Judith-575655: ‘Dating Seems Like Its Own Form Of Penance’


By Judith-575655

We find ourselves on CatholicMatch.com because our lives are guided by our faith and because we remain hopeful that we will be able to find earthly love with someone who shares that faith.

In my search for a life partner, I have spent hours wondering about the signals given during a date, trying to interpret the real meaning of seemingly innocuous behavior (including the most vexing of all: when “I’ll call you” really means “Have a nice life”).

Surely there are times when dating can seem like its own form of penance.

After going on a first date, I often reflect upon what the fellow might have thought of me. Did he find me attractive, intelligent and witty enough? Did he think I was interesting? Did I laugh enough at his jokes? Did I react to his life story with sufficient fascination? (“Wow, I’ve never met anyone who collects snails.”).

And yet, the reflective season of Lent has shifted my thinking. I left Mass yesterday wondering not how men might view me, but how God views me. Does He see me as someone who is always asking Him for something or as someone who is thanking Him for what I have? Does He view me as someone who gives actual time to those in need or who just writes a check because it’s easier? Does He see in me someone living according to the tenets of my faith?

Lent is a time to reflect upon my life and to refocus on being the best person that God intended me to be.

And to cast aside the worry of what that snail-collector thinks about me…at least for 40 days.

Reflection question: What worry should you cast aside this Lent?

Editor’s note

Read more Lenten reflections written by CatholicMatch members:



  1. Patrick-606389 April 19, 2011 Reply

    Here’s a response to “I’ll Call You.” Date who follow through on their word in their relationship with you. He says he’s this . . . does he behavior reflect that . . .? Does the nature of your relationship dynamics reflect a man who cares about your person, your faith? judith you are worthy of a call when someone says they will. And you certainly are entitled to explaination as to why they faile to do so. In my view, when a man asks you out, he has entered into a benign contract. One in which there are unspoken perhaps, but clear expectations. Honesty. many things are flexible, but making an agreement to call someone and failing to do so is impolite and it violates the single most important foundation of any relationship (perhaps the toughest) Honesty, integrity . . . so even if he calls to say . . . he won’t ask you out again . . . (painful though it may be). it is a sign of respect . . . an honorable man — to a woman worthy to be honored and respected.

  2. Mary-680979 April 19, 2011 Reply

    My very simple idea is that if I really pray with the greatest faith I can muster and strive to be pleasing to God every moment of every day then what ever is supposed to happen will happen. I’m trying this online dating because I live in a very small town! I’m never disappointed, I always try to be my very best self for God and therefore other people. So I’m confidant that when God opens a door or shuts it – it happened for a reason, I’m content to never understanding why – beyond knowing that I’m being looked after in the most perfect way! Please think about this, I hope I made it understandable. Have Faith and everything will work out for your good!

  3. Susan-620442 April 18, 2011 Reply

    Ahhhh another very intelligent woman! THAT is what makes dating very tough. PERIOD!

  4. Patricia-707403 April 14, 2011 Reply

    This touches on something that I am trying to keep in mind. God has brought me here and if I can help someone else along their journey I will have learned a valuable lesson. It is not all about me…it is all about God!

  5. Lydia-701096 April 10, 2011 Reply

    You could go to Petco and see the gorgeous golden Peruvian snails at Petco. It would give you a chance at a genuinely enthusiastic conversation opener.

  6. Nancy-591885 April 9, 2011 Reply

    I think your article is cute and straight to a good point. It is rather funny, don’t you think, that we women do so much analyzing in relationships. The thing is, so do guys, yet they would probably never admit it to us. I agree with you, that all of us need to try to do more hands on for others. I can’t give as often as I would like, so I do try to be there for others and help out whenever possible. In my job have had the opportunity to work along side some people who are homeless or jobless, and it sure has opened my eyes. People are people and deserve to be treated with dignity, no matter what their circumstances. God Bless you Judith. And may we all find that special someone this year. 🙂

  7. Patricia-710409 April 7, 2011 Reply

    Goodnight and God be with you!

  8. Kathy-555815 April 4, 2011 Reply

    I liked your article. I just wanted to make you aware that some of us are unable to do acts of charity because of personal and medical reasons. What I do is write a check. All of the charities I give to are very greatful for the donation.

    • Mary-680979 April 19, 2011 Reply

      If you’re not unconcious – and most of us have been that sick at least once. we can pray! It IS the MOST powerful thing we humans can do!!!! We need no money or even much time! I pray while I walk to the car, wait at a stop light! I’t’s a wonderful gift to be able to write a check! I used to be able to but can now only pray, and I think the prayer is more valuable in some ways! God bless you in your search!

  9. Jeanne-648636 April 2, 2011 Reply

    Thanks, Judith, for helping me to think and laugh at the same time…great meditation! “…dating can seem like its own form of penance…” Lol!

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