What to Expect When Dating a Choleric


What to expect...choleric
This article is the first in a four-part series dealing with the dating challenges faced by those of different temperaments. It is intended as a more detailed supplement to the brief suggestions given as part of the profile matching feature. This piece focuses on the choleric.

Does your new boyfriend take you to political rallies instead of romantic candlelight dinners? Do his eyes gleam in anticipation when you disagree with him? Does he like to make all the plans, call the shots, and have the last word? If so, you may be dating a choleric.

What to appreciate

Cholerics (whether male or female) have strong personalities, analytical minds, and boundless enthusiasm. With a capacity for “thinking big” and their can-do attitude, cholerics are often leaders in their community and quite successful at work.

Cholerics attack their goals with vigor and determination—sometimes even their relationship goals.

Your choleric date is confident, decisive, ambitious and competitive. He probably pursued you until you gave in and agreed to an evening out. And he enjoyed the pursuit, too. A choleric is likely to be intrigued by someone whom he considers his equal intelligent, charming, and even aloof. He likes a challenge.

Pragmatic, not romanticHe or she may appear romantic (flowers, gifts, creative outings, dazzling evenings), but is actually quite pragmatic, and will take whatever steps necessary to achieve his/her goal (that would be you).

Once a choleric has committed to a person or a project, he is passionate and loyal, and expects loyalty in return. If you are hoping to catch a choleric’s attention, then don’t be overly eager. Engage her on tough topics (no trivialities or idle chit-chat) and be prepared to keep up with his energy and activities.

If the choleric has a secondary sanguine temperament, she is likely to be more flexible, fun-loving, and personable. She will be charming and persuasive, hard to resist!

If she has a secondary melancholic temperament, she will exhibit a greater intensity, righteousness, and zeal for noble causes. She may have to be on guard against a tendency to sarcasm or harshness.

One successful choleric reluctantly revealed that he had a weakness (something cholerics don’t readily admit):

When he met a girl he liked, he became overly pushy to the point of scaring her away.

He would insist on reaching certain milestones within what he considered an acceptable time-frame and would move the relationship along at a fast clip. This worked for him, but not always for his dates.

What to work on

If you are the choleric (especially one with a secondary melancholic temperament), you might need to take it down a notch.

Cholerics can, at times, be domineering and intense…they might even scare away a potential partner! This is why phlegmatics (who are adaptable and easy-going) are often a good match for them. Plus, phlegmatics actually appreciate someone else making their decisions and doing all the talking.

On the other hand, cholerics also get along well with other cholerics, because they each appreciate each other’s strong will and independent spirit, along with their general feistiness. Rousing debates often ensue.

Cholerics who are hoping to make a good impression might want to practice the gentle art of attentive listening, empathy, and patience. Listening, because cholerics often have a tendency to think listening is a waste of time, preferring to cut straight to their proposed solution—which they assume is the best one!

A choleric’s fondness for the bottom line often transfers to her communication style:

She can be direct, concise, and blunt to the point of insensitivity.

Strong convictionsThe concept of “empathy” sounds like caving in to the whiners, to a choleric. (“Somebody call the waaambulance!”) Nonetheless, empathy is the Christ-like virtue of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. It means listening and understanding what your partner is saying or feeling.

When cholerics take the time to listen attentively and with empathy, they will find that their relationships will improve dramatically.

And finally, patience. Cholerics love being pro-active and solving problems.

Relationships take time to unfold and pushing things along may scare away your friends.Click To Tweet

(On the other hand, phlegmatics often need a little nudge in the right direction—and they usually don’t mind.)

If you are a choleric, try to view the gradual process of growing closer in a relationship as an opportunity to practice the virtues of patience, charity, and humility. You are not always right, and you have to learn to be open to influence and advice. You need to grow in empathy and compassion, and to trust that there is wisdom in taking the time to smell the roses.

If you are dating a choleric, enjoy his or her enthusiasm, magnanimity, leadership, and zest for life. It will be an eventful and exciting ride!





  1. Sandy-1074061 November 17, 2016 Reply

    Yikes this is scary how true the sanguine temperament fits me, as I am 90 % this. I think this is insightful for looking for a new single friend (maybe a life partner). Awesome.

  2. Jennifer-1274522 October 18, 2016 Reply

    Unfortunately, the word, choleric has left a bad taste in my mouth

  3. Meg-920823 October 12, 2016 Reply

    I’m choleric sanguine, 50 50, approximately. I recently married a phlegmatic and minor melancholic. We are a great match. Great article and right on.

  4. Michael-410923 October 11, 2016 Reply

    As I have a ‘minor’ in choleric personality, a lot of this was bang-on. Well done. This works well: “When cholerics take the time to listen attentively and with empathy, they will find that their relationships will improve dramatically.” I find that I’m already so active that when I’m considerate, people think I’m taking time out for them, making them feel more special than if another person provided the same attention. Or, at least that was my impression.

  5. Liz-1366646 October 11, 2016 Reply

    Thank you.is very good information

  6. Otti-1143632 October 11, 2016 Reply

    supposedly I have only 25% of this choleric impetus and can relate with the “king of the jungle” runoff. good article, enlightening insight.

  7. Stephanie-1368834 October 10, 2016 Reply

    Thank you for this valuable insight. Looking forward to read the other parts of the series. God bless!

  8. Dave-1313627 October 9, 2016 Reply

    Good pointers and insight on temperaments…Thank you!

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