It was a privilege to travel to one of our southern states to give a presentation on the Holy Father's call to accompaniment this spring. The point of the seminar was to provide practical strategies that Church leadership could use to reach out and accompany alienated Catholics who in many cases have left the faith. The goal was to highlight the power of personal relationships in bringing them back.
The message seemed to resonate with nearly everyone in the room—save three men who sat in the back of the room. It was apparent that these gentlemen doubted most everything I said.
At the end of the seminar, the group came up to chat.
Even though they walked calmly towards me I could sense their opposition to the points I had made. The spokesperson for the group, thanked me for my unusually optimistic outlook on the call to accompaniment. He (and his friends) had already tried to "be with" young adults and families and it didn't work. He (and his buds) were convinced that the Church was going to get much, much smaller because individuals born during the Gen X, Gen Y or Millennial periods were a lost cause. They are highly secularized and unwilling to see value in organized religion.
There was no reason to doubt the viewpoint these men shared. After all, research does show that about half of all U.S. adults who were raised Catholic do leave the Church either temporarily or permanently. I am sure that they had tried to engage fallen away Catholics using every trick they could think of.
I wanted to know more about their experiences even though their efforts failed. What did they try? How did they try? I asked questions to find out more.
A common theme appeared as they told their stories
As they shared the details of their failed attempts, a common theme appeared. Each of their stories reveals a pattern of "give it everything you've got on the first try and if it doesn't work, stop trying."
I made personal phone calls to a number of families but they didn't want to talk. No sense bothering them again.
I sent a letter to all of the young adults in the parish inviting them to an event, but they didn't come.
I asked a number of men in our parish to start a Bible study, but they didn't seem interested so I dropped the idea.
I invited the newly married to attend a video series at the parish, but most of them were busy. Guess they don't want to enrich their marriages.
Their list of failed single attempts went on and on. Their efforts didn't bear fruit and so they were done.
Can you understand their frustration? I certainly can. Few things discourage me more than to put everything I've got into a project only to have it flop. Like these gentlemen, I know the how upsetting it is to get nothing in return. And, up until a couple of years ago, I would have held the same philosophy; if it doesn't work—one and done. Thankfully, my approach has changed after learning the value of perseverance.
I had a perseverance 180
My thinking changed after listening to a number of podcasts from Bishop Robert Barron. In one of his talks he references Luke 19:10 which says, "For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save what was lost.” As Bishop unpacked the verse, he made the point that Jesus never stops pursuing us. He tries again and again. If he doesn't succeed on the first try, he comes at us one more. He is relentless in his pursuit.
Ponder this; Jesus didn't tell one parable and move on. He told many. He didn't cure one person and call it quits. He healed many. Jesus walked among the people day after day, hour after hour, showing them how to live in the fullness of grace. Even in the face of rejection, he kept going.
Perseverance is an essential virtue for marriage ministers if we want to make good on our promise to draw people into the Church and experience her amazing teachings. It will prepare us to move into the secular marketplace and share Catholicism. It will keep us from folding when an approach fails. Here are a few ideas on honing your ability to try again.
1. Review—Think about what you did and what you really wanted to do. Was there a difference between the the two? Pinpoint the gap between what you did and what you wanted to do. Then...
2. Mea Culpa—Forgive yourself for not succeeding on the first try. Don't succumb to the voice in your head saying, "I knew this wouldn't work." Rather, calm down, ask for some divine assistance so that you can...
3. Retool—Consider what you need to do differently on the next attempt. Do you need to soften your approach? Do you need to be more direct? Do you need to ask better questions? Should you become a better listener? These considerations will allow you to...
4. Redo—Think about how you will try again. Visualize yourself connecting with the individual or group in a way that forms a relationship. Then, make it happen.
