Friends with benefits. The best thing since bread and butter, right? You get the best of both worlds—intimacy and pleasure without having to be tied down or emotionally involved. After all, who wants all the baggage that come with relationships?
This line of reasoning might seem to make a lot of sense to some, but deep in our hearts, we know that we were made for something deeper… true love! Our hearts and bodies weren’t made for multiple sexual partners.
Friends with benefits is the opposite of love. Pleasure, without caring for the other person, or their soul, is selfishness, even if both are consenting. The irony is that “friends with benefits” is neither. They are not friends and the things they are doing are not beneficial in any way, but destructive.
So, what’s wrong with having friends with benefits?
First, friends with benefits, or hooking up in general, is extremely shallow and does not prepare a person to find lasting love, nor to be a good lover. In addition, how does it train them in faithfulness or discipline? These are two things that are indispensable for a successful marriage.
Second, there are some who think they can explore sexually now and then get serious and settle down in marriage. But, it doesn’t work that way. In reality, a prosperous marriage is a result of proper preparing and choices made. Good habits and virtues will yield a good marriage, while a life of selfishness without sacrifice or discipline is a recipe for divorce.
Third, friends with benefits, or any sexual activity before marriage, is the opposite of true love and of God’s perfect and beautiful design. Why should we settle for something shallow and animalistic when God calls us to something so much higher, so much more powerful? Why settle for less the true love?
Fourth, being sexually active before marriage demonstrates a lack of understanding in regard to the one’s body and one’s dignity—not to mention all of the mental, emotional, and sexual baggage picked up along the way.
The body and mind release powerful chemicals during sexual arousal, such as oxytocin and dopamine. Oxytocin, for example, bonds two people together; it is designed to act as a superglue between a husband and wife in marriage. However, people who are sexually active before marriage unknowingly lose its bonding power before they even arrive at the altar.
Imagine putting a long piece of tape on your arm, rubbing it in, and then ripping it off. It will hurt a lot and rip your arm hairs out. Repeat. Repeat several times. Eventually, it will not hurt, and there will be no stickiness left to speak of. The same results with pre-marital sexual activity. As stated above, neither our bodies nor our emotions were designed for multiple sexual partners; the more we give ourselves away cheaply, the more problems will surface in our marriage, including, major intimacy issues.
God knows what He’s doing! He made our bodies and understands their deepest workings. Consequently, friends with benefits and hooking up will shoot your future marriage in the foot. People who are sexually active before marriage are not holding out for Mr. or Mrs. Right; rather, they seem to be saying that, “I’m not worth waiting for, and neither are you.” How sad!
Perhaps you have messed up in the past and would like to start over. You can. It’s never too late to begin again—never! (See my article here on “How to Start Over.”)
I have personally heard, and have also read about women who complain about not being able to find a guy who will commit to them, but yet, many times they don’t demand it. Hooking up and giving themselves away sexually is a foolproof way to make sure a man doesn’t commit. After all, he’s already received what he desires; so why should he then want to get to know her more deeply, her personality, her goals, dreams, desires, and those things that are important to a woman? (Of course, this certainly goes both ways).
Those reading this article may already live purely and never dream of hooking up or anything of the sort, but perhaps you know people who do. So, feel free to share the good news with them. For anyone sick and tired of all the divorce in this country, we must realize that great marriages don’t just happen. They are made!