I'll never forget a particular news report back in 2005 where it was announced that Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt were getting a divorce. It's always stuck in my mind because of the comment that came from the reporter after he made the announcement. With a glamorous picture of Anniston and Pitt looking like a million bucks, he said, "Ladies and gentlemen, if these two can't make a marriage work, there's no hope for any of us."
It was kind of funny, kind of cute, but sad all the same. I think we all know it takes a lot more than perfect hair and perfect bodies to make a marriage happy and lasting. And the team at the National Marriage Project tend to agree with that line of reasoning. They've released two documents about what makes husbands and wives "very" happy in their marriages, based upon their 2011 study, When Baby Makes Three: How Parenthood Makes Life Meaningful and How Marriage Makes Parenthood Bearable.
Secrets of "Very Happy" Wives and Husbands Who Have The Happiest Marriages bring into focus the real reasons why spouses are not only sticking together but really living marriage the way it was intended by God; happily. After all their research, here are the components they say are key to a happy marriage:
The Same For Husbands And Wives:
1. They have a satisfying sex life.
For all the marriage pessimists out there, I say take note! There are so many people who believe the Catholic perspective on having sex is too stringent, that Catholics are taught having sex is bad and the Church frowns upon people who are doing it. But, nothing could be further from the truth. What most people don’t realize is that the Catholic Church’s believes that sex is a good thing and couples should have more of it. If more people enjoyed the intimacy that comes with good sex, the divorce rate in our country would likely drop dramatically.
2. They Commit To Their Spouses.
Here is another important point that naysayers should take note of. These husbands and wives don't believe divorce is an option when the going gets tough. They work out their differences and in the process, develop better ways of communicating with each other, learn more about each other and ultimately reach a higher level of love for each other.
3. They love generously and affectionately.
Here is a quote from both documents:
Husbands: "They are full of compliments and make their wives feel appreciated. They cheerfully perform small acts of service—like giving the baby a bath or making her a cup of coffee in the morning."
Wives: "Happy wives show generosity to their husbands through small, steady acts of kindness, such as making him his favorite cup of coffee or sending a sweet email in the middle of the day. When they do a small act of service, they do not count the cost. Moreover, they give freely, punctuating the action with a hug or kiss."
4. Men Want A Family And Women Want To Nurture A Family Mentality.
Again, contrary to the cultural perspective that children are a hindrance to marriage, these spouses actually find fulfillment in raising a family together.
5. Social Perspectives And Faith
Here were a few aspects that were different for the spouses, but certainly not exclusive:
Wives enjoy and pursue social support, socializing with other friends and couples who have the same perspectives and beliefs about marriage and family life.
Men who practice a religious faith with their wife are very happy.
I think each one of these goes both ways as well. Suffice it to say that despite all the couples who feel cohabitation is the better way to go and despite the high rate of couples who throw in the towel and get divorced, a solid, happy, and lasting marriage makes for some very happy husbands and wives and their children.
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