Joyce-670967: ‘Do Not Judge By His Appearance’


By Joyce-670967

The first reading for the 4th Sunday of Lent offered a good reminder of something we should consider when viewing CatholicMatch profiles that come into our queue. Check out 1st Samuel 16 for the complete reading, but here is the line that gave me a reason to say, “Sorry, God, I am guilty of that.”

Samuel has gone to anoint a new king from one of Jesse’s sons. He is sure that one very handsome son is the one God will choose.

Suddenly Samuel hears, “Do not judge by his appearance or from his lofty stature, because I have rejected him. Not as man sees does God see, because man sees the appearance but the Lord looks into the heart.”

The dictionary says that the word “judge” means to form an estimate or evaluation of. I wonder how many profiles I have dismissed because the provided pictures just didn’t make the member look like Robert Redford – or some preconceived expectation in my head.

I dismissed bad lighting and poor camera skills and let that be the judge of whether or not I would make an attempt to contact them. It is not an easy thing to confess, but maybe you have found yourself doing that as well. I hope I am not the only guilty one!

My mom used to say often, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.”

I wonder if this book of Samuel is where the saying came from. It’s something to think about this final week of Lent. May I not judge single men by their appearance, but instead invest the time needed to see the heart.

Reflection question: Are you looking into the heart of prospective mates? And what do they see when they look into your heart?

Editor’s note

Read more Lenten reflections written by CatholicMatch members:



  1. Theresa-635422 July 16, 2014 Reply

    Dear Joyce,
    I have been judged harshly in this way by my ex bf’s as I was chubby in my youth. Really painful as everyone around me was thin or skinny asians. Now, I think I have done been as harsh, too. I am thankful for your gentle reminder be open and let God’s will be done. Your sister in Christ, Theresa.

  2. Metta-528279 April 25, 2011 Reply

    Thank you for your writing Joyce. I love that.
    I’m not smart to tell to expressing what I feel about.
    All of its will be inspiring of us.

    Blessings and thanks…

  3. Carolaine-631526 April 18, 2011 Reply

    JOYCE!!! Oh my goodness, your essay is awesome!!

    And I believe I have been quite guilty of “judging the book by it’s cover”…and passing over possible matches without even reading their profiles and I too may have let a really and truly good man go…

    Your writing is brilliant…thank you…

    This is why I so want our Lord to choose for me the next love of my life, because He will have looked into his heart…and a man with a good heart is all I have been searching for…

    Blessings and hugs…

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