Are You Who You Say You Are?


Are you who you say you are?

I often hear women say, “I want someone I can go to Mass with” or “I want someone that I can pray with.” I gather from these comments, that women want a man that walks with God, and has God as the center of his life.

I know from my own experience that it’s easy for a man to simply say he believes in God, and that he prays regularly. But when you actually see someone living out his faith it speaks volume, and words are rarely needed. Like the saying goes, actions speak louder than words.

I pretended to be a good Catholic

I once was that guy who pretended to be a man of God. Before I became a practicing Catholic, I met a girl named Jessica. The first thing she asked me was “Do you go to church?”

I replied naturally, “Yes, I go every Sunday.” Although I knew at that time in my life, I wasn’t practicing my faith, and I didn’t have a true relationship with God. I was just pretending that I was this man of God, because I knew that’s what she was looking for. I was telling her what I thought she wanted to hear.

If she asked me “What do you like about church?” I would say “the music.” Or if she asked, “What type of prayer do you prefer?” I would give her some generic answer like, “I like all forms of prayer” or “I just like praying for other people rather than myself.”

My answers were vague and made up. Eventually I got the sense that she knew I wasn’t what I painted myself to be, and our communication quickly came to a stop.

This experience helped me to become more genuine with the women I meet. I realized that I needed to be more honest, and I came to discover that people often find out down the line when what you say does not match up with how you act.

What my deacons taught me

It took me a number of years and life lessons to finally become a man of God. It involved a lot of scripture reading, fellowship, and sacrifices.

What really helped me the most was being around a number of deacons who unintentionally became my role models. I would watch them and notice how respectful they were to everybody they met. And what attracted me most to these men was how they interacted with their wives.

I watched the deacons link arms with their wives and introduce their wives to everyone. The couples seemed so genuinely happy.  These deacons, and their wives, all had that light of Christ that drew people to them. One of the deacons was Deacon Abel.  He is a great example of a godly man. He treated everyone who approached him with dignity and respect. His stories about his family, and watching him joyfully interact with his family, really touched me.

God showed me through these deacons, what a godly man should be. By their examples, I learned to own my faith. Instead of just talking about my faith now, I try to live it.

Take action

I have learned to not be passive when it comes to dating and my faith. Instead we men must take initiative. We need to invite a woman we are interested in to Mass or adoration. We should pray with her when she is troubled. We cannot be cowards in our faith, but should embrace it fully.

Before taking someone out to dinner, why not be spontaneous, stop by a nearby church, and go inside and pray with her? Don’t wait for her to invite you to Mass, plan for it in one of your outings.

Men, we must take the lead when it comes to sharing our faith.

When we walk with God, and let him guide us, we acquire some of Jesus' attributes.Click To Tweet

Who are you?

When we walk with God, and let him guide us we acquire some of Jesus’ attributes; we become confident in who we are, we’re honest with those around us, and are selfless in giving our time to help others. These are all characteristics that women find attractive.

When following God, our goodness becomes natural, rather than an act. Then, whether or not we have the right words, our actions will speak for us.

Gentlemen, let the light of Christ guide you. And by doing so, women will be attracted to the Christ that is in you.



  1. Ana-1297576 August 30, 2016 Reply

    Love your honesty and story! Love how you Embrace the Walk with God in your Journey, how instead of closing your heart you choose to Open it, to look listen and feel the Goodnees of the Lord in you and through others! Keeep on, Keep shining his light through U

  2. Sylvie-1220905 August 26, 2016 Reply

    I have always dreamed of finding that one man who finds his strength in God,( and while in times of temptation)…..
    spiritually mature enough to know how to grow in virtue, by persevering in a relationship no matter what….
    Through good times and in bad times.

  3. Cesar-796175 August 26, 2016 Reply

    Excelent, awesome!!!!!!’

  4. Bless-1356642 August 26, 2016 Reply

    Well, i dont like to change , my man according to my dream about a man supposed to be, and phrase help me more to seek a man, while they said they R chritian, they offten went to church…

  5. Estelle-1094585 August 25, 2016 Reply

    Martin, I am very impressed by you! I believe that is very nice. Like a date of going to church together for a couple is very nice. I think we are pleased that Deacons marry and this probably calls more people to the Catholic faith. Someday I would like to work for the church again. Singing with church choir or CCD teacher preparing children and people for the sacraments. Estelle

  6. Catherine-996317 August 23, 2016 Reply

    The call to be genuine is for both men and women, and I thank you for the reminder.

  7. Bernadette-1353891 August 22, 2016 Reply

    Very good article. Thanks for sharing. I hope God will lead me to that kind of man. Amen..

  8. Norma-1303923 August 22, 2016 Reply


  9. Fulton-750189 August 22, 2016 Reply

    Ok: time for me to be a stick in the mud. I am getting WEARY of reading articles about “what us men need to do.” My experience has been that there is a difference between what women CLAIM they want in a man versus what they actually find attractive; it usually has nothing to do with character. How many times do you meet a reasobably devout Catholc women who laments that “I thought I could change him.” Well ladies, whose decisuon was it to marry him?

    • Rodney-1185535 August 30, 2016 Reply

      “What us men need to do” is become the men our God created us to be. If you think you are going to go from who you are now to that man that your God created you to be without change, then there is little hope for you. God gives us the gift of a spouse to help us on our way. We should recognize that our spouse may very well be the mouthpiece of our God. If a man won’t listen to “a reasonably devout Catholic woman,” the question isn’t so much “whose decision was it to marry him” but rather why did he marry her.

      • Katherine-1225164 November 2, 2016 Reply

        Believe that every one you meet serves a purpose in your life, remember God already knows each of our plans… he knows our choices before we make them..

  10. George-1274666 August 22, 2016 Reply

    It’s right and proper that a person should live what they believe, and I’m glad you’ve come to that realization (in interactions with both women and men, obviously). And increasing the understanding of what you believe by interacting with clergy is also a great thing. But something about inviting women to Mass as a part of a date causes me to pause. Attending mass together as a couple, either trial couple or old married couple, is what I’m aiming for, but dating someone does not automatically make a couple and making Mass part of the date seems to be putting the cart before the horse.

    To me the Mass is something complex and takes all of my concentration and attention. While there are always other people at Mass and I do often go with family, I am still essentially focusing my attention on Christ when I am there. I realize the benefits of two people praying together and the Mass is a prayer, but it is so much more than a prayer. Until you know a person, there is always the risk that you don’t get along, that you aren’t meant to be together. In such a case you’re injecting that risk, that doubt, in to your attendance at a very sacred occurrence. Now while you may see this as a good chance for God to work his will, I see this as potentially diminishing a great gift. Praying together on a date, attending Exposition or Perpetual Adoration in a chapel, these things I think are great and would definitely show two people the true nature/depth of each others belief. But something about the Mass is to me so important that I wouldn’t consciously risk diminishing it thru my actions.

    Thank you for the article, Martin.

  11. Rod-1326929 August 22, 2016 Reply

    Great article Martin. I’m actually impressed w/ your humility. However, the woman needs to step up to the plate as well since a relationship is a partnership. God bless your endeavor, dude!

  12. Sharon-1138114 August 22, 2016 Reply

    Be careful with the spontaneous stuff, though. We often like a say in what we are doing or at least a general agenda. I am not a fan of surprises about where I am going and expectations for the response they hoped to get. That ends up saying: don’t you think I am incredible? Holy?

    I would probably know the person well enough to have seen him often at similar functions. Serving, joyfully participating, and not skipping out on the cleanup of the activity. Thus would expect we would stop in for adoration, mass, prayer meeting,

  13. Sanja-1346001 August 22, 2016 Reply

    This is what women are looking for…God bless you…

  14. Galdz-1358517 August 22, 2016 Reply

    I love your article. I hope more men will be able to read this

  15. Julie-1309604 August 21, 2016 Reply

    What an excellent, spot-on article, Martin ! That is exactly how many of us women feel….it is THRILLING to see a man kneel in humility to Our Gracious Lord…woemen instinctively know that such a man has all the power there is as his resource…..speak of security !!!! Can’t get any more masculine than that !
    Many thanks and blessings!

  16. Anneliese-1006836 August 21, 2016 Reply

    I loved this article … excellent … a great message for everyone!

  17. CaroleElaine-1263566 August 21, 2016 Reply

    Beautiful writing, beautiful thoughts…THANK YOU!
    I love how you have written…”When we walk with God, and let him guide us we acquire some of Jesus’ attributes; we become confident in who we are, we’re honest with those around us, and are selfless in giving our time to help others. These are all characteristics that women find attractive…” as I found these very attributes in my own beloved late Husband.
    I truly believe a most magnificent time is when a man and woman attend Mass together…that says so much. I love seeing a man in the Light of God, as we share a kiss during the Sign of Peace.
    Thank You…God’s Blessings.

  18. Patrick-1324264 August 21, 2016 Reply

    Practice of the Faith brings many beautiful things: salvation, conversions of souls, peace, awareness of God’s will for us, respect for the Church, ourselves, and others.
    In real life experience, I’m not sure it is central to drawing members of the opposite gender toward us though.

    • Catherine-996317 August 23, 2016 Reply

      It may not bring a multitude of members of the opposite gender towards us; in fact, less members may be attracted to us, I believe. But it will be more the kind of members we hope for. people who value faith like we do.
      Just a thought…

  19. Mariana-1334230 August 21, 2016 Reply

    This is a nice reflection, though I agree that is good that the man takes the lead in expressing ones faith in the Lord; I think is to the woman too to talk and open the topic if needed. Mostly nowadays when our faith faces a strong opposition and many people let their faith fade away or be quenched due to lack of courage in the midst of people who do not believe in God, who mock prayer and any expression of faith. For me to hear a man expressing his faith and ‘to see’ how God means the world to him… is one of the greatest things ever, after all, we are called to become one in God, and restless will be our heart until it rests in Him… right?

  20. Sue-906387 August 21, 2016 Reply

    That’s a great article thanks for writing it Martin. Again I like my deacon more that the priests of my parish. What is the secret behind this? Are deacons more blessed than priests or something?

  21. Jeannie-822585 August 21, 2016 Reply

    Deacons are true gifts to our Church. They personify all that I want. One of my best friends is a deacon. Where did I met him–in the pro-life charity that we volunteered with on the same shift there. I had the benefit of speaking with him weekly on more issues than I can count. I would love to marry a man who one day wants to become one after we marry, of course, as there is no other alternative unless the man has young children if already a deacon.

    Prayer is essential though to actions that God inspires us to make and our decisions.

    So glad that you hang out with your deacon as part of your spiritual development as one way in getting closer to God. Next time you meet the girl that turns your head, you’ll be ready and be a man of integrity.

  22. Karisma-1360055 August 21, 2016 Reply

    It’s a great feeling to analyze actions as you age.I always believed that if a person is God-fearing everything follows.Keepin the faith! Thanks!

  23. Becca-1316729 August 21, 2016 Reply

    Great article! Thanks 🙂

  24. Ludmilla-1280543 August 21, 2016 Reply

    Hope many men reads this. Sorry a typo

  25. Ludmilla-1280543 August 21, 2016 Reply

    So true! This what I’m looking for! Amen and thank you for this article. How many men reads this.

  26. Joyce-861235 August 21, 2016 Reply

    Had the chance to read this post this morning and can say AMEN to your Amen Terri and thanks Martin for what you shared. Our deacons are great witnesses of our faith, and thanks be to God, that you saw and digested their call. You are on a great faith path Martin. Thanks for taking the time to write this! Joy

  27. Terri-838897 August 21, 2016 Reply

    Amen to that !

  28. Anne-1158588 August 21, 2016 Reply

    “He is a great example of a godly man. He treated everyone who approached him with dignity and respect. ” Martin, thank you for this thought. This is a profound quote for those on this site. There are A LOT of people on this site. Chances are that you are going to hear from more than one of them, as have I. We need to remember and expect that most of them, if not all of them, will NOT be our spouse or even someone we my consider “date worthy”. That is OK. There is only ONE out there for us. We are all on our own journey and need different things. Trust that God will not disappoint you, and try not to control everything. However, they ARE children of God with feelings, interests, desires, gifts, and challenges. We need to remember this, be kind always and recognize their humanity instead of looking at each person as or as not dating material and treating them thoughtlessly if they do not meet our standards for acceptability. Yes, we do need to evaluate for our own purposes and represent ourselves truthfully, but when we look at others ONLY as potential spouses who can give us something we objectify them. Our thoughts are then focused on taking, not giving. Are they a good dancer, do they like what I do, are they thin and in shape, do they exercise, do they have children, are they educated enough, are they old or young, could they give me what I want? No? Bye bye….I don’t have the time to respond to you because you are not what I want. Is that how God would have us treat others? I have heard WAY too many stories from others with angst about being treated like a means to an end. When interacting with others, be honest, be kind, and yes be direct. We can do all these things honestly by being truthful about who we are….as is the topic of this article. My point is, how we treat others here and elsewhere, speaks VOLUMES about who we really are…what our real character is. Quite frankly, it is one of the items on my list that I consider heavily. I have interacted with many others here and when someone treats me like and object, my first thought is: “See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!” However there have been others, not for me as well, that have been kind and thoughtful. I thank God for them, and those who raised them, for being kind and recognizing my humanity. Practice the art of being honest, kind, and self-giving here with all those we encounter. These skills are the basis for a solid marriage and are needed to be decent human. God bless.

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