» Melancholic and Sanguine

 When you first fell in love, it was likely the case that you each offered the other something appealingly different from your own nature. The sanguine was drawn to the melancholic’s depth and profound insight, his attention to detail, and his organization. In turn, the serious melancholic found the sanguine’s sense of fun, adventure and spontaneity highly attractive. The melancholic spouse can help the sanguine develop reflection, principles and perseverance. The sanguine will help the melancholic be more optimistic and will initiate social activities which the otherwise reserved melancholic might not have initiated.

After the rosy bloom of the romance fades, however, difficulties can arise when the spouses inadvertently neglect fundamental emotional needs. Not realizing that the two temperaments are diametrically opposed, each spouse may erroneously assume that their emotional needs are identical. For example, a fun-loving, impulsive sanguine has a fundamental emotional need for affirmation of her social nature. Let’s say the sanguine spouse sets up several dinner engagements for the same week, but her melancholic spouse just wants to spend a quiet evening at home for once! Or the sanguine has been out shopping, volunteering, or networking and is neglecting the fundamental emotional need of the melancholic to have quiet and order. She may have been out so much that the dishes are piled in the sink, the checkbook doesn’t balance, she is late to every appointment, and the house is a mess. This could deeply offend a melancholic spouse!

Disagreements can occur when the melancholic begins to accuse the sanguine of being flighty, scattered, forgetful, and impulsive. In turn, the melancholic is accused of being moody, antisocial, perfectionist, and critical. When criticism occurs, the sanguine’s feelings are hurt and he or she may be vocal about it. The melancholic may brood about deep injustices and hurt feelings, but may not openly express them.

Know that your sanguine spouse may be disorganized, a bit scatterbrained, and rebels at the concept of a budget. But a sanguine can’t be beat when it comes to relationships, communication, and raising children! Your sanguine spouse can help your kids feel genuinely loved and they will thrive with his or her abundant attention and encouragement. Your sanguine spouse will be the one encouraging you to talk as well; they will keep the joy of the relationship alive. Sanguines want you to enjoy what they enjoy and to have fun with them.

Communication is vital for the sanguine, but melancholics can become overwhelmed by too much activity and may retreat into their own thoughts–leaving the talkative sanguine frustrated. The sanguine needs to realize that the melancholic is introverted, deeply thoughtful, and needs a lot of personal space. Give the melancholic plenty of space and time in which to communicate his inmost thoughts. Allow for his creative silences. Your melancholic spouse will reward you with an organized house, attention to detail, noble principles, and a strong commitment to the relationship.

The sanguine tends to tease, while the melancholic’s feelings are easily hurt! Don’t make fun of your melancholic spouse or expect him to laugh at all your jokes. Don’t take their moods too personally, especially the tendency to dwell on problems. The melancholic is often surprised when others think he is being “picky” or “critical.” His precise attention to detail and his ability to foresee problems can sometimes be taken as a tendency to judgmentalism and negativity. This may not be his intent at all. It would be helpful for the melancholic to learn just how his remarks are sometimes perceived.

The sanguine can help cheer up the melancholic with a light-hearted approach and a sense of humor. Sometimes, the sanguine feels “stuck” in a role of always having to be the cheerleader; what if the sanguine needed cheering up? If you are the melancholic, try not to be the cross for your sanguine partner! Your sanguine spouse can help the melancholic rise above the day-to-day trials and find joy in life. It must be acknowledged, however, that when the chips are down, the melancholic is often the one who truly steps up to the plate. It is a curious phenomenon that small details can bog down a melancholic, but if there are serious problems, he or she is able to rise to the occasion. Your melancholic spouse will also help the sanguine partner develop greater sensitivity and depth. The sanguine/melancholic couple has a unique capacity for the integration of great depth and great joy.