Shawn, who lives in Singapore, can’t remember exactly what led him to CatholicMatch, but he recalled that he liked that the site has the option to check boxes for critical faith components. He also liked that there was a disclaimer that read along the lines of, “don't worry if everything isn’t ticked, because they may be at a different stage of their faith journey.”
Thankfully, he said, his wife had them all ticked.
Bella is originally from a small Indonesian town called Jambi on the island of Sumatera, became a citizen of Singapore in 2001. After a few failed dates from a local online dating app, she felt encouraged to try CatholicMatch after a friend in her hometown met her husband through the site. She decided to put a lot of details in her CatholicMatch profile page including things about her faith, her beliefs, and to tick all the Church's teachings that she agrees on and why she believes religion is important.
Shawn admittedly wasn’t very into online dating, as he had tried it a long time ago and it didn't lead anywhere.
It wasn't until COVID and the psychological toll that came with being cooped up that he decided to throw away his plans of staying single. He began to earnestly search for a partner again, but due to the restrictions, online was the only way he could do it at the time. He grew a bit frustrated with the fact that some dating apps have a time limit for chatting because some relationships need to be cultivated online a little, but thankfully, it all worked out when he began chatting with Bella!
Bella had always thought that online dating was for desperate people, and it took her quite a while to be open and accept that God can also work through the platform. She also had always felt that she had to have everything figured out by the first date and didn’t realize that she could just go on dates platonically at first. Eventually, she became receptive to meeting someone who she met online despite not immediately taking a liking to him.
Shawn was on the site for about a year and a half, and Bella for over five years, when she first liked Shawn’s profile. He then sent her a message, but it took her a few months to get back to him, so Shawn had begun dating someone else. Coincidentally, Bella ended up replying a few days after he had ended his other relationship. They chatted for a few days on the site, and then Bella gave Shawn her number and they continued chatting. After about a week, and, as Shawn recalled, after scrolling enough on WhatsApp to the point that he felt like his fingers were the size of his thighs, they made plans for a date and met three days later.
Shawn also asked her if she was willing to meet!
Bella recalled that she was actually supposed to go for a day trip out of Singapore with her friends one Saturday, but since it was during the Lenten season, she decided to skip the trip and stay at home. It turns out that there was a reason she felt called to skip - Shawn asked her out on that same Saturday!
She was feeling rather nervous, but at the same time, was telling herself not to be. Actually, she was prepping herself to be disappointed that the date would not go anywhere due to her past experiences. She told him what she felt, and sweetly, he calmed her down and told her that they would have a good time.
Their first date started with no solid plan, which was a first for Shawn. They agreed to meet at a local mall and decide where to eat on the spot. They were both wearing masks, and when Bella spotted Shawn walking towards her, she waved at him and he said ‘hello’ - sweetly, but in a cool manner, Bella recalled. She noticed that his eyes were smiling, and she thought to herself, “wow, his lashes are longer than mine!”
While deciding on a place, they came across a friend of Shawn’s and his family. While eating at a Japanese restaurant, they found the conversation very easy and Bella seemed to be able to communicate a lot with simple questions. Shawn recalled once asking a friend how she knew her husband was the one, and she said “because conversation was easy.” Bella stated that she felt relaxed and that she could be herself with him. The conversation flowed smoothly as they got to know each other, and she also noticed that he was interested in her life and seemed to be a good listener.
She remembers being genuinely sad that the date would be over...
When the meal was over, they were discussing what to do next and Shawn suggested getting some ice cream and eating it at the beach. He was surprised that when he half-jokingly suggested buying a pint of ice cream from the supermarket, Bella readily agreed. They drove to a “beach” and he broke out the camping chairs that he keeps handy in his trunk. He even made her a heart out of random sticks strewn on the "beach" (they were actually on a pathway parallel to the beach due to his worry of being ticketed in a ‘no parking’ zone). He asked her if they should do it again and she said yes.
On their second date, he brought her to another beach after dinner where there was a projection mapping display. When he saw ropes buried in the sand, he pounced on the chance to hold her hand by saying "you may trip, better hold my hand." She laughed and he assumed she saw through his ruse, or perhaps she didn't think the hazard was worth the caution, but she held it anyway. She also asked to walk to the other end of the beach to see if the projection mapping looked different from another angle because "you never know what you may see." He was intrigued by this seemingly alternative take of the world, as he thinks in very much the same way. It turned out, Bella made this suggestion for them to get some alone time. She wanted to dip her feet in the water, and they both stood in the water until she was satisfied, but in her heart, she was praying to God that it would last forever.
At the end of the date, she asked him if he wanted to ask her to be his girlfriend!
He gave a polite pause, and answered “yeah.” To which she replied, “okay, then ask me.” So he did, then she asked him to repeat the question five times. “Clearly she was flabbergasted at what a catch she landed,” he joked. He, in turn, was pleasantly surprised that she didn't know what she had to offer. Shawn said that, to make it funny, he decided to ask her in five different languages, though Bella claims that she was actually the one who told him to ask her in five different languages. He struggled after 3 and had to resort to local slang.
Other memorable dates that Bella shared included when they went kayak sailing to the nearby island. It was her first experience going on a kayak-sail, and he taught her all the ins and outs of kayak sailing. They also went on a picnic once and Shawn brought fairy lights and battery-operated candles so that when evening came, the ambience was quite romantic. As the music was playing from a portable speaker, she asked him to get up and dance with her. Also, on Valentine’s Day, they went on a picnic by the beach and Shawn cooked steaks and other snacks on his portable stove.
Shawn was initially attracted to Bella’s willingness to have fun that could be seen in her photos as opposed to the pictures on the other apps/sites with posed looks. Now that he’s known her for a while, he appreciates her reverence for God, and her ability to keep him grounded. She sometimes brings him back down to earth and sometimes gets carried away with her. She also enjoys adventures with him like road trips and kayak sailing.
God blessed him with a car, which he says is more than a minor miracle in Singapore, and a lot of adventures and their special first date ending would not have happened without the car. His mechanic noted that he racked up more mileage than the average Singaporean.
Bella initially liked the way that he presented his profile.
She found him funny when he described himself and his personality – he has a dry sense of humor. She got more attracted when she saw that he agreed with all the Church’s teachings. She was looking for someone who held the same values and beliefs as her in terms of faith and religious practices. He inserted his family photos when they went for vacations, which showed her that he’s close to his family. He also posted photos of him fishing, which she appreciated because it showed that he didn’t mind being outdoors, has a hobby, is patient (fishing requires a lot of patience) and is not afraid of boredom.
At first, she was actually contemplating whether she should like his profile. She was worried that he may not like her or her profile, or may ignore her. But then, out of nowhere, a small voice told her: “Just click. He may be the one for you.” She took that as the Holy Spirit. She liked his profile and then logged out.
For the proposal...
Shawn had a free pass to board the cable car in a particular island attraction in Singapore, so Bella suggested that they should go for a fancy dinner date after the cable car ride. They took a cable car ride to Sentosa island, walked around for a bit, took the cable car back to the mainland, went to his car, and, funnily, drove back into Sentosa Island. They had dinner at the same restaurant where they had eaten on their second date, and he went back to the car to grab the bag of fairy lights. They found a quiet spot along the dock near the water to watch the boats, and he proceeded to make the lights into a heart shape and set up a camera to record them. Bella admits that she didn’t think much of this - she just thought he wanted to do something special for their date.
He eventually asked her to stand up and face the other direction as he took the bouquet out of the bag. She was touched by how beautiful it was, especially because he had placed the fairy lights in it himself.
The couple shared their own separate recollections of what happened next. As Bella recalled: “Then, he was gone to retrieve the second item. When I tried to look for him, he gave me a light dome with two figures inside; a girl standing with her hand stretched out to a man kneeling on the ground. Immediately, I got teary eyed at the figures, but then it clicked that he was going to propose. When I realized this, I saw that he was already kneeling on the boardwalk with a box in his hand. I was struggling to find the right words as I was overcome with emotions. Seeing this, I guess he became nervous and just repeatedly said: ‘marry me…marry me.’ It took a while for me to answer due to my speechlessness, and he prompted me: ‘can you answer me quicker?’ (as his knee was starting to hurt) and I said: ‘YES!’ We hugged and cried, and I exclaimed: ‘Thank you, Jesus, thank you, Mama Mary.’”
As Shawn recalled: “I scurried to retrieve the bell jar thing, but she turned around just after I had turned it on, so I rushed to genuflect with the open ring box (also with a light) in one hand and the proposal bell jar thingy in the other. When she saw the ostensible immense beauty of the bell jar thing, she started mild mumbling and laugh-crying and she began to also bend down to put the bouquet and the bell jar down as she joined me in a kneeling position. I had a short but touching speech planned, but when she joined me on the ground while still mumble-laugh-crying, I got a bit flustered and forgot everything and so I just blurted out ‘Will you marry me?’ Now, this really brought her utterances up several orders of magnitude, but she began to also rapidly alternate between a short smile and upturned lips (the crying look). She still didn't answer though, so I asked again, keeping in mind that now I was even more flustered. She took a pause and rose again to her feet, but finally mumbled out something vaguely resembling a yes and although anyone in the right frame of mind could recognise it as a severely distorted yes, I was still flustered and unable to process. So I asked again. She finally began to annunciate a little bit better and I finally recognised the ‘yes!’ that I had been waiting for. But, I was still flustered. I was still on my knees for probably a couple of seconds and I began to ask again. Fortunately, about halfway through my fourth proposal, she pulled me up to my feet while mumble-cry-laughing ‘yes, yes....!’”
While there were a few disagreements they had to overcome when they discussed topics like kids, finances, their living situation, etc., through patience and reasoning, they always came to a compromise. Shawn did have to have a serious talk with her about putting the toilet paper on the holder the correct way around, though!
Their wedding took place on December 9th, 2023 at the Cathedral of the Good Shepherd in Singapore.
This was one of the highlights for Bella, because in 1985, her parents went to this Cathedral for their honeymoon and were chosen to bring offertory during one of the Sunday masses. Other highlights of their wedding day for Bella included walking down the aisle with her parents on each of her sides, seeing the huge crucifix in front of her, seeing Shawn stand before the altar in the same spot where she would pray and ask God to help her find a spouse, the fact that she was late for her own wedding, the beautiful vocal quartet they hired, and Shawn speaking in Bahasa Indonesia to her parents for a short while during his speech. Also, the priest who presided for their wedding has been a part of her community for years, she got to sing a song for Shawn at their reception, one of her friends got to sing a duet with the wedding singer, and their siblings all performed a couple of love songs with kazoos and choreographed dance moves.
They each had a friend designated to toast them, but Shawn’s man got cold feet, so he handed the task over to an emcee friend of his. He enjoyed Bella’s surprise song she sang for him where she reworded “Love Story” by Taylor Swift to narrate their courtship while her sister played the keyboard. He tried hard to remain cool and unemotional, and apparently he succeeded, because later when that emcee friend came up for the toast, he decided to give him a verbal whoopage (all in good fun) about how emotionless he was during his wife's heartfelt song.
The two of them had also done most of the wedding details themselves, which included floral centerpieces with self-dried flowers in nice little baskets that they had bought on one of their road trips. The baskets had cards stuck between the flowers with pictures of them and spaces for guests to write their well wishes. These cards now hang in their home!
The highlights of marriage for Shawn have been always getting to come home to, or being home to welcome his cuddle buddy. Also, she’s an excellent cook, so he’s always very well fed!
He also remembers that one of his first questions to her was “What are you looking for in a relationship?” and she took a day to reply.
After replying, she shot the same question back at him and he said “to have and to hold.” She had a bit of difficulty understanding what that meant, but now after being married, he says that “My wife finally understands what I mean by ‘to have and to hold.’”
Since Bella was looking for someone who practices his Catholic faith and shares the same values/beliefs as her, it’s a blessing for her to have married someone who goes to Mass and instills the right values in her and their relationship. Everything else, she admits, is a bonus from God, such as having someone to come home to, having someone there for her through thick and thin, knowing that he prays for her and reminds her when she loses faith and trust in God, getting to build/shape their life and home together (painting, cooking together, going for road trips, going to Mass together, etc), and being safe in the presence of someone who loves her and will not give up on her.
For current CatholicMatch users, Shawn suggests moving to a real date as soon as possible.
He clarified that when he said that some relationships need to be cultivated online first, he meant that you need to find common ground so that you have something to talk about when you do eventually meet.
Last but not least, pray before every date (or every new date) that He will guide you to the correct person, and don’t be afraid to be yourself, trust that God knows what kind of spouse is best for you, and be open to meeting and getting to know someone new.
