What All Women Are Really Doing in Bed


what women are really doing in bed

For whatever reason, my wife and I continue to receive a free trial subscription to Glamour magazine. As a professional Catholic speaker and retreat leader who speaks on love and relationships, I cannot help but stay informed as to the modern “wisdom” this magazine is offering. 

My first article in this Glamour series vented on the pathetic advice that women receive in magazines like this one. I lamented the fact that most of the information given does not lead to true love or intimacy but, only to pain and disappointment.

Thus, I would like to continue to expose the untruths and skewed sex advice offered by magazines like this. Understanding how to weed through the lies and misinformation will help you to avoid heartbreak and ensure that you are treated in a manner worthy of a child of God.

In one of the latest issues, there was a survey article titled, “What Everyone You Know Is Really Doing In Bed,” in which a thousand women gave their feedback to questions. 

The article came across with a high school mentality of “everybody’s doing it.” It seemed to advocate that no rules, morals, or boundaries in the sexual sphere is normal and acceptable. With that being said, the article stated: “In some ways, our survey shows, women are still conservative sexually. About half had five or fewer partners.” 

Upon reading that, I wondered how five partners could be considered conservative. Perhaps considering the rampant promiscuity of the other women in the survey, 3, 4, or 5 doesn’t seem so bad.

In one question, for example, the survey asked women how many sexual partners they’ve had. A quarter of all the women had between 6-10 partners. As disturbing as that is, more than 10% had 11-15 partners and another 10% had 21 or more partners.

To put it in perspective, 100 women in this study had up to 15 partners and another 100 had 20 or more partners! What’s intriguing is that two questions later, more than half the women admitted that it would “bother them” if their partners’ numbers were that high.

Notice that the article didn’t offer zero as an option. Apparently, they do not understand the beauty or purpose of sexuality. They don’t grasp that our hearts were made to be given to one person in marriage and not multiple partners. And, we wonder why the divorce rate is skyrocketing, and why lasting love and intimacy are hard to find.

In fact, those who wait until marriage to engage in sexual relations and to live together have the best marriages and most fulfilling sex lives.

In another question, the article asked women if they would rather have:

A). A short man with a big penis

B). A tall man with a small penis

Sadly, one cannot help but note the high school mentality here.

Here are a few mature options that should have been offered:

C). “Grow up, we are not in middle school anymore.”

D). “Who cares, I’d rather know the size of his heart and whether he is capable of loving me.”

E). “Women don’t like being objectified, so why are we stooping to that level?”

The options Glamour offered are immature at best, based solely off lust and pleasure. Love and lust are always and forever opposites. Lust cannot create a stable relationship or a solid foundation for love and marriage.

One wonders; would a woman want a man asking the same question about her breast size, reducing her to an object of pleasure, or would she rather be seen and loved for who she is as a person?

The answer seems clear. How many women complain that “men are pigs,” or “only after one thing,” and yet Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and other like magazines are training women to think and act the very same way. It’s truly sad. 

We must rise above any attitude or “advice” which is beneath our dignity as children of God or against the nature of true love.

We shouldn’t even entertain it for it’s not worthy of us. As Jason Evert asks, “Are you a soulmate or a cheap date?” Forgetting what’s in the past, what type of person would you like to be?

How you answer this question will speak to your character and desires. It will also dictate how you will treat others and how you will allow them to treat you!

Never settle for less, for you—and the relationship you desire—are worth so much more!




  1. Joel-1219078 January 28, 2016 Reply

    Another great article! Thank you.

  2. Patrick-341178 January 18, 2016 Reply

    mmmm… not the kind of article I expected to find on catholic match…

  3. Dean-1150250 August 12, 2015 Reply

    “In fact, those who wait until marriage to engage in sexual relations and to live together have the best marriages and most fulfilling sex lives. ” I lived that standard and my marriage was miserable in the sex department. My wife was frigid and selfish. So no, at least for me, it was not a “fact”. I wish I would have found that out before marrying her. There is something to be said about knowing sexual compatibility BEFORE getting government and church permission to have sex.

  4. Andrea -966758 September 26, 2013 Reply

    Hopefully in all of this time you have contacted Glamour and told them you no longer wish to receive even the trial subscription?

  5. Julie L. May 27, 2013 Reply

    Great article!! Thanks for standing up for what is true and good!

  6. Almir-973839 May 25, 2013 Reply

    Funny Blog; come on, wisdom & modern glossy magazines don’t go in a sentence.

    So, if a man or woman thinks that 3,4,5 sex partners are conservative, then what is it that they’ve managed to conserve up to the 5th, whereas the 6th would breach/compromise that? Probably just finally realizing where the borderline is. By no means are we perfect, we must strive to better ourselves always. Lets not forget that many Saints (e.g St Augustine) lived a promiscuous life prior to finding their way to God.

    Sex sells indeed, but so do cars, ice-cream, films, fancy tech, holidays to fancy islands etc etc but we all place our efforts on things that matter to us the most and can afford (usually). So lets put things into prospective.

    Personally I know what all women are doing in bed or sofa sometimes, … sleeping, maybe accompanied by a cat, or a special man if she’s lucky ….. :-p

  7. Pat-5351 May 24, 2013 Reply

    To the editorial staff: I guess my comment is, do we really need a setting out of the text of this article in such graphic detail here on a Catholic website, and also, why such a provocative title? If I want to read about the dimensions of the human anatomy, I guess I know where to look now, but I don’t think we needed to read about it on a Catholic website. I think we also need to think about causing scandal, and being an occasion of sin to others, even by what is written and posted on a Catholic blog. I am not being an old fuddy duddy, but these are things we have a responsibility to be concerned about in the Catholic media.

  8. Maria-952927 May 24, 2013 Reply

    To me, that’s the frustrating part of all magazines. They sell because they’re plastered with sexual headlines. Magazine companies have learned through experience that if they put something wholesome on their cover compared to something scandalous on another magazine cover, their’s is not going to sell. Sex sells. That’s the frustrating about it.

    Something else I noticed was the number of sex partners you mentioned the magazine asked. I, too, agree with you that 3, 4, or 5 sex partners is NOT conservative. Why anyone would consider that conservative, I don’t know.

    • Andrew-1114997 March 26, 2015 Reply

      Of course, with the caveat that a twice-widowed woman can still be regarded as conservative after taking a third husband as long as she didn’t have anything to do with the deaths of the first two.

  9. Diana-877078 May 22, 2013 Reply

    I am amazed at how much sexual content is in the media, t.v.,movies, etc. then we wonder why it is becoming normal. Our generation has been programed to believe that jumping into bed everytime you meet a guy is normal. If it comes from the media somehow people think it is true. so sad

  10. Mike-911229 May 21, 2013 Reply

    So many women that I meet today seem to have the “Narassisted” attitude…carrying only of oneself. everything is Me, Me Me…what can you do for ME!…then when they have used you up it on to the next guy, very sad.

  11. Matthew-965185 May 21, 2013 Reply

    As the father of an 18 yr. old daughter, I find myself “censoring” this type of corruption all the time. My daughter tells me stories about how the other girls in her high school make fun of the girls who have chosen to stay virgins until marriage. We all have the desire and drive to have sex, but our decisions on how we act upon those “urges” defines us as mature adults or immature children. Lets remember what happened to places like Sodom and Gomorra. Those societies were corrupted with sexual perversion also. God, our father, was NOT pleased!

  12. Jorge-443462 May 20, 2013 Reply

    This article is really touching, and scary, sad that many women have been lied to bought by lies of promiscuity by the media, we see it in the Reality shows and even the young teen series prettylittle liars, I once read an article and Jason Evert is very true about whats in glamour when reading a guide of how girls and guy cant flirt, it was bogus, I’ve had girls in the university wrap thier arms around me , to tell the truth it feels somewhat strange, like ah hey shouldnt we do this only as married couples, Glamour is a pop culture lure to promiscuity and a reason why so many young catholic girls/ ladies and young men are so immature in our faith, lifestyle, highschool ,middle school is over,let grow in our fiath and respect women were cretaed to draw us to Gods beauty in humanity, Men we must fall ini love w God before a girl

  13. Marge-938695 May 20, 2013 Reply

    Great article!

  14. Mary-943298 May 20, 2013 Reply

    THANK YOU, as a GYN, I am amazed what people believe is “normal,” Articles such as these do not do a service to anyone. When I get my free copies of similar magazines, those do not make it to the waiting room, It is my goal to promote more responsible behavior and better decision making.

    • Dawn-634638 May 20, 2013 Reply

      I agree whole heartedly! I have spent many visits with women trying to re-write these messages that have been given from society about “norms” regarding our bodies. Mary, thank you for your efforts and for being mindful about how small things like the magazine in your waiting room really can set the tone for the visit and for how a woman views her body.

    • Jennifer-728047 May 19, 2015 Reply

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  15. Sol-496426 May 20, 2013 Reply

    The sad thing is that there are also teen versions (like cosmogirl) and some others, also in Spain, that are all about that, intertwined with celebrities, etc. Certainly not very formative, specially in formative years where kids rely more on magazines and friends to seek information rather than their own parents.

  16. Maria-968666 May 20, 2013 Reply

    The very reason why I stopped reading the Cosmo mag even while waiting for my appointments. That’s not women empowerment at all.

  17. Bob-59786 May 20, 2013 Reply

    Doesn’t sound unitive and procreative does it. However for those M & W who understand the Creator’s design for chastity and sexuality, you’re the best. For those who don’t agree w/ His design for sexuality, it sounds like you’re creating your own hell on Earth?

  18. Esther-532964 May 20, 2013 Reply

    Good article! Thank you for writing it. May God help us all in our search for our true love.

  19. Sherrill-anne-13557 May 19, 2013 Reply

    The unfortunate thing is that people read these articles and treat their advice as Gospel.Glad to see that there are Catholics out there who are trying to ensure that individuals especially youths are exposed to God’s way.

  20. Michael-780154 May 19, 2013 Reply

    Saw this exact issue while checking out at the grocery store. Couldn’t believe it, did not bother to look.

    As an annulled Catholic seeking a lifetime mate, I’d prefer someone more interested in compatibility/my soul/my heart than what the secular world believes should be most important. God made people of all shapes and sizes, and there is so much more to marital fulfillment than just sex…while has been so devalued and diminished by the secular world in magazines just like this one. Sad, really.

  21. Lesley-158563 May 19, 2013 Reply

    Prologue doesn’t mean fate. It is an event that leads to something of greater importance. Ladies who have made mistakes or allowed themselves to be disrespected can pick themselves up and move on. So, for all the ladies, if someone is putting you down, don’t buy it.

  22. Marcus-860000 May 19, 2013 Reply

    “Forgetting what’s in the past”

    What’s past is prologue.

    • Elizabeth R. June 2, 2013 Reply

      :thumbs up:

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