Over the recent summer months, I found myself reflecting on my dating journey. The twists and turns. The great dates, the awful ones, and everything in between.
I was 31 when I got divorced. At almost 32 when my annulment came through, I felt ready to start dating again. That was nine years ago.
This past July, a few months before I turned 40, I got remarried. To be honest, I am still in awe of it - wondering how I went from all those dating apps to marrying a man who is so much more than I could have hoped and prayed for.
One of the greatest gifts I gave to myself when I was single and dating was creating a dating plan that actually worked for me, where I felt empowered.
No matter your age, if you’ve been married before or not, or how long you have been single, here are some ideas to help you make the best dating plan possible for you and your life.
- Set aside time each day - One of the things that helped me manage dating was setting aside an amount of time each day to connect with men on the apps, respond to messages, swipe and scroll, etc.
What is the amount of time you have to put consistently into your dating plan each day? Name and claim it. For me it was anywhere from 45-60 minutes. I set a timer and when the timer went off at the end of the day, I was done until the next day. I broke the amount of time over the course of the day - 20 minutes in the morning, 40 minutes at the end of the day. Some days it might be four sets of 15 minutes.
This made dating feel more manageable. I felt empowered that I was taking tangible action into meeting a man I would want to seriously date without endlessly obsessing over it. I was doing something on my part to help cooperate in the desire of my heart, and I was still living a full, amazing life that I loved.
- Commit to a certain number of apps - Yes, I know the dating apps can feel like a dumpster fire. I remember them all too well. And yet, I am a firm believer that dating apps can be a helpful tool if used well and with purpose.
When I was single, I was consistently on 5 different dating apps at a time. You may think that sounds excessive. No matter your age, I would gently challenge single folks to commit to being regular users of at least 3-4 apps at a time. The ones I most frequently used were Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, Match, CatholicMatch, and Facebook Dating. Again, this is where your daily timer can come in handy.
If you want to meet a good man or woman, you have to put in the work.
God will not gift wrap and deliver a person to your doorstep. Being active and social on dating apps can bring more people into your sphere, even if you end up not hitting it off.
Dating apps are a great tool, and you have to use them to your advantage.
- Create a Visibility Plan - One of the best things I did for myself was working with a dating coach for a period of 8 months. Talk about a quick way to heal codependent patterns in dating and relationships!
A weekly and monthly visibility plan was something I learned about from this coach. What am I going to do each week and every month to become more visible to the type of man I am hoping to meet?
Go to the new restaurant you’ve been wanting to try. Check out the new comedy club, festivals, farmer’s markets, and try new Sunday brunch spots. Take a dance class. Check out the live band on St. Patrick’s Day. Whatever it is, try new things.
Try new things and be visible (and approachable!). Hold a man’s gaze. Smile. And for goodness' sake, stop wearing your earbuds when out and about.
- Switch up your daily routine - If you’re anything like me, you probably have a daily routine that is pretty set in stone. You eat at the same few places or go to the gym at the same time.
What if you started spicing up your daily routine in different ways? Maybe wander through the aisles of Trader Joe’s. Change up where you go for lunch during the workweek. Consider going to the gym at a different time or trying a new fitness routine altogether.
Set aside time, use dating apps wisely, get out there with new adventures, and you may find yourself pleasantly surprised!
