Dating Over 50: 3 Tips To Help You Find A Great Relationship

27
53

Most people want to be in love. They desire to be in a committed, long term relationship with someone they can trust. As a single person ages, the possibilities of finding love might appear to be slim, especially if you’re over 50. This happens for various reasons like not being in an area where there are singles in your age group, or being too busy to be out looking, which underscores why CatholicMatch is such a great tool for meeting other Catholics. But sometimes not meeting anyone worthwhile can actually come down to one’s attitude toward and level of hope in actually finding someone special.

Sometimes, the older you get, the more you might feel like having a happy, exclusive, long term relationship is just chasing a dream. If you’ve been single for a while, especially if you’ve never been married, it’s easy to feel you could be too set in your ways to live happily with someone else. Another obstacle is many 50-somethings who have been through a divorce have major unresolved trust issues. By the same token, if you’ve lost your spouse through death it can be tempting to doubt you can find someone you can be happy with again. These are undeniable obstacles, but not to finding someone special. They can be obstacles to recognizing someone special.

If any of this describes how you feel, here are three things you can do to improve your chances of meeting and recognizing when you’ve met that special someone:

1.    Make Sure You Are Really Available

Baggage, baggage, baggage. You know that word means “trouble ahead” in regard to relationships, but are you ignoring your own? Do you still have feelings for an old flame or are you steeped in guilt for the way you broke off a previous relationship? Baggage. Are you worried that a second marriage will end in divorce? Baggage. These are things you don’t want to bring with you into a new relationship. Your heart should be completely available to give to someone else when the time is right, so take the steps you need to take now, before the right one comes along.

How? One way to help this is to practice the virtue of honesty. Be honest with yourself and others. Need to apologize? Go apologize. Have feelings for someone else? Don’t date until that’s resolved. Feeling insecure? Get counseling. Be honest with yourself about the things that are holding you back because if you’re not, you’re being dishonest with someone you date.

2.    Take Off Your Filters

Women talk too much and are gold diggers. Men are lazy and only want one thing. The list of biases goes on and on but that’s all they are… biases. Filters. If you’ve ever been in a romantic relationship and are now single, chances are you see the opposite sex through a filtered lens… the lens of relationships past. For example, if you had a bad experience with someone who was unfaithful to you, it can be tempting to start assuming that anyone you have a new relationship with will inevitably hurt you in the same way. This indicates a lack of trust. Learning to trust again can be very difficult, but it’s important to work on this if you want to have healthy relationships with other people.

One way to help this along is to pray to receive the gifts of the Holy Spirit, particularly wisdom and understanding. Our heavenly Father is generous with those who ask for these gifts and they can help you overcome any doubts or lack of ability to trust that might be lingering from your past relationships.

3.    Make Sure You’re Not Repeating Past Mistakes

It’s important to be able to recognize when you’re walking into the same relationship scenario that was a problem before and have the will power to stay out of it. If you tend to get involved with people who have addictions, for example, you need to make changes in your own life that will help you avoid these mistakes again. Addictions are not the only problems that can thwart a good relationship, there are many. But these types of problems seem to be quite prevalent, which is why I use it as an example. But whatever the scenario is, a great way to avoid getting involved with someone who has an addiction is to know someone as much as possible before you commit to them. If you are sexually intimate with that person, you won’t get to know them like you should until it’s too late. Sexual intimacy provokes emotions that blind us. In a marriage, this is a good thing. In dating, it’s one of the worst moves you can make. Chaste dating is the best way to get to know someone and the best way to avoid repeating bad dating choices.

Don’t get discouraged about finding a new relationship, get ready to have one! Be happy, strive to be holy, and I believe the rest will fall into place.

Feel free to send me your feedback at asklisa@catholicmatch.com.



27
53



27 Comments

  1. Jane-1249308 November 1, 2015 Reply

    Am confused whether to continue or give up age is a challege and it needs the grace of God to be patience

  2. Hugh M. August 12, 2015 Reply

    Hey, I hope age is not a problem. Wisdom does come from age, true love comes from being open to it, and giving of yourself with words that express not only fear of being alone but of telling of your experiences.
    Words are ways to love, your attitude comes through by honesty, open trust is not blind but finding the good ways to love as Christ loves us.
    By learning of His love, we become more aware of being loved.
    As a Catholic we accept His sacrifice, His giving totally, and we give all of us as we have done it before – lovingly.

  3. Catherine R. August 11, 2015 Reply

    Back to the article…I think these are valid points regardless of your age or vocation. Isn’t it our goal as Catholics to serve God’s kingdom here on Earth? If we fine tune these points in our lives it will make being with everyone, prospective date or simply fellow human, better is God’s eyes.

    I’m 50 and admit feeling the same lack of hope lots of people express. I’m learning to offer that feeling to our Lord and ask for the grace to follow whatever path He deems as good for me. I wouldn’t be ‘honest’ if I said it’s fun to feel or easy; but what’s most important to me is being in a partnership with God to live the life he wants me to live.

    I don’t know if this will help anyone reading this. I know it helps me to know what I feel isn’t too uncommon.

  4. Michael-369664 February 28, 2015 Reply

    For all your skeptics in here, please join Match.com. If you are 50 plus, male, and available maybe you will have better success than me. Note to Susie–everyone in America seems to want to date younger or feels they deserve to. Again–read those profiles posted by women in the 50 plus bracket. They are actually more selective than younger women–net result–they will be looking for a very long time to find the guy they want if he even exists. From experience I learned a hard bitter truth: you really have to find the right person before 40–after that you are fighting overwhelming odds of landing a quality person. I waited too long, and now I’ve aged out of the dating market. As you age up the quantity of prospects in the pool shrinks. The three factors women focused on the most at 50 plus: age, height, income, location. Nothing else mattered. My advice to younger folks is: start your search early and work hard–you don’t want my story to be yours.

    • Ann-1215946 August 14, 2015 Reply

      Michael, are you joking? Scratch from that long list age, height and location. A wise woman over 50 only cares that you are a nice, stable guy who won’t fritter away her hard-earned assets, particularly if she owns a home (as I do). If you are decent and she is decent, especially if you have your faith in common, you both have the maturity to make it work. A woman looking for a dream guy when she is over 50 is in a fantasy world, because she must face that she also brings some weaknesses to the table. A mature woman and man should both be willing to accept someone not “perfect” because they have a half century of experience to build on. For example, you talk about how women are picky, but would you date one that might have a few medical problems or be a bit overweight? Or do you too want a fantasy girl? If you want a real woman, send me a message.
      Ann.

      • Michael-369664 December 29, 2015 Reply

        Hi Ann–once again, join Match.com and read women’s profiles in the age range
        50-60. I think you will be very shocked at what you find. Most women want younger versions of men they couldn’t get when they were younger. Most are divorced, with adult children and grandchildren. I’ve never been married, so I would have to enter into a blended family situation. That would be tough for anyone to do. As for medical problems–here is mine–stage 3 colon cancer. I’ve been dealing with that since Aug. 2012. I’m in remission, but I’m still a few years from being considered cured. How many women want to deal with that?
        What is a fantasy girl? I couldn’t find one when I was young, and if they exist at all, they don’t date men over 55. America is the last place you will find maturity at any age. I think many women 50 plus are looking for someone who wants to spend a lot of money on them, travel all over, and be on call for them. Sorry I’ll pass. Remember as Catholics we see dating/marriage than 90% of the population. No wonder it’s so hard for us as we get older. Our prospect pool is very limited no matter what you do or where you go.

        • Michael-369664 December 29, 2015 Reply

          I meant to say we see marriage differently than 90%….

  5. Michael-369664 February 24, 2015 Reply

    To answer the age question some of you ladies raised, I set my age range 50-59 on Match.com. Most women on that site set their age range 1-2 years above their age, and 5-10 years below. Ie. A woman 55 will often set her age range as 45-56. It’s still news to most women that men can be healthy and fit after 55 also. Most aren’t, and it’s usually a lifestyle issue. Note to Silvio–please use spellcheck it’s loser not looser. It
    is also not your place to criticize anyone in here at all. Be kind–thank you.

  6. Janet-1182603 February 22, 2015 Reply

    I have noticed that there are many more women then men on the dating site.. Perhaps you should check and maybe update your profile or maybe you are limiting yourself in some way for example age or distance. Praying for patience and guidance never hurts.

  7. Mario-1174782 February 8, 2015 Reply

    Hi im mario after completing all my profile i have difficulties delivering it could you plea check and help me

  8. Maria-1179299 February 4, 2015 Reply

    I am looking for man age 67 or older that will respect me and really care for me as i will for him

  9. Bernadette-1101582 January 31, 2015 Reply

    I am asking the same question as Susie. Is this guy trying to find a much younger woman which I suspect he is or is he looking for a woman his own age? It has been my experience that men think they “deserve ” much younger women and overlook women that are age appropriate or heaven forbid older!

    • Michael-369664 December 29, 2015 Reply

      Bernadette–I set my age range 50-60. No takers my friend–I’m not surprised. Sorry Silvio–age is not just a number. Most folks will limit their dating choices by that number.
      I don’t care how fit or active you are for your age, most people don’t factor that into their selection process.

  10. Silvio-1133041 January 29, 2015 Reply

    I see his comment above too extremely pessimistic and looser. In his 55’s or so ?? common !! you are not updated with Science and with the aging trend my friend. If you get informed you will know that now a days with life expectancy longer in both gender the things have change dramatic with counseling and be physical fit. Men in his 60 ‘s now function better than 30 years go and do better than others in his 40 or 50 .
    I think or you are not lucky or you have not figured out your smart action plan with yourself and with God to get your match or maybe you are no realistic or you do not know what you want to. Outside there a huge quantity of people looking for soul mate the thing is be smart to search, be steady and be realistic with the chemistry you have available in a moment given. Greetings blessings and good luck in your sear for it

  11. Michael L. January 28, 2015 Reply

    This was a good column, but if you think dating over 50 is easy or going to produce results quickly–here is some news for you. I tried Match.com for six months. In that time I had over 900 women view my profile. Not one person ever contacted me. I contacted 15-20 women, and some replied, most did not. No one had any interest in even having a cup of coffee. I found very few women would date men over 55. Despite all the hype about 50s dating, you better be realize there is a lot of age discrimination out there as well as other filters you will face. I tried CatholicMatch.com also. I did not have any good results with it either. You can pray all you want, and you can do online dating, but the reality is–if you are 55 plus, you are facing heavy odds. I don’t think God sends anyone a spouse. You search, you look, you date, and if you’re lucky you will find a partner. None of us is guaranteed to end up with anyone. I’m not bitter, I found what I thought I would. If you’re male over 55, look outside America. I will have to do that from now on.

    • Susie Lloyd January 28, 2015 Reply

      Are you trying to date women your own age or are we talking significantly younger?

    • Mary L. June 5, 2017 Reply

      Novena to St. Joseph

  12. Martin-627014 January 28, 2015 Reply

    I agree with Robert 50is not that old. When I was a kid my dad was in his 50s and he was able to do a lot of work. I still feel as good today as I was when I was younger. Being 50 is not that old

  13. Billie-1086834 January 28, 2015 Reply

    New relationships after 50 are harder and scary but not impossible. I think we have learned a lot by 50 and been thru a lot, probably a better candidate for a meaningful relationship. Sometimes I get discouraged but I don’t give up, ever the optimist, I pray it will happen to me again. I had a wonderful, meaningful relationship for 48 yrs. and pray every day that God will bless me again with companionship, friendship and meaning in my remaining life.

  14. Kate-405615 January 27, 2015 Reply

    #3 is the big one . If someone wants a relationship sincerely, #1 and #2 go away as problems. Help?

  15. Michael-1060472 January 27, 2015 Reply

    I was hoping for something more concrete and useful. How is receiving wisdom and understanding going to help you avoid someone who is likely to be unfaithful to you? How will these things help you learn to trust again? I used to trust someone until they proved themselves to be untrustworthy, now I find myself not trusting anyone until they demonstrate that quality for a long time. Or perhaps a better way to say it is that I trust everyone to act in their own self-interest.

  16. Robert-514120 January 27, 2015 Reply

    I don’t know about of all of you, but when we were all younger, 50+ was considered ancient. Now that we’re all there, I find that 50+ is not that much different from 20 or 30+ We just keep getting better with age. Just live it up!

    • Bruce-1146783 January 28, 2015 Reply

      yeah good idea,robert live it up until we get better.

    • Joyce D. February 18, 2015 Reply

      Funny I agree Robert, I really don’t feel any different..well I did trying to get off a sled yesterday but I did and went down the hill again!

  17. Rose-922752 January 27, 2015 Reply

    Grateful for contribution.

  18. Rose-922752 January 27, 2015 Reply

    Cool

Post a comment