Independent Single Women Must Learn To Ask For Help


As singles, we have a lot of time on our own. We even look forward to that alone time. I go to Mass every day. I watch a Catholic movie once a week by myself. I can go for quiet walks and enjoy the melody of nature.

We get used to doing things by ourselves because the majority of the time we need to tackle the tasks of the day by ourselves. Once in a while, however, we are faced with a task that we can’t do on our own.

If the heater or pipe breaks we call a professional. When we have a bad day, we call a friend or go out to chat. When we can’t lift a heavy couch we call on our strong friends. We are meant for relationship, with one another and with our God.

But was there ever a time you didn’t have anyone to call on?

I have minor surgery this month. Normally it wouldn’t be a big deal, but the hospital is five hours away from my house and I can’t drive after the surgery. Not only do I need a ride after the surgery, but I need someone who can take care of me for a few days. This is not something I can do on my own.

My parents are in their 70s, so I didn’t want to trouble them. All of my sisters are married with children, so I didn’t want to add to their responsibilities. I didn’t want to ask my single friends because, not knowing how I would react after the surgery, I didn’t want to place that burden on them.

I felt very alone and would get emotional thinking that there is no one to take care of me. I shared this concern with my sister Nancy. She said, “I know you feel like an outsider because you are not married, but that is not the way it is. You are a member of the larger family and we would do anything for you.”

This, of course, made me ball my eyes out.

We all want to belong and to be accepted by the ones who love us. Living the single life can feel like living on a desert island. I feel blessed that God reminded me of the tremendous support group that I have around me, but not everyone has that blessing.

As singles, we are present to others to give of our time, but we also need to remember that it is OK to ask for help when we need it. We are the Body of Christ and the community of believers, but sometimes we forget to act that way.

Today, call one of your single friends and ask her if there is anything she needs. And if you are the receiver of that phone call, be humble enough to say yes.




Related reading

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  1. Denise-934730 April 25, 2013 Reply

    I have always helped others, but dread needing help. I think if I need help there won’t be anyone that would help me.

  2. Gloria-860666 May 29, 2012 Reply

    I usually do things myself when I shouldnt or they just don’t get done at all.

  3. Gloria-860666 May 29, 2012 Reply

    I hate asking for help because I come from a guilt ridden family and its not anyones fault but mine that I am a single mother of 4 boys. I don’t like feeling like a burden.

    • Marita-847688 June 8, 2012 Reply

      I’m so sorry, Gloria. Maybe you could talk to your family about the way you feel or the way their actions and words are causing you to feel.

  4. Mark-856352 May 10, 2012 Reply

    Sometimes we are single by the plans of God’s Divine Providence. In those times we are able to give each other the support that a biological family can’t. Don’t fear calling on friends for help and let it be known that you would be willing to help others when in need. Independence is a mistake we all make out of pride and I have done it a million times and will probably do it again, It’s sad that when we don’t let the friends that God placed into our lives help out.

  5. Lynn-189934 May 9, 2012 Reply

    I really liked this story. I dated a young lady who had a very strong chip about being an independent woman. . . almost aggressively so. It was very sad, but this was one of three factors that drove the relationship apart, and I imagine must be resolved. So many women don’t want to “need a man,” or ask for help. . . no man is an island, and neither is any woman. Nice article—we all as singles need to know that asking for help is not weakness but is part of our humanity.

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