On Chastity: How To Just Do It

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Chastity: How to Just Do It

It was a beautiful sunny day and everything was going according to plan. Our date started out by visiting a church to say a quick prayer before we explored a new hiking trail. On our hike we beheld a couple of stunningly beautiful Blue Ridge Mountain vistas that were painted with the colors of fall. We saw deer prancing through the woods and hawks floating on the breeze. We breathed in nothing but the refreshing and crisp mountain air. I was intoxicated on the joy of life because I was a man in love!

Naturally we started kissing, then we kept kissing, then we kissed some more... #ChastityIsHardClick To Tweet

That day, I was in love the girl I was dating and I was enamored by the goodness of the Lord. Love, by its very nature, instills in us a desire to be united with our beloved. That day on the mountain top, I wanted nothing more than to be united with both my Lord and my girlfriend. Naturally we started kissing, then we continued kissing, then we kissed some more until somehow by the grace of God, one of us pulled away and said, “We need to be careful that we don’t get to passionate. We aren’t married yet.”

What the mountain taught me

That experience on the mountain stirred many questions in my mind and I began to ponder what it means to date chastely. Unfortunately, that relationship ended soon after my mountain epiphany, but the questions remained with me. I turned to Google and I came up with a really good article from the CatholicMatch Institute of all places. The author gives a great list of situations that you don’t want to find yourself in:

“Drinking too much at parties, on dates, or during events out; talking too long and too late in the car; talking too long and too late anywhere; sleepovers; laying down together; kissing laying down; kissing sitting down; maybe even kissing standing up; not to mention kissing with any portion of your clothing removed. And backrubs. Definitely backrubs.”

I am immediately reminded of the verse in scripture that talks about a clean house, i.e. our souls.

“When an unclean spirit goes out of someone, it roams through arid regions searching for rest but, finding none, it says, ‘I shall return to my home from which I came.’ But upon returning, it finds it swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and brings back seven other spirits more wicked than itself who move in and dwell there, and the last condition of that person is worse than the first.” (Luke 11:24-26)

If I properly order my dating relationship and don’t engage in all that things I shouldn’t be, am I not leaving myself open to greater temptations and attacks from the devil? And like a typical guy, I feel like I must fill that void and do something.

My questions persisted, what is chastity and how is it practiced in a dating relationship? Chastity is a virtue and like all virtues, it gives us the power (virtue comes from the Latin word for power) to do something, to act in a certain way. I want to offer to you my own list of dating DO’s to compliment the many very helpful lists of DONT’s. If you have helpful hints to practicing chastity in a dating relationship, please share in the comment section below.

Do You Pray?

Prayer is the first step for everything. I ask myself the this important question every day, “did I pray enough today?” Prayer is conversation with the Lord. It is our lifeline to Life itself. When you pray and focus your attention on the Lord, you just see things differently. I pray to see Christ in everyone I meet throughout the day.

Prayer is a lifeline to Life itself. Start praying. Click To Tweet

I pray now particularly that I may see the image of Christ in my fiancée. By seeing the Lord in my fiancée, I try to positively avoid things that will destroy that image, i.e. Sin. I don’t want to touch her inappropriately or kiss her too passionately. If I start to go down the path of the DON’T lists, I do a quick three Hail Mary’s, and I can once again DO.

Do You Communicate?

Communication is key. We first have that conversation with the Lord. Then we need to examine if we communicate well with our significant other. Are you open and honest enough to tell him or her that you are aroused by passionate kissing? Do you tell him or her what turns you on so that those types of touches can be avoided?

Do you tell your significant other what turns you on? Chastity requires communication. Click To Tweet

By talking with each other, you will begin to know where the line is for each of you. One thing I’ve discovered recently is that line changes. What might be an ok way to show affection one minute is entirely wrong the next minute. This discovery, however, would have remained hidden had we not communicated.

Do You Know Each Other’s Love Language?

Love languages? We all express our love for another in one of five ways or “languages.” Here is a great article that explains the love languages more in-depth. Do you know how your significant other gives and receives love? My primary love language is physical touch. My fiancée knows that I need that gentle hand on the arm or the pat on the back to know that I am loved. She also knows that she shouldn’t touch me in certain ways. She also knows that when she can’t touch me, she can use Words of Affirmation, my secondary love language, to fill the void.

Knowing how your significant other gives and receives love will strengthen your relationship!Click To Tweet

The love languages are important in avoiding sin, but also knowing how to express your love to your significant other in a chaste way. Chastity is a virtue that helps you to act in a certain grace-filled way. It is a virtue to help you see the Divine in all things. It will certainly help you to avoid the numerous temptations that pop up in a dating relationship.

Chastity will help you do certain things and live a certain way so that the words of the Gospel apply directly to you and your life, “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they will see God” (Matthew 5:8). Do the do’s, avoid the don’ts, so that when you say “I Do” to your spouse it will be with a pure heart.



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66 Comments

  1. Lori-1258339 February 21, 2017 Reply

    Wow! All I can say is I am really shocked at the older people in this discussion! When did age ever have ANYTHING to do with whether or not we follow Christ’s teachings? Rather disappointing…. We ask our young people to respect their elders, and deep down I believe they want to. But, how can we ask this if the older people do not live respectfully? Where and how did this lie filter into your lives? I too was married for almost 30 years. I too am looking for someone. I too am “older”. But NEVER would I presume to think I am somehow exempt from Christ’s sweet guidance. And the “reasons” given…really my friends?? Where did it become no longer necessary to practice virtue just because “I already did that”?? Seriously, I don’t see this reasoning as anything other than just another excuse not to follow God’s law.

    • Caroline C. February 22, 2017 Reply

      I guess I was in a different situation as a teen and in the 60’s that was why I began to question my faith. I heard one think from church and saw a completely different way of life coming from older adults and it confused my faith back then. But I was given the grace to stick to the path although I admit I fell off several times but always kept struggling to understand and stay on it. Now I realize that we all do. I was raised to think very legalistic about my faith and many have developed a very laid back attitude of I do this but I can’t judge others. Yet it’s this non concern about what others do that confuses the world on what we tell them that our faith is about. We must be concerned about our brothers actions but not in a judging way.

  2. Brenda-1152583 February 11, 2017 Reply

    I would recommend studying the Theology of the Body. To know WHY God wants us all to save sex for marriage. I studied this topic for several years. There is a beautiful reason why God made sex for marriage!

  3. Brenda-1152583 February 11, 2017 Reply

    Hi Marie, I’ve met and talked to many awesome young men on Catholic Match who uphold the Church’s teachings. There are lots of them out there!

  4. Eloise-1402677 February 11, 2017 Reply

    I think a really good conversation that would help many people would be a conversation about what to do if you mess up. Other than going to confession of course! As Catholics we have to admit that sometimes our human weaknesses get the better of us and we make mistakes. We may have the intention of being chaste, but then mess up. How do we fix the broken relationship? How do we take it back to where it should be?

  5. Jeff-1307710 February 10, 2017 Reply

    James, Thank you for your article. I love your prayer “I pray to see Christ in everyone I meet”. If you added “and I pray that everyone I meet sees Christ in me” to it, I may just have to borrow it from you.

  6. Heidi-1400119 February 10, 2017 Reply

    I hear ya, Marie! Have been experiencing the same thing here in the U.S. It is very frustrating and disheartening, but I will not compromise on my morals and values. I trust that God has a very special plan for us and that we must keep the faith.

  7. Kenneth-1415542 February 10, 2017 Reply

    Just do as one of the Greatest Saints Known to Christianity, St. Augustine; After his conversion he prayed “My dear god, give me Chastity, but nit just yet”

    • Peter-1281592 February 10, 2017 Reply

      No, please don’t do that! You’re not supposed to copy the bad things the Saints did. God hasn’t told you when you will die, so you can’t postpone preparing for heaven tomorrow!

  8. Tim-1289173 February 10, 2017 Reply

    Ridiculous!

    • David-1054431 February 11, 2017 Reply

      Could you elaborate on that? What part is ridiculous? Why? I’m just genuinely curious what you would have to say.

  9. Tim-1289173 February 10, 2017 Reply

    Really!

  10. Peter-1281592 February 10, 2017 Reply

    Fact: God says through the Church, ‘No sex outside of marriage.’

    Conclusion: Don’t have sex outside of marriage.

    There’s people here flatly contradicting Church teaching. Why? God’s all-knowing, all-powerful, outside of time, etc… So He didn’t make a mistake and tell you the wrong thing. For your own sake, don’t kid yourself He’s fine with it.

  11. Madelyn-1322289 February 9, 2017 Reply

    When I was a child, I couldn’t understand why it is easier for a kid than for an adult …to accept the Word and Love that comes from ‘Heaven’. Now, I do. As an adult Our hearts justify so many things do to the pain we already experienced… but our Heart is His temple. We should pray for one another to receive His blessing and guidance. Focus in the good and keep trying harder and praying for those things that need improvement… http://www.saintaquinas.com/mortal_sin.html

  12. P M. February 8, 2017 Reply

    Marie, You haven’t met the right person, yet. I’m 60 and still have not had sex.
    I think prayer for a mate helps. For me I think it was because I have ADHD and my interests are so much different. Just hang in there!

    Meanwhile…look at your interests and pursue them. I think it helps if you do that way you can get to meet other folks who have the same interests as you.

    My GF and I met on facebook. We have both run for elective office, share an interest in making our country and our world better, both of us have an interest in astronomy.

    We chatted online for about 4 years before we met. She invited me to her summer birthday parties and her club activities and I joined her astronomy club.

    I finally asked to take her out.

    That’s how we met:)

  13. Angeline-813577 February 8, 2017 Reply

    Very relevant article for me. I would love to try to communicate and learn to be more aware of the language of love with my partner.

    I feel my life gives more opportunities, excitements and enriching experiences when I am living in chaste, compare than in the past when I lived wordly.
    My relationship with God is more intimate too. And I learn to see the person I am having relationship with in the way God sees him. Plus, I don’t have to worry bout things related to sex (physically, spiritually and emotionally).

  14. P M. February 8, 2017 Reply

    At 60 I have finally found a GF after 30 years of being alone. I’ve never been even close to marriage and never had sex , period, not even really close either. My GF and I have talked about it and she is comfortable with me about not having sex.

    But we are getting closer….

    I don’t know about all this other stuff though…

    And I pray The Chaplet of Divine Mercy and Rosary of The Holy Wounds each day.

    Fact is that she is not Catholic but we share a lot of the same interests…and that’s just as or even more important to me than her not being Catholic.

    Sorry but God had all that time to find a Catholic GF for me and he didn’t .

    I know that The Lord is in this relationship.

    • P M. February 8, 2017 Reply

      And I know that if we ever did have sex..that would probably ruin us…
      I’ve done that thought experiment and realized that I would have to choose..either God or her and I think I would have to break it off…

      So I’m not going to have sex with her…

      Furthermore , I think that all couples …especially if they are going to get married, have to come to terms with it!

      • Caroline C. February 21, 2017 Reply

        Hello just curious? I don’t judge people who have relationships with other people of other religions but am curious that you indicate that God didn’t do his job so this must be the way to go and then justify that she is a good person. Besides doing activities together have you ever shared scripture, prayed or done things perhaps could lead the 2 of you together in a more devout movement. ? True not all relationships end up being blessed by the Catholic Church and they seem to survive. But do you ask yourself was it God who didn’t provide a mate or were you to o busy doing your will that you never noticed a person put in your path before. Are you with this woman because you begin to realize nothing is going to happen if you don’t take the reign? I am not criticizing her but trying to understand your actions and your blaming God. I have a male friend and we have known each other for about 8 years. He too never married but he fears divorce and is afraid to risk. I am not meant to be his mate but rather try to stir him in what he says he wants because I don’t see the actions being taken to full fill it. So I question and ask what is the worst thing that could happen and it ends up beinig he could be like most of us and maybe have to recalculate when things don’t go the way he dreamed but perhaps is God’s path for him anyway. Does this make sense?Best wishes. Midget01

    • Richard-1322522 February 21, 2017 Reply

      Hi , Many years ago I met and married a beautiful RN. She was Episcopalian and very spiritual. Some Catholic family members were very upset but came around as time passed. My wife was dedicated and very passionate about taking care of her patients. When you meet someone so special in your life ,even if she isn’t Catholic, count your blessings. You’re not young any more and time is fleeting. Follow your heart .

  15. Patricia-1268080 February 8, 2017 Reply

    It is hard when you fall in love in your 70s. I always did what was right, no sex before marriage, no birth control after marriage. I even had a stroke with my last baby because I
    didn’t listen to my doctor. My spouse died 5 years ago. Getting married at my age is so hard now days. I miss having sexual relations. It’s hard for me to believe that it is a mortal sin for two older single people to enjoy sex . It’s a beautiful gift and who would be hurting.

    • Ann-1392938 February 8, 2017 Reply

      Pat I agree we have fulfilled the sacrament of marriage ,I feel at our age God wants us to be happy,what is the answer to this,I was married 55 years,and I met someone another catholic a widower i so love him

    • P M. February 8, 2017 Reply

      Patricia, I very much doubt that a woman of 70 or above can bear children:)

    • Susie Lloyd February 8, 2017 Reply

      What Patricia is asking is what a lot of seniors are asking. Many of my parents’ generation have decided that since they no longer can have kids, it’s okay to live together or sleep together without marriage. Marriage would mess up their finances, etc. To the question, Who would it be hurting? There are a few answers. One – yourself because it is a sin and you could lose your soul. That is the compassionate answer. It is not compassionate to say a sin is not a sin. But there is another answer. Your children and grandchildren because you are showing them by your example that the words of Christ don’t apply in certain situations and that it’s better to consider finances or some other thing than it is to obey God. Finally, this is not about “church rules.” It’s about love. In the golden years you can deepen your relationship with God who is the only one who can fulfill all the desires of your heart.

    • Caroline C. February 21, 2017 Reply

      I am 70 myself. Yes it can be hard to not fall back into the marriage trap. I call it that because after 20 years it became a loving comfortable stage. That ended up being one part of me that I could rely on and not have to dwell on. I could focus a lot of attention elsewhere. Now that I am alone part of me grieves and longs for those feelings but I know that in order to get them I must start all over again and learn to build a relationship that might give me or meet the needs I remember. But then I have to remind myself I am not that same young person and at this stage in my life the things that use to satisfy me may feel awkward and bring back my old loving memories instead or planting and working towards a different crop on a different road that God brings me to. This has always been a problem of abstaining from sin because we had became accustom to the graces received when using sex properly. And now it is removed almost as a punishment. But instead it is a form of reward for placing it as a carrot to find the right person whom God calls us to later in life. When I enjoy my memories and try not to place the face of my former husband or even former boyfriends then I see the person in front of me for what He is and what we might become. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be changing anytime soon. But like I told my Spiritual Director I am ok with God’s decision. If it is meant to be then it will be; if not then that is God’s plan. But I know sitting and fretting about it only makes me think God doesn’t care and I truly know He does. It’s me that needs to adjust and place my priorities in order. I am told that God works in mysterious ways and we are amazed when we witness it. Do I miss sex? I am human like everyone else. But I now don’t crave it and have been given the Graces on not letting it control my life. I am Irish so perhaps I am lucky I am not sure. But the feelings are still there but the burner is on low heat for now.

  16. Manny-1285770 February 7, 2017 Reply

    Marie, like you there are many of us out there that feel the same way, but there are also many of us that share the same values. In other words; be patient and avoid having to live with regret. Pray and wait to for the right person. I am sure it will be worth the wait.

  17. Shannon-1126871 February 7, 2017 Reply

    Not easy but, 100% worth it.

  18. Deborah-899832 February 7, 2017 Reply

    Definitely not easy being chaste, but 100% worth. 🙂

  19. Ador-1299586 February 7, 2017 Reply

    Chastity you must know about yourself to avoid not to commit this without marriage !

  20. Kevin G. February 7, 2017 Reply

    To answer this question as simply as I can is this.
    Lust in not love ❤️ and to many people don’t know the difference between them? This causes to many divorces and divided families! In the end it is the children that suffer as well as the person that didn’t want the divorce!
    If you really love someone you can wait until you are married. Think of it this way. If you are together and love each other without sex and you get married knowing that you made it that long than you will know that you will have that added bonus of sex to get you through the tough times that you will have in your marriage.
    People think sex, money drugs will make them happy ? However it is just temporary. The only true happiness you will ever find is with God and family created in the bond of Holy matrimony.
    Unless you serve as a member of the religious life. Then you still have God and your family is the church.
    Please don’t give up it is like I tell my boys even if I am the last person on earth I will always keep my faith.
    Lastly every one no matter what always remember that you can change and God is a Forgiving God! He loves us all he just wants us to truly try our best!
    I will leave you with this quote, “shallow lustfull love looks for what it can get! True Unconditional love looks for what it can give!” If we are all givers we would all receive. Amen
    Thank you,
    Kevin

  21. Kevin G. February 7, 2017 Reply

    Marie,
    I find it very sad as well. I was married over 17 years and forgave her for affairs praying that she would change.
    Then after 2 wonderful boys she did it again when they were 2 and 7 and left! She said she wanted her freedom though the kids would settle her down and it didn’t work?
    I also believe as you do and suffer the same fait that if I don’t have sex or something else I am not cool .
    I got an annulment and truly believe there is someone out there for me and my children but with the lack of faith and morals it is very hard!
    Keep the faith and pray I will do the same!
    God bless.
    Kevin

  22. Lorrie-735074 February 7, 2017 Reply

    I can be honest and say I may want sexual intimacy at some point but I do see how, in the past, I rushed to that before even getting to know the person or even being in a committed relationship. I have no desire to be married but I may want a boyfriend at some point. I will say that the varied opinions gave me something to think about.

  23. Chino-1256596 February 7, 2017 Reply

    Dear Marie, we are not condemned to a life of singledom by virtue of observing chastity before marriage. One should understand that marriage is a lot more than just being chaste, it takes other virtues like commitment, piety, hardwork, endurance, tolerance, magnanimity and love to flourish. We are encouraged to be chaste – true. However, I would not marry a woman who is impatient, ill-tempered, and greedy or exhibits a lack of sensible judgment just because she is chaste. I find that many singles observing chastity often wrongly carry about an entitlement mentality that a prospective partner must love them just for being chaste without presenting any of their other positive traits to excite the other. On the other hand, a large number of lovers rush into marriage and rush out the same way they got in because lust blinded most of them to the truths about the shortcomings of these other virtues in their partners. They come to find that it takes more than sex to stay married and they find out they really can’t live together otherwise. Here is my recommendation, think about ways to engage your suitors in meaningful conversations and activities so that they are better off with you than they would without you, if we could have a best friend or close family relative and not sleep with them, why should it be difficult to find someone we connect with and do same? Chastity is not meant to punish us, it is meant to help us see the true person we intend to spend the rest of our lives with for who they really are. Marriage is once and for all. Make it count for what it is worth. God bless you.

    • Billy-88650 February 10, 2017 Reply

      Then they don’t love you Marie and they are not worth it. The right man will gladly respect your decision to be chaste until marriage.

    • Chino-1256596 February 14, 2017 Reply

      I think Billy has made a valid point. Just to add, the saying that “Unlike terms attract” doesn’t work in spirituality. One has to desire chastity in a potential partner in order to attract them. Worldly men would always look for worldly ladies. If you are interested in keeping yourself chaste, you have to develop interests in activities that other chaste people love. This would increase the likelihood of bonding with the right person who wouldn’t expect you to compromise on your values. That super hot guy you met at the gym is less likely to be in support of chastity than the guy you met during a Christian volunteer service for homeless children. Another point you might want to consider, Do you limit your search for a partner to London alone? If you think not a lot good men reside in your primary location, it could be a good decision to start looking elsewhere. I know you probably already know these, however it is good that we remind ourselves from time to time, and also for the benefit of other readers, Please read Wisdom chapter 4 (or Wisdom 3:13-19). God’s grace be with you.

  24. Christine K. February 7, 2017 Reply

    I always keep this in my mind, if I do sleep with my fiance or boyfriend before I get married I’m committing adultery to him. I am so blessed that my fiance believes the same way. Keeping our chastity has blessed our relationship with God even more. We communicate our feelings for each other we pray for each other to be strong and we ask God to Staind our hearts with his love so we can pass it on to others so they can see that keeping Chasity is the right thing and to keep it holy.

  25. Annie-509599 February 7, 2017 Reply

    I am a 72 year old widow of many years. I have met someone I care very deeply for and want to have a physical relationship with him. I am not interested in getting married again for many reasons. I am to fell guilty at my age if we engage in a relationship. He makes me very happy and I care for him very deeply!!

    • Richard-1392468 February 7, 2017 Reply

      agree with you 100% God will not send us to hell for sexual relation outside of marriage at the age of 77, and your first wife died after 54 years of marriage under church rules. I was chase for 2 years before my marriage and 54 years of marriage, then she died
      What if I meet a non catholic woman now?!!!!

      • John-1377468 February 7, 2017 Reply

        “God will not send us to hell for sexual relation outside of marriage at the age of 77” God does not send people to hell. We choose it whenever we commit a mortal sin. Having sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin… at any age.

        • P M. February 8, 2017 Reply

          John, you are so much younger, please try to have some compassion!

          • David-1162851 February 11, 2017 Reply

            Where in Catholic teaching does it say that sex outside of marriage is not a mortal sin past a certain age. Compassion sometimes means telling the truth. Look, if it were up to me there would be no 6th commandment. The one you are acusing of lack of compassion is Jesus.

      • David-1162851 February 11, 2017 Reply

        Pretty sure God’s law does not depend on age. So yes you can still choose hell even at 77 years of age.

        • Caroline C. February 21, 2017 Reply

          David I agree.! Ihave been reading all of these statements of people trying to justify their feelings . Most of them are people raised in the 60’s when things became more permissive in our society and although over the years they may have blindly followed the churches teachings now seem to think that they have followed the commanments and can justify the fact that the feelings they once had as teens may still remain. You are right sin is sin at any age. Sex never was about satisfying ourselves but being a gift from God to strengthen the relationship with the spouse He gave us. The church did and indirectly still focuses on the children aspect but marriage and the act of sex is more about respecting and loving the person with whom God unites us. Would we focus so much on the lack of sex if we truly saw the person of Jesus in our possible mate? Perhaps that is something we should ask ourselves? God only fulfills our desires when He knows the direction of our hearts then He leads our souls.

    • Michael-1366604 February 7, 2017 Reply

      Hi Annie, thanks for the privilege of responding to your question. I grew up Catholic and from about 17 years of age I left the church and walked the worldly walk, having a number of girl friends with whom i had an intimate relationship. At about age 23 I chose a celibate course for 1 year, organised and managed by myself. I wanted to see if it were possible to live such a life, as at that time I was considering the priesthood. I discovered that it was possible. Following that year I subsequently chose a non-celibate path. I support the positive approach of previous writers in this article eg: moving from the don’t’s to the positive aspects when spending time with a potential partner. However, i believe that having the focus on celibacy is missing the mark. Having a positive focus on how we live our lives eg: caring, goodness, strength in social doing and emotional and rational thought are the natural human traits that build a greater and socially inclusive community which is where my focus is these days. I would not discourage intimacy but I also recognise that initially not having the expectation of sex has the reward of getting to know potential partners deeply.

  26. Albert-1250715 February 7, 2017 Reply

    Marie, there are guys out here that will commit to chastity to find the right woman for marriage. I did notice you live in London.

  27. Chuck K. February 7, 2017 Reply

    She was divorced, 49, coming out of a 25 year marriage. We kissed passionately but always kept our clothes on. I told her I would wait until we were ready or committed to marriage. She said her Catholic faith said once you are married you are always married to that person. She broke it off. Five weeks later she is boinking her future husband like there is no tomorrow. Go figure. I am convinced that her Catholic upbringing had her so confused that she said the heck with it and just jumped into bed. Unfortunately it was not with me who would have waited until marriage. So much for doing the right thing.

    • Drew-1375835 February 7, 2017 Reply

      Chuck…do not blame on her Catholic up bringing.. Sin started with Adam and Eve… We are given free will… I do not think there is any Christian Religion that Oka pre sex before marriage … Do not fall for the Devils lies… If you were to have a sexual relation with her and married her… She and you may have been getting devoiced again.. You need to be equally yoked… Oppositions do not attract for long… GOD BLESS PRAY ASk GOD PRAY PRAY FOR ( GOD AND ALL THE SAINTS ) to bring the right person into your life..

    • P M. February 8, 2017 Reply

      Chuck, she wasn’t the right one….

    • Caroline C. February 22, 2017 Reply

      You may have been doing the right thing but with perhaps the wrong woman. It was not God’s choice. I have a friend who was very devout and acted like she believed everything she heard or read in the church and now she has woken up from her protective shield and as a friend I try to corral her but realize the sins are her choice; I can only help her see her bad judgments. She is going through a lot of pain to discover that she is human and can’t keep herself bottled up all the time . But prayer and self control are graces asked for. She may have meant well but wasn’t strong enough to keep control of her urges. I guess we all fall sometimes but some of us are more obvious about it.

  28. Drew-1375835 February 7, 2017 Reply

    I ruined a relationship with a girl I met after my wife died.. By getting to physically involved.. I never though I would sin … To all the devil is out there.. Do not live by the value of satin..follow the LORD.. WE WILL ALL DIE !!! When you become face to face with the LORD — all your sins will be before you.. I do not think you will have time or the ability to tell the LORD why you though it was ok to sin.. We have a soul — GOD gave us free will… On our soul is RIGHT and WRONG.. I miss my wife and the other lady GOD brought into my life….Sin separates from GOD and other good men and women…PRAY PRAY PRAY

    • Rick F. February 7, 2017 Reply

      Very well said!! There are situations that may not seem black and white, where we are doing our best to love our neighbor as yourself yet fall victim to sin. That’s the gray area where probably every one of us sin without totally understanding what we are doing wrong. I thank God for the forgiveness that allows me to live in God’s light and not be a victim of guilt for those mistakes. And I pray that God’s Spirit guides me to avoid temptation and love others the way God wants.

  29. Patricia-1367007 February 7, 2017 Reply

    Dont settle for less, that a lot of people are doing things the wrong way wont make it right one day.

  30. Lale-1401801 February 7, 2017 Reply

    I always believe in Chastity and will always do, not only physically but also spiritually. It really depends in the upbringing of a person. Maybe the right exposure to sex education at an early age can be a great help. Believing that one’s body is sacred, respected and should be taken cared of is also important.

  31. Joan-1112996 February 7, 2017 Reply

    I mean, obviously sex is a no-no but if you’re going to avoid kissing you’re basically a total prude. Be smart, have fun, and don’t do anything inappropriate. Personally I don’t but into these love languages and all these love theories (that I’m convinced keep a lot of people single). Don’t overthink it!!!

  32. Jennifer-1396964 February 7, 2017 Reply

    I think everyone should read Anita Moorjani’s book Dying to Be Me. Wake up spiritually, and life life fearlessly! Be as passionate as you want and don’t think twice. The only rules in life are just to have fun, be kind, and be yourself. My heart breaks for those who keep themselves confined to rules they feel they must follow out of fear. To be spiritual, all you have to be is yourself! Being yourself and being spiritual are the same. I really hope everyone will at least give Anita Moorjani a chance on their own time.

    • David-1054431 February 8, 2017 Reply

      “Be as passionate as you want and don’t think twice. The only rules in life are just to have fun, be kind, and be yourself.”

      Come again? Are you serious? I like the “be kind” part of that. But otherwise it doesn’t sound very Catholic to me.

      • P M. February 8, 2017 Reply

        David, I submit myself to God’s will each day and ask him to guide me, do you?

        • David-1054431 February 8, 2017 Reply

          Well, I try. But I’m not quite clear on how that relates to the comment I made to Jennifer. Are you agreeing with me or disagreeing?

      • Kevin-944002 February 9, 2017 Reply

        I agree.
        I have also found that there are many Catholics in the world but not as many “practicing Catholic’s” I am not judging however there is a big difference!
        It is very hard to be a practicing Catholic and I try very hard realizing that it doesn’t mean I think I am perfect. But there is way to much hypocrisy in today’s world. It is because in most cases we have become very selfish and live without patience. I know I am older but look at how many things are right at our fingertips!
        Remember when you had to wait hours to hear your favorite song, watch your show, or even see your family? Now all we have to do is push a button or tell our device to do it for us!
        While some of this is very helpful it has hurt us as a loving caring people.
        It’s sad that many people can’t even talk when they are together they text! If we try to set limits for or children we are out of touch with today’s society?
        Electronics have become addictive to the point that it is distorting us. As many people to take 1 hour during the day away from their phone, computer, tablet or video games and they go crazy .

  33. Otti-1143632 February 7, 2017 Reply

    Chastity seems not to be a hot topic for this generation, yet purity exorcises its fascinations and draws out its obsessions like a magnetic force. Chastity or purity is not like putting on make-up nor is it a vanity fair-ytale to mimic angels or feign innocence. It is not a plastic surgery to hide wrinkles nor is it a means for rejuvenation. Chastity is not a self-imposed straightjacket of stoic rules and limits on the nature of human sexuality, devoid of emotions and passions, akin to what our generation rushes headlong to break free from or has become somewhat hopeless and cynical to the life-giving spirit and perfection of chastity. Noooooo…We are called to a greatness far more than putting on a show or changing vanguard clothes or building facades. A scornful escape from the mire of the world to settle on some isolated planet of the universe, be it mars or mercury, out of touch with lepers and unclean spirits like puri-fans, will not do the trick either but rather generate a scrupulous insanity. We are called to stretch out and touch to heal or cure the sick, drive out unclean, impure, mute spirits with a medicinal state of being Christ-ian. We must be in the world, but not of the world, that is, immune to world’s sickness, after developing antibodies in ourselves, providing vaccines for salvation of our world, as light and salt of the earth. Positively, chastity is a virtue merited by our cooperation with good sexual manners or behavior, a grace of conduct in Christ, a fruit of the work of the Holy Spirit, and a gift of the merciful Father, re-establishing the order of relation within and without us. Therefore, for those of us who are not immaculately conceived, let us allow the great Physician to skillfully apply the doses of challenges proper to our strength, always with a way out and far from the collapse of presumptions, to attain immunity to unchaste and impure downhill snowball or avalanches. In this sense, the process of chastisement of our free will like iron losing rust and glowing in the heart of fire, is a re-creative process effecting the harmony of the fabric of our being through the power of grace, edifying a crushed earthen vessel to a more glorious and unbreakable spiritual state, a cathartic and an ordering process integrating our biological and spiritual dimensions into a state of “royal freedom” (cf. CCC # 908). For those who have received light or knockout blows from permissiveness of this generation, a recommendation: frequent the Sacraments, offer a daily Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary, praying with a simple intention for the grace, fruit, and gift of chastity for yourself, your spouse, and youths, and a 15-minute spiritual reading. See how you’re doing after a month. I’m sure you will have a renewed perspective.

    • Elaine-1242802 February 24, 2017 Reply

      Otti, thank you for your input. Well said. I am totally on board with your posting.

  34. Pat-1349527 February 6, 2017 Reply

    It’s a good article. Chastity, unfortunately, is something few practicing single Catholics do anymore; at least that’s what the statistics tell us. We’ve bought into the secular culture without even knowing why the Church teaches chastity. God gave us bodies that become aroused physically. That’s a good thing and draws us together! We are commanded, however, to reserve physical intimacy for marriage. (A good review of Theology of the Body can answer any questions as to why this is to our benefit.) My only additional suggestion is that a couple discuss whether they are both committed to abstain from sexual intimacy before marriage. It certainly doesn’t need to be a first date discussion, but it’s a value that should be discussed before courtship goes too far. It’s just too hard to try to hold the burden of abstaining from sexual intimacy if the other person doesn’t value it also. If both partners of the couple don’t value this commitment to chastity, it’s probably a red flag that they also wouldn’t have the same values on other aspects of Catholic married life.

  35. Elena-1376641 February 6, 2017 Reply

    Thank you for this article. I hope it is possible to date like that.

  36. Stale-1037163 February 6, 2017 Reply

    It’s hard to separate the chaff from the wheat in this article. The wheat being divine revelation. The chaff being the peculiarities of American calvinism/puritanism.

    • Katherine-1321763 February 11, 2017 Reply

      Thank you Stale!
      It’s hard to believe there aren’t more Catholics who see the slight underlying Puritanism/Calvinism in this article. It’s a little scary.

      • Patricia-1415097 February 11, 2017 Reply

        Hi! I’m definitely one who is missing that aspect of this article. Stale or Katherine — can you explain that better to me?

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