Don’t Freak Out. It’s Just a Date.

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It seems like everyone I talk to has horror stories about dating. Maybe it is truly a miserable experience or maybe it’s poor communication about the date itself, but no one understands why it’s so hard to just have a nice, normal date. Why does dating seem to be such an issue?

Our society promotes hooking up and “casual” relationships, while single Catholics tend to take dating very seriously. Yes, we are dating to eventually find a spouse. But maybe we are so focused on the serious side of this, that we’re limiting our chances for a healthy relationship.

Here are my top 10 ways to stop freaking out and to start enjoying dating:

  1. For a first date, plan on spending an hour or two together. Longer than this, and all of a sudden, you’re getting into deep water. Those 8-hour dates seem so wonderful and deep, but when you’re in the first stages of getting to know someone, they can often trigger more emotions than you really want.
  2. Do something low pressure—grab coffee, check out a free concert, take a walk on a pier. A date doesn’t have to be expensive or require hours of planning. You want to meet someone new and have a chance to chat.
  3. Make sure both parties are clear on a time and a place. I know texting is cool, but make sure you’ve spoken in person and confirmed your plans. If you’re going to be late, let your date know (you can text that).
  4. Get to know each other. The purpose of dating is discovering how well you get along with another person. If you clam up and aren’t responsive, neither side will be able to make an informed decision.
  5. It’s just a date. This is where we tend to get tied up. Yes, dating is a step towards marriage. However, one or two dates is just a way to get to know someone. Asking a girl out on a date is not a proposal. It’s an invitation.
  6. Ladies, say “yes” when the man asks you out. It’s coffee. It’s an hour. That’s only four percent of your day. If you’re really not interested after the first date, you have my blessing to decline a second. It’s not fair to keep anyone hanging on, and it’s not healthy for you either.
  7. Know when to end it. If you’ve already set some parameters about a time frame, stick to it, even if the date’s going great. Here’s why—mystery is a good thing. If things are working out, good! You can look forward to another date. Maybe your date isn’t having a great time though. Or maybe she’s merely being polite while you hang around, missing her subtle hints that she really needs to get up early for work.
  8. Dress for success, but always wear appropriate clothing—that’s one good reason to know beforehand what the plans are. A friend of mine went on a first date to a rooftop restaurant in 100 degree weather. She decided that she’d skip the primping and grabbed her flip flops instead. Three years later, I guess her hasty choice of outfit didn’t matter that much.
  9. Be able to laugh at yourself. No one is completely comfortable in these situations, but if you’re so worried about a false step, you will have a miserable time. I went on a first date not knowing that my darling nephew had passed his vicious stomach flu on to me. I got lightheaded and feverish, and I knocked over a glass before realizing that something was very wrong and I had to go home. We laughed about it afterwards. Things happen!
  10. Don’t dwell on past problems. Maybe you went on a date and managed to get locked out of your car. Maybe you were mortified. Move on! We all make mistakes and sometimes the situations are funnier than we think at the time.

How do you get over your first date jitters? Any suggestions for the rest of us?



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74 Comments

  1. Rosario-867658 March 19, 2015 Reply

    Hi, I have read most of the comments and for myself I am also new, just paid my membership. I didn’t see
    any of the comments mentioning St. Raphael the Archangel who by the way is the patron saint of Catholic singles. I pray that he will hear my prayers and send someone who is sincere, honest and with a big heart. When I go out I don’t see anyone that I would like to meet with in my town. There is a fact that there are more women than men but since we all travel different circles there is small chance to meet someone. I went to a movie just the other day and I actually enjoyed it. But I don’t want to do it all the time, that’s why I joined CM. My faith is part of my life so I hope if there is a member of CM who is truly and sincerely into his faith that he has read all of these comments and know that we are serious of a relationship that starts even over a cup of coffee or a shake of the hand, or a glance. Saint Raphael pray for us. AMEN

  2. Julie-323391 March 16, 2015 Reply

    Second comment–gals can ask guys too, it’s 2015 after all:)

  3. Julie-323391 March 16, 2015 Reply

    Nicely said John. You don’t have any 40 something year old single sons do you?

  4. John-1181813 March 15, 2015 Reply

    EVERYBODY HAS GOOD POINTS.. I PREFER NO PIC . BUILD YOUR OWN MANNEQUIN VISUALIZE . I AM NEW TO THIS ONLINE STUFF .SCOTT YOU SOME VERY GOOD POINTS.FOR THE SIXTY YEAR OLDS .GET ON THE DAY TRIPPER BUSES, SO MANY WOMEN ,ESPECIALLY THE ONES THAT GO SHOPPING AND THERE GUYS ON THEM [ LIKE ME ] THAT LIKE SHOPPING LOL I KINDA WISH IF YOU GALS COULD ASK US GUYS OUT AND YOU MAKE THE DATING THE WAY YOU LIKE IT. WE WILL SHOW UP

  5. May-1056612 March 14, 2015 Reply

    My favorite story in regards to online dating is from a guy I know. He asked a girl he met online out for a drink to see if they had any chemistry. He was at the bar when he got tapped on the shoulder. A guy was standing there. It turned out that he had been texting back and forth for a couple of weeks with a man! As my friend is 6’3′ and a hockey player, I am surprised that he handled the situation by walking out. LOL…it can always be worse.

    It does get discouraging on this site or any every other site. It was much easier dating 30 years ago. We all want the same thing…to love and be loved…however, we are at a loss on dating rules today. I am putting my faith and trust in God. His timing is perfect.

  6. Nick-924026 March 12, 2015 Reply

    Anthony…you took the words right out of my mouth, it is as if I wrote them myself. My experiences are exactly the same. I wonder how many more of us guys are out there experiencing the same thing.
    Domenick

  7. Eva-1142503 March 7, 2015 Reply

    In reply to Scott-1175696…..I cannot believe what you wrote……”This problem is exacerbated by…….religion…..(uptight old school Catholicism)”. What proof have you of this statement? I, for one, am very offended by your words!

  8. Scott-1175696 March 7, 2015 Reply

    Feed back? So, the question is ‘why is there so much pressure in the dating world?’, and ‘What would help make the process easier?’. Well, I am a dating coach in training, so…..

    There’s pressure, especially today, because of the kind of infrastructural lifestyle that has been created of modern society. People have less time to interact personally, which leads to less human connection, thus creating that pressure (AKA fear). And fear comes from not being familiar. Familiarity which would’ve been had if more people were more personal rather than the impersonal atmosphere that has been created via the advent of texting, email, iPhones, etc.
    This problem is exacerbated by local subculture (ie. Seattle Freeze) and by religion (ie. uptight old school Catholicism).

    What would make the process easier is taking dating classes (men & women). No, this is not a sales pitch. Because of the fast paced lifestyle of modern society, taking dating classes is a very viable option for most of us to simply take a dating class or two that would help sold the problem in a few days, rather than taking up all your time (even years) trying to sold the problem on your own.

  9. Carla-1186671 March 5, 2015 Reply

    Oh well! Thank you all, I was starting to take it personal that I did not get approached or that no one with a picture has answer my mails. We are trying though, right? I’ve only been on this site for a few weeks. Good luck and let’s all pray for each other that we will find someone that is sincere and that doesn’t want to rip us off. Enjoy the pursue!

  10. Joe-786218 March 5, 2015 Reply

    It’s a first date, not a marriage proposal, let alone an actual wedding. It’s okay to have some fun with it. I don’t mind paying, but I’m not spending much the first few times out. It’s far more important to find some connection with her. I agree that truth in profiles is important for both sides. For those of us who aren’t photogenic, online dating is not easy and it may be better to find offline activities to meet people.

  11. BIll-154597 March 5, 2015 Reply

    I wonder if Catholic Match needs to be more user friendly and less expensive to draw in enough members to be successful?

    • Lee-1146650 March 6, 2015 Reply

      I got a really good deal. Contact the team. You will be surprised. They have all kind of specials going, deals etc. Good luck!!!!

  12. Chavel-895977 March 5, 2015 Reply

    Good Ideas but I have to disagree with “It’s Just a Date”. We are always being judged whether on a 1st date or in the pics we post on CM. You aren’t photogenic you’re done on CM or any other dating site. I definitely agree that a person should be relaxed. Should you meet a person who say’s yes to an initial date it’s always been my belief and it works for me, do as Vic Damone said ” You don’t care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays”. You’ll either get a 2nd, 3rd date, or more or you won’t but you won’t waste your time on pretentious, superficial irrelevance.

  13. Aj Z. March 4, 2015 Reply

    trust trust to be able to trust

  14. Brian-278516 March 4, 2015 Reply

    For the handful of people who commented about the service CatholicMatch rather than the article. I would direct your attention to a couple places. First, take a look at the member stories http://institute.catholicmatch.com/category/success-stories/ you will see they are filled with frustration, doubt and people going outside of their comfort zone and outside of what they want or demanded for what ended up being best for them. Second, I suggest contacting out customer support team. We have some great people who are always looking to provide help. http://www.catholicmatch.com/help. Lastly, check out the forums, there is a place where you can talk to others and get some great advice on how to improve your experience. http://www.catholicmatch.com/forums.html. Lastly I will say this I have been involved with CatholicMatch since day 1 and I even met my wife through the site however CatholicMatch like any online dating site is just a tool a tool that provides opportunities to meet people you otherwise would not. It is not magic, it cannot solve problems, it won’t make you a better dater or more desirable it is just a tool. With any tool it takes effort to make to use it well and in this case it is not just about technical know how but it is also a regular examination of attitudes, wants and needs. As I mentioned most of the member stories we get are filled with struggles and many of them had to make changes in order to get where they ultimately wanted to be and that was meeting their spouse. I say this not because I have any kind of special knowledge but I just look around and see what successful people typically had to go through in order to meet their goals. I learn so much from our members every day and many of them are an inspiration.

    As a general comment I would ask that readers of the blog give the authors the respect they deserve by commenting on their work and not unrelated issues or topics that have nothing to do with them or are more personal in nature. There are more appropriate places to have those conversations.

    Cheers!

    • Tom-995241 March 4, 2015 Reply

      You are correct Brian, it is certainly not the fault of this site, but at least they have these blogs in which the folks can discuss their problems.

  15. Thomas-669718 March 4, 2015 Reply

    I haven’t had any luck on this site either, and I’ve been on it for about 4 years. Granted, part of the problem is the dead zone where I live, but you’d think I’d at least get one response in 4 years.

  16. Suzanna A. March 4, 2015 Reply

    Have a bless nite

  17. Suzanna A. March 4, 2015 Reply

    Probably because since I lost my husband of cancer. .He was my first love and last…And I just don’t feel right being with another man…Scare maybe…This June will be two years he been gone….

  18. Alma-953915 March 3, 2015 Reply

    God is able to bring the right person into your life, anywhere. It’s a great idea to go out and look for things to do besides only depending on this site. As a friend of mine has told me, “You’re not gonna find anybody sitting at home!” lol Also, I think that we shouldn’t do these things to find that person, but rather just to make yourself available to the possibilities. Don’t worry about finding your soulmate! Worry about becoming a better person. Who knows!? You might even end up attracting the right person on that journey to bettering yourself! ^_^

  19. Frederick-1181419 March 3, 2015 Reply

    I have to admit that I am disappointed with this site. The only interest that I get are from women too far away. In many cases they are out of the country. Find it hard to believe there are no eligible Catholic women to date in the Kansas City area.

    • BIll-154597 March 5, 2015 Reply

      Frederick: I have the same issue much interest from too far away.

  20. Gary-473599 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Nicholas I beg to differ with you about there are no places to meet Catholics in real life. How about at Church? A few months ago I noticed a nice looking lady that actually dressed for Church, carried herself well and looked interesting. I walked up to her after a Mass and told her that I had noticed here and thought it was nice that someone actually dressed for Mass. I was in a relationship and was not looking for a date. A few months later the relationship ended, I saw the lady at an after church coffee, asked for her number and we’ve been dating for a month. She told me she knew I had been in a relationship and wondered where I had been, different Mass. We both have the same goal in mind, looking for a marriage partner. We’ll just have to see where this goes.

  21. Ryma-1170615 March 3, 2015 Reply

    It really touch my heart that you brought this issue up. People want to go on a date, but there is the fear of possible rejection when you reach out. Another issue is race. No one want to leave their comfort zone to date another person outside that zone. I have tried to reach out to a few but never really get positive response because of my color. I would love to mention here that the color of a person does not determine what is in the heart. Each an every one of us has a beautiful soul and heart and that is what we should really be looking for in relationship.
    Am of the opinion that we need to reach out to the opposite partner in order to have a date, and when some one is courageous enough to reach out to us, we need to try and appreciate them and respond, You never find some one if you do not try and reach out or respond to others when they reach out to you.
    Please never give up hope. God has some one out there for each and every one of us.
    Best of luck.

  22. Leanne-387609 March 3, 2015 Reply

    I am active in my local young adult community. I am doing young adult ministry. I am going to get back to meetup.com when the weather warms up here in my area. At this point, I feel like it is some of my efforts and trust in God.

  23. Ryma-1170615 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Am really glad you brought this issue up.

  24. Sharon-652600 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Wow, after reading all of these posts, one could really get depressed! LOL. . I have been a widow for 8 years, and am 71 years old. I met a man a few years ago, we hit it off, but alas we hit a brick wall, do here I go again. The mantra, never give up, applies here. There is not a Seniors Single group at my Parish either, so maybe I will start one. The point is people, keep a positive attitude and an open mind, and a smile in your heart and on your face.

  25. James-1082060 March 3, 2015 Reply

    The author writes about making a conscious change from societies current mode of hook-up dating back to a more traditional fun dating to assess compatibility, and most of the comments rant about the cons of online dating. Catherine, I feel for you … you took the time to try and provide some advice and what you got in return was bin full of totally unconnected bitterness.

    To be honest, I am more finicky about who I even talk to online, let alone who I date. Something about the anonymity of it all brings out the worst in people. But when I do date, my approach is very similar to what the author has outlined for men. I have something planned besides sitting and gazing into each others eyes, my intention is to enjoy the time out, and I cover the expense for it. This hasn’t always worked in the past, but when problems arise it’s generally because of incompatibility and not because the advice was wrong.

    I’ve had my fair share of bad dates, but I’ve also had my fair share of generally bad interactions with my fellow human beings outside of the dating venue. It’s part of life and probably more a function of statistics than anything else. But had the other person made themselves available, let me know their intentions from the start, and then followed up on those intentions (roughly what Catherine has suggested), perhaps I could have avoided wasted time and hurt feelings. It’s something I’m going to be more aware of in the future.

    • Ol-1102892 March 9, 2015 Reply

      Thank you for taking the stance of it being a more compatibility date. I think that if there is no compatibility it’s not a total loss. I think you should walk out of the date with at least a friendship. We are all human beings and just because the date did not turn out romantically, should not be written off as a loss.

  26. Tony-953748 March 3, 2015 Reply

    I was married for 37. years to a very attractive woman who was also my soul mate and best friend.After God called her home 3 years ago I started dating last year and the experience gas been nothing but a nightmare as it has made my confidence down to its lowest ever.I have always been honest and of good moral character and vert approchable with a sense of humor.I am at the point of just forgetting about it .as far as I am concern but On Line dating will never work for me.Maybe I no longer have those Hollywood looks but should that matter at 66 yrs of age?It sure seems like it to me.I still think I am quite handsome so what is the dog gone problem.?

  27. Rana-962231 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Well hello to all of you! I just read all of your comments and I think that we are all wanting that special someone in our life to love and be loved. I decided to not stay home and sit around for a Mr. Right and wait for an e-mail or a text message. Know how to have your own fun and do those things that you enjoy. I think eventually that you will find that special someone who will want to share those events with you. So I decided to be active in the community and become a new member of the Montana Actors theatre, Havre, Montana. Teach Aerobics classes through Community Education and support fundraisers and help out our parish with a new Beginings class. Rana Weber ranaw44@yahoo.com

  28. Richard I. March 3, 2015 Reply

    I have found that thru all the dating sites I have tried–the women have no interest in even emailing, let alone dating. Is it fear? Is it they feel no one is good enough? Very disappointed.

  29. Brian-278516 March 3, 2015 Reply

    @Kathleen One of our customer support team members will be in touch with you to help you out.

  30. Kathleen-996156 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Kathleen-99615 I am so frustrated that you send me prospective dates so far from Ft. Myers, Florida. There is no way to connect with someone in a distant part of the country. I have expressed that concern and am still getting long distant ant candidates. Do not renew my subscription and let me know how much time is left on my already paid for subscription. I give up….

  31. Tom-995241 March 3, 2015 Reply

    When someone lives a distance from you, most of the time it ends up that you are driving at least an hour one way and the same time back. To then spend mabey an hour or 90 minutes with the person, it just seems unrewarding.

  32. Daniel-1138285 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Not sure if Aaron was being snarky, but I took it that way haha.

    In any case, I think some of these comments belie the issue; have some mother-loving fun. Catherine got at this key point somewhat indirectly in her first paragraph, but I think it deserves to be a main point below for both men and women.

    I wrote a forum post about it a few months ago, when I first got here, and I think it bears repeating. That is, again, to have some fun with it. I don’t know a single man or woman that doesn’t enjoy some kind of playful banter. I don’t mean anything innuendo-ey or sexual in the least. I mean some playful teasing, some joking around, some joie de vivre, like Francis Joy of the Gospel! If we (men especially) treat dates like a job interview, why would anyone voluntarily submit himself to it, much less look forward to it?

    • Aaron-1107802 March 3, 2015 Reply

      Good point. That’s why I’m all for casual, yet purposeful dating. It’s not a job interview, and we ought to be ourselves. And yes, I was being incredibly snarky. I love doing that on comment threads like these, and local news sources’ Facebook posts…

  33. Terri-1150256 March 3, 2015 Reply

    All I can say is keep the Faith…God has His plan for each one us.
    Power of Prayer is Amazing!

  34. Aaron-1107802 March 3, 2015 Reply

    This sure was a well-received post…

  35. Deanna-1175305 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Hello everyone!
    I’ve been encourage to, and have tried going to our “young adult” groups.. however, I am 10 to 20 years older…
    They are always very nice and encourage me to come back, but although they are lovely people and I have made some friends… most of the activities are not really in line with my preferences for socializing.

    At any rate… some churches have groups for many ages…
    on Valentine’s weekend my mother’s church had a gathering for singles in their 80’s!
    Pretty great for her, although she did not go into detail. I’m sure she appreciated that there was an outlet for her.

    At my church, it’s for the families first, children second, young adults third… and the mid to older adults…. crickets!
    I try to keep my eyes open, but i am shy about dating..
    So, is that why no one asks?

    • Tammy-418982 May 25, 2015 Reply

      Deanna and Eva,
      Same is true for us mid-singles!
      We are too old or young adults, and too young for seniors. It’d be nice to have fellowship groups open to all age groups, but in my experience, the 60+yr old men want to hit on the 30-somethings, and everyone gets creeped out!

      Sigh. Such a delicate balance is required!
      Good luck and Gods grace to all of us!
      T

  36. Eva-1142503 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Why only “young adult groups” after Church? How about us “seniors” who have plenty of life left in us? There seems to be plenty of activities for young adults but I don’t really know of any social group connected with Church here in Florida and especially none up north!!!!!

  37. Anna Marie-1114190 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Thanks John for sharing your precious Information with us. My condolences on the loss of your wife. May God give you lots of strength and comfort to get through this difficult time. God bless you and your Family.

  38. John-960018 March 3, 2015 Reply

    I was married for 4 months shy of 43 years until a third bought with cancer took her away. I honestly feel that God had a hand in our marriage. We had two children and were very happy. Yes we had the same issues of our kids growing up that everybody has, but you learn to live with that. The best years came after the kids went their ways and we melded closer and closer. Actually, when you find you are living for the other person’s well being and happiness, you realize that’s what a good marriage should be. In many ways you can draw parallels with dating, especially after you have had a great marriage. I find myself more relaxed and in a listening mode on a date. I look for the qualities that are meaningful. In truth, it’s not about me and it’s not about your date; it’s about us. A date is the time when you are “experiencing” the time you have as a couple. Is it good for you and your date? Are topics of conversation easy to adjust to and speak about, even if you are learning something new in the process? A date is not intended to pleasure one or the other, but both. If you jump into a date thinking of sex the whole time, forget it. It’s really not a date, but rather a “hookup”. Don’t date if looks are what you’re all about. Marriage is not likely to be the lasting in this case. When you have grown to love someone between a man and a woman, looks are not considered after a while because of the bond the two of you have made in spirit and in love.

    • Jacqueline-198 March 3, 2015 Reply

      Preach it John!! Beautifully said! And I’m sorry for the loss of your wife!!

  39. Nicholas-1131600 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Here’s the fundamental problem, which is why CM even exists in the first place: There are no places to meet Catholics in real life. When people talk about “going to a bar,” this does not mean going to get a drink, it means going to a place where singles go to meet other singles. That’s typically how non-Catholic singles meet! But there is no such equivalent ‘public arena’ for Catholic singles to meet. Parish life is practically dead, especially for Young Adults. So there are no opportunities to meet others, hence why singles must resort to websites like this, which can only match you to someone hundreds of miles away. But that’s an unnatural form of dating and requires one of the two to tragically leave everything behind. The only way to fix this is for parishes to start making it a priority to foster after-Mass parish community and young adult groups. Singles need to be meeting in real life in a safe environment of like-minded singles, which is how dating and marriage has always come about.

    • Michael-1131108 March 3, 2015 Reply

      In my arch diocese we have a host of young adult groups to join. Maybe it is just a local phenom, but there are opportunities. Just have to keep an ear open and look.

      • Nicholas-1131600 March 3, 2015 Reply

        Good point, Michael. Some places have an abundance, others not so much. In Portland (where I am), there are only like 15 practicing Catholics on CM (though I know there’s many more in the area not on CM), whereas in Seattle the CM search results show around 100 practicing Catholics. Big difference with a lot more opportunity up there. But still, meeting in real life is far more ideal.

      • Ol-1102892 March 9, 2015 Reply

        That’s sounds like a great parish.

    • Ann-69118 March 4, 2015 Reply

      Couldn’t agree more.

    • Chavel-895977 March 5, 2015 Reply

      Yeah, churches have local get together’s for singles of any age and also volunteering helps. Majority of volunteers are selfless and kind hearted which is a great trait to have in a partner. Consider volunteering at the next bazaar, food drive for the homeless, counseling for those struggling with some problem, etc..etc…You’ll find you’ll meet some lovely women…

  40. Eva-1176184 March 3, 2015 Reply

    I have been disappointed. I have reached out to many guys with a smile or wink and a short message. Very few guys have done more than a smile to me. The matches are many times too far away. I hear from some guys who are 100’s of miles from me. I went on the site and checked out the ladies. There are many more choices for guys than girls. I do not plan to pay for an extended membership unless this improves. I am very willing to go on a date, but nobody asks or even comments. Eva

  41. Eva-1142503 March 3, 2015 Reply

    I have to agree with Joannne and Laurelie, there is absolutely no activity on this site. I thought that a site for (practising?) Catholics would attract somewhat more honest men than others. Well, everyone that I have written a message to, has never replied, even to say….. “no thanks, I’m looking for someone in their 30’s and slim and beautiful and you don’t fit the bill”……even if they are 75 and look it !!!! Sorry to be cynical, but I am soooo discouraged, there just does not seem to be anybody honest and worthwile out there. I have a lot to give someone decent but no man even wants to try. Obviously, looks are the most important thing to men, even though I thought that by their 60’s and 70’s (Catholic) men could look beyond that. I pray to St Raphael but so far, no answer !!!! With no repies back, my self esteem has taken such a plunge as I am sure many women can empathize with. So all I can do is offer up my disappointment, loneliness and discouragement for Lent for the Holy Souls in Purgatory.

  42. Anna Marie-1114190 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Laurelie i love the words you use. ” We are hoping for some sincerity ” Your common sence tells you after chatting awhile with someone what Kind of a Person you have in front of you with or without photo. Might take awhile but everybody Shows their true face. Pray over it and it is a manner of time. Also asking the write questions and wait for the Response. It is very interesting. Life is too short to worry about weather somebody has an old or previous photo. When you see somebody live and sit down and talk with them. Only takes a few minutes to decide wheather this Person can be a good friend or somebody you want to be in a relationship with.

  43. Laurelie-898130 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Well I really don’t expect people to run around changing their profile pictures every month. One that is 4 or 5 years old is probably pretty indicative of how they look today, I certainly have not changed that much. Besides that though, is that all you are interested in? I appreciate the fact that you feel these people are duping you and I have heard many stories like this but I do have the ability to see beyond the physical aspects. Yes these dating sites have a lot of drawbacks and I think that is why the majority of us are on this one…we are hoping for some sincerity. I too have had a couple of lemons approach me on here…when I realized what was going on I simply stopped responding…

  44. Anna Marie-1114190 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Anthony why so personal. You are a hurt Soul and you have not worked on your past. Do not be judgemental. . Let People be themselves. Put it all in prayer. I am not missing out at all. As i said previous all in God´s Hand. All the best

  45. Anthony-1183617 March 3, 2015 Reply

    I only meet for coffee anymore . There are women who are prostitutes online that try to lure men on these sites for sex so men have to deal with the same issues as women. There are foreign ladies trying to scam us men out of money too. There are women who don t want to work that want a man to just let them move in and have no intention on working. Ladies it is real simple with your profile pics if your pic is one month old and you post that pic and since you have cut off your hair to the point that you have completely change how you look today or have gained 50 pounds then you are misrepresenting yourselves and the answer to it isn’t well men do it too. Would you meet a man that had no profile pic . I doubt it .. in the same manner I don’t want to see a profile pic from 10 years ago and have the woman show up looking completely different to the point you cant even recognize them. Women are also terrible about logging off right in the middle of chatting with a man . they don t say goodbye or anything leaving the guy hanging thinking you are going to respond.

    • Joan-1085686 March 3, 2015 Reply

      Anthony, honestly it sounds like you are too angry with women to become involved with one! You have successfully painted all of us with the same brush. Lighten up already. I am sick of the ever-present, asinine perception that all women are only using men for their money! I could turn that around and say that all men only use women for sex – would that be fair or correct? Good grief.

      • Ann-69118 March 4, 2015 Reply

        Exactly men use women as well. generalizing about people and lumping them all into one segment or another if only inacurate and self diminishing. All the issues you complain about I’ve dealt with from men as well. Especially the profile pix. Best thing to do is not to take the internet stuff stuff too seriously to begin with and have not expectations going in. People on the internet will let there worse tendencies out because they feel less inhibited here for some reason. Don’t take comments or actions personally. Best of luck to you and let go of the anger it only works against you and put others in control of how react as well as how you feel about things.

  46. Laurelie-898130 March 3, 2015 Reply

    Joanne I completely agree with you, this has to be the poorest run dating site there is…when I am on others I am constantly being bombarded with pics of new members or members that may appeal to me…I haven’t even signed up for those yet but I think I should as this one is totally useless. Anthony, I can appreciate how you feel duped but seriously you have just been unlucky, there are plenty of nice sincere women out there not intending to take you for a ride, it is their time too and they risk the exact same thing, men who are not what they appear to be or even if they are like their pics have all sorts of hangups like being a hoarder, can’t hold a job down or think that a dating site is an offer for free sex! Why not suggest meeting for a coffee and even if you were chivalrous and paid, it would not exactly break the bank.

  47. Anthony-1183617 March 3, 2015 Reply

    You are wrong Anne Marie . It isnt as simple as you either like me or don t . I want to know what the person looks like today that I am going to meet up with. It is also your loss if you don t meet a certain guy because you could have lost out on a very good match that you never gave a chance to . I was reporting what my experiences were because there is a perception out there that only women have bad experiences not true at all. Women are deceptive and very difficult to get responses from online . There are as many women scammers online as there are men

    • Ol-1102892 March 9, 2015 Reply

      Perhaps asking if that is a recent picture prior before meeting would help.

  48. Anna Marie-1114190 March 3, 2015 Reply

    I feel the same as Joanne. Anthony i do not know what Kind of Girls you have meant. It seems you have a lot of bad experiences. Not every human being is the same. I Support myself and do not Need a feel meal from any human being.. I am also open-minded. I also do not Need to Photo shop my photos. Either a guy likes what he sees or not. If a man does not take the Chance. It is his lost not mine. I put all my trust in God. God’s time is the best. On this Website i was looking for honest people but instead a man was writing to my who was a liar and was using fake information. Imagine he wanted Money from me. I reported it. He was a scam and he still trys to contact me but i do not reply. Wish you all alot of luck, love and happiness.

    • Ronald-1028268 March 3, 2015 Reply

      Hi ,sorrt Ann Marie,i have had bad experiences like you with some scam girls,but you know ,For something the things happen,so God have something better for us ,if we have faith there wil be good for us.If you dont mind,i will give you my email adress,ronaldsolispaz@yahoo.com.I am a single with 40 in appearance but 59 in reality.I am looking foe a marriagemif you dont have interes maybe some one else can write.Have a nice day.

  49. Anthony-1183617 March 3, 2015 Reply

    I have a suggestion. Since I am new on here I am going to ask why you just approach the men. I have been on several dating sites and here is what my experience has been. Women post pictures of themselves that sometimes 5 10 years old and you go to meet them and they look nothing like their profile pic. Since I feel I should pay It makes me feel taken advantage of paying for a date with someone i really don’t want to be with because they misrepresented themselves. I have also had women suggest to meet at a certain restaurant so they could hang with friends after the date. Just going on the date for a free meal and then there are the ones that set things up a week or so in advance to give themselves plenty of time to think themselves out of it which they tend to do when you are already on the road to go meet them if you get a call from them at all. So if men seem hesitant these are just some of the reasons.

    • Tricia-1184142 March 3, 2015 Reply

      How about going on just a coffee date – no dinner, limited time commitment. I have had the same thing happen with men I’ve met. Running a very close second is not being truthful about height. Hey people, these things are so obvious. Tell the truth and trust that when you meet the right person everything will fall into place.

    • Deanna-1175305 March 3, 2015 Reply

      Sorry you’ve had trouble.
      For me, I just don’t have that many photos of myself.
      But, other than change my hair color, or get a cut… I think I look about the same in all my photos… perhaps I’m wrong.
      I try to show serious and silly too.
      No one has asked me out, but I don’t think I would do a reverse unless something really appeared wrong.

    • Goldie-1034836 March 5, 2015 Reply

      ive been out with folks that make u feel like it was an hour of questions from them, felt like i was on trial for a crime, ask them so tell me about u, and now we shall pause, and they say well theres not much to tell. gotta love it.

    • Ol-1102892 March 9, 2015 Reply

      That’s why you should ask if that is the most recent picture of themselves prior to setting up a date.

    • Tammy-418982 May 25, 2015 Reply

      My I suggest that if you plan a date a week in advance, stay in touch with her throughout the week? If she hasn’t heard from you, she doesn’t know you’re interested, or whether you’re going to remember the plans.
      In particular, and this is for all guys… Call the woman to ask her out. Few women want to get dressed up and made up for a guy who they haven’t even had a conversation with yet.

      Not saying this is you, just making suggestions from what I think might cause such behavior from women.

  50. Joanne-738485 March 3, 2015 Reply

    You asked for feedback,well here it is.
    Since signing up on this site I have found there has been almost zero activity which is quite frustrating and a waste of money.
    Perhaps you can suggest just what you think the issue may be.
    Thanks for listening.

    • Deanna-1175305 March 3, 2015 Reply

      Me too.
      At first I would write to a handful of men a day, trying to be open to different personalities..

      No one wrote back.

      Then I’d be more picky, just write one person a day… still no response.

      After a month of this, I rarely make time to do searches and write messages.
      I get occasional, someone looked at a your site… but still no messages to me or responses to my sent messages.
      Any ideas?

    • Chavel-895977 March 5, 2015 Reply

      Ah, you’re probably particular bout who you consider “likable” or “dateable”. Probably many men find you appealing but you won’t won’t give them a chance or second look cause they’re not you’re “type”. My2cents…Late

      • Tammy-418982 May 25, 2015 Reply

        Chavel, is that fair? She specifically said that she wrote to several men, open to different personalities.
        They’re not responding or asking her out, so how is she not giving them a chance?
        Anyone she hasn’t reached out to is just as welcome to reach out to her. How would she know they are interested if they don’t?

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