No Bad Selfies & Other Online Dating Don’ts

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Imagine waking up to find a Facebook friend request from a guy you don’t know.

As a woman, the immediate reaction is “he’s a creeper!” In our digital age, Facebook is a bit like our living room. We have conversations with our friends, post family photos, and share our interests. Having someone we’ve never met or corresponded with try to enter that space is akin to having them show up on our doorstep.

On more than one occasion, I have received Facebook friend requests from CatholicMatch members. When I began receiving them, I wasn’t writing for the blog, so they had no way of knowing my last name; they had to have spent time searching through all the girls on Facebook named Ella.

Although these suitors may have had good intentions, these experiences prompted me to think about other things that singles do to scare off potential matches. (This isn’t just a list for the guys either.)

1. Don’t add someone on Facebook without the person having told you her last name. It can be startling to receive a friend request from a guy you have never corresponded with. You want to put your best foot forward. Instead, get a CatholicMatch subscription. It allows you and the person of your dreams to get to know each other in a safe and comfortable situation.

2. Don’t list your faults like you’re proud of them. Give someone a chance to find out your quirks for themselves. You don’t want to present yourself as unloveable; you are lovable!

3. Don’t use a bad selfie as your main picture! If you are serious about finding your future spouse, then you want to present yourself in the best light possible. Instead, have a friend take a photo of you. Make sure the photo isn’t blurry, dark, and your face isn’t blasted out by the flash. Also, stay away from too much head tilting—look into the camera confidently. For the gals, wear a color that is flattering and guys, always wear a shirt!

4. Don’t have other girls/guys (who aren’t your sisters or brothers) in your main picture. This isn’t Sister Wives and I don’t want to be part of your entourage. Your main picture should be a head and shoulders shot of just you. It is good to post group shots in your albums, but be sure to identify yourself in the description. Do show your love for your family in your photos. A boy who loves and respects his mama and sisters is a man who will treat his wife well.

5. Don’t write up a long and very detailed list of who you want your future spouse to be. It is important not to close yourself off to the person God has in mind for you—she might not have long legs and blonde hair, or he might not have blue eyes and be 6’2 tall, but he or she may be exactly what you need.

6. Don’t list Twilight as your favorite book. The subtext for guys is that you relate to Edward—controlling and creepy. For gals, it gives off a clingy and stuck in high school vibe. Do share your interests in your profile. A shared favorite book or television show is a great conversation starter.

7. Explain yourself. If you list on your profile that you don’t agree with one of the tenets of the Catholic Faith, some single Catholics are going to discount you immediately. Please explain your position in your profile and be open to discussion.

8. Do make a move. If you’re playing emotigram tennis with some lovely lady, the guy should make the first step towards more meaningful communication. Don’t worry, we want to talk to you!

9. Don’t send a half-hearted first message, such as “I thought your profile was kinda interesting.” It makes me think “I kinda don’t wanna respond to you.”

10. Do take the temperament test. To end on a more positive note, DO take the personality test. I enjoy knowing someone’s temperament and it gives a quick insight into who you are.

What would you add to this list? Leave me a comment below.

For more online dating tips, download a copy of our FREE online dating guide for Catholics.



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53 Comments

  1. Kathy-1079736 September 15, 2014 Reply

    James,
    1st of all you are addressing the wrong people in your message. And you are doing the same thing that upset me in the 1st place when you are asking why is someone a member of the catholic church if we don’t believe everything the catholic church believes/teaches. For me, there are lots of reasons. I am a very loyal person & feel very loyal to my catholic faith, church, family, tradition of catholics in my family for generations, etc. (& I have 5 godchildren that my sisters & friends have entrusted to me to guide in the catholic faith) which may seem unimportant to others but it is my life & others should not be judging me for it. I don’t have to answer to anyone (except God) as to why I choose to remain catholic or choose to believe what I believe. I did not thrive in an environment in grade school where I was scared of the pastor & yelled at & shaken (others were hit) by a teacher who ended up becoming a priest. In the last 10 or 15 years I had a pastor who was super loving, passionate, compassionate, etc. at my church who really made me want to be & stay catholic. I thrive much more in a loving, understanding environment. Again, this is just my opinion & these were my experiences.
    Tara, thanks for your response. Although I don’t agree with some of it, you are entitled to your opinions also & I appreciate your response. I am still learning & growing in my faith & your are correct that we are all at different places in our faith journey.
    Eva, thanks so much for your supportive & in depth response. I also liked your response to an earlier post regarding divorce, annulments, etc.
    Kathy

  2. Kathy-1079736 September 11, 2014 Reply

    It really bothers me to read people judging others who don’t answer yes to all the faith questions & saying you shouldn’t be catholic or be on this site if you don’t believe everything the catholic church believes (which are mostly man made laws aren’t they?). I’ve been catholic my whole life & have my own opinions about things & have very good reasons for not believing in some things like birth control. When you are the youngest of 6 kids & went through a time of turmoil in your family & were pretty much ignored, yelled at, hit sometimes, & put through some hell while growing up you might understand. I believe having tons of kids when you can’t afford to support them, don’t have the time to raise them, expect them to just figure things out in a catholic school who has a really mean pastor who makes you scared, etc. is not the way it should be. I went away from the catholic church for awhile & came back & am growing in my faith & have had much more loving, accepting, nonjudgmental, caring, etc. priests that I’ve learned from & been around & that is the kind of catholic church I want to be in. I’m so tired of judgmental catholics who act like you’re going to go to hell if you eat an hour before you go to communion, if you use birth control, etc. I believe each of us should only be worried about our own personal relationship with God. And to me the most important thing is to treat others how you would like to be treated. We are all human & we all make mistakes & make bad decisions who are we to be putting so much judgment on each other. A year ago I had a 5 year relationship end. He was Lutheran & wanted me to convert & for various reasons I chose not to. I joined this site hoping to meet a nice catholic guy & haven’t had much luck, but really have enjoyed the stories & forums. I find it very disheartening that I chose not to convert yet here I am being judged by other catholics like I’m not a good enough catholic. That is truly sad to me & I think one of the things wrong with the catholic church.

    • Tara-1116838 September 11, 2014 Reply

      Dear Kathy,

      I can see why you would be frustrated and feel the way you do!

      However, you are incorrect about one being able to form his or her own opinions about the Church teachings. Nothing about the Catholic Church is man=made: it is the Church Jesus Christ established for us to know Him and follow Him! The doctrines of the Church are made for our BENEFIT, not to punish us or make life harder. Only “worrying about our own personal relationship with God” WITHOUT the guidance of the Church is a Protestant belief, and a slippery slope! Just look at how many times Protestants have divided themselves against each other- I think it’s up to over 35,000 denominations! Jesus wanted us to be ONE body, of ONE communion, in HIS Church, not ours.

      So you are correct, people SHOULDN’T judge, and we should all be helping each other on our faith journey rather than making each other feel badly about not reaching the same level of faith and understanding yet. However, we are all required to correct each other and speak the Truth of the Catholic Faith with love. It’s just that we are all human and we don’t always do this very well. I myself was very confused for a long time about my faith, Kathy, and listening to Catholic Answers at http://www.catholic.com has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I would highly encourage you to check them out. And please, don’t let any of us sinners make you feel badly about the Church! The people of the Church are imperfect…but this does not take away from the holiness of the Church. Praise God for not expecting us to figure it all out on our own, and establishing His Church for us!

      God bless, Tara

    • Eva-1055623 September 12, 2014 Reply

      Kudos to you Kathy! I appreciate what you said. I didn’t respond to the people who have been extremely judgmental of those who haven’t answered “yes” to all the faith questions, because I was pretty angry about the attitude. You are absolutely right. People have reasons for their perspectives and we should be more concerned with our own salvation. I’m not saying that those who answer “yes” to all the questions shouldn’t try to help others understand why the church teaches what it teaches. But what is coming across is accusations, attacks and distaste toward others who are just as much children of God as those who are in agreement (sometimes out of fear rather than knowledge) with all the “rules.” History has born out that
      what the church has taught in the past has sometimes been turned upside down. When I was young, I was forbidden to cross the threshold of a non-Catholic church. Catholics looked down their noses at non-Catholics. Now look! We have Ecumenism!! Going farther back, Christians, Catholics, owned slaves… then there are the crusades, and what about how poorly we treated our Jewish brothers & sisters. Turned our backs on them during the Holocaust…. All man made rules/concepts/beliefs. As a barely post Vat II baby, I was blessed to have been raised in an ever evolving understanding of Christianity and Catholicity. What I most specifically understand is that we are to absolutely believe the teachings identified as infallible. Other teachings, we are to take very seriously, and seriously consider, discern, pray & discuss concerns with our spiritual leaders/guides before taking a stance against a teaching. It then becomes a matter between God and the individual. Anyone who disagrees with another Catholic’s position, has that right to disagree, but doesn’t have a right to attack the validity of another person’s status as Catholic. This is no different than how we treated our non-Catholic brothers and sisters back in the day. You are absolutely right Kathy, we all need to be more concerned about our own individual relationship with God, and to treat others with respect.

      Tara, I don’t agree with your statement that nothing about the church is man-made… what about Limbo? I absolutely was taught about Limbo. In GRADE school, I was taught how to baptize babies in the event of imminent death, for any baby that I thought may not have been baptized. Jesus Christ did not establish the Catholic Church. I’m not an expert by any means, and this is a very simplistic response… Jesus didn’t come to establish a new religion. The Catholic Church evolved at least in part from the fact that St. Paul wanted to allow non-Jewish people to be included, and at least a faction of the Jewish people wanted none of it. Again, don’t attack me about this, it’s a very simplistic statement that has a very real germ of truth. I do agree with you Tara, that the Catholic church exists because Jesus Christ came to show us the way, to know and love God – Father, Son, and Spirit. His every moment on earth teaches us how to live in love, with the love of God toward all. Jesus never berated anyone for their beliefs, but he did embrace them and show them the way… “Go and sin no more.” In that, he embraced them. He did not chastise and accuse, as I have seen in some of these responses. Yes, I agree, the doctrines of the Church are made for our BENEFIT, not to punish us or make life harder. Yes, the guidance of the church is absolutely essential to help us understand, learn, and grow in our relationship with God, but the guidance should not be taken with blind trust. Again, I point out the history of the Church has been plagued with sinful behavior from the top down. And, I will even say, in retrospect, sinful beliefs… Women were not always treated as equals, and as a culture in a certain era, we did not think slavery was sinful. Jewish people were not treated well, Protestants were damned to hell… There have been bad popes… But, in all this, the church survives, not because of beliefs conceived by man, but because the Spirit of God is alive even during our most atrocious behaviors. I so appreciate that you spoke very kindly, without condemnation or attack. Thus you truly (in my eyes) have emulate Jesus in trying to help others understand. Thank you for pointing out the website as a good resource. I’m sorry if I’ve come across as contrary or argumentative, in my above response, but I too am imperfect. And, you are right, our imperfections do not take away from the holiness of the Church. My bottom line position is that sometimes what man teaches needs to be scrutinized and weighed in the light of reason, discernment, prayer, & questioning, when it doesn’t make sense. In Kathy’s situation, she feels the teaching on contraception doesn’t make sense, so she has a right and reason to scrutinize. The important thing for all of us to remember is that teachable moments are lost when we attack. (And, I’m definitely not accusing you of attacking Tara, you absolutely did not!)

      Kathy, back to you… I understand why you have issues, for instance, with the teaching of contraception. I encourage you to ask questions, talk with your pastor, or any other priest you trust and respect. Talk to more than one authority figure if the ones you’ve talked with haven’t been able to help you understand the Church’s teaching. Even if it’s not an agreeable position, It is very important to know and understand why the Church teaches what it teaches.

      • James-1082060 September 14, 2014 Reply

        Kathy,

        First off, because I disagree with what you say I’m not berating you. I don’t know you, and all I have to go on is what you write here. Much of what you write you may truly believe, but that does not make it true. Even experiences you remember as a child (“forbidden to cross the threshold of a non-catholic church”) are more local superstition and not Catholic doctrine (the doctrine relates to taking part in non-Catholic religious ceremonies and has nothing to do with buildings). The fact that someone in a position of authority told you it does not make it Catholic doctrine. The catechism of the Church has always been readily available to any and all who want to read it, and that goes more these days with online access then ever before. To form your opinion of YOUR faith on half truths is never a good idea, and most of what you cite as reasoning for how the Church can be wrong are nothing more (I encourage you to take a non-biased look at what the Church has taught about things like slavery down thru the years, and given the current flare up of antisemitism you really should look at what the Church did with respect to Jews and the holocaust). You appear to be of the opinion that if you don’t agree with a fundamental teaching of the Church then you can just shop around for a priest or theologian who comes up with a line of reasoning that allows you to ignore it. This is the reason why we have a Pope, why someone was put in charge of the faith to stop all of the convenient changes at the local level. As Kathy pointed out to you, without this Protestant religions have devolved into tens of thousands of offshoots. And that is NOT a good thing.

        But I have little interest in getting in to a point-by-point argument online as it never proves fruitful. Your one comment that Jesus Christ did not found the Catholic Church makes it pointless to discuss things with you (and that is not an insult, it is just pointing out a fact that direct connection to Christ thru his apostles is fundamental to the faith). If you actually believe this, then what are you a member of the Catholic Church for? Again, this is not a slam or a suggestion for you to go elsewhere, it is a very real question. Shouldn’t you go find the church he founded and join it? Wouldn’t that be the most important thing to do with your life? I can not speak for anyone but myself, but I take the teachings of the Church seriously (including the limited 7 in the CM profile) because they do relate back to Christ. If I didn’t believe this I would be searching elsewhere to find the meaning I find in Church teachings.

  3. Eva-1055623 September 10, 2014 Reply

    Something that really puts me off is poor grammar and spelling errors. Even though their profile looks great otherwise, I’m really reluctant to reach out to someone who has not taken the time to read what they’ve written for errors. How hard is it to write something up in a Word doc, which will automatically let you know something is wrong… Heck, even posting here, when I made a typo, I was notified with a red squiggly line…

  4. Kate-1042481 September 10, 2014 Reply

    I have hesitated to join as I am moving 120 miles south next fall to Columbus, Ohio. I’d love to ‘meet’ someone there (I visit family at least once a month) and get to know them first. It would be exciting to have someone help me explore the area before and after I get settled. I see so many profiles that say no long distance relationships or put a mileage limit on their search. How do I overcome these obstacles?

  5. Norbert-98169 September 9, 2014 Reply

    May I also suggest that when you post a profile picture, no sunglasses please. Regular prescription eyewear may be Ok but professional photographers suggest that you take them off so they won’t glare due to the flash. But that’s in a studio.

    • Heather-1033703 September 9, 2014 Reply

      I just had one rejected as a profile pic because I was wearing sunglasses, but the photo fit with my first sentence (the two things seen in the box before clicking through) so I thought it worked. I guess CM had other ideas. I understand why though…

  6. Philip-607713 September 9, 2014 Reply

    Omg, 4 and 6. So much truth.

  7. Meg-1121792 September 9, 2014 Reply

    One more to add to your list….do not dismiss someone just because they have never been married. I am 57 and have never been married but sometimes, I think that men assume many things related to that status and therefore bypass my bio. In actuality, there are several reasons that someone may not be married. Perhaps the one that God has chosen for them simply has not come along and they were strong enough not to succumb to “good enough”. Single men and women may well be confident, happy, have interesting careers, developed many interests to share with you, and often have the desire, dedication, openness, and wisdom to work hard in a relationship. Please do not write us off. We may be just what God has in mind for you!

    • Eva-1055623 September 12, 2014 Reply

      Meg, Very nice response! I will keep that in mind, as I would have to say that I’m a little biased if the man has never been married…. And,… hmmm that is kind of backward, isn’t it!!

  8. Nicholas-1102675 September 9, 2014 Reply

    There should be a “like” button on here for comments just like there is on the forums!
    Anyhow, I just also wanted to add; write a profile self-description that is relevant to explaining who you are. Most of the profiles I’ve read just tell about where she grew up, where she had her education, what sports she’s been involved in, etc. but says little or nothing about what kind of person she is. I’ve thoroughly read her entire profile, and still haven’t a clue what she is like. I’m not going to take interest in someone over her education, hobbies, or past living locations. There is no harm in mentioning those things, but it shouldn’t be the center of your introduction. I want to be introduced to her personality; it’s what I would be marrying someone for, not for such trivial things as her high-school activities or anything like that.
    Also, I’d like to say; even if you dislike your temperament results, that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t apply! It’s still something worth listing and will help people to get to know you. And it’s still going to apply whether you approve or not.

    • Walter-533749 September 9, 2014 Reply

      I agree with you on the profile. Catholic Match needs more of the right information. As adults, why do we want to know who raised someone, where they went to high school, etc. To me that is filler. I am not sure any of the dating sites has figured out the right formula. I have seen comments on here that people have been on the site for many years. That should be an obvious clue that something isn’t working.

  9. Ricky-733454 September 9, 2014 Reply

    what holds me back from messaging someone is 1) not having a picture, 2) not getting a response back. Even a simple “Hello, thanks for messaging me but i think we wouldnt be a good match” is better than nothing.

  10. Miles-814 September 9, 2014 Reply

    We have become a pathetic nation on a person-by-person basis – men and women. God help us!

  11. Ellen-1104351 September 9, 2014 Reply

    The main thing that would hold me back from contacting people is that people simply don’t respond. I do try to respond to any contacts I get, although I appreciate they won’t be able to read it if they’re not full members. My other issue is that I live in the UK and there don’t seem to be that many members who are Europe, let alone UK, based. I will say, though, that the Americans are much better at contacting me than the Brits (or the Europeans!).

  12. Carole-1118532 September 9, 2014 Reply

    It would be much better for me if there were city and states on the carousel pictures. I only am interested in getting to know someone who lives within 25 miles of me.

    • Michael-410923 September 9, 2014 Reply

      I think one can do a search on this site, within a certain distance. So, if someone contacts you, and they show up in that search (25miles) they are within your particular distance. Still, may be interesting to expand the search and see if they are 26 or 50 miles away…

      • Rana W. September 11, 2014 Reply

        Hello Michael 410923, My name is Rana and live in Havre, MT. Living up here is very spread apart from everyone in the bigger cities. Sometimes the search is at least 75 to 100 miles apart to Great Falls, Montana. I think we are all seraching for the right one but won’t know unless we actually take a road trip to see who they actually are and see if personalities fit. Good luck with your search! Hey, if your in Montana I would love to meet you ! Rana

  13. Joseph-1106359 September 9, 2014 Reply

    It would be nice when you send some one an invite to Lunch or Dinner, that they at least are interested or not, They should at least send you a yes or no not interested E’Mail back telling you. In this way you would know to continue or not continue your search. Joe 1106359

  14. Vi-973050 September 9, 2014 Reply

    I don’t wish to view pictures of your pet or auto, or motorcycle instead of the person seeking the connection, since I won’t be considering dating any of these. Probably the biggest turn off is asking for a phone # or email address right away, before there has been much communication. If the response is no, I don’t give that information out until I feel comfortable and the person disappears – I’m certain that they were not the one for me to even consider.

  15. Alice-657846 September 9, 2014 Reply

    I will only respond to a match that is 50 miles within my home…At my age and the age of men I am looking at this is important at this stage of life..I have tried the long distance route and the distance is always what stands in the way of frequent get togethers that can build a relationship…

  16. Russ-959222 September 9, 2014 Reply

    A “don’t” I see a LOT: to start your profile with “I’m not sure what to say here”, “talking about yourself is so difficult”, or some such thing. That ubiquitous opening in not calculated to grab one’s attention.

    • LeeAnn-1117396 October 28, 2014 Reply

      I agree, Russ. It’s not a great way to “get to know someone”. Let’s face it, we are all on here to “get to know someone” better so that we can make an informed decision. It is a dating site, afterall…

  17. Cataldo-787443 September 8, 2014 Reply

    Some (funny) don’ts. Never say: “I’m a crazy boy”; “I am basically lazy”; “I am a very devout girl”(but showing hot pants or indecent clothes!); “I don’t know why I am on this site”.
    Don’t start with: “I like pop corn and burritos”; “I am a strange person”; “I’m not here for your money”; “I attend Mass on Sundays, but if I don’t go on Sundays maybe I go in some weekday”!
    Well…all of us has some issue…but maybe you can start with the good facets, right?! LOL

    Thanks Ella for your nice pieces. And yes, stalking girls on facebook is not the best way to have them on the altar with you LOL

    • Maria-1105793 September 10, 2014 Reply

      This is hilarious! What about ” I really don’t know what to put here, ok (sight) here I go … ) Totally cracks me up. 😀

      • LeeAnn-1117396 October 28, 2014 Reply

        I know, it makes me wonder how much effort they put into a relationship if they can’t tell you anything about themselves:).

  18. Nicholas-1102675 September 8, 2014 Reply

    Something to note: “Make sure your interview questions have enough answers available”!
    There have been times that I was going to answer a girl’s interview but found a question or two unanswerable. If none of the answers suit me, then whatever I say would be a lie, but if I leave any questions unanswered, it won’t be submitted! And some of the most common questions tend to be very odd, random, and just downright pointless to ask, like; “Who is your favorite superhero?” How do I answer that one when I don’t watch superhero movies to know who these guys even are? And why is that even important? What does it have to do with anything? If you are going to ask about something, it should be relevant for getting to know someone, and more importantly; it should be something that anyone can provide an answer to.

    • Tanya-1049211 September 8, 2014 Reply

      Nicholas, I agree with you. Some of the answers to the interview questions can be more than 1 answer. What do I do? I email the person and explain why I couldn’t give one answer. It gives me a chance to let them know a little more about me. 🙂

    • Heather-1033703 September 9, 2014 Reply

      I agree too (but now I have to go check to see if I have any random, pointless questions in mine 🙂 ) The issue I have with the questions is that sometimes several answers work. If I’m asked what type of vacation I prefer: beach, mountains, city, Europe, etc. I may like all of them, but there’s no option for that. It almost seems like there should be an all of the above option and/or a none of the above option. Or what about a way to write in an answer that’s not listed as an option???

    • Eva-1055623 September 10, 2014 Reply

      I agree with you Nicholas! I’ve found some questions to be unanswerable, or else I’d just pick something randomly… like, “who’s your favorite super hero.” I don’t know! So, for some of the questions, I almost feel compelled to give an explanation for my answers!

  19. Ann-1080387 September 8, 2014 Reply

    There’s no “right” or “wrong” about who is the first to initiate more meaningful conversation. Show me the passage in the Catechism that says it’s the man’s job.
    That being said, a lot of women DO expect the guy to make the first moves, so, guys, it might be smartest for you to initiate.
    Women, don’t you be scared of initiating conversation. It is not at all the same thing as chasing a guy down or stalking him. It’s just initiating conversation, nothing more.

  20. Patrick-341178 September 8, 2014 Reply

    online dating for dummies…. I was going to post a bunch of shirtless photos here on catholicmatch, but now, maybe with it being a catholic site, I realize that isnt a good idea.

  21. Tanya-1049211 September 8, 2014 Reply

    Gooood Morning CM members!!!!
    I think it is nice to respond to the interview questions. If there is an area/ issue that you are generally concerned about then it can be worded into your interview questions and their response can be helpful. I have had some gentlemen not respond to my request to answer my questions and that to me is a “red light”. You have to be honest up front because eventually all will show itself in time so why hide anything? 🙂

  22. Adrienne-113113 September 8, 2014 Reply

    Here’s one that’s been on my mind: If you have children and you want to mention them in your intro by all means do, but it feels all wrong to me when it’s the opening line. I don’t want the first thing I ever know about a man to be about his children, I want it to be about him. I want to know a little something about who he is and be intrigued by him before I know that he comes with a great responsibility, even though I will also respect him more for being a good father. It just makes me wonder how he would prioritize a future wife in relation to his children if he doesn’t save some space in the very beginning for her to just learn about him. Yes, if she’s the woman for him she’s going to love his children, too, and admire what a great father he is, but she’s not seeking them, she’s seeking him, so why not compose your intro in an order that will make her feel good about you? It’s a little thing but it could say a lot. And I would imagine the same would be true for single mothers.

  23. Arthur-558432 September 8, 2014 Reply

    Agreed, If you don’t follow the churches teaching… then my friend, you are not catholic, and therefore, dismissed immediately..

    • Josh-1025422 September 9, 2014 Reply

      The thing to point out the Churches teachings & 7 teachings is that it isn’t totally perfect and you can still be a catholic, Arthur. Maybe not by some singles on this site & author of this post, which she’s off track on tips 1-4-8-10, you can’t say your last name on this site like you do on facebook and the rest of tips are more robotic then human or to believe in. People are people, people are taught by their own family how to believe, their own ways. I personally am not looking for a nun or a robot, just a cool human being.

      • Janet-904485 September 10, 2014 Reply

        I agree with Authur. If you don’t answer yes to all faith questions you should not be on this site. This is suppose to be a catholic web site so technically if you are only divorced and not annulled and dating you are are not following church teaching and in jeopardy of losing your state of grace which is a whole other issue! Church teachings are church teachingsperfect or not. Not following them is the easy way out so saying that people are not perfect is a cop out. I expect men on this web site to understand church teaching and follow them because that is the catholic thing to do.

      • Eva-1055623 September 10, 2014 Reply

        Josh, I agree with you. And, truth be told, I appreciate the honesty and courage of anyone who answers the questions truthfully. I often wonder how many answer Yes to all the questions, because they believe that’s what will give them an edge.

        Janet, you commented that a divorced person is not following the church’s teaching & in jeopardy of losing their state of grace… You’re making unfair presumptions and judgements without knowing the facts. I know this is likely rare, but consider this… if the divorced person was never married in a Christian ceremony, or was not a Christian at the time of their prior marriage, (or some other such circumstances), the church doesn’t recognize the prior marriage as valid. My ex was previously married to someone who was not Christian, and they were married by a Justice of the Peace. He was not required to get an annulment because his ex was never baptized, and they were not married in a Christian ceremony. Another point… the person listed as divorced may actually be in the process of getting an annulment and it’s not completed yet. As I mentioned in my response to Josh, I prefer that someone is honest and upfront now, rather than finding out later on. So, if someone identifies they are divorced, or doesn’t answer “Yes” to all the questions, it’s tells me immediately they have integrity and honesty. They are taking a risk that they may lose potential interest, but they’d rather do that, than to be dishonest. Maybe I’m way off base, but this is how I perceive it.

        • James-1082060 September 11, 2014 Reply

          The seven questions are not esoteric and meaningless … they are fundamentals of being a Catholic (granted they are not the distilled essence of being Catholic, but they are integral and indispensable portions of the overall faith) . Being “honest” and denying the truth of any of them does not make you a person of integrity, it means you are not truly understanding the faith that you profess. While I understand people are at various levels of understanding and belief, this does not release a person from their responsibility to understand what it is they believe. I’m not advocating any different treatment for someone who admits a lack of understanding, but it shows me that a person has work to do if they truly want to live the faith passed down to us from Jesus Christ. And I’ll be the first to admit I, too, have a lot of work to do.

          There is a tendency to look at articles of faith as top down management (“It’s not necessary for you to understand, believe it because you’re told to … no sit down, pay up, and be quiet!”), and that rebelling against them is something honorable. But that’s a childish way to look at your faith. There is little in the Church that has not been analyzed and discussed ad infinitum for 2000 years, so if you don’t understand something it is because you haven’t looked in to it deeply enough.

        • Janet-904485 September 11, 2014 Reply

          Eva, you make some very interesting points. Thank you for your perspective.

  24. Oden-1004301 September 8, 2014 Reply

    I like it. But for number 2 on the list: what about listing some things that will definitely be deal breakers for women; such as, me listing that I pay child support and thus I have a very tight budget? For a lot of women this will be a deal breaker sooner or later and I’d rather filter them out sooner than later.

    • Adrienne-113113 September 8, 2014 Reply

      Oden, I think it’s fine to mention child support if you want to, for the reasons you said, but I think you could easily cast that in a positive or even humorous light: like “child support is a major financial responsibility right now so I’m looking for a woman who is truly more interested in heavenly riches than earthly ones”. Focus on the special kind of woman you’re looking for rather than the 2% (I really don’t believe it’s 98%) who want money more than a great Catholic man like yourself. Catholic women want Catholic men who are financially responsible and take care of their children, they just want to feel good that the worldly sacrifice they’re making will actually make their experience of life and love richer.

      • Oden-1004301 September 8, 2014 Reply

        Thanks Adrienne, you’re right. If you don’t mind I think I’ll use that line verbatim. 🙂 Nice profile by the way.

        • Adrienne-113113 September 8, 2014 Reply

          Thank you! Say it however feels natural to you, I’m sure it will attract the attention of the right young lady. 🙂

    • Heather-1033703 September 9, 2014 Reply

      I’m wondering about a similar thing. I have in my profile that I have a son on the autism spectrum. I include that he is high-functioning, but that he’s a joy. I’ve often wondered if this is the reason I don’t get too much interest.

      On the flip side, I’d love to be able to know why those I’ve expressed an interest in by either liking photos or taking interviews, don’t even bother to view my profile. I know I’ve not viewed profiles before too, but those are the ones who haven’t answered yes to most/all faith questions, are way out of my age range, listed as divorced, or live in another country.

      So, I don’t know. Is there a forum for profile reviews so we can offer each other advice on how to improve our profiles?

      • Eva-1055623 September 10, 2014 Reply

        Heather, I can understand why you question whether or not what you included in your profile is causing you not to get much interest. I wonder the same thing about my profile… I have no idea what might be off putting in my profile, but I don’t get much interest either. That would be a great idea… a forum for profile reviews for gentle critiquing.

      • Oden-1004301 September 10, 2014 Reply

        I’m starting to conclude that I just don’t look that good on ‘paper’. I do fine attracting women in-person. Unfortunately those women are not Catholic. So I guess that puts me in a pickle. Maybe those of us that have this problem need to focus our efforts on finding in-person social circles that are Catholic. I’m just clueless as to where those social circles are. Or maybe, in my case, non-Catholic women just don’t have as high of standards, as do Catholic women.

      • Michael-1060472 September 11, 2014 Reply

        It might just be me but I never respond to someone liking my picture. If you want to start a conversation, say something.

        • Kiz-1124626 October 30, 2014 Reply

          Liking pictures means a lot of things. It could be a simple sense of appreciation, it could be because you made that person smile with the picture you posted, or an indication that she finds you interesting; it could be a lot of things. We have different approaches when it comes to communicating and you could miss out your potential partner if you immediately close your doors. It is better to not over analyze everything. Why not start communicating or asking that person a solid question to get the clear intentions? I think members here do not respond to the simple gesture, plainly because they are not interested.

        • Anne-1366544 October 13, 2016 Reply

          This is an older comment, but I think it’s a bit sad. Sometimes liking a pic is all a lady can do to indicate interest. At least it’s a good sign. Some error showed me as inviting a new guy to chat 4 times in a row, and I don’t use chat. It stopped all real messages, though the guy liked my pics and so on…

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