Never Settle When Searching for a Spouse


When I first created my profile on CatholicMatch, I was ending a two-year relationship with someone whom I’ve known since kindergarten. I simply wanted to be reassured that there were other faithful Catholics out in cyberspace, but I never intended to meet anyone in person, never mind dating. I was taken aback by the number of responses to my profile the first week, and the growing number each week after that! However, I was quickly disappointed when I realized most of the profiles matched in my area were from men who weren’t buying into the Church’s teachings 100%.

I thought I could navigate around this faith issue by proclaiming in my profile that anyone who did not agree with seven out of the seven faith based questions should not bother contacting me. This seemed to discourage some, but I was surprised by how many men still ignored my request and tried to contact me.

I understand the frustration of not finding matches who meet our qualifications. Sometimes we may feel we have to reassess those qualifications or change them to fit the available matches. But I’m here to tell you: don’t. Please don’t.

Most of us will not have to suffer the way Sarah did before marrying Tobias. But remember their story when you’re tempted to compromise those important faith based issues in a potential date or spouse. While most of us will not encounter those extreme situations of “love me, not lust for me, or die,” we should still insist on that respect.

Those of us who are too stubborn to compromise these faith issues will find that we may have to extend our search radius again and again, often into that long-distance category. That’s okay. Pray for fortitude, courage, and humility.

While I certainly didn’t join CatholicMatch to be in a long-distance relationship, I also never imagined myself getting married from it! But I held my ground on those important faith based questions, and I found my Tobias. Throughout all the trials my husband, Alex, and I have faced in our seven years of marriage, I can say with 100% certainty they would have been worse if it was not for our strong mutual faith. Those same struggles instead brought us closer together in ways only suffering can do, by following God’s example in self-sacrificial love and humbling admitting fault when we fell short of grace.

While it may be difficult being single for the time being, watching your friends or roommate date, remember you only need one spouse. Tobias is worth the cross you bear to find him!



  1. Elise-1026506 January 15, 2014 Reply

    I don’t need the 7/7. In fact, I wish there was a man out there who could accept me for NOT accepting ALL of the Church’s teachings.

  2. Kim-989867 October 17, 2013 Reply

    ! I’m currently reading the book of Tobit! Also praying the Novena to Our Lady Undoer of Knots! Also asking for Rafaels intercession, as he helped Tobias! You all need to read Tobit it’s a great inspiring story! Blessings

  3. Esther-532964 October 6, 2013 Reply

    Yeah! Great article! I will continue to pray for a good catholic husband. I ‘m glad I read your article. We all have to be strong to keep our catholic faith, and Jesus teachings.

  4. Kelechi-1012494 October 3, 2013 Reply

    Lovely message! I needed to hear that.

  5. Ajeer-592775 October 3, 2013 Reply

    Thanks for sharing this article

  6. Henny-956284 October 2, 2013 Reply

    I like your story! Thanks for sharing.

  7. Jeremiah-872559 October 2, 2013 Reply

    I think people who are dead set on finding someone who is 7/7 should take another look at those who might not be. There are important ones that should be non-negotiable, such as the Eucharist, but if someone does not believe the pope is infallible, is that really a deal breaker?

    • Joy Kubik February 14, 2014 Reply

      Jeremiah (sorry I’m responding months later), for you or anyone who doesn’t agree to all “7 out of 7”, I would recommend mentioning in your profile that you are open to discussing why you feel that way. Or if you’re contacting someone who agrees differently, acknowledge it right away. Use this knowledge to everyone’s benefit. It can be a deal breaker to some, but maybe it won’t be to others. Being transparent about it will help facilitate the relationship one way or the other. Those questions are on the site for good reason. Faith compatibility makes for a smooth transition into marriage.

  8. Dave-915458 October 1, 2013 Reply

    I think there should be a clear distinction between faith/moral based values and other values (e.g. education level, standard of beauty, height, weight, etc.) Reading this article many would be encouraged not to compromise all values esp. non-faith values. I think this is wrong.

  9. Krystle-814664 September 30, 2013 Reply

    Very true. No compromising on the 7/7!

  10. Kathy-669573 September 30, 2013 Reply

    Thanks for the inspirational article! I chose to follow my convictions and let go a guy I really cared about from here because I refused to compromise my values for him. I am currently single but have faith that I will find the right guy who will be my husband, wherever he may be!

  11. Christine-945026 September 29, 2013 Reply

    Thank you for the article! I really needed the message today!

  12. Sharon-942543 September 29, 2013 Reply

    Thanks, great article, so true.

  13. Anay-832060 September 29, 2013 Reply

    Thank you for your article!

  14. Sandra-202758 September 29, 2013 Reply

    I really like your last line: ” Tobias is worth the cross you bear to find him!”

  15. Jillian-1014035 September 29, 2013 Reply

    Thanks for sharing

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