What People Find Attractive May Surprise You


Dating is a very important ritual, even if it’s sometimes frustrating. It is important because it is the gateway to marriage, and there are so many people out there looking for someone special with whom they can spend their life. They are looking for someone like you. So, it is important to approach dating with a healthy sense of optimism and anticipation. In doing so, you want to put your best foot forward. Working on making yourself attractive and wanting others to perceive you as attractive is a natural first step in finding someone special.

So, what is it, exactly, that makes someone attractive? Is it perfectly applied makeup? Trendy clothing? A great physique? An expensive car? It’s amazing to think about just how much money we spend to make ourselves look attractive, and coming from the perspective of someone who is single, it makes sense to spend the money and look good. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look attractive to others, but being attractive is a complete package, it’s not just about how good you look on the outside. So what about from the perspective of those who are already in a relationship? They have found each other, are committed to each other, and possess other qualities that keep their love for their significant other alive. What is it they find attractive about them after spending years together?

I recently polled my friends on FaceBook and asked them for their opinion on the matter. I asked them what they found most attractive about their significant others, aside from physical attractiveness. Here are some of their responses:

  1. His humor and the way he can be a genius but have a childlike excitement about the smallest things.
  2. When he tells me he thinks I’m prettier without any makeup on.
  3. The amount of unconditional love I receive from my wife every single day makes her even more beautiful to me and makes me want to be the best man possible. I never thought love like this would ever come my way.
  4. Loyalty.
  5. His integrity- he is always honest, trust worthy & faithful to the will of God!
  6. Kindness, care, big-heart.
  7. I love my husband for his trustworthiness, his reliability, and that I know without a doubt that he wants what’s best for us and our family and always makes decisions accordingly.
  8. I love how he loves kids! He married me when I had five and then we had five more. That takes a very special man.
  9. He always has my back. Partnership.
  10. Humor seems to be it! If he can make me laugh, he makes me feel younger.
  11. I love how he’s open to change if it’s to improve our relation.
  12. He loves ME for who I am no matter what. If I am silly grumpy sad and of course joyous He is a very Godly man We share our love of The Lord together. Happy valentines day. He always has a smile on his face.
  13. He is selfless, always thinking of the other. His sense of humor attracted me in 10th grade…and it still holds true today, enjoying the simple things in life, his unconditional love, seeking always the good in others. Celebrating our 30th anniversary this year!!! So blessed:)
  14. When I close my eyes and I can get away with imagining the perfect woman, and it’s her face that appears, that’s when I know that I have more then I deserve!
  15. A great sense of humor, and them totally being themselves…very appealing.

The thing I loved the most about these answers was they all had a common thread, which was that these things they found most attractive about their spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends revealed an attractiveness generated by authenticity. They are authentic, genuine people through and through. They demonstrate their love for their mate daily. How can you ignore someone with this beautiful characteristic?

Every period of life is an opportunity to do something great. This period of your life you’ve been given – being single – is a gift to you from God, because it is a special time of preparation. With all the other things you are doing to prepare yourself to meet someone special, why not include fostering this virtue of authenticity? It is what people are looking for, someone who is the same in private as they are in public. Someone who can be counted on in any situation. Now that is attractive!

I enjoy getting your question and comments, so please keep them coming to asklisa@catholicmatch.com or follow me on Twitter at @lisaduffy.



  1. Michael-369664 April 28, 2014 Reply

    I think dating is much harder now than ever since we’re all measured differently than in the past.
    At 58 dating seems to more like a job interview and less about finding and building a relationship with someone. It’s not fun to be grilled or interrogated over dinner or when you’re at an event.
    I still think you will find chemistry or not in the first fifteen minutes or so. If you don’t feel it, then it probably isn’t ever going to happen.

  2. Curtis-1032804 March 30, 2014 Reply

    Um, you polled your friends on Facebook. Most of Facebook is exaggeration or lies to present things as better than they are. Basing any thought about relationships based on research done by poling Facebook friends shows remarkably poor methodology. I polled my friends on Facebook and they all agreed that lemmings are really cool!

  3. Katya-652341 March 26, 2014 Reply

    As a single individual I have come to accept that at this time in my life this is where and how God wants to be for his own reasons. I’m hoping he’s preparing me for something greater in the relationship
    Realm …

    • Ann-69118 May 12, 2015 Reply

      Couldn’t put it better. Being attract to someone also requires someone giving your a chance.

  4. Michael-85720 March 11, 2014 Reply

    Sounds idealistic for the most part. Get to where the rubber hits the road. Be open and surprised by God. Some folks don’t have all the pizzazz, great sense of humor and requirements you are looking for. But because they suffer, they will be even more amazing as they blossom; usually the ones who suffer are the most wise and gifted. Even if you are a knockout, work on being humble and compassionate toward those who are less bless than you in looks, physique, good/happy upbringing. Be open to being corrected, apologize and say thanks for that. I had a lady friend who was an “A” Catholic but was scrupulous, controlling, harsh in disciplining her child, when confronted was clever and was full of the deny, deny, deny.

  5. Jason-862068 March 9, 2014 Reply

    I agree with the timing of this article as I’m attempting to figure out a slump or if its something the Lord’s hinting as to who is the match.

  6. Barbara-1020301 March 5, 2014 Reply

    This article is so beautiful and honest. Thank you.

  7. Rose-1030878 March 4, 2014 Reply

    Thank you for this article. 🙂

  8. Victoria-929311 March 3, 2014 Reply

    Perfect timing. I really needed to hear this right now. 🙂 Thank you!

  9. Lori-1020607 March 3, 2014 Reply

    I love this article. I am looking for someone who has a good sense of humor, it reveals the real person..

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