26, Georgina, CA
I fear - despite the light that each day breaks far over the eastern horizon.
I fear to look at people, to pluralize my thoughts, to cristalize my cowardice.
I am afraid to break the glass that separates matter from spirit.
I am afraid to face another mirror where in I see myself through different eyes, and desire desperately to have a different image, to be a flower, to be a cloud, to be from an unknown race.
Yes, I am afraid of death. I would rather accept the life I know a little, and go rashing hour by hour into the incontrovertible.
I lack the courage to die screaming, so my silence overflows in a slow peacemaking agony.
I am frightened by the night that with pathetic solitude makes me discover the light as it is a conformity of resttless souls; a similitude of one to the other, equality of mind, patience, inequality, quietude, toleration, abundance, sin, prayers, constancey, sighs, dreams, insomnia, problems, war, peace, population, hunger, aire, discrimation... The poor songs and weering of life - some of whom radiate the truth.
We all sleep, we all are guilty of miserie, we eat, we think, we are a connected necessity.
And though we have in common our differences, we are totally unacquainted with each other.
But our intuitions about each other are casual.
I am afraid of night because in its I am not capable of waking to tell you that I love you.
Because in its I am not capable of telling to this joyous God that I can forgive my enemy.
Because in its I cannot understand you and tell you at the same time that I come from your own race.
I am afraid of glimmering contrasts and I cannot learn to die unless I can disginguish them first.
If I could call as truth my bad and good behavior.
Would if it be possible to die for two different things at the same time.
I will have to look for a more original way of life.
May be a stronger inquietude capable of transmitting to my soul a vivid wish to think for a moment about death.
It is difficult for me to avoid this fear, to fight against injustice and be a small reflex of the bauty of existence.