When and if we find someone to marry depends ultimately on God’s timing. At the same time, there are actions that men can take to dispose themselves better for marriage, improve their odds, and open the door for God to bless them with a suitable match. Of course, one of the main things men can do is actively look for a potential spouse at church, the local community, or through CatholicMatch. But this article will focus on the other side of the equation: simple, regular habits that men can do to make themselves into better and better marriage material, the kind of man that will attract the right woman.
Jeff Olson’s excellent book, The Slight Edge, argues that huge successes rarely appear out of nowhere. They’re generally the result of a long series of simple, small actions, patiently and consistently repeated over time. Performing seemingly insignificant activities every day, year in and year out, places you on an upward curve toward success, while failing to do them–or performing small harmful actions instead–places you on a downward curve toward failure. Saving a dollar a day, working out for just 5 or 10 minutes, making an extra sales call each day–all this seems too small to matter, but in reality, it compounds over time to give you massive results. These are the simple daily disciplines that separate the successful and the unsuccessful.
Think of basketball stars: very few of them just stepped onto a court one day and immediately started making heroic plays to win games. Basketball stars, even if they have natural talent, put in countless hours establishing and repeating simple habits first: shooting free-throws over and over again, practicing dribbling, conditioning their bodies a little more every day. As Minnesota Timberwolves star Anthony Edwards has said, “Greatness is boring.” The poster-worthy moments come only at the tail end of a lot of simple, small actions, repeated thousands of times.
With that in mind, then, we can hopefully begin to see how some simple daily disciplines can, over time, prepare a man for marriage and improve his odds of attracting the attention of the right kind of girl. Let’s dive in.
- Pray
And I don’t just mean pray for a spouse (though certainly do that!)–but develop a genuine, deep relationship with God through daily prayer and frequenting the sacraments–even when it’s boring. This is perhaps the single most important daily discipline any of us can establish, and it has the potential to transform our entire lives–not just our dating lives. The man of prayer has a solidity, depth, and joy to him that the man without prayer will never achieve. This is both attractive to Catholic women and the best preparation for the trials of dating and marriage. The books of Fr. Jacques Philippe, such as Time for God and Thirsting for Prayer, are excellent introductions to the art of prayer and how to develop a real relationship with God.
- Read 5-10 pages of a book
Improving your mind through historical, philosophical, scientific, self-help, or literary works doesn’t just give you more stuff to talk about on dates (though who would say no to that?). It also helps you develop wisdom, bit by bit–a broader understanding of the world and human nature and how to make decisions. Those are all incredibly valuable things for a man who wants to be a husband and father. Reading can also help you learn about business, finance, lifehacks, and the like, all of which can get you ahead in life. Reading is investing in yourself. And it helps you later invest in others.
- Work out
Priority number one is your spiritual life, but that doesn’t mean you should neglect the body, either. Let’s face it: as a general rule, physically fit men are more attractive to women than men who aren’t fit. The good news is that you can start small. Even just a few minutes of exercise every day, compounded over time, can have a big impact. The key is to be patient. Not only will this turn the heads of the ladies, it will also improve your health, mood, energy, and your ability to help and care for others (kind of a big deal for future husbands and fathers).
- Practice good hygiene
Again, simple habits like brushing your teeth, putting on deodorant, and washing your clothes, can greatly improve your overall appearance and attractiveness. Onion breath and sweat stains have a way of putting a damper on otherwise romantic moments…
- Save and invest some money
Though our economic and familial structures have changed a lot over the last century, men are still often the primary breadwinners in the household. So, men who want to get married should think about how they can best provide for their family. Setting up a home costs money. A lot of money. (Seriously, have you seen real estate prices lately?) It’s never too early to start preparing for that by setting aside some money every day and learning a bit about investing so that you can grow that nest egg (and not just see it evaporate due to inflation). Even just saving a mere $15 dollars per day–maybe you skip eating out and pack a lunch for work or school instead–means you have $5,475 more dollars in the bank at the end of the year. That amount would go a long way toward a down payment…or a ring.
- Limit screen time
Put some limits on your screen time and stick to them. Certainly, the internet offers tons of useful resources and pastimes (like CatholicMatch!), but it also offers even more distractions. It’s easy to waste time online. Don’t fall for the trap. Get off the couch. Do real things. Build stuff. Learn real skills. Spend time in nature. Meet people. There’s a world waiting for you to conquer it. Trust me, the adventure of the real world will be more satisfying than any video game or TikTok video.
Sometimes, arriving at the goal of marriage can feel distant, daunting, and difficult. But the key is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Little daily steps. Little daily disciplines. Though we can’t control exactly when we meet “the right one,” we can control how well we’re preparing for that moment. So take comfort and confidence knowing that, every day, you’re improving yourself a little bit more. Your wife will thank you someday.
