Lisa Duffy: ‘Divorced Catholics, I’m Here For You’


Editor’s note: We’re happy to announce a new regular feature on “Faith, Hope & Love.” Every Thursday Lisa Duffy will provide a wise, compassionate Catholic perspective on all things divorce. Please give Lisa a warm CatholicMatch welcome – and leave her a comment letting her know what you’d like her to address.



If you’re single and divorced, I’ll bet you’re probably wondering what the future holds for you. Yet just another thing to be concerned with as you rebuild your life… you’ve got responsibilities that you have to deal with like keeping your job, raising your children, maintaining your home and financial situation, and so very much more. In the mix of all that as you try to heal, there is your ex-spouse.


For a few, the ex-spouse simply fades into the past and there is very little need to deal with her or him. For most, the ex is frequently, if not constantly, in the picture keeping the bane of frustration and angst fresh. And this might make you wonder… how can I ever get past this? How can I ever have a future that is hopeful and happy?


Well, my friends, I’m here to tell you there are plenty of reasons to hope in your future, despite the pain and frustration of your divorce circumstances.

My name is Lisa Duffy, and I have been through the entire process you are going through and have come out the other side, the happy side. I am thrilled to be a forum guest and a new resident blogger here at, because all of you are already important to me, even if I don’t know you. You’re important to me because I know what you’re going through and I know it’s tough. I understand your struggles, hopes, challenges and triumphs very well and I want to be there to encourage you, to help you stay strong and hopeful.

If I could explain my experiences in a movie trailer (and don’t we all wish our deepest experiences were that easy to communicate), it would go something like this: motorcycles, California beaches, intense dating; dream wedding; deceptive and secretive spouse; bitter and sorrowful divorce; a shattering 6.9 earthquake (ask me about that sometime); starting my life over in Connecticut; the lonely struggle to live on my own; the bear trap and the quicksand; the pain and healing of the annulment process; and finally being remarried for 11 happy years and joyfully watching three miracle children grow up.

Suffice it to say, I have a history that has been painful but has rendered great joy and miracles I didn’t expect.

I can’t wait to share these things with you to help you find the hope and encouragement you seek. Yes, miracles do happen these days and you will likely be the recipient of your own. Why? Because God really does love you and wants you to be happy. If you seek Him first, you will be happy. That is my personal guarantee.


What to expect

In the future, I will be blogging on all the issues that are important to you: the annulment process, helping your children cope, dating and intimacy after divorce, how to reconcile being both divorced and Catholic, and so much more.

I am the co-author of Divorced. Catholic. Now What? and co-founder of DivorcedCatholic.Org and my life’s work is meant solely to help you find answers, heal, and move past your divorce to the next chapter of your life. My patron saint is St. Simon of Cyrene, and I consider it my great privilege to help you carry your cross.

My presence here is about you; what you want to know and what I can do to help you find healing after divorce and retake happiness. So your feedback is critical; let me know what I can do for you and how we can walk along-side one another, at least for a while, on your journey to the happy side.


In the meantime, count on my prayers for you!



  1. Kristie H. December 28, 2013 Reply

    My divorce was final Oct. 15, just a few months & it feels like I’m barely afloat in a life full of constant tears. I want to move forward but all I can do is look back at what went wrong. I still love my ex-husband but am so angry. It was so important for him that I go through RCIA, etc. so that we could have a Holy marriage in the eyes of the Catholic faith. When he told me on Valentine’s Day (same holiday he proposed) that he wanted a separation, I asked him what about our vows & why did he have me go through RCIA, first communion, confirmation if it was no longer important to him? His response was, “Yeah, I’m sorry I put you through all that… I don’t believe in the Catholic faith anymore.” This still is such a shock to me because God & my faith has been my saving grace through this divorce. My Priest has stated that he said this to me because it takes away the guilt he’s feeling about being the one abandoning our family. There are days I believe that 15 1/2 years were a waste of my life & there are other day’s I’m thankful that he not only gave me my three wonderful kids but the Catholic faith also. I know it’s been a short year of pain, but I want to know when this pain will go away, when will I stop loving him & when will I be able to forgive him? Thank you, Kristie

  2. Barry-719569 June 12, 2011 Reply

    I am very much in need of processing my divorce in a rational way. I have been divorced about 18 months, and most of my coping to this point has been denial or just barely living. I am tired of this and just want to move on. My ex was the love of my life and she divorced me after 21 years of marriage, it was the most difficult thing for me in my life. I need to be able to move on, grow, love again and be happy. Barry

    • Nancy-860829 January 3, 2014 Reply

      Hi. I totally relate to your post. My husband left about four years ago. We finally got divorced last October. He was the love of my life (married during 17 years). He rebuilded his life with another partner. I just can’t see how I can get past the pain, the resentment and the anger. Hope you are doing well.

  3. Andrew-544668 June 10, 2011 Reply

    Lisa – Welcome to Catholic Match. It is good to see you here.

  4. Nancy-632072 June 9, 2011 Reply

    Thanks Lisa – I have been dating someone on this site since Nov 10 and now he wants to “dial things back” . I have been divorced for 5 plus years and now annulled – and now I feel like I am taking two steps back again – I love this man very deeply but I am farther along in the process – does this make him not right for me or does he just need time or is God’s will we part ways – things will be going really good for me and now this – it seems like it is a revolving circle – I just want to be on a good path. I am a very happy person but now I feel stuck . Help please …

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