Secrets Every Committed Couple Should Know


One day several years after my divorce, I was in the grocery store with my friend Jennifer, a single co-worker of mine who had never been married. As we waited in line for our groceries to be checked, a woman behind us who looked somewhat disheveled was talking to a friend she had bumped into. Her friend said, “Wow, you look all relaxed in your sweats and everything.” She replied, “Oh, Steve and I are married, now. He doesn’t care.”


As we walked out to our car, I told Jennifer, “That’s not great advice, Jen. It doesn’t matter if you’re married or not, the guy still cares how you look.” It’s hard for me to forget that little moment in time because I had already been through a failed marriage and I felt sad for the woman who had said that. I hoped in the future it was something she may have changed her mind about.


After you get into a relationship and the two of you become comfortable with each other, it’s a good idea to continue doing all the things you did to be attractive while you were dating. They shouldn’t be just a facade that falls away. I’m sure both men and women would agree the person they fall in love with during the dating period is the same person they want to be with in the exlusive couple period.


I’m not saying don’t get comfortable with each other or that women should wear makeup every hour of the day. I’m just saying don’t let those really nice things like opening doors and pulling out chairs for her, or saying thank you for dinner and giving him compliments fade away into the background.


Another great habit to keep up after you’ve become a committed couple is to keep on dating. Don’t stop dating each other. This is something married couples often forget about once they settle in to married life.


Once you begin doing everything together, dates tend to become fewer and farther in between, almost as if they were special occaisions. Sometimes, the dating fades away completely. Then, the Friday or Saturday nights are still spent together, but instead of something special that focuses solely on you two, you go shopping for a birthday gift for a relative or have a quick bite to eat and go get the car washed and detailed. Going to Target to pick out new bathroom decor is not a date.


If finances are tight, and you’re on a budget, please don’t be defensive about my suggestion. The idea is not to go out and simply spend money on each other. Many people cannot afford to do that and nice dinners, etc. are a special occaision. Dinner at home, a rented movie, a free concert in the park or a picnic at the beach are all excellent ideas that cost little or no money, but the key to dating at this point in your relationship is spending time focused on each other and having great conversations that cement and grow your love for one another.


Keep doing the things that make you attractive and keep dating each other after you’re committed to each other. These are great habits to get into before you ever get married… Keep dating each other and getting dressed up for each other to keep the romance alive. You’ll find yourself in one of those relationships that is solid and happy, and one that everyone envies 🙂




  1. Kathy-1118963 December 2, 2014 Reply

    A bit surprised that someone who has been married before thinks that married couples ‘forget’ to date. A marriage is a complex relationship, with a whole different set of goals and obligations than a dating relationship. Now you are not just going out and having a good time… You are responsible for each other’s care and well being, and perhaps also have children. For me, a more realistic perspective is not ‘dating’, but instead devotion. Including time devoted to focused attention on one another. And that can be as simple as spending an hour a week together at Adoration, with maybe a little time afterward to sit down at a cafe.

  2. Abbey-937473 March 23, 2014 Reply

    couples should really continue to date even if they are married and get old. continue to appreciate, surprise and provide compliments even for the small things done to each other with small notes or a short message 🙂

  3. Joelle-850154 March 13, 2013 Reply

    Amen! These are great “secrets”

  4. Sheron-953022 March 13, 2013 Reply

    Sometimes you can do all of that and the man still leaves. There are men who just want a new and different woman. The man has to really really love you in the first place. I know men who have left gorgeous women who kept themselves up then I know men who stay with women who barely comb thier hair.

  5. Heather-820714 March 13, 2013 Reply

    Very well put!

  6. Jason-210494 March 12, 2013 Reply

    This a great article. I totally agree with this.

  7. Esteban-728759 March 12, 2013 Reply

    I totally agree

    its not about a woman staying thin for the sake to please her husband only neither the man need to keep opening doors to make her wife feel special .Both things have to be done for the sake of keeping the love flame alive, lets compare love in marriage to a bonfire. If fire starts to go out you will throw in another piece of cordwood to get fire alive again. Same thing is opening doors for women or women staying thin for their husbands is for the sake of keeping the flame alive whatever the spouse needs within reasonable its a good idea to try and do.

    Statistics love to gossip and they good at it, 50 % of married couples today wont last longer than 26 months. I am wondering if not getting doors opened for ladies or taking your spouse for granted and gaining a few pounds had somethinhg to do with it.

    There are no guarranties in war or love but its a good idea to lower uncertainty and turn it into risk and increase the odds of staying with that special one when you find a way to kick things up a notch and keep the fire alive , throwing another piece of cordwood into the fireplace its a good idea. To narrow it down finding a way how to keep the flame alive if your husband wants to see you on that lovely bikini you got in you drawer by all means give it a try and try to stay thin, you will feel good and so your husband and gentlemen if opening doors for your wife makes her feel like the queen of this world its worth the time to play the doorman it also can be fun.

    Bottom line is never take your spouse for granted and find ways how to keep LOVE alive either by staying thin or getting doors opened for her just be easy about it.

    • Lesley-158563 March 13, 2013 Reply

      I vote that the men stay “thin” (at a healthy weight), too.

      • Laura-1213849 June 7, 2015 Reply

        Is unvelivable how men value skininessin a woman.GArcia Marquez wrote a letter about it He explains how most of men miss the oportunity to enjoy a deeply fulfilling intimacy with their plump wives looking always for the angels of victoria secret. i am warm generousand moderately overwaight I have live my life always exalling on a plump body but men are unforgiven and wemen have becomedisrespectfull of other wemens life you can do every thing right They will leave anyway

  8. Lisa-801067 March 12, 2013 Reply

    I disagree 🙁 look at the beautiful examples of love in the scriptures. Read 1: Corinthians Chapter 13 i think it is. I starts with love is patient love is kind, my joggers are not in that list. By the way joggers are not that feminine, and that is an appropriate beef for a man to have. Men are attracted to women but women seem to have forsaken femininity to look like the yoga model, athlete and barbie, myself included i am guilty too been there done that. Look good and take care of yourself yes but don’t put fear into women that they have to keep it up or you will fall out of love. We can take care of ourselves just fine without the pressure.

  9. Kathy-355103 March 12, 2013 Reply

    I like this—totally agree!

  10. Kathy-730470 March 12, 2013 Reply

    i agree with what you have written. You have to give as much to your relationship as you do to other important things in your life as your job. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you do not need to continue to work on it.

  11. Harold-950877 March 11, 2013 Reply

    I agree with all that. But would be nice to get to meet some of these nice people ,but they seem to shut you out before even knowing hardly anything about a person.

  12. Rachael-729451 March 11, 2013 Reply

    Good advice…..I agree:)

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