When 40-somethings Brendan and Lucy marry on December 26, 2015, it will be the fourth time that they have met in person over the course of their two-and-a-half year relationship. The fact that Lucy lives in Indonesia and Brendan is from Richmond, VA did not get in the way of their falling in love (
Thankfully, technology like Skype and Yahoo IM has allowed the couple to interact on more of a personal level to nurture their relationship. In many ways, they found dating via Skype a positive way to get to know one another.
“Skype has allowed us to really talk about everything without any distractions or societal influences. With conversation being the main modality of interaction, it distills the relationship down to the basics, where we can really get to know one another well—inside and out,” Brendan says.
Skype also allowed them to be able to grow together spiritually because they could pray the Rosary together.
Luckily, language wasn't a barrier for them because Lucy has very good command of the English language—she teaches English at a school that she owns. Brendan easily came to know Lucy's easy sense of humor and child-like appreciation for life.
Not Your Traditional Indonesian Proposal
In May of 2015, Brendan flew to Indonesia to see Lucy for the third time and to propose to her. Interestingly, he got his idea for a proposal from an unlikely source. “A priest’s sermon at Mass gave me an idea for a unique proposal. He talked about a man’s wedding proposal, as it related to God’s love, where God comes on ‘bended knee’ to all of us, wholly and fully. I mirrored the man’s proposal method, as explained by the priest in his sermon.”
As a present, Brendan wrapped a pillow for Lucy to open after their dinner at a nice restaurant. When she opened the gift, she was perplexed as to why Brendan was giving her a pillow. “I asked her if I could use it first. So I put the pillow on the ground, knelt on it and looked into Lucy’s eyes. I put the ring on her finger, and she said, ‘Yes.’”
It was a quiet, low-key proposal, which Lucy appreciated.
Brendan’s proposal was very American and unlike how proposals are done in Indonesia culture. Traditionally, both sets of parent decide if the couple should wed. The parents meet and discuss whether the relationship is a good match. If they agree that the couple should be allowed to marry, the woman receives a gold diamond necklace from the groom’s parents. In return, the groom’s parents bring over trays of food to the bride’s house.”
“Lucy’s family and friends had only seen Western wedding proposals in movies, so they were excited to hear about it. It would have been difficult for me to ship over several trays of food to Lucy’s family from the USA!”
The couple will be married in Lucy’s parish on December 26, 2015, in Surabaya, Indonesia. Only part of Brendan’s family will be able to attend the ceremony. Those who are unable to travel will join the couple in a Mass of thanksgiving in Brendan’s parish prior to their civil ceremony, which will be tentatively held in early 2016. “Per US law, we are required to have a civil ceremony in Richmond, VA afterwards,” Brendan says.
The couple plans to live in Richmond. “Lucy may not be able to come back with me immediately after the wedding in December since her fiancée’ Visa may take a few more months to be approved.”
Nothing is Impossible with God
For the many members who are struggling to maintain long-distance relationships, Brendan offers a little advice. “People with strong hearts can and will persevere across the miles, continents, or hemispheres to grow their relationship, according to God’s will. It takes a person who is willing to forego traditional dating and rely on God’s presence that will transcend all obstacles a couple may encounter. I have learned patience because I know God’s time is not always my time and to ‘let go, let God.' I pray that our story will give other singles true hope that ‘nothing is impossible with God.’”
