and mate. We don’t necessarily need spouses for survival anymore. People are looking for spiritual partners and want to see an authentic spirituality that will lead to daily discoveries and growth.



5.   Active pursuit

When we say the word “attract,” it might sound as if we can send out a sunbeam and draw people to us without any effort.

Some people have good fortune and bump into their spouse without any significant action. Good for them!

These days, I don’t recommend that you assume you’ll be so lucky though. I’m reminded of the old adage, “God helps those who help themselves.”

Actively seeking others includes going out to events where you can meet at least one new person. Also, joining an online dating site or an in-person dating service. These things are not wastes of money. Everyone my husband and I know who has found a successful match recently has met online.

When you are busy and tired, these can seem like Herculean tasks, but seeking others should be incorporated into your schedule. You can’t attract someone if there is nobody of interest in your orbit.



  1. Josh-980489 July 3, 2013 Reply

    Mary-583970 on May 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm said:
    I wonder, if this is true…why do I love my boyfriend and he does not love me?

    Sorry to hear this situation you’re in. I also read the comments to you by Paul and David, and I agree with them both. I’d suggest you go back and read them again, and ponder what they are telling you; you may find some wisdom and healing in them. If the feelings between you and your boyfriend are not mutual, it might be time to move on, as difficult as it might be at first. But you WILL recover. You are a beautiful creation from God, and deserve to be treated with love and respect. Never forget that…
    Peace to you.

  2. Esther-532964 March 5, 2013 Reply

    Very good article. I will try to put it to good use. Esther

  3. Susan-930985 February 24, 2013 Reply

    Now a widow after having met my husband of 5 years here. We were 800 miles apart but had so much in common. We IM’d for a week or so then he called and quickly we went to daily phone conversations at the end of our days. After we finally met in person, in my town after about 3 months, we saw each other every 3 weeks visiting his or my family. We shared our day on the phone and said night prayers. When together we blended into whatever activities our families had planned and attended Mass. He proposed after 8 months and we were married a month later . . .in church.

  4. Barbara-920516 January 7, 2013 Reply

    Love the comments in the last paragraph under #4: We are not looking for spouses for survival. We are looking for spiritual partners!! Great article.

  5. Janice-905360 November 7, 2012 Reply

    Liked the article! Had fun stepping back and seeing where I am as “being a better love attractor.” =) Am also all about having a healthy relationship and thought all 5 traits encouraged that. Thanks.

  6. Mary-732729 November 5, 2012 Reply

    All in God’s plan!

  7. Marian-904978 October 16, 2012 Reply

    This article was well thought out before print. How wonderful to share the advice with CM.
    I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.

  8. Mari-894290 September 25, 2012 Reply

    I liked the article, thanks. Nevertheless, I don’t agree with the popular belief that “God helps those who help themselves”. I have not found anything in Scripture to support that. On the other hand, I find only examples of His Mercy towards defenseless and hurt sheep – like me.
    My advice is to meditate on Psalm 126 /127). He knows what His children need without us even realizing it…
    127:2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.
    Bless U all!

  9. Nilda-834707 September 4, 2012 Reply

    So true. “God helps those who help themselves”


  10. Esther-890161 August 24, 2012 Reply

    A good article. Thank you.

  11. Meesch-691047 July 27, 2012 Reply

    My life is full of 1,2,3,4,5… now it makes sense why my life is full of love 🙂

  12. Carlos-876737 July 11, 2012 Reply

    I only have points 2,3 and 4 to my favour. Is that enough?

  13. Peris-866694 June 16, 2012 Reply

    Thank you for sharing. Very practical.

  14. David-624624 June 16, 2012 Reply

    Mary, I would say that he noticed your expressed enthusiasm for a meaningful relationship very early and may have taken advantage of it, when in fact he himself was far from being centered and in possession of himself, enough to make a strong soul directed commitment. It sounds like he is a very conflicted individual and was never capable of reciprocating your love; he is in short spiritually immature. It also sounds like he has not been true to “himself,” while you were falling in love with him and as such he also now realizes that he himself (his soul)needs a lot of work spiritually to get to know and love himself thoroughly enough to be a soul directed individual who could be your equal. This happens because the soul(his) is not allowing the “disorder within him” to manifest a true and equal love for you with conviction and he cannot live with the guilt. He does not deserve you at this time, because personal conversions(maturity) do not and cannot happen overnight. If the priesthood thing is not real, then its an excuse to separate himself from you and I would say run away from that relationship as fast as you can and don’t look back. Do not try to fix him, because only he can do that, with God’s grace. Since “love is a verb,” you need someone who is ready to make that commitment because he has attained that maturity of soul, which will “allow” him to “follow through” in equal manner(conviction) to what your soul has allowed you to do. You could also have been “in love with love”, enough to blind your better judgement and as the relationship progressed, you were “blind sided.” After he expressed that his intentions were the same as yours, you might not have continually “checked the facts” as things progressed and either missed or ignored the red flags along the way. As President Reagan once said you need to “trust but verify” every step of the way, whether it is an arms treaty or a love relationship.. I Hope this helps a bit. David

  15. Mary-583970 May 16, 2012 Reply

    I wonder, if this is true…why do I love my boyfriend and he does not love me?

    I am spontaneous (like when I drove 3hrs to bring him a cake on his birthday), he is not..

    He said he found it “interesting” I put on my CM profile I was looking to get married and ready to settle on that course; he told me he wanted the same, then said he was considering priesthood, now admitted after over a year of dating that he will not be ready to get married for a long time.

    Otherwise, he lacks compassion, his faith life is suffering, and he does not pursue me because he says he is not attracted to me, but is working on it…

    So how is it that I love him if he is none of these things, and he doesn’t love me when I am all these things? :<

    • Paul-818750 June 21, 2013 Reply

      Mary hello. I have an answer for your but sometimes the truth is not what we want or like to hear. But I feel you might like me better if I just say “be honest with yourself” We know where we do wrong and 99% of the times we know why. When we lack in our lives and turn to situations that are more harmful than the lack of itself, then we really need to do serious soul-searching. God gave you the wisdom on how to deal/take care of all things that err us, use them. Ask God to guide you through in a way that’s not so painful,”cause there’s always pain”, can’t escape it but it’s that same pain we grow from and hopefully won’t make the same mistakes, we definitely recognize them, but never believe this one you can change. It’s like a drowning person whom you throw a life support to only for them to pull you in with them. Not saying let a drowning man drown. 1. Be honest with yourself, 2. read the serenity prayer if you don’t know it. All over the net, very easy to find. Concentrate on yourself and your needs that don’t involve drowning yourself. I have a lot more to say but I pray you got the message I’m trying to give to you. And remember this “never feel guilty for leaving a problem, or person with a problem, God does not expect us to throw ourselves in with the wolves” Wish you the very best, please take at least one thing I mentioned here today and another day another message and so on….Thanks for listening, Paul

  16. Barigye-848247 May 3, 2012 Reply

    this is interesting, -active pursuit,#4 and #3,

  17. Lorraine-361741 April 15, 2012 Reply

    This is nice and good but it doesn’t necessarily work. For example, I’ve been actively looking but notihng happened. However, I think that this article gives a good foundation.

  18. Angela S. March 23, 2012 Reply

    nice to read but….

  19. Dinora-75273 March 21, 2012 Reply


  20. Henry-747099 February 6, 2012 Reply

    Loved that article and its points. Thank you

  21. Christine-747793 January 4, 2012 Reply

    I loved this….thank you

  22. Anne-777683 October 22, 2011 Reply

    Really nice article – thanks for writing it.

  23. Meira-479385 September 27, 2011 Reply

    #3 and #5…don’t open your mouth until you know the other’s story completely…go slow and learn before letting loose your snarkies; i believe in the old Russian proverb: pray to God but keep rowing to the shore. “Active pursuit”…I just love the word. Way to go but be subtle about it…

  24. Vhie-763540 September 18, 2011 Reply

    I like the idea of “spiritual Partner.”…thank you

  25. Vhie-763540 September 17, 2011 Reply

    I am learning a lot from all these CM articles…it reinforces the values that I have with clarity. Thank you so much!

  26. Betty-675418 March 6, 2011 Reply

    These suggestions helped, thank-you CM.

  27. Linda-695382 March 6, 2011 Reply

    Thank you. That was enlightening.

  28. Cynthia-660653 March 2, 2011 Reply


  29. Maria-689654 February 17, 2011 Reply

    These habits are practical and common sense. If one is loving and compassionat

  30. Bruce-630246 February 15, 2011 Reply


  31. Stephanie-609661 February 14, 2011 Reply

    I’ve been very happy with my experience with CM. I made a great friend. I hope that we can always be friends. He’s coming to see me super soon. I can’t wait!

  32. Kikki-661294 February 14, 2011 Reply

    What should I do when I live with a 95 years old father who has been sick and in Emergency room three times since New Year`s Eve. Also I`m taking care of my granddaughter from Monday to Friday most of the times. My sister try to help sometimes and my ex-husband, who lived in same building that I do help me too….but only sometimes. We`re best friends and he wants me to go out, but how. I`m in CM, because my daughter put me here. I told her, that it will be worse for me recieving invitations from nices people and not been able to do it. So this is what everyone wants me to do: When you have a date, don`t worry, we take care of dad…or my granddaughter. It sounds great. Then if US…BOTH OF US, really like each other, what is going to happens, because once there is something serious, WE…specially men wants to see you more and more.
    That`s why I wrote down on my profile about my dad, but my doughter told me it was too dramatic, and most people will not repond to me. Then I mention it at the end, when ask if I`m flexible to travel or going away for a weekend. What should I do? I`m afraid to meet someone really nice and not been able to be there for him…….then he`ll think, I`m not really interested on him…you know men and their ego, well women will feel same way. Please help me!

    • Belladoria-749020 February 4, 2012 Reply

      Contact your local elder care, day care community resources to get your father out to play cards and spend time with friends his own age. Socialization is important for him as well. Ask your hospital if they provide volunteers for respite care. There are CareGivers support groups who network and run errands and have lunches with elder care training groups to assist you with breaks. Read about CareGiver statistics and how their emotional health suffers due to elder care. Always check with your parish Priest who may be able to guide you to resources that assist with your fathers care.
      Start by “dating yourself” tell the family that you have a date and can they make a commitment to give you a break on your date night, just to test the waters. If they ask with whom,,a good answer is :someone I have not seen in years, someone I would like to get to know better, someone interesting and delightful. Me, Peace be With you,,,,always,,,Carpe Diem,,Adoria

  33. Maclean-483042 February 10, 2011 Reply

    This is really good, thank for the great article!

  34. Jarrod-583666 February 2, 2011 Reply


  35. Marie-575233 January 31, 2011 Reply

    Wonderful and inspiring.Thank you

  36. Tammy-492301 January 26, 2011 Reply

    Great article…..

  37. Christine-390022 January 26, 2011 Reply

    I highly recommend 4, 3, and 5, in that order.

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