It’s still wedding season, isn’t it? It must be, because I’ve been to two weddings so far and have another one coming up.
One of the weddings I’d been to this summer was for a family friend. I brought my mother as my plus one, and we both had a blast.
The last wedding I’d attended before that was on New Years’ Eve. The Mass was absolutely beautiful as well as the venue, cake, flower choices and all those superficial aspects of a wedding. It was also fun because my “plus one” for the wedding was a good girlfriend, a fellow writer whose talent I admire.
What wasn’t fun was the quizzical looks directed at my friend and I. The bride and groom were in a huge circle of friends, a fair amount of whom knew me. They did not stop asking me why I didn’t bring a date. They knew I was seeing someone and they didn’t understand why I brought a woman as my “plus one” instead of him. I could have brought him, so why didn’t I do that? I responded that I wanted to be with my friend, with whom I always have a great time.
Another reason why I didn’t bring my boyfriend was because the relationship was far too new. We had only been dating a couple of months. Normally I would never consider asking a date to a wedding for at least the first year. But after a while, I started to reconsider that.
We can discover many things about someone by how they behave at a wedding. Are you subjected to constant gossip about the bride or groom? Does the bridesmaids’ gowns dominate the conversation? Is there a tone of bitterness about weddings in general? Does your date take advantage of the open bar a little too much? Is your plus one dancing in a less than modest way? Are you introduced as a “friend” to the guests? How does your plus one respond to the seating arrangement? What kinds of formalities are observed? How well-mannered is your date? And most of all, how does your date act during the wedding Mass? This is crucial.
These are the things that matter. It is important to recognize how your date treats you one-on-one as well as in a group. Maybe you don’t have an opportunity to go to a wedding, but you could get some information at a party or a barbeque. The sooner you find out, the better off you’ll be.
If you’re marriage minded, and I can safely presume you are, it is important to discover if your chosen date is on the same page. Of course it is important to also talk about values, but it’s not the same thing as experiencing it for yourself. Talk is cheap, as they say, and actions speak louder than words.
So what do you think? When is it too soon to ask the person you’re dating to a wedding? Is it okay to bring a friend or family member as your plus one? What does your wedding guest etiquette involve? What would you do if your date turned out to be an embarrassment at the wedding ?