I was inspired lately by the Relate livestream on finances with Amanda Tiexiera. (Don’t know what that is yet? Check out CatholicMatch on YouTube!) The topic was all about finances, singleness, and marriage. And BOY was it good! One thing that really stuck out to me was the discussion about how a few decades ago, young Catholics could marry and basically have no plan, and were able to “figure it all out” in just a few years. “It” being finances, careers, children, housing, and all the expenses married life brings. For example, I remember my wonderful, loving grandparents giving advice like “get a college degree and you won’t have to worry,” or “work hard and you’ll be just fine!” But several decades later in Western civilization, after massive economic shifts, job market changes, and ballooning inflation, things aren’t that simple.
In that Relate discussion, Amanda summed it all up: “The days of winging it are gone!”
She’s right. The world we live in doesn’t allow for a caution-to-the-winds, it’ll-work-itself-out mindset.
What in the world is a marriage-minded Catholic to do?
Whether you’re single or engaged, male or female, old or young, we all have to grapple with the question of basic fiscal provision in our vocation to marriage. And regardless of where in your romantic journey you are, now is the best time to start dealing with it. Let’s break it down into three steps, and you’ll be well on your way to a stable financial setup for your marriage.
1. Get real by learning actual numbers. Do you know how much your ideal marriage would cost? It’s easy to daydream about marriage and imagine the perfect lifestyle. And it’s easy to forget: all those things cost money. Money that you and your spouse will have to source from somewhere. Put aside the daydreaming and instead, try this: picture the life you want to live. Do you want a sole breadwinning lifestyle or a dual-income household? A small rented townhouse, or a bit of land? What about children, existing ones or future ones? Insurance? Cars?
Once you have an accurate picture, determine how much income is needed to afford this lifestyle. Crunch those numbers. Look up housing prices, rent, and mortgage loans in your area. Compare insurance deductibles and property tax rates. You could also interview a willing friend or relative whose marriage and life you’d like to emulate–they will be a great source of real numbers. Once you have that information, add up all those things you foresee in your marriage. What income would you need to afford it?
Sometimes, you’ll find out you have really expensive expectations, and you need to scale your ideals back to reality. Sometimes, you’ll realize that you could afford what you want if you made a big change, such as switching careers. Sometimes, you’ll realize your location or current lifestyle isn’t going to support marriage and family at all. Whatever the outcome of this exercise, knowledge is power. Keep all your numbers and notes, you’re going to be referring to them as we move on.
2. Reverse engineer your options. Armed with this information, it’s time to reverse engineer to find your best next steps. It might be helpful to sit down with that trusted friend or relative and learn what they did to get where they are now. Touch base with a few friends to get their ideas, chat with some coworkers or professors, or you could even talk to a career counselor. This stage is all about researching what kind of career and financial options are available to you, and reverse engineering a plan to put you on the road to your goals. Ask yourself questions like this:
- What real, valuable jobs are out there in the income bracket I want? Am I in one of those fields now?
- What type of qualifications do I currently have, and what type do I want to have? Is there any crossover?
- What type of safety net do I have? Should I consider getting a fallback qualification?
- Am I taking on too much educational debt? Do I need to change majors, change universities, or even leave college for a while in order to get a handle on my finances?
- Would higher education suit my goals? Should I consider a trade school or apprenticeship?
- Should I look at getting a financial advisor or taking finance classes? (e.g., Dave Ramsey’s educational courses.)
There is an easy, helpful way to determine the usefulness of higher education, by the way. Ask yourself: does this major/degree come with a licensure or certification at the end? If it does, odds are it will give you a decent income later, and might be worth taking out some loans to achieve. The end goal of higher education should be geared toward the job market you face after graduation.
3. Start the changes NOW. Okay, you’ve crunched all the numbers, done a bunch of research and interviews, and you have a few ideas of what you should start doing. This is the really, really hard part. . . it’s time to act. What exactly you need to do will look completely different depending on your situation. If you’re a college student, perhaps you need to change majors and classes to pursue a different degree. Perhaps you need to switch universities to a public, affordable option that offers the same degree for much less cost. Perhaps you’re already in the working world and want to double down on paying off debt. Maybe you’re deep into married life and have kids, and you need to downsize to a smaller home in order to afford to live on a single income.
Wherever you are, whatever your goals, this is the time to start making changes. And it’s a leap of faith! As Padre Pio said, “Pray, hope, and don’t worry.” These changes might take a lot of time, they might be intimidating, and they might seem way too hard right now. While single, it’s easy to procrastinate and think,“I’ll deal with that after we’re married.” Don’t fall for that nonsense. Set yourself up for success and trust that God is using this time, your choices, right now, to help support your future marriage.
Let’s end with what we all know to be true: we don’t know what God has in store. Yes, we should plan for our financial future. Yes, we should absolutely use common sense and do our best. Yes, we should shift careers, pursue a different education, or even move somewhere else if we need to. But in the end, layoffs still happen. Illness still strikes. Tragedy still hits. As Catholics, we know God’s plans might not look like our own. And that’s okay! What’s important is how we build strong faith and strong common sense. Financial hardship will come. Changes and surprises are inevitable. We can’t plan for everything. But we can ensure that, when the tough times come, we have done our best to be prepared. The time to start is now.
